My friend's H. I am an awful person.

[crazed_n_confused]

I've been having an affair with a close friend's husband for several months now. I need to end it. I want to end it. I don't know to to end it though.

 

When the affair began, he pursued me, quite relentlessly. We worked together from time to time, as his wife was my supervisor and closest friend. I did resist, for months. I asked him why he would do that, and why with me considering I was a close friend of hers? (yes I know, not close enough to say anything to her.)

 

When we did finally began to become physical, I justified it with the knowledge that she was already cheating on him with their roommate. For the record, she is still cheating on him, but I do not want to continue to justify it with that information, and I just want this to end. I fear the feelings that I have developed for him, I fear the loss of my friend (I know I am going to lose her, anyway, but I am still scared and saddened by it.) and ultimately, I fear all of the aftermath of my ending this relationship.

 

Honestly, I don't know what to do anymore. I began to love this man, or at least become infatuated with him from our affair. I love and care for his wife, and have protected her and the affair she pursued with their roommate for quite some time. It's such an awful situation, and I feel like an awful person for all of it. I could have told him about her affair, I should have stopped myself from becoming his.

 

I think that this is all jumbled, and may be confusing. To be honest, it is such because I am such. I don't know how to stop my relationship with the MM without outing his wife's OM. I don't know what to do because in some weird, and effed up way, I love them both. My life will be empty without them, but I need for all of this to end. For normalcy, and to atone for the horrible things I have done in these last few months.

[Emme]

Stop, take a deep breath. You are going to have to stay away from him. This must be killing you inside. You can't use her infidelity to justify this act. Are you prepared to loose both their friendships? You say you are but think about it. Are you? Loose it all.

 

Do you really think you will loose it all? You speak about loosing them as though they are your oxygen. Without them you would die. You wouldn't be able to make it through the day. You have to figure out why they validate you existence. They don't. If you cut all ties from them you will feel pain but it's only for a time. Are you willing to cut all ties? Are you willing to not give any explanations just walk away? You said you use to work with her so you have no excuse as to why you can't walk away.

[fooled once]

I am not understanding what is so "hard" about telling the MM that you no longer want to be in an affair with him?.

 

You have no need to out his wife. Just call him and tell him you are disgusted by your behavior and you respect yourself too much to continue to be in an affair with him.

[Citizen Erased]

I think it's pretty safe to say the term friend isn't something you deserve, as you're sleeping with her husband.

 

Her being a cheater herself doesn't make it any better. It makes me question why you would continue to keep these insane people in your life.

[Wandaland]

You need to tell your friend and her husband that they're both cheating on each other. Yes, it's going to be hard. But honey, it's the right thing to do. They are obviously having problems in their marriage, and they need to either divorce or work it out with marriage counseling. You all need to stop holding secrets from each other. This is not high school. You are grown people. Take some responsibility. Sure, your friend might hate you for being with her husband, but at least you don't have to lie and hide things from her anymore. If you do this, you will be glad that you put this whole mess behind you and you won't feel like an awful person. Besides, by the rate you guys are going and seeing how you all know each other (including the roommate), the truth will most definitely come out sooner or later in some way...and it won't be pretty. So go end it now, it's ridiculous.

[whichwayisup]

As much pain as it'll cause, just come clean to your H. The fallout IS going to be huge and that's something you'll have to face and deal with as a consquence of you making the choice to cheat and betray your H and your MM. Your MM will suffer the same consquence, and have to deal with the fallout as well.

 

Life cannot go on as it is, something has to change, so be the one to change it.

 

It takes courage and strength to come clean, get therapy to help prepare you for this.

 

Atleast by confessing, the lies will end, the betrayal will end and so will the affair. Yes, you may lose your H (who knows, maybe he's a special one who loves you so much and will give you a chance to prove yourself to him) and you WILL lose your friend (mm's wife) for sure.

[Spoonandfork21]

Sometimes when we hang out with people over and over and build friendships things like this can happen. We start to lean on people in ways that we shouldnt. Im not going to sit here and say "you are an awful person" or "you are a bad friend", thats not going to do anything and whats done is done. Furthermore I dont believe you to be a bad person. We are HUMAN and as humans we make mistakes. Its not like you dont already know that. Im going to give you what you came here for, advice - NOT chastising.

 

 

 

This is a tough situation because his gf is cheating and you KNOW that. but he is cheating and its with YOU. Personally, and I know people wont like this, but I would say stop the contact with him (I know its hard, especially when feelings are there) and dont say a thing to his gf. She is clearly living her life as she sees fit and you are not going to stop that by outing her to him or making this a bigger mess than it has to be. By stopping this affair with him you are owning up to your mistake and making a decision to move ahead and not keep this affair going. Telling her is only going to further complicate things for everyone involved and sometimes just cutting ties and letting go, knowing you made a mistake and will never do it again, is the road to take. I know people wont like that because "the truth is always the best action to take" but the truth is, its not always the best road. It just isnt. Thats life.

 

I wish you calm thoughts in this process. I havent been there but I know it can happen to anyone. Know you are human, its happened and now you have to make the decisions as to what you do now. Keep us posted.

[waytogo]

I've been having an affair with a close friend's husband for several months now. I need to end it. I want to end it. I don't know to to end it though.

 

When the affair began, he pursued me, quite relentlessly. We worked together from time to time, as his wife was my supervisor and closest friend. I did resist, for months. I asked him why he would do that, and why with me considering I was a close friend of hers? (yes I know, not close enough to say anything to her.)

 

When we did finally began to become physical, I justified it with the knowledge that she was already cheating on him with their roommate. For the record, she is still cheating on him, but I do not want to continue to justify it with that information, and I just want this to end. I fear the feelings that I have developed for him, I fear the loss of my friend (I know I am going to lose her, anyway, but I am still scared and saddened by it.) and ultimately, I fear all of the aftermath of my ending this relationship.

 

Honestly, I don't know what to do anymore. I began to love this man, or at least become infatuated with him from our affair. I love and care for his wife, and have protected her and the affair she pursued with their roommate for quite some time. It's such an awful situation, and I feel like an awful person for all of it. I could have told him about her affair, I should have stopped myself from becoming his.

 

I think that this is all jumbled, and may be confusing. To be honest, it is such because I am such. I don't know how to stop my relationship with the MM without outing his wife's OM. I don't know what to do because in some weird, and effed up way, I love them both. My life will be empty without them, but I need for all of this to end. For normalcy, and to atone for the horrible things I have done in these last few months.

 

You might consider he either knows or suspects his W affair. He may be using you to get even. If that's the case, it makes it all the less glamorous doesn't it? Either way, it's obviously not making you happy to be in the situation.

[mitchell]

Why don't you tell MM that his wife is sleeping with their roommate?

 

Don't you think he should know that his wife has another man's penis in her vagina while he's away?

[Mimolicious]

Why don't you tell MM that his wife is sleeping with their roommate?

 

Don't you think he should know that his wife has another man's penis in her vagina while he's away?

 

 

Ironically, he has another vagina in his pecker while his W is away.

 

Sooooo.... If the OP is supposed to look like the saving grace here, she should have thought of that before she joined the party. (literally)

 

WWIU-The OP is not married bebe. She is being the boo to her bf's hubby.

 

It is as simple as telling him that you no longer want to roll in the deep with him. Is it that hard? Don't people dump one another all the time? For some reason, I am having a hard time believing that you really want to end this A. Is it just me?

[waytogo]

I've been having an affair with a close friend's husband for several months now. I need to end it. I want to end it. I don't know to to end it though.

 

When the affair began, he pursued me, quite relentlessly. We worked together from time to time, as his wife was my supervisor and closest friend. I did resist, for months. I asked him why he would do that, and why with me considering I was a close friend of hers? (yes I know, not close enough to say anything to her.)

 

When we did finally began to become physical, I justified it with the knowledge that she was already cheating on him with their roommate. For the record, she is still cheating on him, but I do not want to continue to justify it with that information, and I just want this to end. I fear the feelings that I have developed for him, I fear the loss of my friend (I know I am going to lose her, anyway, but I am still scared and saddened by it.) and ultimately, I fear all of the aftermath of my ending this relationship.

 

Honestly, I don't know what to do anymore. I began to love this man, or at least become infatuated with him from our affair. I love and care for his wife, and have protected her and the affair she pursued with their roommate for quite some time. It's such an awful situation, and I feel like an awful person for all of it. I could have told him about her affair, I should have stopped myself from becoming his.

 

I think that this is all jumbled, and may be confusing. To be honest, it is such because I am such. I don't know how to stop my relationship with the MM without outing his wife's OM. I don't know what to do because in some weird, and effed up way, I love them both. My life will be empty without them, but I need for all of this to end. For normalcy, and to atone for the horrible things I have done in these last few months.

 

More that MM, you are stuck on yourself. I know you don't want to believe it. You'd never interfere so much you'd tell MM his wife was boinking roomate. You'd never interfere so much you'd tell W MM was hitting on you. But, you would get involved with MM till you even think you love him, love them both. BBBBSSSSS.

I would bet much, you didn't have much activity in your life. Their lives, while destructive, at least had some action. She'd do the roommate. He'd hit on you. It's activity; but is this where you intend to spend your energy?