this is what worries me

[Ima Texan]

The following is from Jennie Jennie's tagline: "To deny, explain away the love would be to deny me...if his heart was not right or in the wrong place...lol...not my problem, I know who I am and what I felt." (Pure)

 

"I know who I am and what I felt"

 

For me, I knew who I WAS and knowing what I felt, what was shared, what was said, and what was promised makes this so much more devastating to me.. And I have read it in others.. I literally sit here some times feeling so "blank". What is what? What is real? And it sucks!!!

 

However, it is a beautiful Spring day, and I too will heal and renew my spirits (and tonight, maybe with some spirits..)

 

I just worry about a few of you, but hey, you gotta swing the bat, dontcha?

[TaraMaiden]

Don't tell me... indigestion. Ate your pizza too quickly.....?

 

Look. It's very simple.

You talk about thinks in the Past.

Which is where they belong.

I hate to use the cliche, but today is a present. Enjoy unwrapping it, because it's yours to do with as you wish.

Are you going to sit and complain it's not your style and fit, or are you going to make it your style and fit?

 

you will never get another chance to work today, to your advantage.

So phukk the past, and frankly, phukk the future.

 

Live, laugh, love.

 

Chiefly, yourself.

because short-changing yourself, is the worst indifference of all.

[Ima Texan]

I guess I didn't write that too well... I'm not so much worried about ME anymore, as much as a few of the peeps I am reading about on here today.. I'm crawling out of my ditch. Scarred, bruised, hurt?? Sure, but it takes a lot to keep us Texans down...

 

I will admit, I have always been the type of guy that could go out and wrestle a tornado and win... This relationship with MW almost did me in...

 

But Tara-Grannie, it didn't and like I said, its a beautiful Spring day, so I'm aiming to lasso me another Fillie soon 'nough! Yee Haw!

[Spark1111]

Ima, hind sight is always 20-20.

 

I agree with you. WHen you live through a tornado, IT IS hard to see those who have just spotted the funnel cloud in the distance and are running towards it!

 

Some will heed good advice....some won't.

 

We are all human and have to live our lives with the best abilities we have.

 

We make mistakes, love the wrong person, or the right person who doesn't choose us.

 

First and foremost, I have to love and forgive myself, with all my imperfections.

 

It's all I got. And the only ONE TRUE THING I have control over.

[ladydesigner]

So phukk the past, and frankly, phukk the future.

 

Live, laugh, love.

 

Yay!!! I like this:D

[White Flower]

"I know who I am and what I felt"

 

For me, I knew who I WAS and knowing what I felt, what was shared, what was said, and what was promised makes this so much more devastating to me..

Why not let the time you had with her be the reward on its own? Just because we 'didn't win' doesn't mean you can't look back on the wonder and the joy you shared.

[ladydesigner]

Why not let the time you had with her be the reward on its own? Just because we 'didn't win' doesn't mean you can't look back on the wonder and the joy you shared.

I like this even though it doesn't apply to my situation. What "I thought" we shared (XAP and I) apparently was not so. He was so cold to me in the end that you could freeze water. I felt like literally one day to the next he was a completely different person. If you have good memories that were not tarnished by lies then I would embrace them wholeheartedly and then let them go . Then maybe stop by once in a while to glance at those great memories. I cannot do that because I feel everything he told me was a lie.

[Ima Texan]

Well Whitey, I guess because the words and promises which I felt were "solid", which, if they were TRUE, I guess I could. But since they turned out to be "hollow" and because those promises and dreams involved SO much of us, including children, I can't do that. I can't just "look back and embrace" what I don't know to be "real"

[Ima Texan]

This is AWESOME!!

Tara you have the BEST quotes!

I'm DEFINITELY putting this in my siggy!

 

Siggy? Is that like "putting it in your pipe and smoking it"?

[TaraMaiden]

:laugh:

Aw, you guys.......!

 

Tara-Grannie....I love it!!

jthorne, if there weren't a thousand miles between us, we'd be such great neighbours! In fact, we still can be!!

 

((hugs!))

[atlnay]

 

Live, laugh, love.

 

 

That made me smile. The same phrase is on my cell phone except it reads: Live Love Laff

[Ella whispers]

I can't just "look back and embrace" what I don't know to be "real"

 

 

Love this. It's exactly how I feel. When I see that pretty much everything he said once the A started was crap, it makes even the good things he said before it weem petty and false.

 

It's SO INCREDIBLE to hear this from a man!!!!! I love this forum.

[Heather1]

What's "real" is what your imagination conjures up @ any specific moment. I'm hoping to go on my merry way, thinking the best, and OM could want me to burn in hell...but I'm going to think he's missing me & he's miserable. In the meantime, I'm moving on w/ my life.

[Ima Texan]

What's "real" is what your imagination conjures up @ any specific moment. I'm hoping to go on my merry way, thinking the best, and OM could want me to burn in hell...but I'm going to think he's missing me & he's miserable. In the meantime, I'm moving on w/ my life.

 

No, what's REAL is REAL.... Simple as that

[silverplanets]

.

One of TaraMaiden's famous quotes is, "The past is over. Forgiveness means giving up all hope of a better past." Same could be said for moving on. To move forward, you have to give up hope of a better past.

So there ya go.

 

Wow, TM/JT ..I'm not often on here nowadays as I don't need to be, but today I popped in after a low moment, and reading this is just the ticket.

 

After 6-7 months of NC I really feel like I am trying to saw through the last ties of my addiction/co-dependance with MW .. and I've kind of been struggling with it ... almost like finally realising that I can do it and pausing to reflect to I really want to.

 

Reading the part in bold above is a mirror of what my inner self is telling me but I couldn't find the words for.

 

I don't want to be angry, am not particularly interested in forgiving (or holding any grudge) ... I just want to be ambivalent about the whole thing ...

 

Wonderful line

Chris

:-)

[silverplanets]

Well Whitey, I guess because the words and promises which I felt were "solid", which, if they were TRUE, I guess I could. But since they turned out to be "hollow" and because those promises and dreams involved SO much of us, including children, I can't do that. I can't just "look back and embrace" what I don't know to be "real"

 

It was the same for me. With MW I've been NC for 6-7 months now. Maybe it's a male thing but for me the real stumbling block on getting over it seemed to be how to "label" it all in my mind ... if I can't label it then I can't say I've learned and grown from it ..... if you see what i mean ...

 

Labels i've adopted at various times are:

 

- true love/soul mate? could be - but not if it was all lies from them.

- unfortunate situation - maybe, but then if they lied to create the situation then it wasn't just a random happening

- plain old evil MW - definately a could be, but can anyone really be that good an actor (ie was there NO realness in there at all?)

- stupid me - definately a could be, but then again, the lies complicate it all, if she was lying from day one then it wasn't that i was stupid just that she was a stunningly good liar

- sad, her, decent person but just trapped in unhappy marriage - maybe, but then again having watched her manipulate her H to keep him I'm not so sure

- mentally unstable her - definately a could be here, but then again maybe just a plain liar

 

That's why what you said rang out to me ... it's the lies that complicate it all ... without the lies (the ones to me, not to her H) I could more easily process it and learn from it.

 

I've analysed it, like I said, for quite a while now, been going to IC, stayed away from new relationships and let myself heal and as I stand here ready to cut any remaining strings of influence this past has on me then the only conclusions/learnings I can actually draw from this whole long (it was spread out over almost 15 years) experience is:

 

a) I'm fundamentally a decent person

b) I'm not happy being in any kind of triangle relationship

c) I am not responsible for other people's behaviour

d) I am responsible for my behaviour and protecting my inner peace and boundries

e) Lies negate everthing and have no part to play in a constructive relationship

f) Not everyone is at the same stage of self awareness - some people just do not have the ability to self-monitor and control themselves

g) Love should not feel bad

h) I love life, each and every day, my daughter - with all my heart, and I want to be on this planet as long as I can to enjoy it in the company of decent, real, genuine folk

 

That's it ..... for me.

 

I believe that's all I can learn from that period of my life and so now I can go ahead and mentally break those last remaining mental links to it.

 

be happy

 

Chris

[Just a stone's throw]

To move forward, you have to give up hope of a better past.

So there ya go.

 

 

JT, I think you're onto something. I like this a lot. Thanks for paraphrasing TM it speaks volumes to me also.

 

I too strive for ambivalence. I don't think I have anything to forgive exMM for as he never promised anything that he didn't deliver. Did he make the game very believable? Yes, he did but that was my fault for falling for it. Charm is something that if you could bottle it up and sell it, boy there are some that could be rich and some of us that would fall for it hook, line and sinker every time. If anything, I could thank him for opening my eyes to seeing when someone's "charming my pants off".:laugh::laugh:

 

But seriously, I can't recreate the past and have to stop asking the what's and the why's and beating myself up about it because I can't do anything but move forward.

 

Strong words, JT.