In love with a married man

[elen]

I used to work in a personal congress organization where I met a married man a year ago that I now am in love with. I don’t work at that place anymore and for a month now it has been hell.

 

There where I used to see him daily for 9-10 hours I only see him once a week when we go for a coffee. He is sincere with his words and managed to get away to escape to some hotel with me for a few hours.

 

Every day he sends me text messages through his private mobile and every night we chat on the net when his wife goes to bed. He has told me that he will never leave his wife at this point in his life he does not promise any future because he admits he can’t give me a future and that it will be I who will end the relationship. He promises to try to give me as much time as he can when he can.

 

He tells me that I do not deserve such a relationship and that I make him feel emotions he has never felt before. He has a 1 year-old son that he brought with him on one of our coffee dates and he really adores the kid.

 

I’m going crazy here please help I am in love with him and I feel he is also in love with me but because of the child in his life he can’t change his personal situation.

 

Please some advise how to cope with this relationship. Please.

[Tony T]

This really depends on what your goals are. If you have the desire to pick up the scraps of love this man has for his family, to possibly destroy your life, his and that of his family, and to generally live a life of misery, uncertainty, pain and ultimate devastating heartbreak, you should continue seeing this man on his terms. His terms are whatever bits of scraps he can throw your way for the strange he gets in return. And, by the way, after a time you will no longer be the novelty for him you are now and if he's inclined to cheat on his wife with you he will be inclined to do so with someone new who may be more exciting in the future.

 

If you want a healthy relationship, and you feel you are worthy of one...and your self esteem and self respect is sufficient to command one...and you feel you are worth more than the piddly scraps this guy will throw you, then you will cease to see him and set your personal life in a more healthy direction.

 

There is nothing positive to be gained by having a relationship with a married man, unless doing so has been a lifelong dream of yours that must be fulfilled.

[moimeme]

Elen

 

NOBODY deserves to have to scrape by on half - or less - a relationship. He has told you clearly that he is not leaving his wife. This is no way to live. Cut him off for the sake of your heart. It will hurt at first, but not as much as it will living this way for years and years. Find a man who is willing to commit himself to you 100%. Take nothing less.

[lostforwords]

He tells me that I do not deserve such a relationship and that I make him feel emotions he has never felt before. He has a 1 year-old son that he brought with him on one of our coffee dates and he really adores the kid.

 

I’m going crazy here please help I am in love with him and I feel he is also in love with me but because of the child in his life he can’t change his personal situation.

 

Hes right you dont deserve such a relationship, and you yourself probably know this as well otherwise you would not be so frustrated..... however being with a married man is far more complicated period.... not only do you have him when he desires.... but you have to accept the fact he has another life...... and either you accept and stay with it without feeling he should leave his family or you get out of it totally and move on with life..... hes already said hes not willing to leave his family.... quite saddly enough the end result may always be that. Unfortunately theres really no way to cope with this.... except to accept the fact his family will not be torn apart and you will always be his second, i think its harder to deal with the fact that you may never be his ultimate first choice..... tony and moimeme are both very right. its just up to you whether or not you want to continue to be treated like this.