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I received this email this morning.... from Husband


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"Mini-Me", please refrain from any further contact with us. We understand that the relationship was mutual in the past but now it is unwelcomed and all communication must stop. This includes phone calls, emails,text messages,letters or any attempt to see us or speak to us.Any type of contact is unwanted and we will assume that your purpose is to create hardship for our family. We know that you understand our situation and will respect our wishes in this regard. Failure to do so will result in legal action. Please let us know you received this email a simple received reply will be sufficient and considered the final communication regarding this matter.

 

Sincerely Husband and Wife

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"Mini-Me", please refrain from any further contact with us. We understand that the relationship was mutual in the past but now it is unwelcomed and all communication must stop. This includes phone calls, emails,text messages,letters or any attempt to see us or speak to us.Any type of contact is unwanted and we will assume that your purpose is to create hardship for our family. We know that you understand our situation and will respect our wishes in this regard. Failure to do so will result in legal action. Please let us know you received this email a simple received reply will be sufficient and considered the final communication regarding this matter.

 

Sincerely Husband and Wife

 

I'm sorry I don't know your history...have you been contacting her against her will?

 

If you have then simply respect the wishes and stop. I personally wouldn't reply though...just me being stubborn.

 

If she's been party to it I'd document what has been done and send it back, registered in some way that it went only to him so she could not interfere with him seeing it. If this is the case she has thrown you under the bus and deserves anything you throw out (as long as it is pertinent and the truth).

 

Cheers...

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Email back and say that if SHE contacts you at anytime in the future (call, email, text) that YOU will seek legal action against her.

 

This has to be two sided.. I've read alot on here that even after a letter like that the cheating spouse STILL contacts the affair partner, so make it clear to THEM, that you do NOT want ANY form of contact from HER, ever again either.

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torranceshipman

Lol...an insult followed by a request for a read receipt and you'll all 'consider the matter closed' ?! What planet is this person on?

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Email back and say that if SHE contacts you at anytime in the future (call, email, text) that YOU will seek legal action against her.

 

This has to be two sided.. I've read alot on here that even after a letter like that the cheating spouse STILL contacts the affair partner, so make it clear to THEM, that you do NOT want ANY form of contact from HER, ever again either.

 

This.

 

Reply with:

"I trust you understand the sentiment is mutual.

I have no intention of going against your wishes.But understand that I will follow through in identical manner if you even so much as look in my direction ever again.

No reply necessary.

I know you will get this."

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OP, just keep any evidence of their contact printed out and in a safe place. Take some comfort in the reality that this guy (the letter was from the H) is probably having to seriously look at himself in the mirror for the first time in his married life. It can get pretty ugly in there and ego lashes out.

 

WRT the wife, she's just responding to the 'behind closed doors' with long-practiced coping mechanisms. Trust me, it's not a place you want to be.

 

I personally can't wait to see the delineated damages in his lawsuit. LOL...

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Received, and this will be the last communication regarding this "matter"...

 

This is such a "standard" NC letter suggested by her IC. and maybe by now, their MC.. Like a "form letter"..

 

anyway, this is fine, and at least I know that H knows this was "mutual" and I am not the big bad wolf...

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Honestly, I think it does. I think that most men are very territorial over their woman's body. I think that many BWs can forgive a physical affair much better than a BH can.

 

Since this was "just" an EA in his eyes, then he will have an easier time working with his wife and her needs in their marriage that allowed her to look at you as a substitute for him.

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Interestingly, IME, as an OM, it was the emotional aspects which got to the respective H's, likely due to their ego response to their own inadequacies and me knowing their marital business. IME, such men are globally territorial over their women, like property. Hope that works out for them :)

 

OP, you've gone the country mile and have been eminently civil. Kudos to you. Hope the healing goes well. If it was real for you, it may take a lot of time. In reading your threads, I see unanswered questions which will color the conversations in your mind since NC will disallow actual answers.

 

IMO, you'll have to black-hole the MW, including changing your phone number and e-mails. I think that's best. Good luck.

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I think this is a very respectful NC letter. They admit that the affair was mutual. They aren't blaming you. They are just making it dear that you are no longer part of their rlves. Isn't this the closure most OW/OM ask for in the end? Would you rather be ignored? Please tell me what is wrong with this letter. I'm not being mean, I really want to know.

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Great response OP.

 

herenow- you're correct in stating that it IS a respectful formal letter. It doesn't hurt any less. Much like when you're getting laid off/ fired. "you're services are no longer needed"... (sigh)

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mybrowneyedgirl

my problem with this letter is that it is an attempt to make them feel more secure and "together" in their relationship at the expense of the OW.

 

i know what everyone will say, she deserves it, they are married and together etc. i understand all of those things, and agree.

 

but this man, who had a part in both sides of this is now acting like the OW was the bad guy. like she did something to him. hes playing the victim role along with his spouse.

 

and the truth is something like this is terribly painful for the OW to read. its not really about the NC. its what other posters have said. a form letter, a step that the MC tell you to take. but if the affair has ended then it needs to stop. to intentionally send a letter inflicting further pain on the OW and her H is continuing the wrong-doings in this situation.

 

in my case, when i received an email from them (although it wasnt anything like this) it brought up more emotions and sadness for my H and I. it hindered our recovery. they were asking us to respect them by NC so they could fix their marriage but in the process were distrupting OUR marriage more.

 

so really in my opinion, something like this to the OW is just keeping it going. its displacing the problems in their marriage on other people. childish and hurtful.

 

(ok at the end let me throw in that if the OP is continuing contacting him even though he asked her to stop then this letter was justified...but i'm going on the assumption that that wasnt the case here)

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but this man, who had a part in both sides of this is now acting like the OW was the bad guy.

 

Read the letter again, they admit the affair was mutual. How is that blaming the OW?

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torranceshipman

I totally agree with BrownEyedGirl - it makes the person having the affair sound like such a shifty little weazel, partcipating in the A then all of a sudden acting like the AP was the bad one, so that they can wriggle themselves out of trouble...it's like - no backbone present. Guess that is the mindset of a cheater, though.

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mybrowneyedgirl

"Read the letter again, they admit the affair was mutual. How is that blaming the OW?"

 

yes the affair may have been mutual but the letter isnt talking about the affair. it talks about contact after the affair and points a finger like theyre afraid that the ow is coming after them.

 

just like torrance said, hes shifting the attention off of himself to "appear" better to his wife. hes just as guilty as the other woman. it should be the BW writing a letter to the OW and her own husband demanding no contact from either side.

 

like i said. i dont know the story here. but unless the OW has done something to make them need a letter like this its just a ploy for him to gain affection from his wife at the OW's expense.

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my problem with this letter is that it is an attempt to make them feel more secure and "together" in their relationship at the expense of the OW.

 

i know what everyone will say, she deserves it, they are married and together etc. i understand all of those things, and agree.

 

but this man, who had a part in both sides of this is now acting like the OW was the bad guy. like she did something to him. hes playing the victim role along with his spouse.

 

and the truth is something like this is terribly painful for the OW to read. its not really about the NC. its what other posters have said. a form letter, a step that the MC tell you to take. but if the affair has ended then it needs to stop. to intentionally send a letter inflicting further pain on the OW and her H is continuing the wrong-doings in this situation.

 

I fail to see how this letter is at the expense of the OW or inflicting further pain on the OW.

 

The affair is over. They no longer desire the contact and will take action should any more unwanted contact occur.

 

What is heartless about that? I really don't get it.

 

It doesn't matter to me that the MC/IC "made" them send it. The fact is, they agreed to send it and did. Obviously, you can't make adults do anything they don't want to do.

 

I really don't get why this letter is being treated like a "f" you letter. It was respectful and straight to the point.

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"Read the letter again, they admit the affair was mutual. How is that blaming the OW?"

 

yes the affair may have been mutual but the letter isnt talking about the affair. it talks about contact after the affair and points a finger like theyre afraid that the ow is coming after them.

 

just like torrance said, hes shifting the attention off of himself to "appear" better to his wife. hes just as guilty as the other woman. it should be the BW writing a letter to the OW and her husband demanding no contact from either side.

 

like i said. i dont know the story here. but unless the OW has done something to make them need a letter like this its just a ploy for him to gain affection from his wife at the OW's expense.

 

OK and if the BW wrote the letter, she would be accused of blaming the OW instead of blaming her H 100%. How would you suggest they tell the OW that they don't want her in their lives? When two people reconcile they do these things together.

 

BTW, was the OW being considerate and thinking of the BW's feelings while having an affair with her H?

 

This is what mean when I say that OW hold BW to a higher standard. I think considering everything, this is a very respectful letter and should be taken at face value. They OW is no longer part of their lives and she should move on plain and simple. If the OW spends anymore time or effort on this, she will only cause more harm to herself.

 

It's over, move on and let it be.

Edited by herenow
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PLEASE read mini-me's original post before replying. Some of these responses make no sense at all based on his original post! He is not an OW, and there is no BW, unless I misread it.

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anyway, I am out of the picture, am not stalking her or driving by or anything.. I don't call and leave messages either.

 

I will respect the NC, and I won't spend anytime thinking "woe is me". I don't know how much of the truth has been told, and I guess that doesnt matter either. I mean, realy, what good could come out of this now??

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I think this is a very respectful NC letter. They admit that the affair was mutual. They aren't blaming you. They are just making it dear that you are no longer part of their rlves. Isn't this the closure most OW/OM ask for in the end? Would you rather be ignored? Please tell me what is wrong with this letter. I'm not being mean, I really want to know.

 

I dint say anything was wrong with the letter, just that I got one.. a "form letter", written by the IC/MC.. kind of "cut and paste".. either way, it is what it is...

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PLEASE read mini-me's original post before replying. Some of these responses make no sense at all based on his original post! He is not an OW, and there is no BW, unless I misread it.

 

I know. I was responding to what I quoted.

 

Mini-Me said he was "minimized man" in his first thread.

 

I think some posters just assumed that because it was from "the husband" and most of the posters here are OW - that it was an OW being thrown under the bus.

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anyway, I am out of the picture, am not stalking her or driving by or anything.. I don't call and leave messages either.

 

I will respect the NC, and I won't spend anytime thinking "woe is me". I don't know how much of the truth has been told, and I guess that doesnt matter either. I mean, realy, what good could come out of this now??

 

Exactly. I hope you take this time and take care of you and your heart and not be concerned about what is or isn't going on in their home.

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