star Posted October 15, 2003 Share Posted October 15, 2003 I posted an entry during mid-September, further to which, down the line, I've discovered that the married man I was seeing was not only cheating with me - but cheating on me! He is having an affair with another woman, who is supposedly my friend. Her husband walked out on her recently because of his suspicions. They both lied to me and used me to cover up their affair until he was around... now that he's gone, they shamelessly see each other. His wife is still back home (another country) so obviously has no clue about all of this. I am just so glad that I'm out of it after immense pain... I chose to walk out the first time, we both did. We both left the country and came back to be friends... only for me to discover this... other woman and a friend. I feel betrayed... just the way I may have betrayed his wife in the first place. This may all make better sense if you kindly read my first thread. I'm not at peace and should I tell his wife? Please, please help! Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted October 15, 2003 Share Posted October 15, 2003 Originally posted by star I'm not at peace and should I tell his wife? Please, please help! You got burned. Which sucks. But you knew you were involved in an infidelity, you knew you were involved with a man who was less than honorable. You didn't think his deceptiveness would extend to your interaction with him, and your pride and feelings are understandably hurt now that you see he was just as callous about you as he was about his wife. But that doesn't give you the right to invade his wife's world with your news. Maybe she knows, maybe she doesn't. What is certain is that she doesn't deserve to be made an instrument of revenge. You knew the deal going into it. It would be different if he'd played you false by concealing his marriage from you -- if you'd thought he was a single man. But you knowingly participated in the infidelity; his cheating only matters to you now that you know you weren't his only "special" lady. Telling his wife would be the height of hypocrisy, and very unfair to her. Link to post Share on other sites
star Posted October 15, 2003 Share Posted October 15, 2003 Thank you for your response. I agree with you, I was wrong. But I did try and stop it, by going to the extent of leaving the country and it did stop. The reason I feel used is because I have enough evidence from all friends involved that they used me as a 'smoke-screen' to hide their own affair. I found all this out just recently. Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted October 15, 2003 Share Posted October 15, 2003 It's certainly understandable that you feel hurt, and they should both be ashamed of themselves for using you like that. They probably aren't going to confront that (no one likes to face up to their wrongdoings) but that doesn't make it OK to drag his wife into it just to satisfy your hurt feelings. Wash your hands of them both, and console yourself with the knowledge that you are free of such duplicitous people. There's nothing that must bind you to them, you can erase them both completely, and start a fresh chapter in your life. Link to post Share on other sites
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