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Falling in love with a married man


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Any ladies out there facing this situation? Falling in love with a married man? I don't know what should I do now.. leave him or carry on the relationship with him.. I am so confused...

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I will never cease to be amazed that women actually get confused about falling for a married man.

 

Look inside yourself and ask yourself why you would want to get all wrapped up with a man who is emotionally and somewhat physically unavailable. Why would you want to break up somebody else's family? Why would you want to live on the constant sneak? Why would you want to live a lie? Why would you ultimately want to put yourself through pain and heartbreak because in the majority of cases men do not leave their wives and families for their mistress...and why should they?

 

Perhaps you need to see a counsellor to see why you would go for someone with whom you have little or no chance of a future. Very often it's fear of intimacy.

 

In any case, getting involved with a person who is married is at best chaotic and at worst fatal. Watch Crime TV sometime.

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Just A Girl2

Obviously if you're here asking whether you should move on, or end things with this married man, in your heart you know carrying on with him is W R O N G.

 

I don't mean to be offensive, but wouldn't it be common sense that a married man is simply not available for the taking? That he's got a W I F E at home who he stood before friends, family and God and vowed to love/honor/cherish til death do them part? Forsaking all others?

 

How could you respect a man who's married but wanting to have someone else (you) on the side?

 

Don't you think you deserve more than to be someone's occasional side-dish?

 

It doesn't bother you to know that when he's home at night with his wife, it's not you he's having sex with and sharing most of his life with?

 

Why would you settle for being someone's mistress?

 

What about the issue of respect for your fellow woman: his wife. Don't you think we as women should stick together and respect each other, which would include respecting each others marriages and commitments? She has done nothing to you.

 

And if you think that he'll one day leave her for you, think again. I can't quote the statistics but percentage of cheating husbands who leave their wives for their mistresses is very very low...and those who do, the chance of divorce is astronomically high....because if they cheated on their ex with you, they'll cheat on YOU with someone else. Afterall, we're not exactly talking about a pillar of the community who values things like honesty, commitment, fidelity, marriage, faithfulness.

 

While this married man may seem all joy and roses, you only get to see the good/fun side of him. You don't have to live with him. He very well portrays himself as this great catch....no doubt filling you full of BS about how his wife is terrible/crazy/unstable/will take all his money if he leaves her/can't break up his family/must stay for the kids/ bla bla bla bla.......but this is only HIS side of the story. Of course married men will paint this dismal picture of how horrible their marriage is and how hard done by they are........to make the mistress feel sorry for him and to help justify their cheating.

 

How would YOU feel if you were married to someone and they were cheating on YOU?

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screwedbyher

Take a hard look at your character if you're even asking this question. He's married. End of discussion. Being someone who is currently dealing with his wife's affair, let me tell you that the pain you are eventually causing is infinitely more painful than the worst pain you can imagine. I found out two weeks ago and I have days that I can't even get out of bed. The pain of betrayal and humiliation is unbearable most days.

On the other hand, maybe you are doing his wife a favor. Any two people woth so little respect for the marriage comittment probably deserve each other.

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D-I-V-O-R-C-E

 

If he does not want to divorce his wife, then back off. You have no right to hurt his wife and children.

 

If he ever left his wife for you or his wife passed away, he will only cheat on you. And you think you can stop him cheating? Try it, it won't work. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

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Did that answer the question? These folks are no BS. They make Bill O'Reilly look like a wimp. :D

 

Do what you want, but breaking up a family is nothing more than being a home-wrecker.

 

Is that how you want to go down in history?

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ThisGirlNameKD

As glamorous as they make affairs look on television and movies, it's not like that in real life. And you need to put yourself in his wife shoes: if you were married would you want your husband to get involved with another woman?? Even if the man wants to go through with the affair, you should have enough love and respect for yourself to not even allow yourself to be taken down that road.

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I can see a lot of people have an opinion on this subject without even hearing the whole story. Who said anything about children? Does he even have any? I think the factors of the relationship make a huge difference. Is this a regular occurance for either of you? Has he had mistresses before? The women who responded to this are obviously very threatened by the idea of you. Honestly I'm a wife and a mistress. Who are any of us to cast judgement. I know that recently I had to make a decision because my attention could not be in two places at once. That was my personal decision to make, noone could decide for me. I know I made the right decision but that doesn't mean my heart doesn't still ache for "the other man." The question is why?

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You almost made a convincing reason to have a wife and a mistress until YOU SAID: "because my attention could not be in two places at once".

 

To truly LOVE someone, not infactuation or lust, but love, leaves no room for anyone else. Children can be a by-product, but even they take back seat to the relationship. They will leave one day, and only your significant other will be there. You will get old one day, and only your significant other will be there.

 

The heart is one unit, not separate units that can be doled out at will.

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Just A Girl2

Tomcat (wow, fitting name, apparently), you wrote:

 

The women who responded to this are obviously very threatened by the idea of you.

 

Threatened? What makes you say this? Perhaps some have responded the way they have because although they've maybe never experienced their husband having a mistress, they have been around this earth long enough to see the havoc that's wreaked by cheating husbands and their lovely mistresses. Take these forums, for instance.......and ones like it. Countless of heartbreaking accounts of women who's hurts have been broken, lives have been devastated, families broken apart....all because of a cheating husband who had himself a side-dish.

 

So big deal that the original poster never indicated whether the guy had kids, who cares? He obviously still has a wife; one who has a heart and feelings and who rightly believed that when her husband made his wedding vows that he was going to abide by them.

 

"tomcat"..what a fitting name for a mistress who would naturally respond with a sense of condoning this kind of rude and disrespectful behavior.

 

Let me ask you though...as a ?former mistress.......whatever happened in your life that would cause you to "settle" for being some man's "thing on the side"? If a man truly loves a woman, he'll be ONLY with her. My condolences.

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Iluvaj4life

I advise you to run as fast as you can and never look back. I am in the same situation and have been for 2 years. I am completely miserable and I have made up my mind to leave him. Don't let yourself get hurt. Learn from my mistakes they don't leave. Why should he leave when he can have you both. Leave him and if it was really meant to be he will get a divorce and persue what he really wants. If he doesn't at least you'll save yourself alot of wasted time. I wish I did.

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I've been dealing with my married man (who happens to be my boss) for almost a year now.

 

It is so hard to leave him, I know I should, but I can't. I don't expect him to leave his wife. I know he loves me, but I don't see us ever being together. The expectation is that I will end up getting tired of the relationship and leave him. This is true, but right now I'm just not ready to do it, and its even more difficult because I have to work with him and deal with him every day.

 

I know this affair is morally wrong, but the truth is this relationship has been better than a lot of my single ex's. He treats me good and he loves me. I know I will never have him but he's good for me (for now). I will never turn away another date if I wanted to date someone...when I meet someone else, I will break it off with him.

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  • 2 weeks later...
BadGirl2003

I thought I was the only one but I see that I'm not. I know how you feel right now I'm in a similar situation with this guy. I liked him before he got married then a year and a half later he got married. He knew that I liked him and he liked me also but we couldn't be together cause he loved his fiance and didn't want to hurt her. To this day I see him around, think about him all the time and want to be with him but of course I can't since he's married. My situation isn't exactly the same but I know how you feel right now. My advice is leave him if he doesn't want to divorce his wife and be with you.

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Hate to admit - I'm one of those who fell in love with a married man.

 

I believe many of us who are in this position never have the intent of being involved with somebody else's husband. We've never wanted to start it, never wanted to be home-wreckers, hubby-stealer. In fact, before this happened to us, we used to throw judgements to those 'third-partiers'.

 

 

Sometimes, love just happened when it is most unexpected. I'm talking about reciprocal feelings. We are only human. Come desire, magical fleeting moments in love, who could resist this natural connection between two beings? Perhaps the forbidden love added allure to this complex relationship.

 

Deep inside, I know it's WRONG! To his wife, children and even to myself. But I'm not strong enough to walk away. The memories shared are just like magnets pulling me back each time I want to walk away. Could somebody advise how I could break the spell?

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Yang writes,

"But I'm not strong enough to walk away. The memories shared are just like magnets pulling me back each time I want to walk away."

 

 

I guess that's what his wife thinks too. eh?

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HokeyReligions

I can understand how it can happen that two people fall in love – there doesn’t have to be a physical relationship at all. I can understand how a person can find them self as the other man/woman if their partner does not tell them until after the affair has begun, that they are married.

 

However, there are still choices and common decency (maybe its not so common anymore) should tell a person to STOP – don’t start a physical affair and get out of the proximity of the person you have feelings for, the second you a) find out they are married, and/or b) discover that you are developing or have developed deep feelings for this person. The only decent thing a married person can and should do is be honest with their spouse and either reconcile or divorce BEFORE taking up with another person.

 

It’s not a difficult decision to make, but one that apparently a lot of people don’t even recognize is available to them.

 

As for people who choose to get into or stay in a relationship with a married person, I have no respect for them and I personally think they are selfish people and I don’t want anything to do with them. They show no regard or respect for anyone but themselves and don’t care that they are hurting other people and other families. I certainly would not trust anyone who carried on an affair. It’s disrespectful and dishonest of everyone involved, including them self. If some of you reading this are mad at me, GOOD! If you feel so bad or guilty about your affairs, then put an end to them until both parties are free to continue.

 

The ex-wife of a friend of ours once told me that she would only date married men because she didn’t want the responsibility of a serious relationship. She liked that the wife had to clean up after the guy, and cook for him, and take care of all the mundane household and relationship chores. She didn’t give a rats ass who she hurt – as long as she got what she wanted. That’s why she’s my friends ex-wife, she was a selfish, self-centered person.

 

Yes, I know that sometimes the people involved in an affair can end up together for life and be perfect for each other, but that’s after the married partner divorces and then commits to the person s/he had the affair with. It would be better if the married person involved said to them self “I’m falling for so-and-so and I would like to have a relationship with him/her. But I can’t do that to my spouse – I owe it to him/her to be honest and either make a decision to work out our problems, or to leave. Once I leave then I will be free to pursue the other person” That is a grown-up, mature, responsible thing to do. It’s not totally selfish because it is considering the other person’s feelings and it’s called “doing the right thing”. There is a “right thing” to do in any situation.

 

If you are in an affair, stop it. Tell the other person that you won’t see them anymore until they are free to do so. If they won’t leave their spouse, then get out of the relationship yourself.

 

If you have feeling for someone that is married, Don’t start an affair – get away from the situation. THINK ABOUT PEOPLE OTHER THAN YOURSELF. There are always choices.

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BadGirl2003
Originally posted by yang

Hate to admit - I'm one of those who fell in love with a married man.

 

I believe many of us who are in this position never have the intent of being involved with somebody else's husband. We've never wanted to start it, never wanted to be home-wreckers, hubby-stealer. In fact, before this happened to us, we used to throw judgements to those 'third-partiers'.

 

 

Sometimes, love just happened when it is most unexpected. I'm talking about reciprocal feelings. We are only human. Come desire, magical fleeting moments in love, who could resist this natural connection between two beings? Perhaps the forbidden love added allure to this complex relationship.

 

Deep inside, I know it's WRONG! To his wife, children and even to myself. But I'm not strong enough to walk away. The memories shared are just like magnets pulling me back each time I want to walk away.

 

I agree with everything you said Yang. Some people say well she's a bad person for being involved with a married person or in love with a married person but you can't help it, it just happens. Myself I'm trying to get over this guy but like I said in the other post it's not easy at all it takes time. You want to leave that person but it's hard ti leave. People told me to go get counseling to see if that may help but I already know what I need to do and I feel that I shouldn't waste my money when I know the counselor will tell me the same things that I already know. My advice (just my opinion) to anyone that's in this situation if you don't know what to do then you should seek counseling or try your best to move on even though its hard to do. Also do a search on the web there are many websites that I've been to that has given great advice to people in out situation. I hope this helps.

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BadGirl2003
As for people who choose to get into or stay in a relationship with a married person, I have no respect for them and I personally think they are selfish people and I don’t want anything to do with them. They show no regard or respect for anyone but themselves and don’t care that they are hurting other people and other families. I certainly would not trust anyone who carried on an affair. It’s disrespectful and dishonest of everyone involved, including them self. If some of you reading this are mad at me, GOOD! If you feel so bad or guilty about your affairs, then put an end to them until both parties are free to continue.

 

Also I forgot to put this in my last message, to the woman that are in this situation don't let anyone get to you. I have read many posts on this website where people are critizing the woman for being involved with a married man or making them feel bad that doesn't help at all it makes it worst for that person that WANTS to get out of the relationship. They already know it's wrong to be with that person but it just happens. You can't always blame the woman all the time its also the married man that made the decision to cheat on your there wives. JUST REMEMBER THAT TO ALL THE ONES THAT ARE CRITIZING OTHERS NO ONE IS PERFECT.

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HokeyReligions
Also I forgot to put this in my last message, to the woman that are in this situation don't let anyone get to you. I have read many posts on this website where people are critizing the woman for being involved with a married man or making them feel bad that doesn't help at all it makes it worst for that person that WANTS to get out of the relationship. They already know it's wrong to be with that person but it just happens. You can't always blame the woman all the time its also the married man that made the decision to cheat on your there wives. JUST REMEMBER THAT TO ALL THE ONES THAT ARE CRITIZING OTHERS NO ONE IS PERFECT.

 

Each and every person who posts on a public forum is going to have to accept the fact that not everyone will agree or sympathize with them. I stated my opinion and that is well within my rights to do so here. I don't give a rats behind if what I say is a help or a hindrance to someone in an extramarital affair. My opinion doesn't change anything - what do you care anyway?

 

Does having my respect mean something to you? Does having the respect of everyone you meet or talk to mean something to you?

 

It's not going to happen - no matter what our problems or worries are - not everyone will sympathize, or understand, or even care.

 

Sure, no one is perfect. I mean, what is perfection anyway? Did I say that I was better than anyone else? No, I didn't say it because it wouldn't be true. Did I say that I have no respect for people who have affairs with married people, knowingly? Yes, because that is true - I don't respect them.

 

Yes, I do understand that it takes two to tango - and my above post reflects my feeling about the married people who cheat on their spouses. It's not the fact that they don't love their spouse, it's the lies and deception and hurt that they cause when it is well within their power to CHOOSE not to deceive. They can end it with the spouse BEFORE choosing to have an affair.

 

"It hurts too much" "I can't let go" "I know I should, but..." are just feeble excuses for weak people who only think of themselves. Perhaps the thrill of hurting someone else is addictive - like smoking. But that is no excuse.

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Originally posted by BadGirl2003

 

Also I forgot to put this in my last message, to the woman that are in this situation don't let anyone get to you. I have read many posts on this website where people are critizing the woman for being involved with a married man or making them feel bad that doesn't help at all it makes it worst for that person that WANTS to get out of the relationship. They already know it's wrong to be with that person but it just happens. You can't always blame the woman all the time its also the married man that made the decision to cheat on your there wives. JUST REMEMBER THAT TO ALL THE ONES THAT ARE CRITIZING OTHERS NO ONE IS PERFECT.

 

I guess I'm confused on why it isn't obvious to you why this upsets people? I mean... no one likes a robber. No one likes a person who might steal something from them.

 

I mean emotions on her behalf aside, she's "stealing" something from that other woman. Why should other people trust her now?

 

Hell, thats just my opinion.

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BadGirl2003

I really don't how much to say I'm kinda over this subject just gave my advice and opinions. To HokeyReligions:

what do you care anyway?

Believe me I don't care what you say, you might say whatever but I don't cause I'm not in the exact same situation as everyone else but it's kinda like there situation just given my opinions and thoughts. Everyone is entitled to speak there mine and I respect that but I sure as hell don't have to like it.

 

Does having my respect mean something to you? Does having the respect of everyone you meet or talk to mean something to you?

 

Why would I care about respect from a you? I don't care at all who cares you are not hurting me. Of course I want respect from everyone that I meet and talk as long as they give me respect.

 

Anyway, I respect what you said but I don't like it that's all I have to say.

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ThisGirlNameKD

For anyone who believes that things "just happen", they are VERY immature. Mature adults have the ability to control their thoughts, their feelings, their attitudes and their behavior. I agree with Hokey, in that if you realize you have improper romantic feelings (and they are improper because that person doesn't belong to you), you can choose whether to develop those feelings or to leave the situation alone. Just because you have romantic feelings for someone who is married, or someone you can't have does not mean YOU HAVE TO ACT ON THEM!!

 

And I don't care how BadGirl2 tries to justify adultery or any other women or man that's involved with someone married tries to justify and make what's she's doing seem not all that wrong, any person that goes after someone that's married is selling themselves very short. A real woman would be able to go after her own, hold her own down and not mess around with what belongs to someone else. Even if the cheating partner gives you the green like, a real and smart woman would have enough love and respect for herself to not allow her self to be sold so short. She would stand up and go for her own. Weak women are the ones that go after married men and yes they are weak! They are weak because they don't have enough love or respect or self control in themselves to say "NO", but instead, try to justify what they are doing to tell their conscience it's all right.

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BadGirl2003
Originally posted by ThisGirlNameKD

For anyone who believes that things "just happen", they are VERY immature. Mature adults have the ability to control their thoughts, their feelings, their attitudes and their behavior. I agree with Hokey, in that if you realize you have improper romantic feelings (and they are improper because that person doesn't belong to you), you can choose whether to develop those feelings or to leave the situation alone. Just because you have romantic feelings for someone who is married, or someone you can't have does not mean YOU HAVE TO ACT ON THEM!!

 

And I don't care how BadGirl2 tries to justify adultery or any other women or man that's involved with someone married tries to justify and make what's she's doing seem not all that wrong, any person that goes after someone that's married is selling themselves very short. A real woman would be able to go after her own, hold her own down and not mess around with what belongs to someone else. Even if the cheating partner gives you the green like, a real and smart woman would have enough love and respect for herself to not allow her self to be sold so short. She would stand up and go for her own. Weak women are the ones that go after married men and yes they are weak! They are weak because they don't have enough love or respect or self control in themselves to say "NO", but instead, try to justify what they are doing to tell their conscience it's all right.

 

Well first off to ThisGirlNameKD I'm very mature so I know you weren't talking about me when you were making your little statement. Anyway, It's not true that all mature adults have the ability to control their thoughts, their feelings, their attitudes and their behavior we are all different so you can't say that about every person. In my situation ( I'm sure you didn't read any of my other posts) I'm not INVOLVED with a married man, I don't plan on getting involved with a married man and I DON'T WANT A MARRIED MAN. I liked this guy before he got married but if you haven't been this situation then you wouldn't no how it feels and it's not that easy getting over someone that you really like and want to be with. I'm trying to get over him now but it takes time. ALL I'M DOING IS GIVING MY ADVICE, OPINIONS AND THOUGHTS TO THE PEOPLE THAT ARE INVOLVED WITH MARRIED PEOPLE. PEOPLE MAKE MISTAKES, THEY KNOW IT'S WRONG and THEY WANT TO GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP BUT IT'S NOT EASY. AGAIN NO ONE IS PERFECT. SO AGAIN I'M NOT INVOLVED WITH A MARRIED MAN THISGIRLNAMEKD SO READ BEFORE YOU POST SOMETHING ELSE ABOUT ME. THANK YOU :mad:

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Then why are you taking this personal? Relax.

 

This is a forum for opinions, some good, some not so good, some you'll agree with, some you'll despise. The best thing is don't take it personal. They are just words typed on a keyboard sent electronically over wires all anonymously.... :)

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BadGirl2003
Originally posted by NEONINK

Then why are you taking this personal? Relax.

 

This is a forum for opinions, some good, some not so good, some you'll agree with, some you'll despise. The best thing is don't take it personal. They are just words typed on a keyboard sent electronically over wires all anonymously.... :)

 

OK first off I'm not taking anything personal I'm just upset that a total stranger would put my name (board name) in a paragraph when they don't even know the whole entire story. They didn't take the time and read my other posts before saying something about me that wasn't even true. I have a right to speak my mind so if someone thinks I'm getting upset over nothing then so be it. I understand that everyone has there own opinions and I respect that but again I really don't have to like them.

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