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Bisexual Boyfriend's Ex Bf Keeps Calling!!


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I've been with my fiance a year now. I found out three months into the relationship that he was bisexual and had been with other guys. He is no longer in contact with any of them but his ex boyfriend still calls saying he loves him. It's seriously bothering me, but I don't want him to think that I don't trust him. He never calls him back and always tells me if he calls. I've been finding a lot of porn, some gay, and some IM's from gay guys on his comp. It just makes me worry on how things will be in the future. I love him with all my heart and I know he loves me. He cries whenever he thinks I doubt him, but I just feel threatened that he will change his mind and that will be the end of that. Please help me to think of a way to discuss this with him.

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I've never been in your situation but I feel for you all the same. I'm curious as to how you felt when you found out he was bi-sexual? I don't know much about bi-sexuals especially how they are when they try to maintain a heterosexual relationship. Most that I've heard of end up with open marriages so the bi-sexual partner can fulfill the "gay" side of their sexuality.

 

I'm sure there are people on here that are in such a marriage or relationship or have been in such a relationship that can help you...

 

I do feel that you have a trust issue with your boyfriend so maybe you need to ask yourself if you can handle this side of him or if you want to marry him....

 

Good luck and take care!

 

 

P.S. This isn't much for hope but I had a very dear cousin of mine that was bi-sexual and eventually got married. He didn't stay married too long...to much confusion but I believe he wasn't so much bi as he was more gay...if that makes sense? In other words, in all of his 30 years, he'd never been with a girl till he met, became engaged and married this one (in a course of 3 months)...

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I can imagine this is a very confusing and painful situation for you. I have a (gay) male friend who's boyfriend keeps looking at female porn and is still in touch with his ex-girlfriend.

 

Any relationship is difficult enough, and a relationship with someone who is not sexually committed to one orientation/lifestyle is a very, very tough road. I have no moral judgements about bi-sexuality, don't get me wrong, but the reality is that this is a difficult road you are walking down. Your bf's behavior indicates that he is sexually oriented towards men -- if he is downloading gay porn that's a big giveaway on that one.

 

I'd look into some expert opinions on this one - try to explore some online or book resources maybe? This guy is not going to be able to commit to you if he can't even commit to your gender.

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How would you handle this if his ex was a woman? You see there's no difference if his ex is a guy or a girl. Trust is either there or it's not. You've got to look deep into yourself and see whether you trust him or you don't.

 

If you decide to stay .. then you both have to take positive steps towards resolving this issue. Perhaps couples counselling would be helpful.

 

By the way, Why haven't you changed your phone number yet?

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