Guilty Conscience.......(I gave in)

[LROD]

I was the good girl, innocent and sweet. But for the past seven month’s I’ve been having a strange affair with one of my friends, let’s call him Eric. It all started back in April, Eric started looking at me differently he was really flirtatious and charming and he would text me every night. I was flattered but knew better, he has a girlfriend and I am close friends with his best friend (we shall call him Dan) I knew of all his infidelities. Eric is a womanizer, and cheated on his girlfriend all the time. I was purely just flirting with him for fun. When we would hangout with all our friends he would try to kiss me but I never gave in, I guess I would tease him. Eric always used to try and get me to go out with him alone, but I’d say no. Finally in late June after two months of him begging for me, I said yes. That night I was with Dan we where smoking, and then Eric starts texting when I said where I was he asked if I wanted a ride home. Because I was high I said "yes", I ended up sleeping over Eric’s house. Now that night was sweet, we did not have sex; we just cuddled, talked, played games, and made out. I was starting to want him more now, but I just knew I couldn’t plus I was starting to have feeling for Dan also. After that I tried my best to not hook-up with Eric again. Things were going good me and Dan where hanging out more he even tried kissing me every time, yet I had this urge and I still wanted Eric and he wanted me just as bad. So in late July after a month since Eric and I last hooked-up, I went to his house again. We did the same thing except this time the kissing was more intense and I lost my virginity to him. After that things got weird, we got real close as friends and he started becoming a little controlling of me saying things like "I better be the only one touching you", he even raised his voice at me once. What’s worse is he told Dan, I know it’s because they were best friends but I didn’t want him to know. Now I didn’t have sex with Eric again, yet he still wanted me and I was becoming tired of him. He was starting to hold me, hug me, and trying to hold my hand when we were with our friends. Everyone knew something was going on because of that. Eric was starting to confuse me it was like he wanted two relationships, I knew he cheated but he usually was finished with he girl after he slept with them. And Eric would talk to me about his girlfriend, but he would have no remorse about what he is doing. What confused me more was this one time at a party he surprised me by stopping me in my tracks and kissing me, it was straight out of a movie "magical". But I was done with him I had nothing for him, plus I felt extremely bad for his girlfriend and I have strong feelings for Dan. So I tried to avoid him, and it worked he stopped trying in mid September. I didn’t talk to him or see him, I hung out with our friends still but he was never around when I was there. But because of this sudden avoidance he told everyone what we did, my innocent appeal was gone. I was outraged that he told everyone, but I could not let it bother me in front of my friends. They were all talking about me saying “poor thing she should have known better”, and I had to stay strong and hide my pain. After that Dan was no longer his friend, and me and Dan got close again his feelings where coming back for me I was happy. But over the Halloween weekend I saw Eric again. Him and his friends called me to hangout I was curious and said "yes", when they picked me up as soon as I got in the backseat and saw Eric the intense wanting came back almost immediately, I was no longer mad at him. That whole night we where flirting, leaning on each other, he even gave me a foot massage. He also started texting me again. I also hung out with him and his friends again on Halloween, but I tried not to be as flirtatious. What I hate is I lied to Dan who a few days previously basically admitted he had feelings for me, yet my want for Eric is there. All I’ve been thinking about is Eric for the past three days. What is wrong with me it’s like he has a power over me? I hate myself for these feelings for him, I care about Dan and I feel extremely bad for Eric's girlfriend. I don’t know what to do? It is like I have become a very bad person now, all I do is lie. Why do I still want Eric?

[jthorne]

Eric has already shown you what he is. Why don't you believe him? He cheats on his GF, then dumps the conquest once he's had them.

 

Sounds like you both view each other as conquests.

 

Too bad for Dan and Erics GF.