unmarried man/ married lady

[gormnat]

I am a young, engaged man. The relationship has long been showing clear signs of going off the rails. We fight constantly to the point that I can hardly remember a day without one, are never intimate, do not seem to enjoy each other's company anymore at all. We have lived together for several years. It's just one of those things where I feel like we both are staying in it because we think it is what the other person wants. At this point I would have to say I think it is unlikely that we will ever be married.

 

Making matters worse is that I have developed some sort of relationship with an older (by 6 or 7 years), married female co-worker (I am her direct superior at an office of 40+ people). We met several months ago and hit it off straight away. At first it was just casual flirting (compliments, prolonged eye contact, arm-touching, her leaning her head on my shoulder, that sort of thing) but that segued into having lunch together alone (in secluded places), which has now somehow segued into going out for drinks alone after work together and making other plans (she asks all the time what am I up to later, what am I doing on my days off, etc). When we went out she seemed nervous and excited.

 

I admit to being very attracted to her, physically and otherwise, and I am sure that she knows that even though I have never said so. Her husband works long, late-night hours. They do not have children and I am under the impression that none are forthcoming. She has tried to invite me over to her apartment several times and I evaded each time because I know that her husband is not home and I feel like I'm playing with fire. So far nothing has happened. I am not sure what her intentions are. Possibly, she does not know either.

 

She has never said anything too open about her feelings toward me before so it is possible that I am reading too much into this, and maybe she really just wants to be friends. Except, she has said things such as "when you told me how old you were, I was hoping you would say you were a little older". One time I walked into a conversation at the office that I think must have been about me. It was obvious that they had been talking about another couple who had worked there before, a woman and a younger man. One lady said of me as I was grabbing my coat, "he's just a good-looking guy in his prime", which seemed really out of left field. My "friend" left quickly without saying anything to me, which is definitely not normal.

 

Sometimes she pries into the status of my relationship and I get the distinct impression that she wants it to end. She encountered my fiancee once and I heard an earful about it the next day, with sentences beginning with things like "I don't want to sound like I'm insulting her, but...".

 

I am not sure if I think that an attractive man (yes, I just called myself attractive) and attractive lady who get along well can be friends and spend prolonged periods of time alone together without going too far.

 

I am not sure what to do or think.

[SBC]

DO NOT GET MARRIED!!!

 

and dump the other woman too.

[CarrieT]

DO NOT GET MARRIED!!!

 

and dump the other woman too.

 

 

This. And this again.

 

Be strong and do your fiance a favor and end that relationship before you are both miserable.

 

And stop going out with the other woman. She is not available and there is no way it can end well.

[Emme]

Yup... Marriage is not for you. Your fighting every day. As for the other woman she knows exactly what she's doing. Your the baby so you're her toy. You are still in the "courting" stage and it will only get worse. Don't continue with her or an affair will happen.

[alexandria35]

DO NOT GET MARRIED!!!

 

and dump the other woman too.

 

Agreed. OP use your head. Do you really want to be the guy who sleeps with his married employee? You will make a joke out of yourself and worse you might be seriously damaging your professional life and for what? A married woman who is looking for something on the side.

 

Break up with your fiance and move on.

[norajane]

I am not sure if I think that an attractive man (yes, I just called myself attractive) and attractive lady who get along well can be friends and spend prolonged periods of time alone together without going too far.

 

So you're seeking validation that this woman would have sex with you?

 

Yes. She would. Are you happy now?

 

I am not sure what to do or think.

 

You seem articulate, so I'm going to assume you are smart enough to know exactly how badly this is all going to end if you take one more step forward with your employee. People are already gossiping. You want to give them a scandal to talk about?

 

End things with your fiancee first. Then ruin your career.

[MissBee]

Why must we complicate our lives more than necessary?

 

If you realize you will never get married to your gf and don't want to be with her and you think she doesn't want to be with you either, but you two are just together because of thinking the other wants that....maybe you guys should try having an actual explicit conversation where you can both discuss this. For all you know she says, you're right, let's be done...and there you have it, you're now a single man. That seems easier to me than continuing to stay with her then carry on some affair with a married coworker....

 

As for doing that...I'd advise against it. Work place romances are not a good idea in and of themselves worst yet affairs.

[Yianks]

Being an xOM I believe I can offer you a bit of insight into an A.

 

Now everything feels like a harmless 'game' to you. It seems that you an hanlde and control the situation.

 

However, when you progress deeper into it the tables will turn and you will experience pain you have never imagined before.

 

Dont mean to scare you but face the harsh reality of an A.