Stone Posted March 19, 2004 Share Posted March 19, 2004 I wrote about this 3 months a go about this millionair who came in the the club where I was working and gave me ALOT of money ( over 10K) just because, Now he is back in Florida and wants to see me for dinner tomarrow night He has never implied that he wanted a sexual relationship with me, seems to be just a really nice guy. I have a boyfriend who I love dearly, and who knows the situatuation, he said it was ok for me to have dinner with him but I am going to tell him I have a boyfriend If I want to remain friends with him. This Millionire never asked if I was attached, he just felt sorry for me I guess, and gave me the money. Should I directly ask him if he wants anything in return? He turned my life around and I thank him every day, I don't have to Strip anymore, I can now afford to go to school, and my faith in god has returned ( things like this dont happen every day God had to be in on it) but I feel like I am taking advantage of this nice man or He's going to turn around and take advantage of me HELP ( I was thinking about standing him up....But he has hekped me so much and he lives in another state) Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted March 19, 2004 Share Posted March 19, 2004 i'd go to the dinner, express my gratitude and describe how his help has turned my life around. i think i'd ask WHY he helped, too. as long as you stick to public places, you're safe, right? good luck, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted March 19, 2004 Share Posted March 19, 2004 I agree with yes, as long as you're up-front with him about your relationship with your boyfriend, your unwillingness to have anything more than a platonic friendship with him, and you stick to a public meeting place, what harm can come from meeting? But be very very careful, with yourself most of all. This man gave you a lot of money. money which transformed your life. He probably has more money, and may well offer it to you. If it will make you feel more beholden to him than you already do, don't accept any more money. You don't want to get into a position where you feel you can no longer say "no" to this man because you've become dependent upon him. He gave you 10K, enough so that you could stop stripping, and go to school. What would you be able to do if he offered you another 10K, or maybe only 5k? All kinds of very useful things that you could do with that money... but the minute you start thinking about what you'd do with more money, is the minute you become vulnerable to being manipulated by him. I'm not suggesting that he's trying to manipulate you. It doesn't matter if he is or isn't if you don't allow yourself to be put in a compromised position. He might be trying to manipulate you, deliberately. Or he might be working with expectations he hasn't even acknowledged to himself: that you will see him as a good person and thus the two of you will end up together in some way. Or he may just be a genuinely good person with no conscious or unconscious agenda. The key for you will be to not make yourself vulnerable to his money (or the promise of his money) by allowing yourself to entertain an expectation that there will BE more money from him. In your shoes, I would go to the meeting very firmly resolved that you will not accept anything else from this man. Not because you're suspicious of him or his intentions. Not because you're ungrateful for what he has done for you. But because you recognize the power that money has, and you don't want to create circumstances that could become very dangerous for you. I just have one thing to ask: why doesn't your benefactor already know about your boyfriend? In keeping that key piece of info to yourself, you are complict in his possible agenda of using his money to get to you. I can understand why you said nothing at the time; I can even understand why you didn't mention it since then. But you must recognize what you're doing by omitting that information: you must have had some sense that your benefactor didn't want to know about your boyfriend, that his assistance was contingent on an unspoken understanding that you would play Damsel in Distress and he would play Knight in Shining Armor. If he's only willing to play that role when Damsel is Single, then you need to make it clear that such is not the case with you. If the only way you're maintaining your integrity is by leaving out important pieces of information ("well, I never told him I didn't have a boyfriend, I just didn't mention that I did have a boyfriend. He didn't ask, I didn't tell. It's not my fault he guessed wrong."), you're not really maintaining your integrity. Good luck, esp. with your studies! Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted March 19, 2004 Share Posted March 19, 2004 Good post midori. Your typical guy just doesn't hand over $10,000 to some chick without having some other motives. You need to tell this guy about your bf. I can almost guarantee he's going to make you some sort of an offer. Be very careful, alot of guys do this to entice the girl into doing other things. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 19, 2004 Share Posted March 19, 2004 Should I directly ask him if he wants anything in return? No. You can ask 'how can I repay you'? which is a slightly less suggestive question. Also tell him that you have a bf. You don't have to tell him you had the bf before. Then give him my number. Your typical guy just doesn't hand over $10,000 to some chick without having some other motives. It is really sad that society has gotten to the point that nobody can do a good thing without being suspected of ulterior motives. I've heard of other stories like this, and often it's someone for whom a benefactor did a similar thing and asked that the recipient 'pay it forward'. I'm willing to bet that someone once did that sort of favour for this guy and so he's passing it on. He just wants to know that she didn't blow it all on drugs and parties and that he's not an idiot for having done such a nice favour. Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted March 20, 2004 Share Posted March 20, 2004 i remember your earlier posts about how upset your taking of this money, and your ambivalent relationship with the money-giver, made your boyfriend. i'm not sure why you did not mention what a big problem this has been in your relationship before: you know contact with this man hurts your boyfriend terribly. if you do so anyway, you are intentionally hurting him and cannot expect to keep him this time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Stone Posted March 20, 2004 Author Share Posted March 20, 2004 Jenny You shouldn't jump to such conclusions..My boyfreind and I are fine. we have a open relationship and tell eachother everything. He is actually verry happy that this money form this man has gotten me out of the club and supports me in doing the right thing. My relationship is not in jeporday here. I was having a problem with a desicion of seeing this man because he has been such a blessing to me and my child or if I should just leave it alone. Anyways I talked to the man tonight and told him I am in a new relationship and am verry much in love ( white lie... it's not a new relationship) yes, he said he was dissipointed, but he appreicated my honesty and still want's to remain freinds. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Stone Posted March 20, 2004 Author Share Posted March 20, 2004 Thank you all again for your advice, It is verry comforting knowing that you guys are out there to give some great advice when needed Thanks so much. Link to post Share on other sites
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