Fell for married man who was supposed to get divorced

[CrazyInLove]

Here's the situation:

 

About a year ago, he was transferred to my area of work. I really did not think much of him, he is not my type as far as looks go, he's very out-going whereas I am on the shy side, and he is married. We became friendly and he would at times talk about his wife with me. He went out with her for 5 years and has been married to her for 1. He met her when she was 17 and he was the first person she ever went out with. She is now 24, he is 28, I am 29. He would joke around with me and other co-workers about how messy and lazy she was; but we all knew he loved her.

 

In the beginning of June, he let us know that his wife asked him for a divorce and moved out. He was devastated at first, but appeared to bounce back rather quickly.

 

It was sometime in July that I developed a crush on him and in mid- august decided to ask him out. (I have never asked a guy out before.) We hit it off, saw alot of each other outside work and things moved very fast between the two of us. I was never happier with a man and fell for him fast.

 

We discussed the divorce issue and he let me know that for a month he tried to get back with her and suggested marriage counseling , but she did not want anything to do with him. So he gave up and decided to get on with his life. Their problems stem from trust issues he had with her. She never actually cheated on him, but did have an on-line crush that he found out about. After that he always wanted to know where she was and who she was with and she felt smothered and couldn't't deal with it anymore. I'm sure there are other issues involved that he did not want to discuss with me.

 

After 3 weeks of dating him he told me that his wife calls him and tells him that she is not angry with him anymore and wants to try marriage counseling. I was crushed, hurt, angry and have never had such a hard time with dealing with a break-up.

 

We had several long talks about this. He told me that he doesnt think things will work out between the two of them, but he feels he has to go through with counseling for financial and emotional reasons.

 

We discussed our feelings for each other. Neither one of us have ever moved so fast in such a short time. He told me I was everything he wanted in a person and had hoped he could be with me for a long time. We meshed well; I never felt this way about anyone. He tells me that he thinks about the fact that I might be "the one" all the time. I am holding on to this despite the fact that they may get back together. He doesnt expect me to wait for him and has been honest with me all along about the fact that there is a chance that they may get back together. He says he may be making the wrong choice, but it is the only choice that he can make right now.

 

He is on my mind day and night and whats tough is I have to keep a straight face and work with him. I cant shake the feeling that he is the one for me, but what do I do when he may or may not get back with his wife and how can I work with him if he does? Should I still talk to him as a friend even though it breaks my heart just to see him? How do I discreetly ask about the counseling?

[VASH THE STAMPEDE]

First off ,he still married you shouldn't get involved with that.

Second he went back,hes not ready to throw the towel in maybe he still loves her.

You should look at him as a co-worker and nothing more.

,

[LuckyStar]

You ask: What do I do when he may or may not get back with his wife and how can I work with him if he does?

 

He's not yours!

If he does get back with his wife, leave him alone.

If he doesn't get back with his wife, leave him alone.

If he does not directly work with you on the job, don't talk to him. Stop opening up yourself to him.

 

You ask: Should I still talk to him as a friend even though it breaks my heart just to see him? How do I discreetly ask about the counseling?

 

 

No, he cannot be your friend, he has a wife. Move on. Don't expose your mind, body or soul with him.

Stop talking to him. Cut him off. You should not be concerned with anything that goes on in his life.

[amerikajin]

Well don't be too hard on the poor lass, from what I read I deduce that they were living separately. That's at least physical separation and as far as she's concerned if he gives it the okay then so be it.

 

All of that said, you've learned the hard way that no marriage is really final until the papers are signed, sealed and delivered. You probably should have been more careful about flipping for this guy, but I won't go there. That's all academic now.

 

I think you have to respect his wishes and move on. You have to respect marriage, and even if the odds are against him, you have to have the class to step aside and let him give it a try. I know it hurts and you may feel used. I don't think there was any intent to harm either on your part or his. I think he's just going through a very difficult period in his life and you have to respect that this is what he thinks is best for him at this time.