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In a previous thread (why can't I end this?), I got some great advice about ending an A with a MM when you feel like it must come to an end. For people like me, who don't feel that the A is good for them and moreover, feel like they're in the throes of an addiction, I understand that it is probably sound advice to end it "cold turkey" and go NC. However, I don't feel like I could do it yet. So, I am trying some small things, like letting his call go to voicemail if I'm in the middle of something (normally I drop everything to get the call). This isn't about playing games, it's about me trying to get a sense that I can do some things differently and be ok. Of course, he seems to sense something is different and now is showering me more than usual with attention, making more time to see me, etc. Nice, but isn't making it easier to build toward leaving if he is acting his best.

 

Do you have advice for getting ready to end it? And how do you arm yourself to be strong if he might try to persuade you to stay?

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This kind of happened to me once. I'm a MM, and the OW told me that we should end it, but I talked her out of it. So you're concern that he will persuade you to stay is real.

 

Hmmm, I'm thinking how I would prefer the OW to end it with me..... Are you in another relationship? I think I would lay off if she was in another relationship that she wanted to focus more time on. So, for instance, if you were married, you can say that you are afraid your H knows about the A and you need to end it. Or, you want to rebuild your marriage. Or, if not married, you want to find a meaningful relationship and get married. Something like that, even if it's a lie. I think if the OW told me that, I wouldn't try to talk her out of it. But I definitely would want to know NOW. No slow separation, weaning, tapering, etc. That would piss me off.

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This kind of happened to me once. I'm a MM, and the OW told me that we should end it, but I talked her out of it. So you're concern that he will persuade you to stay is real.

 

Hmmm, I'm thinking how I would prefer the OW to end it with me..... Are you in another relationship? I think I would lay off if she was in another relationship that she wanted to focus more time on. So, for instance, if you were married, you can say that you are afraid your H knows about the A and you need to end it. Or, you want to rebuild your marriage. Or, if not married, you want to find a meaningful relationship and get married. Something like that, even if it's a lie. I think if the OW told me that, I wouldn't try to talk her out of it. But I definitely would want to know NOW. No slow separation, weaning, tapering, etc. That would piss me off.

 

 

Interesting! :eek: You as a mm are advising her to lie to her mm.

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:lmao: That's what I did when I wanted to end the physical affair. Slowly stop doing what you would normally do. First I cut out the phone calls I didn't answer at all. I mean I would hold my hands just not to pick up. 2-3 times the phone would ring I didn't get it. Then at the end of the night I would send a email saying sorry I missed your call. Then it got hard to hide all the time so I said dont' call anymore I never hear my phone ringing. Yeah yeah yeah, I know but it worked :lmao:. Next was chatting... This was hard. Late night chats before bed... hard. Start by going on and being invisible. He will be there if you guys chat like that if not that's one out the way. Go invisible for a while and then completely stop using instant message. Next thing you do is get another email account. Don't long into the one he knows so often. Let 2 weeks go by before you check it. Slowly but surely these things help. The distance these things create makes you less dependant. The cold turkey is hard for me right now. I miss him. I've had to fight myself to stop from calling him. I'm his friend first and I would hate to make this any worse than it is. It's rough girl... rough. Coming here helps... a little support group. You can eventually just do emails only... maybe once in a blue moon text each other. But that is the last two you can get rid of. Then you are free in a sense.
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lovingwhatis
In a previous thread (why can't I end this?), I got some great advice about ending an A with a MM when you feel like it must come to an end. For people like me, who don't feel that the A is good for them and moreover, feel like they're in the throes of an addiction, I understand that it is probably sound advice to end it "cold turkey" and go NC. However, I don't feel like I could do it yet. So, I am trying some small things, like letting his call go to voicemail if I'm in the middle of something (normally I drop everything to get the call). This isn't about playing games, it's about me trying to get a sense that I can do some things differently and be ok. Of course, he seems to sense something is different and now is showering me more than usual with attention, making more time to see me, etc. Nice, but isn't making it easier to build toward leaving if he is acting his best.

 

Do you have advice for getting ready to end it? And how do you arm yourself to be strong if he might try to persuade you to stay?

 

Amour,

 

I was going to write you on your other thread, I really feel for you. Please take care of yourself, your situation sounds very tricky. People here are like you said helpful, and I'd advise you to do searches on serial cheaters and read what others have said. It is my feeling that this mm is a lot more experienced in manipulation than you realize, and for you to stop this will take a lot more than doing small steps. I totally realize that you have to start somewhere, and that's been a great step, but please read more on here, because this is a place where so much has been discussed. Disregard the vicious remarks in the threads, I know they can be hard to stomach.

 

Be strong. Like WWIU said, you strike me as a very kind person with a big heart, don't allow a selfish person to take away your power.

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Amour7, I feel for you and wish you the best as you try to get through this. The only thing you have to remember is that it doesn't matter if he is on his best behavior right now. You know what the end result is going to be - nothing is going to change. Right? If you are finding the strength now to end it then stick with it! You already know that he is not leaving his wife for you and you have decided that you want more. You deserve more! Giving into him is only going to prolong the inevitable and you already know what that is - he ain't leaving.

 

Stay strong and when it gets tough come and post here instead of contacting him. Best wishes! :bunny:

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WorldIsYours
Just being honest! Isn't that what this place is for! ;)

 

If you really want to be honest, you will tell your wife what you've been doing.;)

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Amour,

 

I was going to write you on your other thread, I really feel for you. Please take care of yourself, your situation sounds very tricky. People here are like you said helpful, and I'd advise you to do searches on serial cheaters and read what others have said. It is my feeling that this mm is a lot more experienced in manipulation than you realize, and for you to stop this will take a lot more than doing small steps. I totally realize that you have to start somewhere, and that's been a great step, but please read more on here, because this is a place where so much has been discussed. Disregard the vicious remarks in the threads, I know they can be hard to stomach.

 

Be strong. Like WWIU said, you strike me as a very kind person with a big heart, don't allow a selfish person to take away your power.

 

You've all given me a lot to think about. Lovingwhatis, the part about his manipulation, the danger of a serial cheater, and your caution that this will take a lot of effort hit home for me. I've loved this man fiercely but with blinders on. I think I know how hard it will be, though, because I know how I can be persuaded/manipulated by him. I keep imagining having a face-to-face ending but thinking there's no way it will end like that. I actually came close to requesting a separation a couple times but I get hyper emotional (sobbing so hard I can hardly breathe) and then he smooth talks me, makes me feel better... You know the story.

 

I have thought that the dignified way would be to end it in person, but perhaps I give up on that in favor of self-preservation. It's just hard to imagine ending a 2 yr R over email- that wouldn't honor the beautiful part of our R but I guess now isn't the time for that.

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Just being honest! Isn't that what this place is for! ;)

 

Well I suppose that it's good that you can be honest somewhere. ;)

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You've all given me a lot to think about. Lovingwhatis, the part about his manipulation, the danger of a serial cheater, and your caution that this will take a lot of effort hit home for me. I've loved this man fiercely but with blinders on. I think I know how hard it will be, though, because I know how I can be persuaded/manipulated by him. I keep imagining having a face-to-face ending but thinking there's no way it will end like that. I actually came close to requesting a separation a couple times but I get hyper emotional (sobbing so hard I can hardly breathe) and then he smooth talks me, makes me feel better... You know the story.

 

I have thought that the dignified way would be to end it in person, but perhaps I give up on that in favor of self-preservation. It's just hard to imagine ending a 2 yr R over email- that wouldn't honor the beautiful part of our R but I guess now isn't the time for that.

 

 

If you are going to end it, I think you should end it in the way that you think is the most dignified for you and if that means by letter or email, then by all means do it that way. I suppose you know that you are going to have to be very firm and then cut off the ways in which he can contact you, right?

 

Sobbing on his shoulder is not the way, IMO. Go out with class.

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lovingwhatis
You've all given me a lot to think about. Lovingwhatis, the part about his manipulation, the danger of a serial cheater, and your caution that this will take a lot of effort hit home for me. I've loved this man fiercely but with blinders on. I think I know how hard it will be, though, because I know how I can be persuaded/manipulated by him. I keep imagining having a face-to-face ending but thinking there's no way it will end like that. I actually came close to requesting a separation a couple times but I get hyper emotional (sobbing so hard I can hardly breathe) and then he smooth talks me, makes me feel better... You know the story.

 

I have thought that the dignified way would be to end it in person, but perhaps I give up on that in favor of self-preservation. It's just hard to imagine ending a 2 yr R over email- that wouldn't honor the beautiful part of our R but I guess now isn't the time for that.

 

Amour, there is nothing undignified in ending a R over email if that's how you feel is best for you, imo. I ended mine that way and didn't blink twice about it. I have not experienced what you have, my experience was very clear cut, but from what you are so incredibly bravely and candidly describing here, your mm has gone through this before, has a strong vested interest in continuing, and has already used a number of manipulation tactics on you. I would even go to say that the reason why you feel so weak at the moment is because of his subtle manipulation. I am not trying to use the broad brush and paint the evil mm. Your situation somehow reminds me of the difficulties a member here, brokenlady had with her mm. That stop at nothing mentality (there are differences between you as well).

 

So if you end it with mm over email and he Doesn't discontinue contact and actually steps up his game, then you will need specific plan as to how you will handle it, because you will keep falling into the same situation, he will find ways to weaken your resolve, and you will be back at square 1.

 

Maybe even read addiction literature. I've had close people go through it, it is so circular. It is so difficult to get out of the cycle. You have aptly described this as addiction. Imagine if he was heroin, at one point of your journey you would come to the place where no heroin would be in your place. You will eventually get there, either sooner or maybe later. We all have our ways. I really don't believe in One way.

 

Just by writing here you are really reclaiming your power. Build on that momentum, and absolutely KNOW that yes you can be free of your addiction.

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I would wait until you have some cool plan or trip, something to look forward to. I wouldn't just dart out an email & then cry for weeks. Make other plans first, then just when you're about to dart to somewhere w/ no cell phone coverage, fire away the email.

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You've all given me a lot to think about. Lovingwhatis, the part about his manipulation, the danger of a serial cheater, and your caution that this will take a lot of effort hit home for me. I've loved this man fiercely but with blinders on. I think I know how hard it will be, though, because I know how I can be persuaded/manipulated by him. I keep imagining having a face-to-face ending but thinking there's no way it will end like that. I actually came close to requesting a separation a couple times but I get hyper emotional (sobbing so hard I can hardly breathe) and then he smooth talks me, makes me feel better... You know the story.

 

I have thought that the dignified way would be to end it in person, but perhaps I give up on that in favor of self-preservation. It's just hard to imagine ending a 2 yr R over email- that wouldn't honor the beautiful part of our R but I guess now isn't the time for that.

 

Actually, the truth is, it is an affair and the advocates for ending an affair (people who have BTDT), say sending a short email saying, "I'm sorry, it's over. Please do not try to contact me anymore" is the appropriate thing to do if you need to tell him. Actually, they say, just go NC without an explanation...nothing more needed. Their theory? It's an affair and it wasn't based on respect in the first place, so there is no need to worry about how it ends. Short email saying it's over, followed by deleting and blocking him from contacting you, then onto NC and let your healing begin. That's totally appropriate.

 

Think of it this way, if someone truly loves and cares about you, they won't feed you crumbs. They will put your best interest at heart over their own selfish needs and want the best for you. He is a serial cheater and does not have the capacity to give you what you truly need and more importantly, deserve! He can't see beyond his own selfish needs and probably never will. People don't change how they operate unless something happens in their life...something that shakes the very core of the foundation they stand on. Once you accept that reality, it will be easier for you to move on.

 

I know it's hard though and wish you the best. I hope you stay strong and allow yourself to let go and move onto a life you deserve. There is a silver lining in this...the affair probably taught you more about who you are and what you want than anything else in life. Use it. :bunny:

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Today was tough! I answered his call and spoke briefly this morning, then he called and left multiple texts today to try to get me to reschedule my afternoon to see him. I ignored the calls and texts until it was too late to rendez-vous. His last text sounded perturbed but he is planning to see me Wed night. Wednesday might be the night to do this... ?? This is killing me, but I am afraid of taking steps back if I see him and don't have a firm plan.

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So you have time to prepare. I'm sure there are people here who would love to help you. You will be fine just remember to breathe. I think you are doing well. You're here on this forum it's a step.

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I just read your earlier thread and agree with this:

 

 

It is my feeling that this mm is a lot more experienced in manipulation than you realize, and for you to stop this will take a lot more than doing small steps.

 

Stay strong, hon. Write out your email or talking points if you are going to see him. Anticipate that he'll pull out all the stops. Serial cheaters are champions at this game.

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Flabbergaster

advice from an xMM:

Don't do this in person. Would you try to box with a professional heavyweight boxer? Of course not, he's a pro and you aren't.

SAME THING. This guy is very good at manipulation. Being his OW, you are VERY vulnerable to manipulation from him. If you try to break up with him in person or by phone, you are stepping into the ring with a pro fighter. Best case, he'll cause you massive emotional damage. Worst case, he'll convince you to stay in the A and make you feel guilty about trying to leave.

 

What's so dignified about 'in person' vs by letter? You won't feel any more closure, you'll cry more.

Maybe you're different...in my life, the smoothest breakups were done by letter, not in person. The ones done in person or over the phone...very messy and emotional. This includes the breakup of A. i've seen this to be true for many of my friends. With time (and recent A disintegration?) I've realized that my attempts for 'in person' breakups were really secret hopes for a miracle repair to the R.

 

-you've been doing very good with the first steps of controlling when he gets to communicate with you. This is you taking control, instead of being at his beck and call

-find a way to cancel wed meeting Work / family /car accident...make up a story last minute. You're under stress which will make you sound frantic when you give the excuse; this adds to the credibility of the lie. Why do i advise this? You're not ready to end this in person, you're still gathering your strength to end this, taking this action is another instance where YOU, not him, have control of the R.

-box up all the memorabilia, physical and electronic. Either delete or archive sms, don't leave it on phone

-have a daily routine, which he knows? change it if possible. This is you taking control, making yourself unavailable

-start planning your defenses. how will you ignore his emails? Time to change to a new email? does he have any passwords of yours that you need to change? Can you change your mobile phone number, quickly?

-break up via email. short and sweet. no apologies, no 'if it were different,' no 'i will always love you.' "This R is emotionally damaging to me. I need to end this. Please respect that I cannot be involved with a MM any longer, and do not attempt to contact me."

 

Be strong! you can do this! Focus on what is safest for you, forget dignity.

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lovingwhatis
Today was tough! I answered his call and spoke briefly this morning, then he called and left multiple texts today to try to get me to reschedule my afternoon to see him. I ignored the calls and texts until it was too late to rendez-vous. His last text sounded perturbed but he is planning to see me Wed night. Wednesday might be the night to do this... ?? This is killing me, but I am afraid of taking steps back if I see him and don't have a firm plan.

 

Amour, first take some time to relax. Don't get yourself into a frenzy over this. While driving today, here is what I came up to give you as an analogy. Maybe it will give you a bit of different perspective so you approach this in a new way.

 

Like flabbergaster said, going to meet him to break up is like stepping into the rink of a pro fighter. But maybe to make a bit light of the situation, think of this as a class you are taking, and this is the finals. You've been slacking off in the preparation, and now is crunch time. Like in school, you can absolutely prepare last minute, it just feels more pressuring. And going to meet him in person and breaking up effectively is like getting an A. Not impossible, but it just takes soo much. Why not go for a B or a C? All it matters is that you don't go to summer school.:) What's the subject of the class? Realizing your intrinsic value and doing what is best for you. Not selfish at all, just change in priorities. Where it gets tricky is that he will try to trip you up. But remember you are not doing doing this for him, you are doing this for you. This is the school of your life.

 

I didn't mean in the previous letter to disregard your description of sobbing when you made previous attempts. Like you said, you've loved this man. What I am asking you to consider is have you been loving him per se, or is this a projection of a love that you definitely have in your heart, but for one reason or another you have associated with him. Love itself cannot be addictive (imo). There is something else that has been keeping you in this R, and most probably has to do with childhood wounds. Something that in your mind invalidated your worth. Without going too much in this, think of those really intense emotions that you've been experiencing when attempting to break up as a combination of older emotions with the new emotions. No wonder they feel so intense.

 

I ran across a great book yesterday, Healing the Addictive Personality. Powerful stuff, combines a bunch of materials, and really helps one understand underlying fears behind behaviors. If you can, check it out!

 

One last thing, the pressure you feel now to "end it". Realize that the guilt that is coming with it will really stay until you look at it and deal with it. Don't be too hard on yourself, putting undue pressure on yourself. You will know, as you are "studying" in the next few days, when you are ready, it will become apparent to you. I also agree with the others who say to cancel that meeting.

 

Let us know how you are doing!

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Lovingwhatis, Flabbergaster, Emme, et al- thanks for your insights and support at this very difficult time. I feel like this forum is a lifeline for me. I have felt so alone for so long and like no one could possibly understand what I have been going through. My therapist is great but I pay her and it's her job to be empathic :)

 

Only voicemail and text today. Success, I guess. Once I am done with work and alone, though, I get consumed by this and what I will do, what might happen, etc.

 

I am surprised by the advice to do this by email (I wouldn't send him anything in the real mail). I hear what you are saying, and it's probably my only chance to be successful with it, it's just that I love him so much that I don't want to denigrate what we had by putting it to an end in a couple sentences in email. Yes, I know (well, part of me knows) that this A wasn't built on respect but it is so hard to face that right now. It's like another knife through the heart to think that I have spent 2 years in such a relationship. Anyway, I feel horrible thinking how he will receive it. Tell me more about how I shouldn't be concerned. I can't rewire my brain to think that way, yet. I need your voices to tell me.

 

So, as for tomorrow, I really feel like I can't get away with not seeing him. He will come by later (9ish) and I have no reason to not be home. And if I do conjure up a lie (believe it or not, I have a hard time lying- ironic, I know), he will insist upon seeing me Thurs. I can't put this off much longer. He will know something is up. He will be totally pissed. And I do not do well with anger. I always cave and smooth things over. And it's possible he will be suspicious I am seeing someone else, and might come over anyway.

 

I feel stuck right now. Help.

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lovingwhatis

Oh Amour, Nobody can help you! People can support you, hold your hand, share stories, but they can't help you if you don't do it yourself. The victimized feeling that emanates from your posts really is calling on that part of me that wants to help people, but it did dawn on me when I read your post that you being a conflict avoiding person in this situation may not even Want to be helped.

 

I learned this the hard way with a close friend who would go through phases where she'd be tired of her R with a substance abusing bf, and want to get out so badly. He'd even break up with her, and give her that gift, and she'd be relieved it is over, appearing to really be done with the R, only to take him back after he apologizes and takes her back. Part of it is guilt she feels, that she wants to help him (comes from her parental upbringing), isn't at all ready to be alone, is avoiding feelings of grief over the death of parent. I mean, even when it appears that this R is really over it isn't over! I used to be (stupidly) involved emotionally and wanted her to break up. That's totally on me. I am completely over in being in her business.

 

So before I am in your business here, I just want to say again, read the plenty stories on here. There is even the great thread about Women Losing Power that is currently active. At this point amour, it is on you.

 

One last thing, as far as the email ending, I mean 1 sentence may appear undignified way to end a 2 year A. But don't delude yourself that that is your reason why you are not breaking up with him, or that you can't break up with him. There is No reason why you can't break up with him.

 

But I am giving you the answers here. Until you really understand what you need to understand, you will get experiences that reflect where you are. There is nothing shameful of that. Don't allow me or anyone else on this world to tell you what to do.

 

Lovingwhatis, Flabbergaster, Emme, et al- thanks for your insights and support at this very difficult time. I feel like this forum is a lifeline for me. I have felt so alone for so long and like no one could possibly understand what I have been going through. My therapist is great but I pay her and it's her job to be empathic :)

 

Only voicemail and text today. Success, I guess. Once I am done with work and alone, though, I get consumed by this and what I will do, what might happen, etc.

 

I am surprised by the advice to do this by email (I wouldn't send him anything in the real mail). I hear what you are saying, and it's probably my only chance to be successful with it, it's just that I love him so much that I don't want to denigrate what we had by putting it to an end in a couple sentences in email. Yes, I know (well, part of me knows) that this A wasn't built on respect but it is so hard to face that right now. It's like another knife through the heart to think that I have spent 2 years in such a relationship. Anyway, I feel horrible thinking how he will receive it. Tell me more about how I shouldn't be concerned. I can't rewire my brain to think that way, yet. I need your voices to tell me.

 

So, as for tomorrow, I really feel like I can't get away with not seeing him. He will come by later (9ish) and I have no reason to not be home. And if I do conjure up a lie (believe it or not, I have a hard time lying- ironic, I know), he will insist upon seeing me Thurs. I can't put this off much longer. He will know something is up. He will be totally pissed. And I do not do well with anger. I always cave and smooth things over. And it's possible he will be suspicious I am seeing someone else, and might come over anyway.

 

I feel stuck right now. Help.

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Star_Bright
This kind of happened to me once. I'm a MM, and the OW told me that we should end it, but I talked her out of it. So you're concern that he will persuade you to stay is real.

 

Hmmm, I'm thinking how I would prefer the OW to end it with me..... Are you in another relationship? I think I would lay off if she was in another relationship that she wanted to focus more time on. So, for instance, if you were married, you can say that you are afraid your H knows about the A and you need to end it. Or, you want to rebuild your marriage. Or, if not married, you want to find a meaningful relationship and get married. Something like that, even if it's a lie. I think if the OW told me that, I wouldn't try to talk her out of it. But I definitely would want to know NOW. No slow separation, weaning, tapering, etc. That would piss me off.

 

It often seems that an MM will leave a OW alone if there's another guy in the picture, but not if she's single. My exMM was like this... I kept trying to end it with him but he wouldn't listen to me unless I said the magic words "new guy." (I wasn't married or with anyone else besides exMM during our affair). Then he would get all indignant and say "Well fine, if you want to be with him, I'll step out of the picture." Never mind the fact that he was still married and I had been sharing him all along. In the end it did make it easier to tell him there was another guy, even though I just wanted/needed to be alone, because he wouldn't take "I need to be done with this/ alone" for an answer, and I wasn't strong enough for quite some time to stick to it... so it helped me if he thought another guy was in the picture because then he would leave me alone more. I guess it means they don't respect us as individuals and only as a guy's property??

 

bobfisher I'm not trying to put words in your mouth or judge you based on my exMM. What you said just reminded me of him and I am having some hurt feelings about it all. So I'm not trying to attack you or discourage you from posting. I'm just sharing my thoughts on the matter and my own experience. In my own personal sitch I feel like exMM thought of me as "his" even though he was married and it made it easier for him to "give me up" if he thought about me with another guy. Whereas I wish he could have seen me as my own person, independent of any guy, who was making my own decision to end the affair. But I guess that was unrealistic and I often couldn't back it up with (in)action and finally would just start going on dates and telling him about them so that he would leave me alone. It was stupid really. Anyway thanks for sharing the MM's perspective bobfisher... everyone always says there isn't enough of that around here. ;)

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Star_Bright

Amoure- I think you are at a good starting point but eventually it really does come down to cold turkey. If he's anything like my exMM he will try every trick in the book. You have to say "It's over, goodbye" and stick to it and never say another word to him ever, no matter what. It sucks and it's hard but it really does make you feel stronger to have your control back. And in my experience it's the only way to do it. So wean yourself for now, with the final goal of being able to get to the place where you can say that and stick to it. Just focus on your ultimate goal of being free of the toxic relationship. Good luck. We are here for you, you can do it.

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I am surprised by the advice to do this by email (I wouldn't send him anything in the real mail). I hear what you are saying, and it's probably my only chance to be successful with it, it's just that I love him so much that I don't want to denigrate what we had by putting it to an end in a couple sentences in email. Yes, I know (well, part of me knows) that this A wasn't built on respect but it is so hard to face that right now. It's like another knife through the heart to think that I have spent 2 years in such a relationship. Anyway, I feel horrible thinking how he will receive it. Tell me more about how I shouldn't be concerned. I can't rewire my brain to think that way, yet. I need your voices to tell me.

 

 

 

The affair I had ended in a email by him. It hurt like hell and still wished he would have choosen a better way to do it at the time. Now, I think he did the right thing. If we were to lets say meet just to say goodbye or talk on the phone it would linstantly turn into us wanting to have sex. Wanting to have that last time. It's hard to let go of someone you love. The email lacks the respect you might have for him but it's to protect you from stepping 3 steps back. You know what's going to happen when you see him. What will happen if you hear his voice. Be realistic. The clothes will come off. So don't consider it rude ending it via email... consider it safe.

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lovingwhatis
The affair I had ended in a email by him. It hurt like hell and still wished he would have choosen a better way to do it at the time. Now, I think he did the right thing. If we were to lets say meet just to say goodbye or talk on the phone it would linstantly turn into us wanting to have sex. Wanting to have that last time. It's hard to let go of someone you love. The email lacks the respect you might have for him but it's to protect you from stepping 3 steps back. You know what's going to happen when you see him. What will happen if you hear his voice. Be realistic. The clothes will come off. So don't consider it rude ending it via email... consider it safe.

 

An email in general does not indicate disrespect. It is a different form of communication. It is communication. Writing a sentence may be a bit too brief, but a short email explaining how you don't want to be involved is sufficient. Especially with someone who has manipulated conversations before, why not?

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