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wellwhynot

On another thread, it began to go in the direction of a time that your AP had been there for you when it really counted. The moderator suggested that this would make a good thread on it's on and I agree.

 

Frequently, that's one of the biggest things you hear when you tell someone you are involved with someone who is married or in a committed relationship other than the one with you. "They will never be there for you when you really need them."

 

This has never proven to be the case in my situation and I know that others have had the same experience.

 

So let's talk about times within your affair that your AP was there for you, or you were able to be there for them, where you were able to depend on him/her and they could do the same.

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So let's talk about times within your affair that your AP was there for you, or you were able to be there for them, where you were able to depend on him/her and they could do the same.

 

I was dealing with a terminally ill parent which I found very stressful. Our parent - child relationship had not always been easy and that had been complicated by my then-wife not getting on with my family and some estrangement having crept in over the years as a result. My then-lover being a more positive person dragged me off to visit my parent and took care of physical things while we reconnected. Throughout the difficult times she was there for me, and for my parent, emotionally and practically and in any other way she could. My then-wife meanwhile was fantasising about how we should spend the inheritance and resenting the time I was spending away from home with my parent instead of taxiing the kids around to parties.

 

Being there for my affair partner, well she's pretty independent and self-sufficient so I was never called upon to wheel out my knight in shining armour for her but she knew I was always available to her any time of the day or night and that I would do anything for her. There were health scares and pregnancy scares I guess that tested that and she never found cause to doubt my word or my commitment.

 

She is "there for me" in a way I have never experienced before and I hope she feels the same way about me.

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Gentlegirl2

He saved my life when I had acute kidney failure. I will be forever grateful for that.

 

GG

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Summer Breeze

I was victim of a random physical attack. I called him while he was at home and he left in minutes. He stayed by my side for about 24 hours then went home to change and get some things together and was back at my side early the next morning for several days.

 

That's a major one. I'm very independent so I never tend to lean on anyone for minor stuff. I do have to say there were thousands of little things he did for me that showed me he was there.

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On another thread, it began to go in the direction of a time that your AP had been there for you when it really counted. The moderator suggested that this would make a good thread on it's on and I agree.

 

Frequently, that's one of the biggest things you hear when you tell someone you are involved with someone who is married or in a committed relationship other than the one with you. "They will never be there for you when you really need them."

 

This has never proven to be the case in my situation and I know that others have had the same experience.

 

So let's talk about times within your affair that your AP was there for you, or you were able to be there for them, where you were able to depend on him/her and they could do the same.

 

Just to be sure, wellwhynot, is this thread only for stories where MM/MW was there for us? When I think of that, I remember both times he was there and times he wasn't. Not trying to be disrespectful, but I just want to be clear about the parameters as I can imagine an interesting single thread that had a mix of perspectives, or separate threads, each confined to one perspective.

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On another thread, it began to go in the direction of a time that your AP had been there for you when it really counted. The moderator suggested that this would make a good thread on it's on and I agree.

 

Frequently, that's one of the biggest things you hear when you tell someone you are involved with someone who is married or in a committed relationship other than the one with you. "They will never be there for you when you really need them."

 

This has never proven to be the case in my situation and I know that others have had the same experience.

 

So let's talk about times within your affair that your AP was there for you, or you were able to be there for them, where you were able to depend on him/her and they could do the same.

 

Yes woinlove I think that was clearly laid out in the original post.

 

When was he there for me? Gosh so many times! I had this one time at work, the absolutely worst day of my life and he met up with me and wallowed in self-pity together! lol. We gorged ourselves on chinese food and then went for a big sundae!

 

Seriously though, when my grandmother passed away he was by my side, when family members needed help he has assisted, he has helped with holiday means, family fighting, and general discourse.

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Just to be sure, wellwhynot, is this thread only for stories where MM/MW was there for us?

 

I think it's clear from the OP:

 

So let's talk about times within your affair that your AP was there for you, or you were able to be there for them, where you were able to depend on him/her and they could do the same.

 

  • when they were there for you
  • when you were there for them

 

There is no mention of when they were not there for you or you were not there for them and I would imagine that that would require a separate thread.

 

Back to the topic of this thread, another time she was there for me was during the divorce process. I know this is a contentious issue here with some members feeling that you should walk away from your lover and only look them up again once the divorce is finalised. That is not a position I hold with and I am very happy to say neither did my wife. Like any good friend would she supported me through the difficulties of dealing with my ex-wife's unreasonable demands and harassing behaviour and the negative impact that had on the children. She was compassionate, rational, insightful and patient throughout and helped me to keep a sense of perspective.

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MM was separated from his W during much of our A, making his time less constrained than at the start of the A, and so he was usually there when I needed him, helping me move, fixing my car, etc.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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wellwhynot

Forgive me snipping bits of posts but I wanted to respond as much as I could.

 

I was dealing with a terminally ill parent which I found very stressful.

 

She is "there for me" in a way I have never experienced before and I hope she feels the same way about me.

That had to be very hard. I'm glad she was there for you then and that you have such a great connection!

 

 

He saved my life when I had acute kidney failure. I will be forever grateful for that.

 

GG

Such a good thing he was there for you then!

I was victim of a random physical attack. I called him while he was at home and he left in minutes. He stayed by my side for about 24 hours then went home to change and get some things together and was back at my side early the next morning for several days.

 

That's a major one. I'm very independent so I never tend to lean on anyone for minor stuff. I do have to say there were thousands of little things he did for me that showed me he was there.

That had to be so scary! I'm glad you are ok and that he coudl be with you!

 

Just to be sure, wellwhynot, is this thread only for stories where MM/MW was there for us? When I think of that, I remember both times he was there and times he wasn't. Not trying to be disrespectful, but I just want to be clear about the parameters as I can imagine an interesting single thread that had a mix of perspectives, or separate threads, each confined to one perspective.

 

Yes. I tried to be very clear about the intent of the thread.

 

When was he there for me? Gosh so many times! I had this one time at work, the absolutely worst day of my life and he met up with me and wallowed in self-pity together! lol. We gorged ourselves on chinese food and then went for a big sundae!

 

Seriously though, when my grandmother passed away he was by my side, when family members needed help he has assisted, he has helped with holiday means, family fighting, and general discourse.

The first made me smile, I think that sounds like a wonderful way to shake off a bad day! Nothing wrong with sundaes and chinese food!

Death is always hard. It's good when you can be comforted by someone who loves you.

 

I think it's clear from the OP:

 

Back to the topic of this thread, another time she was there for me was during the divorce process. I

 

...and helped me to keep a sense of perspective.

I think all of what you wrote, but these 2 I think go together. The divorce I'm sure was very hard, and since you were already together, then I'm glad you had each other to lean on during that time.

 

 

MM was separated from his W during much of our A, making his time less constrained than at the start of the A, and so he was usually there when I needed him, helping me move, fixing my car, etc.

 

I'm glad you got the assistance you needed!

 

My AP has been there through pretty everything that's gone on in my life over the last several years. Big moments, small moments. The one that first comes to mind though is I was in a bad accident several years ago and he was with me through my recovery. It was not a short term thing, and every time I woke up he was there. He helped me with PT, he pushed me when I wanted to give up, he held my hand when I was scared. I don't remember a moment during tht time that I looked for him that he wasn't there.

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He was the only one I could really talk to about the death of my pet. He did not think it was silly at all and helped me through the loss.

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My GF an I don't really have any restrictions in that regard. There have been several instances where I showed up to support her in a time of need (like her mother dying), and she has done the same for me. If we're not already together when something happens, we're just a phone call and a few minutes away.

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He nominated me as his "next of kin" so that if anything happened to him I would be first to know, and he was my next of kin so that he could take care of me if I needed it.

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wellwhynot
When I was in an A, xMM did several things for me. Nothing spectacular, but anything I would have expected from any man I was in a relationship with who said he loved me. Some examples...

 

My mom got a flat tire on the freeway and he left work to go change her tire.

 

My pump house had a problem and he took care of it. He's taken care of several things at my house that I needed help with. He's helped me with issues in my business as well...techy stuff.

 

I could contact him anytime. There were no restrictions on access. There were several times I needed him for various reasons, even late at night, and he'd always be there.

 

He did sweet and protective things. For example, if we met somewhere and I had to get gas on my way back, he'd always follow me to the gas station and wait while I got gas to make sure I was safe.

 

One thing he did that was especially sweet was driving a few hours out of his way to go buy and bring me my favorite dessert.

 

Overall, very much a normal relationship from my end as far as access and what we did together, and things he did for me...for that stage of any relationship.

That's how it is for me too. It's a normal relationship.

We're there for each other as a couple, because we are.

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\

 

I'm glad you got the assistance you needed!

 

:) It made more sense before it was edited - a bit of a nonsequitor now. But, thanks!

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confusedinkansas

At the time - Round One: he really wasn't there for me because everything in my life was just status quo - nothing earth shattering going on - but I'd like to think that I was there for him while he was going thru the rough time of his wife having an A.

Round 2: he was my ROCK. Helped me thru many troublesome times.

I'm grateful for that. I think at times I wouldn't be where I am today had it not been for him. (both the good & the bad...but the bad is another story)

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Neo is always there for me. I love that I can depend on that.

 

One time that especially comes to mind was when I was doing chemotherapy and, due to the severe side-effects the drugs had on my thyroid, had to make an immediate decision whether or not to continue treatment. Neo threw himself out of his house to be there for me and help me make a decision. I have no idea what he could have possibly told his wife to be able to get out of the house so quickly so early in the morning.

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beachbabe82
On another thread, it began to go in the direction of a time that your AP had been there for you when it really counted. The moderator suggested that this would make a good thread on it's on and I agree.

 

Frequently, that's one of the biggest things you hear when you tell someone you are involved with someone who is married or in a committed relationship other than the one with you. "They will never be there for you when you really need them."

 

This has never proven to be the case in my situation and I know that others have had the same experience.

 

So let's talk about times within your affair that your AP was there for you, or you were able to be there for them, where you were able to depend on him/her and they could do the same.

 

with my boyfriend, who just happens to be married at this time, i haven't been able to be there for him like i want to be, but he has been there for me. i had a huge paper due and i was frustrated and freaking out. he came over after his kids were in bed and helped me flesh out my outline and get started on it. once i got going, i was set. without his help, i would not have been able to get it done in time and i even got a 94% on it! he saved my butt.

 

he isn't the most dependable, but that isn't his fault. he would be there for me more often if circumstances allowed. :( hopefully, with summer coming and my schedule being less cumbersome, we can find more time to do things.

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My ex-wife and I have always disagreed on parenting. During the affair my then-lover was always a rational, calming presence when I needed some sanity. Long before she started living with my children she had a balancing and stabilising effect.

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My ex-wife and I have always disagreed on parenting. During the affair my then-lover was always a rational, calming presence when I needed some sanity. Long before she started living with my children she had a balancing and stabilising effect.

 

This is so us too. The father of my children has anger management issues. What a difference having Neo in our lives meant! All my children recognized this and are grateful that Neo entering our lives meant my relationship with their father ended.

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Neo was there for me during 72 weeks of chemotherapy. That's far beyond "what anyone would do".

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I have been reminded of times that I was there for my lover during the affair. They included using my network of contacts to compile a dossier of evidence she could use in support of her case to challenge and change existing policy (she succeeded). While I did not think twice about volunteering to do so it did involve going out on a limb professionally and could have had very negative consequences.

 

Another occasion was my then-wife wanting me to take her and the children to some luxury holiday resort over the holidays which she booked (she paid the deposit as my "birthday present" but I was supposed to pay the rest) and my lover inviting me over the same holidays to take a trip with her to talk about our relationship. While it would have been very easy to tell her I could not make it owing to other commitments I knew it was much more important to spend the time with her than to go with my then-wife which would also send the wrong message to everyone. I knew that whichever way I chose I would upset someone and so I had to choose not to upset the wrong person.

 

I also agreed to speak at a conference organised by a friend of hers to raise the international profile even though it meant I was abroad during a significant birthday of my then-wife and wasn't there to throw her the party-to-end-all-parties that she had expected. Ouch! But the conference was good.

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When my broadband hub exploded he sent me his because he had good access at work (and his kids at school) while my work access was unreliable at best. The telecomm company did eventually send me a new one so I was able to return his later but it was a really generous gesture.

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There have been many instances, but this one stands out. She got a flat tire on a busy highway late at night coming back from the airport. The husband said for her to "call AAA" on rolled over back to sleepy town, not giving a damn. She called me in a panic and I hustled to help my woman without hesitation. I gladly crawled on my back to release the spare and then changing the tire in darkness as trucks zipped by a few feet away, yup left rear. To top it off, the car wouldn't start as soon as the tire got changed and I jumped her battery too. We sat in the car so connected hot, tired and scared. It was a moment in time that I wouldn't trade for anything and neither would she.

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