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Crush Since 5th Grade


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Wow, I just recently entered into a true love affair with a lady that I've been involved with on/off again since the 5th grade. We've tried being an item through high school, college, and even after college and it just never worked out, for various reasons. We have always remained friends and never lost touch. Most recently we planned to get together like we always do, out in public, have a drink, chat and go back home to our respective lives. However, things are a little different for me, my wife left home with kids and has been gone for 2 months. On a particular day, she (my crush) text me and wanted to know if I was interested in getting together. Sure I was. I asked where did she want to meet, she said let's just meet at her house and we'll decide from there. Well her husband out of town, kids at a friends house. I come over, we greeted each other with a friendly hug like always. She was in the kitchen cutting roses and placing them in vases of various sizes and offered me something to drink. We talked for about 5 hours straight just sorting through our own personal marriage issues and comparing and contrasting. As the night went on, the question came up; "Why didn't our relationship ever materialize?" As we talked we realized and expressed to one another that we have always loved each other, and discovered that a particular night was a turning point in our lives that kept us from being together before either of us got married. Let me tell you, we have been together, made out and we have never had sex in the 26 years that we've known each other. We have always had chemistry and have been sexually attracted, but never wanted to ruin the friendship. I don't have a problem when it comes to getting any woman in bed, but I just never wanted to cross the line with her for some odd reason. We talked about that, and we feel that for some reason, our relationship was perserved and never tainted for reasons that we really feel like we are each other's true love. We have both hit rock bottom in our marriages and we've discovered that we are so compatiable, we genuially love each other. That night I didn't leave her home until 6am, went home to shower and change, went straight to work. We did not have sex, the next day we text each other I luv u all day and talked upon hours on the phone, and the following day we met at my house and had the most awesome sex either of us had ever had. We made love, we actually cried together and not out of guilt but out of how beautiful it was and loved we both felt. We are both very happy these days and we promised that we would not put undue pressure on each other to leave or rush out of our current marriages without giving it honest opportunities. However, we know that we are meant to be, and we vowed that we would always lean on the foundation of our relationship as friends. I love her and I want the best for her and her family, and vice versa. Upon giving our marriages an honest try, do you think we could have a long lasting happy relationship and eventually marriage? Or are we doomed because of how are relationship came about? Please advise

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jennie-jennie
Upon giving our marriages an honest try, do you think we could have a long lasting happy relationship and eventually marriage? Or are we doomed because of how are relationship came about? Please advise

 

I don't believe any relationship is "doomed" because of how it came about. The question is if you have started on a path where you will remain "the other man", a path where she may not divorce her husband. That said, women are more likely to divorce than men if they find a new love.

 

Being the OM/OW is a painful place to be. You are torn between hope and love and pain and despair. Only you can determine if this relationship-to-be is worth it.

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Your post startled me! For a minute I thought you were my MOM. We met in the 5th grade and were very close but never had a relationship other than as friends. (story is long so I won't go into it here, but it is posted if you are curious) We reconnected a few months back and things progressed from there. All through this the common thread has always been that the friendship came first. It is very hard to explain to others why the connection is there and how it is holding on after all these years.

 

We are in the process of trying to work backwards and be friends even in light of our PA (we are both married.) My love for him is complicated, I am not in love with him, but I do have a deep lifelong love for him. The emotions you felt being with your MOW are similiar to mine. Try not to confuse "what could have been" with "what is." A connection like this is very intense (as all affairs are no matter what the circumstances are.) If I were to be truly honest, I would have to say that at the beginning it wasn't who he is now that I was having the affair with. It was the beautiful boy that was my friend for all those years. As time has gone on I am friends with who he is now and in love with who he was.

 

Once the "fog" lifted, we realized that we were in jeopardy of losing each other forever if this continued. As it stands now, we are friends.

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jennie-jennie
If I were to be truly honest, I would have to say that at the beginning it wasn't who he is now that I was having the affair with. It was the beautiful boy that was my friend for all those years. As time has gone on I am friends with who he is now and in love with who he was.

 

Once the "fog" lifted, we realized that we were in jeopardy of losing each other forever if this continued. As it stands now, we are friends.

 

Interesting thought. My MM is my teenage sweetheart. When he contacted me again after 31 years, I was amazed at how those old feelings were so easily awakened, as if they had never been truly gone.

 

At first we only had contact through emails, then IMing, then phone. We sent photos of ourselves to each other, updated each other on our history and talked about the feelings we had for each other that long ago.

 

Because MM was not a stranger, I trusted him immediately in a way I would not have done with a new aquaintance. Yes, I trusted that boy from my past. But I came to know the middle age man, who was so much more than what I remembered from my teenage years. That was the man I came to love, the man of today.

 

It did take me some time to become accustomed to his physical appearance. Just as I had, he had of course aged. His beautiful long hair of the 70's was long gone. He had those extra pounds we so easily gain in middle age. Today I can say I truly love every inch of his body as it is today.

 

We have been together for four years now, and it has been absolutely wonderful.

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