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what did you do when you were thrown under the bus


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her_halo_slipped

Hi everyone. There are many of us who have been thrown under the bus here at LS.I was wondering how you felt and coped with that.

 

Recently I realized I had been thrown under the bus by xMM when he trivialised the A to me in a conversation we were having, despite the A being over for many months. :confused:

He made me angry and so I asked what he planned to do next, make an announcement saying " I never had sexual relations with THAT woman" Not very mature of me but, well I was annoyed. I don't think anyone would like to be trivialised to the point where you never mattered.

 

I have since decided that I never want to see, hear or speak to this man again EVER. so for me, being thrown under the bus has meant NC right from this very minute. There can be no friendship for us.

 

How were you thrown under the bus, how did you feel and what did you do?

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ladydesigner

My XAP acted as though the A never happened, thought we could still be friends and then he would occasionally flirt through emails. He would sometimes not respond back to an email and then email out of the blue as if nothing was wrong. I felt like I was continually rejected and thrown under the bus until I went NC as well. He did try and contact me again and I severed every tie we had including the professional networking site we were on. He has since closed his account, guess he finally got the message.

 

I think NC is the best medicine after being thrown under the bus.

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Hi everyone. There are many of us who have been thrown under the bus here at LS.I was wondering how you felt and coped with that.

 

Recently I realized I had been thrown under the bus by xMM when he trivialised the A to me in a conversation we were having, despite the A being over for many months. :confused:

He made me angry and so I asked what he planned to do next, make an announcement saying " I never had sexual relations with THAT woman" Not very mature of me but, well I was annoyed. I don't think anyone would like to be trivialised to the point where you never mattered.

 

I have since decided that I never want to see, hear or speak to this man again EVER. so for me, being thrown under the bus has meant NC right from this very minute. There can be no friendship for us.

 

How were you thrown under the bus, how did you feel and what did you do?

 

Well HHS, you just need to read my back threads to see how I handled it....I was a mess and still have a long way to go.

 

I was with him for 2 yrs and yes, it was love, for me at least. We had 3 Ddays and on the 3rd his W took an OD and that was it, never to hear from him again, well apart from the phone call to tell me she had OD'd and to pretty much blame me of course!!

 

A's suck, especially if the OW/OM is single as its usually the OW/OM that gets left to deal with the sh*t by themselves, its a very long and painful road I would never travel again.

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Confused4Now

For me...I didn't feel so much that I was thrown under the bus..but at the time I had mediation(court) scheduled that same week for my daughter and STBXW. and my MW knew if a 911 incident would had happen it would jeopardize custody issues.

 

So she basically told me to get out of there and her H finally knew there was another man in the picture. She did call me that night with the pushing of her husband to never contact her again...but that last maybe 2 days. Of course everyone here in LS said that. I did know however from being on the forums at the time ....that most MM/MW don't leave after a D-day so that wasn't my goal when I came knocking. It was more of letting the H know I was in the picture.

 

This happened in Nov '08 and she's still in the same house with her H ...so as you can see having a D-day really doesn't do anything but maybe let's the H or W know there is another person in the picture. Looking back....I should have initiated NC and stayed that way. It would have saved me a lot of pain and grief.

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wheelwright

Speaking metaphorically, I lay broken on the road in deperate confusion unable to believe he had thrown me there. Being shouted at by passers by. Feeling very very guilty because of what I had done.

 

In real terms, I couldn't get up in the mornings, I drank myself stupid, joined LS (invaluable, I needed to feel less alone in what I had gone through and was given a lot of warm advice), developed a chest problem (common in grief I believe), and after two months of this saw a healer (shamanic) who got me well enough to function. I talked to friends.

 

The first four months were the worst. I didn't know if I would get through it. I had abandonment issues from childhood, which was certainly part of the severity. And it's all compounded by the guilt of having been in an A in the first place.

 

Intermittently I daydreamed painfully about how how wonderful it had felt to be with him. I slipped into this even if I didn't want to. This created a terrible dissonance that made me feel I was losing my mind.

 

I think this reduced when I realised it was possible to think of him as wonderful and the times we shared as beautiful while at the same time finding his behaviour unbelievably callous. I didn't have to choose one version. We can hold conflicting beliefs - it doesn't all have to marry up into a rational explicable whole.

 

I probably went through about 8 month of this mind mashing. Felt an awful lot better when I let the different truths live in peace together instead of trying to make one vie for supremacy and finding the other popped up unannounced with clanging cymbals. He LOVED me. He loved me NOT.

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Also speaking metaphorically, I tried my best to roll out of the way. It was tricky as it seemed like such a huge vehicle (God, desperate here!) but I managed it. I think! At least three months on I'm doing well; enjoying life and hardly thinking about him... only in moments. The negative feelings are almost gone and I'm so much better out of that toxic situation.

 

If you're not someone's priority then they shouldn't be yours.

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wheelwright
Also speaking metaphorically, I tried my best to roll out of the way. It was tricky as it seemed like such a huge vehicle (God, desperate here!) but I managed it. I think! At least three months on I'm doing well; enjoying life and hardly thinking about him... only in moments. The negative feelings are almost gone and I'm so much better out of that toxic situation.

 

If you're not someone's priority then they shouldn't be yours.

 

This is really what I would have normally done. Don't know why I couldn't. Something that I still need to work out...

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Speaking metaphorically, I lay broken on the road in deperate confusion unable to believe he had thrown me there. Being shouted at by passers by. Feeling very very guilty because of what I had done.

 

In real terms, I couldn't get up in the mornings, I drank myself stupid, joined LS (invaluable, I needed to feel less alone in what I had gone through and was given a lot of warm advice), developed a chest problem (common in grief I believe), and after two months of this saw a healer (shamanic) who got me well enough to function. I talked to friends.

 

The first four months were the worst. I didn't know if I would get through it. I had abandonment issues from childhood, which was certainly part of the severity. And it's all compounded by the guilt of having been in an A in the first place.

 

Intermittently I daydreamed painfully about how how wonderful it had felt to be with him. I slipped into this even if I didn't want to. This created a terrible dissonance that made me feel I was losing my mind.

 

I think this reduced when I realised it was possible to think of him as wonderful and the times we shared as beautiful while at the same time finding his behaviour unbelievably callous. I didn't have to choose one version. We can hold conflicting beliefs - it doesn't all have to marry up into a rational explicable whole.

 

I probably went through about 8 month of this mind mashing. Felt an awful lot better when I let the different truths live in peace together instead of trying to make one vie for supremacy and finding the other popped up unannounced with clanging cymbals. He LOVED me. He loved me NOT.

 

Thank you for posting this. It's really helpful.

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