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How do you end being the mistress if you are in love?

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Old 14th July 2003, 2:17 PM   #1
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Question how do you end being the mistress if you are in love?

How do end some thing like this? Especially when you are in love. I need to know. This is harder than I expected, can't sleep at ight, can't function normally . I also can't give up on the man that I love. I have had several spats with his wife and they have been nasty!!!

See... she does the same thing only worse.. .. She admits it with ni remorse. Now that she knows that he is in love with me she wants to go crazy. She has told him "I don't want you", "let's be roomates", "no one else will want you" .....the whole nine.

I never intended for things to be this way. I fell in love and the rest is history.
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Old 14th July 2003, 4:49 PM   #2
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If he is in love with you, why doesn't he leave his wife right now, get a divorce and be free to start a life with you?
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Old 15th July 2003, 9:37 AM   #3
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Post He is leaving her..............

He is leaving. I know that it may take more time that I would want but that is something that I am willing to live with.
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Old 15th July 2003, 12:15 PM   #4
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I'm confused. He is leaving - but he hasn't left yet? Tell him that if he wants a relationship with you, you need to see the divorce decree, and he'd better have moved out--no cohabitation.

Otherwise, he's not free to form or continue a relationship with you.

If he does this, right now, then you know he's serious. If he hems and haws and puts it off, and finds excuses not to leave, then you have to admit and accept that he doesn't feel the same about you, that you do about him, and move on in your life.

It was a mistake to have an affair with a married man, but that doesn't mean that you don't deserve some happiness and if the married man can't leave his wife - then there is not going to be much happiness for you.
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Old 15th July 2003, 4:19 PM   #5
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Siobhan -

They ALL say they are leaving their wives. There was a woman on a talk show who had believed this line for TWENTY YEARS!

Tell him to walk his talk or you're gone. Do not wait for this guy.
Thousands of women have been in your place and would tell you the exact same thing.
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Old 16th July 2003, 9:40 PM   #6
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Angry well i do not agree

to me men who do that are male sluts. this one sound like my best friend. she is that one that did it to me. i think this may ne her. i do think this her because if so i am the wife. because it sounds like her
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Old 23rd July 2003, 2:06 PM   #7
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I say......

Tell him he knows how you feel, and when he's ready to move past the drama and be with the person he "loves" then give you a call.

STAND UP FOR YOURSELF!! Sheesh...I mean, look girl, if this is a contest about who loves him more, his wife has won. Not only is she married to him, but she does control him to a certain extent, that even if he DID get a divorce, she could still hit him up for allamoney because he had an affair.

And please GOD tell me you don't think that *if* he leaves her, and is with you...that he wont end up doing the same thing to you, after you've put up with all his crap, and he gets comfortable.
That's just what I think....

UNLESS someone like you cares a whole awful lot,
nothing is going to get better. It's not.

"The Lorax" Dr. Seuss
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Old 23rd July 2003, 2:34 PM   #8
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Siobahn, the love you feel for this guy has nothing whatsoever to do with doing the right thing, which is avoiding entanglements with a married man until he is free (read: divorced) to become involved with you. And the love and respect you have for yourself needs to be far greater than what you've got for this married man.

Until he can come to you unencumbered (again, without a wife), you guys don't have a future, unless you want to live on crumbs and empty promises. Going round and round with his wife isn't going to solve anything either: HE needs to make his mind to get off the fence, because right now, he's got the best of both worlds. A little bit of something on the side, a someone who will listen to his complaints about how unfair things are, or how badly he's being treated by someone who "just doesn't understand" him, and then a spouse who is willing to fight for him. Why should he get a divorce when he's getting what he wants (sex, ego gratification) from TWO women? And how exactly do you benefit from this, or for that matter, how does his wife benefit? Don't feel sorry for him, but give him an ultimatum -- chose and chose now. If he says he "can't" leave her, he's full of cow-poop. There's no such thing as "can't," just "won't," you know? If he means to be with you, then he won't be with her -- as in legally dissolving his marriage. Anything less is just wasting your time. Are you taking notes, Doug?


Ally Boo!!! welcome back, it's so good to see you here again, several people have been asking for you!

Last edited by quankanne; 23rd July 2003 at 2:36 PM..
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Old 1st August 2003, 12:26 PM   #9
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He's made his decision!!!

After months of on going drama, he made his decision. He is leaving. not because of me, not because of our relationship, but because he's been married for nineteen years and nothing good but his children have come from it. I backed off from him for a while clear my head and to make sure that this was something that I really wanted. Sure enough he's packed and ready to move. I do have reservations about the whole ordeal because this is are unusual circumstances. I just want to be happy with the man that I love.
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Old 5th September 2003, 10:34 AM   #10
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Hi Siobhan

I say...

Good that you are taking a time out to think about it. I think it's good that you give him space, cuase right now i assume he's confused, sad, lonely, dissapointed and all of that stuff. And maybe he will blame you for this too, who knows. Some people do that. They want someone to put the blame on. Anyway....just give him and yourself a little time out. But try to keep in touch to see how he's doing and that you care and that he can count on you. After all, you're best friends right? But give him the chance to clear up his mind and then later, he will find himself again, he'll know what he really wants. And let's hope that all he'll ever wants is you. And ask him: "what took you so long?"

I know how you feel

Take care
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