I Miss the Kiss Posted April 27, 2010 Share Posted April 27, 2010 See my thread below ("Never mind...") and the endless threads before it. I'm just looking for a hug or two from my LS friends. Yesterday I was insanely angry with my MM (and I still am!!!!), but I'm starting to feel the sadness set in. Missing him in my life, not missing the way he played me like a yo-yo. I do still love him, trying to be strong. Keeping it fresh in my head what he did to me yet again. Just sad that it had to happen at all. Wondering why he treated me this way. Wondering if he knows what an a$$ he is... SIGH Link to post Share on other sites
Hazyhead Posted April 27, 2010 Share Posted April 27, 2010 I'm so sorry for your pain, IMTK. I know that it sucks. Think of how many times you've felt this pain now... he's not worth that, surely. I'm not saying you should stop loving him (that can't be forced), just try to use this pain to move forward - 'He will NEVER hurt me me again!' Say it and mean it! Grab your girls and hug them; reach for your friends and catch up - do as many things as you can to keep yourself busy and remind you of what's great about life. Feel the pain but don't block out the happiness. You will get there but you have to allow yourself to. ((((((((IMTK))))))))) Link to post Share on other sites
Heather1 Posted April 27, 2010 Share Posted April 27, 2010 (((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))) Can you take a trip? That REALLY helped me!! Or at least a weekend away?? Sometimes I wish we all knew eachother & could have a good old girls week out!!! Las Vegas?? Oh, there's a Tiger there. Really though, don't be alone right now. Free time is the worst thing for sure. Limit your caffeine & alcohol too, it'll help your thinking & paranoia. From what I've read, he's a complete manic narcissist & he's not going to change. Every time it gets worse. I know, because I got the same treatment & it was just the worst feeling!! Tell him it's completely over somehow. Like I said, I told him I'd be fine with a smiley If I would have had a huge f-you finger I would have sent that, but a smiley was all I could think of. You will be fine, once you get this crazy lunatic out of your life!! Let his W deal. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted April 27, 2010 Share Posted April 27, 2010 You will have bad days, but they will become less difficult and further between and finally you'll suddenly realize you just don't give a flyin' rat's arse any more. You'll get there. Stay strong! Link to post Share on other sites
Brightmoon Posted April 27, 2010 Share Posted April 27, 2010 (((((imtk))))) Link to post Share on other sites
4321sn Posted April 27, 2010 Share Posted April 27, 2010 I have been following your story and I just want to let you know that I am so sorry...I hope that you will be able to find peace From what I have read you seem like an incredibly strong woman... Link to post Share on other sites
Author I Miss the Kiss Posted April 27, 2010 Author Share Posted April 27, 2010 I have been following your story and I just want to let you know that I am so sorry...I hope that you will be able to find peace From what I have read you seem like an incredibly strong woman... Wow.... thank you. I don't feel strong but I think I used to be... I've let him back in so many times, because despite his issues of indecision and even narcissism, the remainder is that of a beautiful, kind, smart, and incredibly sweet man who was gorgeous on top of it all. This is the part I have to get over. I can get over the rest of it because it was so hurtful. Its the good I'm having trouble with. I led with my heart and it got broken.... a million times over I just miss him so much. This is a nightmare. Link to post Share on other sites
Heather1 Posted April 27, 2010 Share Posted April 27, 2010 Yeah, mine was gorgeous too & we went through a lot. I know he's a good guy, even though I portray him as a dirtbag. I need him to be that for awhile. My heartbreak far outweighed any pleasure that was left. I hope you're done too... Link to post Share on other sites
RedDevil66 Posted April 27, 2010 Share Posted April 27, 2010 Hugs You do know, this is not love you feel right? It's addiction, Love doesn't hurt like this You know the love you feel when you cuddle your kids to sleep, that is love. You need to seperate the love from the addiction. You watch those intervention shows, well people keep going back to harmful drugs because they are addicts and their life is so painful they need to keep "medicating" to stop the pain This is all your doing with this person. This person who is a very VERY sick person! Link to post Share on other sites
GaLwAyGiRL Posted April 27, 2010 Share Posted April 27, 2010 (((((IMTK)))))) I have been following your story for quite some time and I feel for you...I hope you can keep the strength you need to keep this poison out of your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Joobi Posted April 27, 2010 Share Posted April 27, 2010 I have followed some of your story and am sending you the biggest hug. From my experience I can promise you it will get better in time. In the meantime we are all here for you. Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted April 28, 2010 Share Posted April 28, 2010 Wow.... thank you. I don't feel strong but I think I used to be... I've let him back in so many times, because despite his issues of indecision and even narcissism, the remainder is that of a beautiful, kind, smart, and incredibly sweet man who was gorgeous on top of it all. No, he is not an incredibly sweet man. He is a lying manipulative cowardly piece of dogshyt he conveniently dumps you AFTER a weekend of sex. How soon we forget. Question...changed your number yet? Or is it still the same in the hopes he calls? This is the part I have to get over. I can get over the rest of it because it was so hurtful. Its the good I'm having trouble with. I led with my heart and it got broken.... a million times over I just miss him so much. This is a nightmare. Good? Are you effin' kidding me? Please kindly tell us what GOOD he has brought you? Because, for the life of me, I can't see it. What I DO see, is you rewriting history, excusing HIS behavior to allow him BACK. Link to post Share on other sites
Author I Miss the Kiss Posted April 28, 2010 Author Share Posted April 28, 2010 I know, I know. But I still think there is good in everyone, even this a-hole. Its so bad with him that even HE has said to me: "Peanut, this is not the man I am. I am not hurtful, mean, and confused. I love you, I feel remorse for tearing up my family. Nothing I do from here on out is good for everyone, or even good for anyone." He even told me to run far and fast from him, but I took that as narcissistic in the sense that he wanted to hear me say "No, no. You're awesome. I'm not running anywhere!" And that's exactly what I said... I haven't changed my number, and here's why: In the past, I've always continued in some form to contact him, even when I didn't always get a response. This time I have no way at all. The ONLY remaining way I can think of to get to him is through his work email at the fire house, and he's not there all that often. I have no "secret email", no cell, no text, no nothing. Except his wife's cell #, but I won't go there... So I think that if he doesn't get anything from me, I won't get anything from him. That's how he is. He needs the decision to be made for him. Before I was always "still there", thus the decision was never made for him because I was still an option in some form or fashion. I can't imagine him calling or emailing me now, because it would give away his new cell # or his email address I don't already know. That would be dangerous for him. I'm sure he's comfy/cozy with the W. She probably believed all his sh*t just like I did. What a winner he is. What a lucky girl she is... Wait! I am the lucky girl!! He's not in my life anymore! Still a bad day. Whether its right or wrong, I miss this man. He was my love Link to post Share on other sites
bittersweet memories Posted April 28, 2010 Share Posted April 28, 2010 (edited) No, he is not an incredibly sweet man. He is a lying manipulative cowardly piece of dogshyt he conveniently dumps you AFTER a weekend of sex. How soon we forget. Question...changed your number yet? Or is it still the same in the hopes he calls? Good? Are you effin' kidding me? Please kindly tell us what GOOD he has brought you? Because, for the life of me, I can't see it. What I DO see, is you rewriting history, excusing HIS behavior to allow him BACK. Excellent post.. As i read her post Im like WTH? Your anger only lasted a few hours and now you are already making excuses and ready to take him back with open arms. Yikes! You are in need of some self-respect maybe he will treat you different. Edited April 28, 2010 by bittersweet memories Link to post Share on other sites
MizzBlue72 Posted April 28, 2010 Share Posted April 28, 2010 HUGE hugs. You will love again. Remember - love is not supposed to hurt ..... Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted April 28, 2010 Share Posted April 28, 2010 Just sad that it had to happen at all. Wondering why he treated me this way. Wondering if he knows what an a$$ he is... SIGH ((HUGS)) Now, love yourself. Stop wondering about him. Start wondering about YOU. What are you going to do now that you are free. You can go anywhere. He can just go home. GEL Link to post Share on other sites
bananalaffytaffy Posted April 28, 2010 Share Posted April 28, 2010 Ok, had you said, "I haven't changed my number because I want Grandma's quilt back," I *might* have believed you. But this: I haven't changed my number, and here's why: In the past, I've always continued in some form to contact him, even when I didn't always get a response. This time I have no way at all. The ONLY remaining way I can think of to get to him is through his work email at the fire house, and he's not there all that often. I have no "secret email", no cell, no text, no nothing. Except his wife's cell #, but I won't go there... I just had to shake my head... If you're REALLY done with him, why on earth would you need to contact him, or have him contact you? You say youre not changing it because he WON'T contact you. Horse feathers. You are leaving that door open intentionally, and it's just going to lead to more hurt. I still think we should take bets on how long it takes him. Fallen Angel said 4 days. I was a little more optimistic, and thinking 7, but I think I'll revise that to this Saturday. I'm pretty sure you should be hearing from him by Saturday. And you're gonna hit the ignore or decline or delete button or whatevers on your phone right??? Link to post Share on other sites
bittersweet memories Posted April 28, 2010 Share Posted April 28, 2010 Ok, had you said, "I haven't changed my number because I want Grandma's quilt back," I *might* have believed you. But this:I just had to shake my head... If you're REALLY done with him, why on earth would you need to contact him, or have him contact you? You say youre not changing it because he WON'T contact you. Horse feathers. You are leaving that door open intentionally, and it's just going to lead to more hurt. I still think we should take bets on how long it takes him. Fallen Angel said 4 days. I was a little more optimistic, and thinking 7, but I think I'll revise that to this Saturday. I'm pretty sure you should be hearing from him by Saturday. And you're gonna hit the ignore or decline or delete button or whatevers on your phone right??? I say IMHK will be the one reaching out to him. Either by emailing him or calling his job. I give her a 2-3 days. That's my Bet.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author I Miss the Kiss Posted April 28, 2010 Author Share Posted April 28, 2010 I say IMHK will be the one reaching out to him. Either by emailing him or calling his job. I give her a 2-3 days. That's my Bet.. Wow. Taking bets on a persons's weakness.. How fun for you. I will not call his job. Period. No reason to email him. The point of this thread was for kindness and support, not wagers on how long it takes me to fall. Make your wagers on him if you must. I'll keep you posted should I receive any contact so you can be sure to get your "I told-year-old so" moment. Have a good day in your world. Must be nice to be you. IMTK Link to post Share on other sites
secretlady76 Posted April 28, 2010 Share Posted April 28, 2010 HUGE hugs. You will love again. Remember - love is not supposed to hurt ..... It hurts when it is taken away and it hurts when you still have love and there isn't the person there anymore to receive it!! You will have good days and bad days, hey at least tomorrow will be better than today. I had a good day yesterday and a bad day today. It makes no sense. Link to post Share on other sites
delirious Posted April 28, 2010 Share Posted April 28, 2010 Who said love is not supposed to hurt? Of course it bloody hurts!!! But I know how you feel.((hugs)) Link to post Share on other sites
Author I Miss the Kiss Posted April 28, 2010 Author Share Posted April 28, 2010 It hurts when it is taken away and it hurts when you still have love and there isn't the person there anymore to receive it!! That's pretty much it, in a nutshell. It does hurt, so much. I can tell this will probably start as an Ok day because I'm busy at work, but every thought in my head somehow has him in it. I'm p*ssed off, upset, nauseous, sad, scared, humiliated, and in love... all at once. Also secretly hoping he is more miserable than me right now... not in terms of missing me, just in general. I hope his W is making his life hell like he has made mine. I could pick up the phone and tell her some things from this past weekend that would make her skin crawl, which would guarantee him a lot of misery, but I won't do that. So off I go to be happy with myself. As someone said, at least I can go anywhere with my life now; he has to go home and face what he's done. IMTK Link to post Share on other sites
RedDevil66 Posted April 28, 2010 Share Posted April 28, 2010 That's Also secretly hoping he is more miserable than me right now... not in terms of missing me, just in general. I hope his W is making his life hell like he has made mine. I could pick up the phone and tell her some things from this past weekend that would make her skin crawl, which would guarantee him a lot of misery, but I won't do that. IMTK Why are you mad at him enough that you hope he's miserable? What did he do to you that you've not done to yourself a thousand times over. This is ALL YOUR FAULT, not his fault. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. What part of "you are causing all this pain" are you not getting? You want him to feel as msierable as you do, but you made yourself this way You will go back to him and you will never stop. You're no different than an addict in every sense of the word, right down to your deep denial about your actions. I feel bad for your kids to see their Mother so out of control. Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted April 28, 2010 Share Posted April 28, 2010 Thank you! What I was thinking but didn't say... DUH I did this to myself, but someone else had a hand in playing with my heart. Enough said. But RD has a point. You keep inviting it back in. After 1-2 times, you have to take the ownership for it. You knew he couldn't keep his word. You knew he had a history of doing it. When you get to the point of 10 times of him doing this to you....how can you blame him? I am not trying to be mean, but IF you let him back in and WHEN he does it again, is it going to be his fault then too? Until YOU take a stand and say STOP - ENOUGH - NO MORE ---- ONLY then you will start to truly heal. You won't even even change your cell number becuase you want him to be able to get in touch with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author I Miss the Kiss Posted April 28, 2010 Author Share Posted April 28, 2010 Just because I said I was having a bad day and missing him does not mean I'm letting him back in! No I haven't changed my number but he also hasn't tried to call. I don't think he will. If he does, I will not answer. Needing support and caving in to him are two different things. Yes I have let him in time after time, but I don't even want to hear his name right now, let alone speak to him. I mean this. Someone asked me in my real life today how I was doing, and for the first time ever, I was able to say "I'm doing just fine, thank you..." Link to post Share on other sites
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