Help, my wife is having an affair

[corp17]

Hello, I found out 2 days ago that my wife is having an affair. I have known in my heart things have not been right for quite a while, but she says the affair just started. I am having a very tough time dealing with this. We have been married 4 years and have been together for 7. We have a 2 year old child and just bought a house in Oct. We, like any relationship, have had difficulties in the past that we have worked through. I suggested we go to counseling and proceeded to make the appointment. She says she really really wants a divorce. I love her, and I know we have our problems. But to me marriage is very sacred. We were in love once, and that's why we vowed to spend the rest of our lives together as husband and wife, and that is why we brought a child into this world. For his sake, I believe we should at least try to work this out. However, I am very mixed on what I want. I believe we SHOULD be able to rekindle the love we once had. I have also lost love that I once had for her. Should that be a reason to stop trying to make it work, or should I dig deep and pull these feelings back out from where they've hidden? Or, being that she doesn't seem to want to even try to make it work should I just move on with life? Help me please, I do not know what to do. Thankyou in advance.

[HurtinginVA]

Originally posted by corp17

Hello, I found out 2 days ago that my wife is having an affair. I have known in my heart things have not been right for quite a while, but she says the affair just started. I am having a very tough time dealing with this. We have been married 4 years and have been together for 7. We have a 2 year old child and just bought a house in Oct. We, like any relationship, have had difficulties in the past that we have worked through.

 

My heart goes out to you. I found out in the first week of December that my husband had been having an affair(for a few weeks). Weve been together for 6 years, married 4. Our son turns 2 in April. We bought our first house in October!

I suggested we go to counseling and proceeded to make the appointment. She says she really really wants a divorce. I love her, and I know we have our problems. But to me marriage is very sacred. We were in love once, and that's why we vowed to spend the rest of our lives together as husband and wife, and that is why we brought a child into this world. For his sake, I believe we should at least try to work this out. However, I am very mixed on what I want. I believe we SHOULD be able to rekindle the love we once had. I have also lost love that I once had for her. Should that be a reason to stop trying to make it work, or should I dig deep and pull these feelings back out from where they've hidden? Or, being that she doesn't seem to want to even try to make it work should I just move on with life? Help me please, I do not know what to do. Thankyou in advance.

 

I suggest you dont make any rash decisions. If you dont want your wife to leave, dont get angry and tell her to leave, ~*Be careful what you ask for cause you might just get it!*~

 

I have been in your shoes the last few weeks myself. Things just started looking up for me and my husband and our marriage/family as of last night. And I know that it is still going to take a lot more time. And that sucks. Who wants to wait? Not me, I have no patience. But what else can you do? Tell your wife how you feel, but not too much. Make your feelings clear, but do it respectfully, lovingly......and then wait. Take care of yourself, take care of you child, and if your wife will let you, take care of her, and if she won't continue on.

 

Ive learned that the world isnt going to stop turning just because I want to give up or because MY life has become too hard. Sun will still rise and set everyday. Dont give up hope, but dont dwell either.

 

Good Luck!

[SoleMate]

First, my sympathy. I can only imagine how bad it feels.

 

Secondly, you CAN rebuild lost love! It can be even better than it was before. PLease check out <URL removed> for great, practical suggestions.

 

And lastly, be strong and be calm. "Hurting" was right; no ultimatums, no threats, no ferocious anger. They do not help.

 

Good luck!

[mjk]

Hey corp17 and hurtinginVA:

 

 

I think there is something to buying a house and having a child under the age of five.

 

Last year around this time my former wife started her affair.

 

The things the 3 of us have in common is the house buying and the young child.

 

My thought is that these two things are what they call (Stressor Events) which are, obviously, things that can really stress out a relationship.

 

I can honestly say Corp17 there is nothing you can do to stop her. we tried the usual stuff and she was just "gone".

 

All you can do is offer up the various ideas that might help and definitely ready yourself emotionally for the worse. If it doesn't happen, then it can only be better than that.

 

Good luck!

[Kat]

We have a three year old (he isn't the biological father) and we just moved in together in August (he brought the house by himelf, not togetheR)... is my relationship doomed

[lipglossboost]

I believe that you can rekindle a lost love, however, only if you both want to do so. If she is hesitant or downright adamant not to, it won't work no matter how much you give, (ie., 200% on your part and 0% on her still equals nothing on her side.)

 

I wish you the best of luck. You sound open and willing to work things out, and she may just be head over heels for this new guy. He's 'exciting', but only because he's new. Once that wears off, she may be more willing to work things out because the fog has cleared and she can see everything as it really is.

 

The question is, how long will that take? And are you willing to wait? Should you wait? There are so many questions that only you have the answers to.

 

My heart goes out to you. What a horrible thing to be betrayed like this ...