Repair man woes

[natasha.munchkins]

I recently met a man who came to fix some things around my house. I have always kept a professional relationship with people coming to work on my home. He came initially to see what had to be done, however, this man asked me within 5 minutes of meeting me whether I had children. I thought it was odd. I do not wear jewellery so it is likely he was trying to determine whether I was single or not. When he returned to do the work I got the sense that he was flirting with me. During our conversations he revealed that he has a wife and a child. He claimed that his wife handles his financial work. He dropped the final price of the job a bit and I never received an e-mail with the final bill. I got the sense that he did not want me and his wife to have contact.

 

In the end, he left one minor task uncompleted. He promised to return last weekend, but he didn’t show up or call to say that he had a problem. I get the sense that he is waiting for me to call him back to finish the minor job that needs to be done. I can’t bring myself to call him, because I am afraid of what might happen. In some ways, he leaving me hanging reminds me of when a woman waits for a man to return his call.

 

He also pointed out some other repairs that need to be done, which I want him to handle, because his workmanship is amazing. I intend to attend to these things next year. Every time I look at his work in the house, I keep thinking of him. I have never dated or had a fling with a married man. I am actually thinking about this and I am not sure why. Does anyone have thoughts or advice on my situation?

[natasha.munchkins]

I also should add that he does not wear a wedding band. I assume that has something to do with his work habits.

[carhill]

Welcome to LS. I work in a similar job capacity (machinist and welder for a living and do pretty much anything else like he does as a sideline) and always wore my wedding band except when working in live electrical panels. It's no big deal.

 

If you don't want to get involved with a married man, that's easy - don't.

 

Another thing to consider is, not unlike the sexily dressed lady who sold me a dumpster service many years ago, people who profit from personal service can easily sexualize it to profit more. Their body and their flirtatious manner are tools. Hence, things aren't always as they seem. I've got a ream of examples I could provide of MW's (and single women too) doing this to me over the decades but I think you get my point.

 

If you want to be sure, wait for him to call and schedule an appointment to finish the work and then see how it goes. Don't discuss any future work. Be professional. Gauge his salesmanship and what else he talks about. People reveal themselves; all you have to do is let them.

 

Good luck

[MissBee]

I recently met a man who came to fix some things around my house. I have always kept a professional relationship with people coming to work on my home. He came initially to see what had to be done, however, this man asked me within 5 minutes of meeting me whether I had children. I thought it was odd. I do not wear jewellery so it is likely he was trying to determine whether I was single or not. When he returned to do the work I got the sense that he was flirting with me. During our conversations he revealed that he has a wife and a child. He claimed that his wife handles his financial work. He dropped the final price of the job a bit and I never received an e-mail with the final bill. I got the sense that he did not want me and his wife to have contact.

 

In the end, he left one minor task uncompleted. He promised to return last weekend, but he didn’t show up or call to say that he had a problem. I get the sense that he is waiting for me to call him back to finish the minor job that needs to be done. I can’t bring myself to call him, because I am afraid of what might happen. In some ways, he leaving me hanging reminds me of when a woman waits for a man to return his call.

 

He also pointed out some other repairs that need to be done, which I want him to handle, because his workmanship is amazing. I intend to attend to these things next year. Every time I look at his work in the house, I keep thinking of him. I have never dated or had a fling with a married man. I am actually thinking about this and I am not sure why. Does anyone have thoughts or advice on my situation?

 

I don't think you should date your married repairman...it also seems to be starting off on the wrong foot any way.

[natasha.munchkins]

I like your response. I think he is definitely a salesman. The only thing is that he does not normally take on small jobs. He works on custom houses or large homes otherwise he sends out someone else to do the job. It was last minute and someone else recommended that he do the work which is why he came to look at my place. He agreed to do the job.

 

I really get the sense that he wants me to show him that I need him. I guess I want to know if MM play head games to convince the OW to cheat?

 

What to do if he doesn't call? Get someone else to do the job next year?

[Tenacity]

Yes, of course some MM play head games to convince women to sleep with them.

 

But why would you want one of those men?

 

I think, personally, that you are reading a great deal into not much. Frankly, the fact that the guy didn't call back to finish a job which he said he would finish just means to me that he may be irresponsible. Anyone making a living at this kind of job can't afford to run a business that way, whether or not he's interested in one of his customers. If he does want to see you, I would think that he would be pushing to get back there and finish the job. I don't think most MM play such complicated head games as you are constructing, especially with virtual strangers. That is just my honest opinion.

[bentnotbroken]

I like your response. I think he is definitely a salesman. The only thing is that he does not normally take on small jobs. He works on custom houses or large homes otherwise he sends out someone else to do the job. It was last minute and someone else recommended that he do the work which is why he came to look at my place. He agreed to do the job.

 

I really get the sense that he wants me to show him that I need him. I guess I want to know if MM play head games to convince the OW to cheat?

 

What to do if he doesn't call? Get someone else to do the job next year?

 

 

Which job?

[2sunny]

YOU are making a LOT of assumptions!

 

why are you afraid to send him the final payment? simply mail it - if you don't have his address - call and request it - then mail it.

 

have you been intimate with him yet? because you worded this in a VERY elusive fashion...

 

he's MARRIED! and you are considering stepping in on someone's marriage... call a NEW handyman - they are ALL looking for work - and you can find one who doesn't come with an agenda to consider preying on his clients.

 

YOU have choices - keep your self respect - mail the check and forget him! do NOT discuss further work.

[Spark1111]

I recently met a man who came to fix some things around my house. I have always kept a professional relationship with people coming to work on my home. He came initially to see what had to be done, however, this man asked me within 5 minutes of meeting me whether I had children. I thought it was odd. I do not wear jewellery so it is likely he was trying to determine whether I was single or not. When he returned to do the work I got the sense that he was flirting with me. During our conversations he revealed that he has a wife and a child. He claimed that his wife handles his financial work. He dropped the final price of the job a bit and I never received an e-mail with the final bill. I got the sense that he did not want me and his wife to have contact.

 

In the end, he left one minor task uncompleted. He promised to return last weekend, but he didn’t show up or call to say that he had a problem. I get the sense that he is waiting for me to call him back to finish the minor job that needs to be done. I can’t bring myself to call him, because I am afraid of what might happen. In some ways, he leaving me hanging reminds me of when a woman waits for a man to return his call.

 

He also pointed out some other repairs that need to be done, which I want him to handle, because his workmanship is amazing. I intend to attend to these things next year. Every time I look at his work in the house, I keep thinking of him. I have never dated or had a fling with a married man. I am actually thinking about this and I am not sure why. Does anyone have thoughts or advice on my situation?

 

A lot of repair men, contractors are frequently alone with bored women. They make small talk or flirt to establish a rapport in order the get more work from you in the future OR to see if they can get lucky.

 

You'd be amazed at how many women get hit on in this sitch and how many say yes.

 

Just remember, if you get hit on he has done this many, many times before and is probably getting very lucky, very often.

[MissBee]

A lot of repair men, contractors are frequently alone with bored women. They make small talk or flirt to establish a rapport in order the get more work from you in the future OR to see if they can get lucky.

 

You'd be amazed at how many women get hit on in this sitch and how many say yes.

 

Just remember, if you get hit on he has done this many, many times before and is probably getting very lucky, very often.

 

 

Great points!

 

I think what flatters us and causes our mind to wander and fantasize says a lot about where we're at in our emotional landscape....

[KathyM]

I think you're reading way too much into this situation. The guy was friendly because he was trying to build a good relationship with his customer. He made small talk. He didn't make propositions. He made a point to say that he had a wife and child. I seriously doubt he would have provided that information if he was interested in starting up something with you. You need to respect his marriage and respect that boundary. Don't be a homewrecker. You are probably just imagining his interest and it is nothing more than being amicable to a customer. My husband is a contractor and I work for his company also. He often comes in contact through his work with these desperate divorcees who hire him to work in their home, and these women end up crossing the line by phoning him during evening hours, trying to strike up conversations on the phone about topics other than business, and Emailing him things that are not business related. He also doesn't normally wear his wedding ring during work because it gets scratched during the construction labor. What you are describing does not indicate interest. It indicates normal friendliness towards customers. Don't read anything into it more than that. He would not have mentioned his wife if he was actually interested in you. My husband has to continually refer to "his wife" when talking with these women because they do tend to try to get too informal with him. Something about a good looking man in their home, and women seem to think he's fair game. Show some respect for a person's marriage, and respect the boundary.

[Gentlegirl]

Hello.

 

I think you have gotten a bit carried away with the idea of your handy man.

 

He might not have meant any of the stuff you are assuming.

 

If you have paid the bill.... don't even worry about the minor thing he left undone. It's not worth it. He's probably long forgotten you and the job anyway.

 

For heaven's sake, get another one and don't build up something in your mind that doesn't exist.

 

If you carry on with your fantasies, you could be headed for trouble girl...

 

Why on earth would you want to be involved with a married man???? Please....spend some time here and read about the pain and misery that such relationships have caused many of us.

 

Don't wait for him to call... get another handyman and treat him as just that, not a potential lover.

 

good Luck,

 

Gentlegirl

[Yianks]

If you are so 'obsessed' now while briefly talking to him imagine how it will be like if you start an A. It will eat you alive.

 

Protect your inner world and look for a single man.

Edited October 27, 2011 by Yianks

[mzdolphin]

Sounds like the set up for a bad porn movie. Stay away.

[natasha.munchkins]

He has already cashed my check. I never received a final invoice. I'm grateful, because he lowered the price a bit.

 

I'll report if there is any activity, but I think that it is best that I find someone else to finish the remaining work. Thanks for the advice people!

[spice4life]

Sounds like a good plan. And plus, eww. If someone was doing work on my house and hit on me? Umm...he would be fired!