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I met Sarah at University and we become incredibly good friends - we went out for a while, but as I'd taken a job in the US we decided to split up rather than attempt a long distance relationship. During those six years I was away we spoke and emailed every day. It was a strange relationship - though we were only friends - happy to discuss our respective dating / relationship dramas there was always that undercurrent of flirting and affection....and those times I did come back to London and we were both single we would usually end up in bed together but all very friendly!

 

Anyway I came back 2 years ago. She'd met a guy and was in the throws of a serious relationship - which was fine, and for a while the three of us plus whoever i was dating used to spend lots of time together. One evening her bf was out of town so I offered to take her out for dinner (pretty normal) and we had a lovely night which ended back at her place where we continued to talk until the early hours. She went to bed and I fell asleep on the sofa, but just as i was dozing off she came back and cuddled up on top of me...we ended up having sex.

 

We then were in a very strange place for a year - I guess having an affair (am I on the wrong board?!) but all conversations centred about how she loved me more than any other and would leave her BF. Though she never did either because his father passed away, it was his birthday, he lost his job or because he was being so nice. Going out with him but seeing me in a emotional / physical sense as well.

 

About six months ago I threw down an ultimatum - I wasn't happy being the other guy and had a spent the best part of a year being faithful to her, waiting for her to call for a promise that didn't materialise. She responded badly - well she's a control freak so being made to choose didn't work...we didn't talk for a few weeks - the most since we met. She came back, apologised and then we entered a very strange phase - of her going hot for a few weeks and then cold for a few weeks. So inconsistent but she explained the cheating was hard for her so I was accomodating.

 

Recently things have been getting extremely hot / cold. Three weeks ago we met at her work - spent the afternoon hanging out. She spoke of having an unbreakable bond with me, loved me more than anything and we ended up having the most intense sex on her desk.

 

A few days later we met for a coffee and i leant forward to kiss her - she said no. I (wrongly) persisted and she did kiss me back, but that evening she rang and shouted that i was wrong not to listen to her and what if anyone saw us kissing / if her boyfriend found out. I got annoyed and asked her again to make a decision one way or another - that i wasn't happy being the "other man".

 

She said she needed space and time to think. She deleted me of Blackberry, MSN, Facebook. I dropped her an email to ask why she deleted me of all these places because regardless i thought we'd stay friends and she replied saying she needed space and she'd talk to me Thursday. I again asked her if she is

a) breaking up with me including our friendship

b) breaking up with me in as in the affair but we're staying friends

c) stay in the affair

d) leaving her boyfriend.

 

She just called to say she's busy at work and now can't talk to me about this for another fortnight...so I'm left wondering whats going to happen with my friend, my lover and the woman i love?

 

Any idea whats going on in her head?

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Sounds like she is planning to dump you and just doesn't know how or when will be a good time.

 

I came to the conclusion that I reached because she deleted your contact information, she didn't break up with him. But she made moves to remove your presence from her life. And she said you have an unbreakable bond. That, to me, sounds like she is saying that whether she speaks to you or not, she is never going to forget you.

 

She seems to really love and like you, but, for whatever reasons, doesn't feel she can have a full-on R with you. Maybe its the distance?

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whichwayisup
She deleted me of Blackberry, MSN, Facebook

 

Very telling.

 

JT is right, she's letting you go. You need to let her go and leave her alone. Don't call, write, email - Nothing..

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And coincidently she messaged this evening - well reconnected on blackberry. Just to say hello and ask how i am...but again insisted she wanted space, though this time not deleting herself.

 

A part of me is frustrated and wants to delete her, ignore her and move on. A part of me realises she is conflicted (well why else would she come back?) and wants to let her go rather than pressure her. The delusional fool in me wants to get her back somehow...even if i know it'll lead to more inconsistent behavior and heartache.

 

How do you let go of someone who is your best friend, the best lover you've had and the person you love? How do you move on from that?

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Just a stone's throw

How do you let go of someone who is your best friend, the best lover you've had and the person you love? How do you move on from that?

 

 

you just do......

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White Flower

Nick, it is very difficult for me to understand an unmarried committed person in a triangle. It is not like she has assets and children with him so why the struggle? What IS she getting out of her R with him that keeps her there? Most of us APs deal with those issues on an ongoing basis but those facts do not factor in for you.

 

Have you asked her what her hangups are? My guess, at this point, is that she enjoys sex more than she gets it from him as well as the attention coming from both sides.

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