Grr! Two steps forward..Three steps back!

[TurningTables]

Hi all. I am almost done my week 3 of NC. I thought I was doing pretty good this time. ( 2nd go around) I was feeling better and better about my decision. I wasent crying anymore, etc. Then..what do you know? WHAM! I get a huge smack in my face.

 

I havent been feeling well and my doctor couldnt fit me in. So, she told me to go to the Med Center to get checked out. Im feeling so bad that my STBxH brings me. He pulls into a parking spot in front of xMM's truck. I made every excuse in the book not to go in. Within a minute, I got my STBxH to leave.

 

I am a little surprised at myself. Weeks before, I would have jumped at the chance of seeing him. But my first instinct today was to RUN as fast as I could in the other direction.

 

I felt sad at first, but now, Nothing. Is this normal?

[MissBee]

Yes it's normal TT.

 

I too remember when I would make up any excuse to talk to or be around my ex and then after a while of NC I would dreaaaaad going to certain places in case I saw him and would consciously think of that possibility, I would even tense up if I was driving or out and about and saw a car like his. I then got to the level where it was neither here nor there for me and I no longer thought about it.

 

One thing with NC and just the process of healing and detaching from someone is that it's a roller coaster that has ups, downs, highs, lows, equilibrium and then repeat in a different order. It takes a whiiile before it gets to a steady place. I remember feeling confident, happy, like I didn't give a shyt one day or one week or one whole month then the slightest word about him, from him, etc. would send me down into a depression or into anger or into feeling nauseated or anxious. The good thing is the feelings are transient and once you become an observer of them versus getting caught up or being impulsive, ride them out and sleep on them, you get over it.

 

You'll be fine. It's completely normal and was a fight or flight response to an evidently uncomfortable situation.

Edited July 22, 2011 by MissBee

[Gentlegirl]

Hi all. I am almost done my week 3 of

 

NC. I thought I was doing pretty good this time. ( 2nd go around) I was feeling better and better about my decision. I wasent crying anymore, etc. Then..what do you know? WHAM! I get a huge smack in my face.

 

I havent been feeling well and my doctor couldnt fit me in. So, she told me to go to the Med Center to get checked out. Im feeling so bad that my STBxH brings me. He pulls into a parking spot in front of xMM's truck. I made every excuse in the book not to go in. Within a minute, I got my STBxH to leave.

 

I am a little surprised at myself. Weeks before, I would have jumped at the chance of seeing him. But my first instinct today was to RUN as fast as I could in the other direction.

 

I felt sad at first, but now, Nothing. Is this normal?

 

I believe your gut instinct is your guardian angel. It was telling you that you were in danger. It was a great reaction. YOU are recognising that x MM is toxic to you and reacting to that.

 

I had many attempts to go NC over the period of 3 years. Every time we reconciled, ti got harder and harder to get out from under. xMM was like a thundering locomotive. He kept rolling on after me and knew how to push all the buttons. Almost 8 months NC now and no desire to go back. I do wonder if he is ok but of course he is. ...probably into another affair by now.

 

All the very best to you,

 

Gentlegirl

[JaneyAmazed]

Yes it's normal TT.

 

I too remember when I would make up any excuse to talk to or be around my ex and then after a while of NC I would dreaaaaad going to certain places in case I saw him and would consciously think of that possibility, I would even tense up if I was driving or out and about and saw a car like his. I then got to the level where it was neither here nor there for me and I no longer thought about it.

 

One thing with NC and just the process of healing and detaching from someone is that it's a roller coaster that has ups, downs, highs, lows, equilibrium and then repeat in a different order. It takes a whiiile before it gets to a steady place. I remember feeling confident, happy, like I didn't give a shyt one day or one week or one whole month then the slightest word about him, from him, etc. would send me down into a depression or into anger or into feeling nauseated or anxious. The good thing is the feelings are transient and once you become an observer of them versus getting caught up or being impulsive, ride them out and sleep on them, you get over it.

 

You'll be fine. It's completely normal and was a fight or flight response to an evidently uncomfortable situation.

 

LOVE this post. You have described what is normal for NC. It took me a while to realize this and beat myself up quite alot over it. I thought I was going crazy. Once I realized I have to go through what you've just described, I ride the wave but I don't beat myself up. I show myself mercy now.

[fooled once]

Hi all. I am almost done my week 3 of NC. I thought I was doing pretty good this time. ( 2nd go around) I was feeling better and better about my decision. I wasent crying anymore, etc. Then..what do you know? WHAM! I get a huge smack in my face.

 

I havent been feeling well and my doctor couldnt fit me in. So, she told me to go to the Med Center to get checked out. Im feeling so bad that my STBxH brings me. He pulls into a parking spot in front of xMM's truck. I made every excuse in the book not to go in. Within a minute, I got my STBxH to leave.

 

I am a little surprised at myself. Weeks before, I would have jumped at the chance of seeing him. But my first instinct today was to RUN as fast as I could in the other direction.

 

I felt sad at first, but now, Nothing. Is this normal?

 

Hi Turning. First of all, I hope you are physically feeling better. There is definitely something going around; lots of people at my work are not feeling good.

 

Now why do you say 2 steps forward 3 steps back? I think you are doing great! You are healing, you are moving forward. The good news is you didn't WANT to see him; you didn't get all giddy at the thought of seeing him. That's GOOD news!

 

Please don't be so hard on yourself. You are getting there -- one step at a time.

[TurningTables]

To all that replied: Thank you.

 

FO: I think I took steps backwards is because he is on my mind now and just seeing his truck made me want to contact him because I miss him( now that its a day after). I feel like Im back at Day 1. The hurt that I felt has reared its ugly head.

 

If I see him anytime soon, I know its going to be written all over my face. I dont know how to handle it and school is fast approaching.To be honest, Im afraid.

[JaneyAmazed]

To all that replied: Thank you.

 

FO: I think I took steps backwards is because he is on my mind now and just seeing his truck made me want to contact him because I miss him( now that its a day after). I feel like Im back at Day 1. The hurt that I felt has reared its ugly head.

 

If I see him anytime soon, I know its going to be written all over my face. I dont know how to handle it and school is fast approaching.To be honest, Im afraid.

 

I can understand this. I posted over a month ago that I saw my xOM in his truck and then I saw him again in his patrol car (he's a cop) like a week later. Though I didn't contact him, it did hurt and it did make me miss him. That's normal too. Since then, I've passed by him (watching for speeders ) a few times and I hate it...the reminders and memories. I don't know... I guess it takes a while to feel indifferent.

[fooled once]

To all that replied: Thank you.

 

FO: I think I took steps backwards is because he is on my mind now and just seeing his truck made me want to contact him because I miss him( now that its a day after). I feel like Im back at Day 1. The hurt that I felt has reared its ugly head.

 

If I see him anytime soon, I know its going to be written all over my face. I dont know how to handle it and school is fast approaching.To be honest, Im afraid.

 

Oh Turning (hug) don't be afraid. I actually think you did really good!!! I know the hurt hurts....but you have proven you can begin to move past it. You did that. And of course seeing his truck triggered you...don't beat yourself up over that.

 

You are getting there. You are moving forward. Keep focusing on the amazing life you have waiting for you. Don't think negative (I know, I know - easier said than done). Get involved in a project helping others - whether it is visiting a nursing home and bringing flowers or helping out at a shelter or something. I promise when you do rewarding work (for money or just because), it will help you. Take a walk (as long as you aren't in the massive heat wave in the US) and talk to people you see - say hello. At the store, if you see an elderly person struggling, offer to help. If someone is in front of you at the grocery store and look like they are having a problem paying for something, and it is within your budget, offer to pay. Let the person behind you in the store go first if they are in a rush. Do something that makes YOU feel good. YOU are the most important person here --- don't you dare forget that.

 

Go easy on you, okay? Don't be scared. You are getting there...baby steps. Don't think of school starting; keep enjoying your summer.

[TurningTables]

I can understand this. I posted over a month ago that I saw my xOM in his truck and then I saw him again in his patrol car (he's a cop) like a week later. Though I didn't contact him, it did hurt and it did make me miss him. That's normal too. Since then, I've passed by him (watching for speeders ) a few times and I hate it...the reminders and memories. I don't know... I guess it takes a while to feel indifferent.

 

 

I havent contacted him. I have stayed strong. I dont want him or his crumbs of a false friendship he can offer me. I want him to come to me free and on his own..or I dont want anything at all. I really dread school starting because I know sooner or later, I will run into him. I know its coming. Im hoping that the more I move away from the situation, the better I will be able to handle seeing him. Thank you for sharing and helping me cope.

[TurningTables]

Oh Turning (hug) don't be afraid. I actually think you did really good!!! I know the hurt hurts....but you have proven you can begin to move past it. You did that. And of course seeing his truck triggered you...don't beat yourself up over that.

 

You are getting there. You are moving forward. Keep focusing on the amazing life you have waiting for you. Don't think negative (I know, I know - easier said than done). Get involved in a project helping others - whether it is visiting a nursing home and bringing flowers or helping out at a shelter or something. I promise when you do rewarding work (for money or just because), it will help you. Take a walk (as long as you aren't in the massive heat wave in the US) and talk to people you see - say hello. At the store, if you see an elderly person struggling, offer to help. If someone is in front of you at the grocery store and look like they are having a problem paying for something, and it is within your budget, offer to pay. Let the person behind you in the store go first if they are in a rush. Do something that makes YOU feel good. YOU are the most important person here --- don't you dare forget that.

 

Go easy on you, okay? Don't be scared. You are getting there...baby steps. Don't think of school starting; keep enjoying your summer.

 

 

FO: Do you know you have been one of my biggest cheerleaders on here? Like I said in my other post, I havent contacted him. Tomorrow is the start of week 4. I am proud of myself that Ive stuck to it. Im feeling better. Ive been throwing myself into projects and keeping busy. It helps. A very big heartfelt hug and thanks goes out to you!

[fooled once]

FO: Do you know you have been one of my biggest cheerleaders on here? Like I said in my other post, I havent contacted him. Tomorrow is the start of week 4. I am proud of myself that Ive stuck to it. Im feeling better. Ive been throwing myself into projects and keeping busy. It helps. A very big heartfelt hug and thanks goes out to you!

 

((hugs)) I think you are doing great! I really do. WOO HOO to week 4!! Before you know it, 3 months will have gone by and you won't be 'counting' anymore. Keep focusing on the positives in your life. Keep opening yourself up to what life has waiting for you. Embrace it. I really see you as someone who is a very good people person and I see you helping others -- whether it be intentionally or unintentionally. You are a strong, confident woman who knows she deserves better than she was getting.

 

I know you are going to do great with the journey you are on. Don't forget that its okay to grieve and miss what you once had, but do not let it consume you or define you or make you into someone you are not. I promise, there are wonderful things out there waiting for you!

 

((hugs))