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I got pregnant from married man.


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He said he would leave his wife to be with us and I thought that was what he wanted, but now he says he feels a loyalty to her.

 

Anyone have any suggestions, I can't seem to move on.

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I wish I could give you some sort of comfort, but unfortunately I've seen a side of someone I thought 'loved' me that I would never dream of seeing.

 

Most people, including those who pretend to care and put your heart first, are as a rule selfish, self-centered and manipulative. Be strong knowing you are better off without this type of person. There are men out there who are loving, caring and honest. Any person who promises the moon, and then when its time to deliver puts their tail between their legs and runs, doesn't deserve the love of your child or your love and respect.

 

The saying time heals is true...albeit slow. Whatever you do dont take out your emotions on your child, even though the child may remind you of the man who really isn't a man at all. Be strong and surround yourself with family and friends. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

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why did you get pregnant by a married man? does he have kids?

if he hasnt already left his wife he won't. get rid of him . he's a player.

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My experience. Find a lawyer now. I was w. a married man for 5 years. He said he couldn't have kids, then I got pregnant. I never wanted him to leave his wife since I really enjoyed my freedom.

 

I had the baby. During my pregnancy he was there for me, telling me all about his "seperation and divorce process." After she was born, it was like he dissapeared from the planet, only to reapear after I married 2 1/2 years later. He started to bother me and get involved w/ my marrige (not our child) so I decided to sue him for paternity, custody, and child support. The day we had to be in court, he walked in with his WIFE!!! The same one he was supposed to be divorced from! And he gave our 3 year old daughter a picture of her 1 year old baby brother!!!

 

So, if you plan to have the baby, concider my situation, and the fact that it won't just be you & your lover involved. Me, my lover, His spouse, his family, her family, my family, and All of our friends, are a part of our daughters life. and unless there is a great amout of maturity on his wifes part, your baby may never be able to know her father & her family. My court order states that the wife cannot get involved in the visitation, nor deny access of the father to my child. But, I do not allow her to be alone w/ my child for any period of time. (she told my daughter that she didn't want her at "their house") If My lover is not at her home, our daughter stays with her grandparents and visits her brother in their supervision. Good Luck.

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I say sue the bastard for child support and get on with your life and raise that baby the best you can. Hell, girl, you don't need him! You are better off without him. Your responsiblilty is with the baby now, so just get child support from him and be done with it, that's proabably all he is good for anyway.

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • Author

Well, my son is already born. He is the joy of my life, but it's so hard because I still love his father so much. We still talk everyday and he send him money and he visits him all the time, but his wife wants him to stop coming over to see him because I am there.

 

The problem there is that I do not trust his wife. I don't think that she will be good to him. She hates me and I think she will treat him bad. He does have other children and I think they will not understand. Before I had the baby, his wife said that she was leaving, now she wants him to stay and he feels like he owes it to her to try and make it work.

 

The only thing is that he still tells me that he loves me and that he wants to be involed in our son's life. As for his family, they support us being together because they don't like his wife.

 

He told me that the reasons he can't be with me are never going to change so I should move on so that he knows it is over between us. The problem is that I can't let him go.

 

HELP!

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Anytime you get involved with a married man you are asking for problems. No matter what line they feed you. very rarely dothey ever leave their wife. And the ones who do leave their wife are usually because their wife found out about you and kicked them out.

 

You don't trust his wife? Talk about trust- you slept with her husband. I would say you are the one who caon't be trusted.

 

Why would you put yourself in such a no win situation and then complain.

 

This man cheated on his wife. Even if he leaves her and marries you- are you ever going to trust him? He already cheated on one wife- why wouldn't he cheat on you?

 

He obivously does not believe in his marriage vows.

 

Oh I know- he is not like that- The poor man, his wife is horrible, She did this and that to him. Well if she was so bad why didn't he divorce her before messing with you?

 

Not trying to be mean, but you are in a bad situation that you allowed to happen by getting involved with someone who was not available.

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  • 8 months later...

1st of all to all you people who are sitting here saying that the pregannt woman should be ashamed of herself and should have never gotten pregnant in the 1st place need to realize that it takes two.

 

The married man probably lied to her or maybe he kept his marriage a secret. Who knows? Yes I am defensive because I am pregnant by one of those men. In the beginning he told me that he was divorced. Even lived with me for 3 months. Here I am pregnant and just 1 day after we were intimate he tells me that he needs to be with his wife because his other kids need him.

 

What about my child? what about all the things I put up with during this relationship? Not only does he have an obligation to his wife, he now has an obligation to our child. And for the woman who think that we can't be trusted, until you get lied to by a man that you truly love, don't judge.

 

To all the woman going through this, stay strong for that child. There will be some hard times and some good ones. Just remember, the love from that child is more important that the love from any man. It's ok to still love him. But don't make yourself lose what it is that makes you what you are today and that's self love.

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i am the child of a mother who got pregnant by a married man. her story if different from ;withbaby,but i know the pain that she went through, looking at me and my brother and seeing that man. the last time i seen my father i was about 5. he promised my mom that he would leave his wife and be with us and help out and all that bull but he never did. he played us all. he said that he couldnt leave his wife because he had to stay for his kids, but what about me and my brother? the point is that people like him who cheat in the first place are lying selfish people. he may love you but he probably loves the comfort of his marriage better and if he hasnt left his wife by now he wont. just LOVE THAT CHILD AND BE STRONG FOR THAT CHILD.

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befuddled11
Originally posted by Meohme

1st of all to all you people who are sitting here saying that the pregannt woman should be ashamed of herself and should have never gotten pregnant in the 1st place need to realize that it takes two.

 

Maybe I missed it, but I don't recall reading anyone writing such things.

 

 

The married man probably lied to her or maybe he kept his marriage a secret. Who knows? Yes I am defensive because I am pregnant by one of those men. In the beginning he told me that he was divorced. Even lived with me for 3 months. Here I am pregnant and just 1 day after we were intimate he tells me that he needs to be with his wife because his other kids need him.

 

Call me stupid, but I have a really hard time understanding how a woman could live with a man for 3 months -- a man who claimed from the beginning was DIVORCED -- yet in fact, he was still very much married. Surely there had to be "signs" that something wasn't right....or there was some secretive or suspicious behavior on his part, that would be a 'red flag' that before jumping into bed with him (and without EFFECTIVE Birth control and a condom, no less), things needed to be "checked out." How could a guy be still married but living with you for 3 whole months? Didn't his wife wonder why he was spending all those nights sleeping elsewhere?

 

Perhaps your situation is very different, but there are so many here who write in saying they KNEW FULL WELL the guy was married, but they bought into this "I'll leave my wife for you" BS. Why can't women be strong enough to say, "okay buddy, put your money where your mouth is. Come back to me when you've got divorce papers in your hand, and not a moment sooner." Why can't women have more respect for themselves and marriage in general?

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abyssalsmile

Congratulations on your son.!!! I say just leave him and hit him up for child support. Its will be very hard trying to deal with him knowing that you have just a certain amount if time to be with him. I was pregnant from a MM who had offered the world to me financially but wanted me to live in a life with being with him Part time. I decided not to have in my case beacuse I felt to bad to put my child through this drama. But anyhow be strong and I hope things work out for you. I am sure you are able to find someone who can be supportive of your situation financially mentally and physically . Good Luck !!!

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friendforyou

I did not even read the other replys. Just wanted to say, I feel for you. That has got to be one of the toughest situations in the world. Did you know he was married? Did you have unprotected sex? or was this a freak thing? Whos last name will the child have? Does your family know you were involved with a married man? So many questions. But the end result... GOD bless your child. I hope you find what you need in life. And I hope your child and yourself form a family together.

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zarabeth1973

I am also pregnant by a married man. I feel for you I really do. He is sweet and he does have good reason and I posted before why we aren't "together" we legally can't be even if he wasn't married BUT we do love each other. I told him already I wanted Out and I wasn't going to allow him to see the baby and I wasn't going to put his name on the birth certificate and I wasn't going to tell my child who his daddy is, I don't want him to be the dad to pay child support (my child is a human Life I love already NOT A CHECK!!), nor will I sneak my baby around and have him hurt when daddy can't explain to his WIFE why he can't come to school activities etc. It's not right and I am attractive (maybe not at this VERY pregnant moment, but I am very smart, very attractive and lovable I can find someone who will truly love me and my child both for who we are.) I know I want to be with him for as long as God allows this union to continue and he says I am his girlfriend we will always be together. But I feel like a whore and I know that it is not right, so does he. There are circumstances that prevent him from leaving (NO he has no children and she abuses him not the other way around she has scarred him, stabbed him, verbally and mentally abuses him, and tells him he cannot have the car that HE pays for, and calls like every 30-45 minutes to make sure he hasn't left the apartment-nice huh) We are felons and on probation (judge away) so thats why he can't leave and move in with me due to the fact that when you are on probation you are not to have ANY contact with another known felon. See the dilemma.

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  • 2 months later...

post a reply... I was debating whether or not consider my personal situation - but WTH...

 

You play with fire - your gonna get burned!

 

First mistake - getting involved w/a MM. Whether it was one night or several - it doesn't make a difference. He was/is married to someone other than YOU - therefore - All hands off.

 

Second mistake - you had unprotected sex.... this is just stupid on both parts.... Your lucky it was a baby and not a death sentence like AIDS.

 

Third mistake - believing everything this MM tells/told you. He was probably lying to his wife - and lying to you. He wanted you to like him, sleep with him - come on! Be Smart! Do you honestly think that a MM is going to talk about how wonderful his marriage is or how GREAT his wife and kids are to you when he's trying to get in your pants?

 

4th mistake - well I think you know from here....

 

IMO - like I said - you play with fire and your gonna get burned. You now have to raise a child alone, but this MM has to take the crap he deserves from his wife for cheating on her. This didn't just effect the two of you, but families all around. These pour children!!!

 

I agree with Mandy 100% on this...

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Originally posted by Jamie31

I say sue the bastard for child support and get on with your life and raise that baby the best you can. Hell, girl, you don't need him! You are better off without him. Your responsiblilty is with the baby now, so just get child support from him and be done with it, that's proabably all he is good for anyway.

 

Be careful. I know single women who have lost custody battles because they asked for child support.

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Originally posted by ringo

post a reply... I was debating whether or not consider my personal situation - but WTH...

 

You play with fire - your gonna get burned!

 

First mistake - getting involved w/a MM. Whether it was one night or several - it doesn't make a difference. He was/is married to someone other than YOU - therefore - All hands off.

 

Second mistake - you had unprotected sex.... this is just stupid on both parts.... Your lucky it was a baby and not a death sentence like AIDS.

 

Third mistake - believing everything this MM tells/told you. He was probably lying to his wife - and lying to you. He wanted you to like him, sleep with him - come on! Be Smart! Do you honestly think that a MM is going to talk about how wonderful his marriage is or how GREAT his wife and kids are to you when he's trying to get in your pants?

 

4th mistake - well I think you know from here....

 

IMO - like I said - you play with fire and your gonna get burned. You now have to raise a child alone, but this MM has to take the crap he deserves from his wife for cheating on her. This didn't just effect the two of you, but families all around. These pour children!!!

 

I agree with Mandy 100% on this...

 

Gee Ringo, what an incredibly insightful post. (that's sarcasm)

 

I don't believe she was asking you for a lesson on morality-besides, everything you've just pointed out is in the PAST. Can we get over the topic of condoms and birth control please? It's a little late for it now in her case.

(disclaimer-use condoms in the FUTURE)

 

Withbaby, you seem to be suffering from a MAJOR self esteem problem. You're pining away for a man that really doesn't want anything to do with you anymore. Why? Why are the reasons you think he's the one? Are there any other men in your life at the moment? Do you live on your own? Do you have a strong network of friends and family?

 

He's got cold feet about you for some reason-any idea why?

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I say congrats to you and your baby. I don't know what advice anyone could possibly give, if they aren't in your situation or even a similar one. I love my MM and we both want a child. If I have one, this would be my first, and his third. If I do end up with our child, I will ask nothing of him. Well, he has agreed to be my diaper man. I will leave it up to him if he wants to be a part of the child's life. I don't know how he will be able to stay away, considering, the reason he is still married is because of his kids. I realize people say "kids need both parents". My mom raised four self-sufficient women, ALONE. We all attended college and are employed. I have waited long enough for the "right" man and I don't think he is coming or he turned on the wrong street! HaHa My clock is banging away and I feel strongly, my time is now. If my MM leaves his wife great, if not we "might" have a child together, one made in love. At this point, I will think of him as my sperm donor, nothing more,[color=red] IF[/color] ( I end up pregnant.

 

Yo

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To hell with the OW, the MM and the W, the child support, the vindictiveness, the custody, and whatever else.

 

I feel sorry for the poor baby, who is put into this craptastic situation who had absolutely no say in it.

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I love my MM and we both want a child. If I have one, this would be my first, and his third. If I do end up with our child, I will ask nothing of him. Well, he has agreed to be my diaper man. I will leave it up to him if he wants to be a part of the child's life. I don't know how he will be able to stay away, considering, the reason he is still married is because of his kids. I realize people say "kids need both parents". My mom raised four self-sufficient women, ALONE.

 

Yeah, look at you. You were raised without a daddy, and you wound up with an unavaible man. Wow, what an uncanny coincidence!!! Its funny how this pattern just happens to repeat itself so often. Just a crazy coinkydink, I guess.

 

And if you have a daughter, she'll end up just like you taking whatever scraps she can get from a man for attention because she feels that's all she's entitled to. Look at who her role model will be providing the example. If you've taken a Psychology 101 course in community college, you know what's going to happen. She'll find someone just like her unavailable father, and try to resolve the situation through whatever scumbag happens to stumble across her. And then maybe she'll get knocked up by an unavaible man, go on LS.com 20 years from now spouting Hollywood crap like "The heart wants what it wants. You don't know me!!"", get on welfare, and then your grand daughter can pick up where she left off and continue the pattern. As a taxpayer, I'm really looking forward to paying for generation upon generation of your selfishness.

 

You're entitled to F' up your own lives however you please. Wait your entire life for this guy to come around. No skin off my nose. But when you bring a child into these F'ed up situations, you don't get the luxory of playing stupid anymore.

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My, what harsh words you use. My dad and mom could not work out their problems, so they divorced. Yes, we lived with my mom and she took care of us, BUT my dad was around as much as he could be, considering he lived in another state. You have your opinion and I have mine. IF I choose this path, it is my choice. BTW, I took that class in college, it DOES NOT always end up that way. I have a job, a good one at that. I am not on welfare, my mom wasn't on welfare. Why would you assume this??

 

 

Yo

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Originally posted by 1Yoyo IF I choose this path, it is my choice. BTW, I took that class in college, it DOES NOT always end up that way.

 

Yeah, you have a choice. Unfortunately, you're child won't have one. Like I said, waste your life away however you want. Its your call. That child doesn't get a say, but I'm sure if it did it would prefer a daddy who has no mixed feelings or conflict of interests about being involved in its life. To have a child in your situation is a 100% selfish act. That's why the harsh words.

 

It may not ALWAYS turn out the way that the daughter with the absent father finds an unavailable man as an adult, but it certainly did in your case didn't it. Its not a good idea to go through life counting on the exceptions. The fact that you support yourself and aren't a burden on society is just a indicator that you're the best case scenerio. All you do is breakup other families and take other kids' daddys away. I shudder to think what the worst case scenerios are like. Wait, I see them on Jenny Jones and Jerry Springer. I know what they are like.

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Originally posted by 1Yoyo

Perhaps it is selfish, but again my choice.

 

I may not know you, but I know the type of people who say nonsensical things like that.

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Yeah, you have a choice. Unfortunately, you're child won't have one. Like I said, waste your life away however you want. Its your call. That child doesn't get a say, but I'm sure if it did it would prefer a daddy who has no mixed feelings or conflict of interests about being involved in its life. To have a child in your situation is a 100% selfish act. That's why the harsh words.

 

It may not ALWAYS turn out the way that the daughter with the absent father finds an unavailable man as an adult, but it certainly did in your case didn't it. Its not a good idea to go through life counting on the exceptions. The fact that you support yourself and aren't a burden on society is just a indicator that you're the best case scenerio. All you do is breakup other families and take other kids' daddys away. I shudder to think what the worst case scenerios are like. Wait, I see them on Jenny Jones and Jerry Springer. I know what they are like.

 

Okay, would you say that if she was married and the father left anyway. The child wouldn't have a choice in the matter anyway, and no matter what, her daughter can still make her own choices in life when she is an adult.

 

Babies are miracles in my opinion, no matter what circumstance. Not fair to you to predict her and her children, grandchildren's lives like that.

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