Loneliness

[26pointblue]

Hi everyone.

 

I haven't been around in a while . . . was working on some aspects of my life & overall things have been much better & I am much happier.

 

However, I am still very very lonely! I've realized that was a big reason I stayed with xMM. My sister kept telling me to kick him to the curb & I was always like 'for some reason, I'm hanging on . . .'

 

I think I was afraid to be alone. I don't want to settle for a dumb relationship. In between trying to break up with xMM I dated some guys I was so not serious about . . . part of it was because I still had hope for xMM & me & part of it was because I didn't want to be alone. Now, I have no more hope for xMM & me, and I don't want to date to just not be alone . . . so I'm lonely. It's not fun. Everyone in my family lives far away & I miss them so much. When I want to call & talk about an issue at work or something that comes up, like I used to do with xMM, they are busy with their own lives, which I understand, & rarely have time to talk to me. [Then again, with xMM towards the end after one too many D-Days it was hit & miss so at least I'm not having to put up with that.]

 

I have friends & I've been taking full advantage of those friendships but sometimes I just want to be in a relationship darn it! I want someone available exclusively to me who I'm crazy about & who is there for me like I'm there for him. This seems so hard to come by & I worry that I'll never find it . . . then I worry that I'll find it here when I actually think I may want to move back towards home. Maybe I'm just never happy. Maybe I'm just throwing myself a big pity party & you're all invited. Ha.

 

Well thanks for listening, I just felt like sharing, I guess I feel a tad better having gotten that off my chest to those of you in LS who have helped me in the past. Not that I really think there's any solution to this issue.

[alexandria35]

I'll come to your pity party. I know how it feels to be lonely and I'm sorry you are going through it. I also don't want to date just for the sake of not being alone but lately I'm feeling pretty tired of being alone. I broke up with my ex just about a year ago and I just haven't been able to put myself out there yet. Sometimes when I'm in a relationship I really miss being single so I try to remember that since I am single I should be enjoying it as much as I can.

[fooled once]

Hi 26. I was actually thinking about you yesterday and wondering how you were! So I was glad to see this post.

 

It is understandable how you are feeling right now. Be so proud of yourself for NOT just jumping on the first guy that comes along just to have someone in your life. I am so proud of you!

 

I hope you continue to work on you; continue to 'hold out'. I do get lonely, which is why you really need to reach out to "things" to keep yourself busy - the gym, a hobby, whatever. Cultivate NEW friendships. Heck, come here and post in the other sections to seek out others who may be looking for the same answers as you.

 

Keep moving forward. Keep working on you.

 

One day, when you least expect it, someone worthy of you - WORTHY of you - will come along and he will be worth the wait

 

Thanks for updating. One day at a time my friend. Good luck!

[carrie999]

26PB, I'm glad you're still posting here for support. You have been incredibly strong and lent support to so many people while going through your own painful situation.

 

It's going to get better, and you know that. It sounds like you know you need to make some moves beyond just getting past xMM. Maybe it is moving home to be close to your family and loved ones, or maybe it's just finding a new life where you are already settled. Your ending with xMM was pretty recent, so I think you just need to give yourself time to grieve before making any major changes...you've been through enough.

 

Hugs to you, and know that this too shall pass...

[whichwayisup]

P26, I'd come hang out with you if we lived in the same City!

 

It's okay to feel lonely..Just know that you're not alone. I know you miss having someone in your life, but now is the time to enjoy this time to yourself! You can do whatever you want, when you want and not have to answer to anybody!

 

Find a passionate hobby to get your blood pumping.

 

When the timing is right and you're ready a great guy will walk into your life.

[MissBee]

I can very much relate!

 

I am naturally a relationship person. I really do enjoy companionship, although I do also like my alone time as well. Like you however, I realized that sometimes that desire for partnership comes out of a serious lack in your life, which leads you into dubious relationships and scenarios that, while they may alleviate loneliness, come with a world of other problems and ultimately still aren't satisfying.

 

A healthy and happy place to be is one in which you're enjoying your life, doing everything you want to do and being expectant that eventually you'll find a partner than to live a life in which you are plagued by the lack of one and it becomes this consuming desire. In 2008...for a few months my desire was to have a bf. I felt like it would have made my life more exciting, more fulfilling, I wanted someone to care for who would care for me, etc. and I got it....but it also came with a HUGE lesson. It turned into a mess that tore me up more than any relationship ever had and I learned that desiring partnership isn't wrong but if it is for the wrong reasons, it opens you up to so much drama.

 

I am currently single, I was "talking to" someone, and while I am very attracted to him and like him a lot, he is not giving me what I need and I have let it go. I am so proud of myself as there was a time where I would try to beat him into submission and bend and shift and close one eye and bend over backwards "to make it work" because I felt like having any man, in any capacity was better than no man. I don't think like that anymore. I have friends, family, activities and things I want to do for myself that I enjoy. I think about the benefits of single life versus the downside and make the best of everything knowing that eventually I'll find a GOOD partner and not an "ok partner" or someone I'm merely passing time with or warding of loneliness with.

Edited June 15, 2011 by MissBee

[26pointblue]

Aww thanks everyone. [And welcome to my pity party, alexandria! ]

 

I like the advice about appreciating my time alone. The other morning I was doing a little jig to my music while getting dressed, & I probably wouldn't have been doing that if there was someone else around. I do enjoy my freedom & not having to be accountable to anyone . . . let alone xMM, & when I think about it, it was really annoying to have him expect me to be accountable to him when he was still married.

 

I also like what ya'll say about not just grabbing onto someone to fill the void. I did that before, when xMM & I broke up for a couple of months, & I look back & think, yeah, I had someone to talk to [it was a long distance relationship, which I guess is what I thought I needed at the time], but it wasn't real, it wasn't based on really wanting to be with him but instead on just needing him to feel a void, & vice versa. So I will stick it out & wait for something really good.

 

Turnstone that's a good question about whether my family knows what it means to me. I guess I need to voice my needs more. I feel like I have worn my sister out & it's time to turn to a different family member, ha ha. Today I've been having a big issue at work . . . I feel like I was thrown under the bus by one of my bosses & I'm very angry & annoyed . . . & I texted my dad & he asked if I needed to talk & we did. We also talked a bit yesterday about a business opportunity I have, & he was helping me explore my options. So I'm grateful for him & in the past I definitely would have gone to xMM with my career concerns [he's in the same career & would have good advice, where my dad isn't] . . . in fact I must admit I seriously thought about asking him for advice on this sticky situation today, but, I didn't . . . I won't contact him for any reason whatsoever, & I'd rather talk to my dad because he really cares about me even if he isn't as knowledgeable about this particular issue.

 

As a bonus, while I was standing outside my building over my lunch hour talking to my dad on my cell phone so my co-workers wouldn't hear . . . a really cute guy walked by & winked at me. Darn I wish I wasn't on the phone so he could have talked to me. But it was still nice to get a wink! Ha ha.

 

Thanks everyone for the help. I feel better already.

[MissBee]

Aww thanks everyone. [And welcome to my pity party, alexandria! ]

 

I like the advice about appreciating my time alone. The other morning I was doing a little jig to my music while getting dressed, & I probably wouldn't have been doing that if there was someone else around. I do enjoy my freedom & not having to be accountable to anyone . . . let alone xMM, & when I think about it, it was really annoying to have him expect me to be accountable to him when he was still married.

 

I also like what ya'll say about not just grabbing onto someone to fill the void. I did that before, when xMM & I broke up for a couple of months, & I look back & think, yeah, I had someone to talk to [it was a long distance relationship, which I guess is what I thought I needed at the time], but it wasn't real, it wasn't based on really wanting to be with him but instead on just needing him to feel a void, & vice versa. So I will stick it out & wait for something really good.

 

Turnstone that's a good question about whether my family knows what it means to me. I guess I need to voice my needs more. I feel like I have worn my sister out & it's time to turn to a different family member, ha ha. Today I've been having a big issue at work . . . I feel like I was thrown under the bus by one of my bosses & I'm very angry & annoyed . . . & I texted my dad & he asked if I needed to talk & we did. We also talked a bit yesterday about a business opportunity I have, & he was helping me explore my options. So I'm grateful for him & in the past I definitely would have gone to xMM with my career concerns [he's in the same career & would have good advice, where my dad isn't] . . . in fact I must admit I seriously thought about asking him for advice on this sticky situation today, but, I didn't . . . I won't contact him for any reason whatsoever, & I'd rather talk to my dad because he really cares about me even if he isn't as knowledgeable about this particular issue.

 

As a bonus, while I was standing outside my building over my lunch hour talking to my dad on my cell phone so my co-workers wouldn't hear . . . a really cute guy walked by & winked at me. Darn I wish I wasn't on the phone so he could have talked to me. But it was still nice to get a wink! Ha ha.

 

Thanks everyone for the help. I feel better already.

 

 

Awwww....yaaay!

 

I can so relate to the LD/taken man scenario and you thinking it was what you wanted, when deep down it really isn't.

 

I am rolling my eyes at the accountability to the MM thing... When I was involved with a taken man, it was the same way! He was possessive and jealous, and I thought it was because he loved me so much...while I think he did, it was more so about control. He could do whatever he wanted, clearly....while I was supposed to be faithful to him and he would constantly question my whereabouts, who I was talking to, what I was doing while HE was knowingly effing someone else! But it was no one's fault but mine why the double standard was there.

 

 

But yeaa being in a relationship that is healthy and loving is great...but I've vowed to enjoy ALL aspects of my life, single or not. I don't like the idea of waiting until you're in a relationship for life to be fun and fulfilling. I remember seeing certain restaurants, certain vacations, etc and feeling like Ohh I don't have a boyfriend so I can't do it. Oh please! I can and do do it! Therefore when a good man for me comes along he will be an addition to my already fab life and I will be way less likely to accept BS because I've been waiting for a man to arrive to start living and I will have no problem saying bye and going back to my fab life if he is not giving me all I want.

[alexandria35]

Awwww....yaaay!

 

I can so relate to the LD/taken man scenario and you thinking it was what you wanted, when deep down it really isn't.

 

I am rolling my eyes at the accountability to the MM thing... When I was involved with a taken man, it was the same way! He was possessive and jealous, and I thought it was because he loved me so much...while I think he did, it was more so about control. He could do whatever he wanted, clearly....while I was supposed to be faithful to him and he would constantly question my whereabouts, who I was talking to, what I was doing while HE was knowingly effing someone else! But it was no one's fault but mine why the double standard was there.

 

 

But yeaa being in a relationship that is healthy and loving is great...but I've vowed to enjoy ALL aspects of my life, single or not. I don't like the idea of waiting until you're in a relationship for life to be fun and fulfilling. I remember seeing certain restaurants, certain vacations, etc and feeling like Ohh I don't have a boyfriend so I can't do it. Oh please! I can and do do it! Therefore when a good man for me comes along he will be an addition to my already fab life and I will be way less likely to accept BS because I've been waiting for a man to arrive to start living and I will have no problem saying bye and going back to my fab life if he is not giving me all I want.

 

MissBee where have you been all my life? LOL...You write some great posts!

[MissBee]

MissBee where have you been all my life? LOL...You write some great posts!

 

Thanks alex!

 

LOL , Part of your life I was in a delusional fog thinking I was hot stuff...when I was a hot mess.