ladydesigner Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 Well I open my emails this morning and what do you know my XOM is trying to add me to his LinkedIn Contacts list. I cannot delete my email account because I use it for business and google doesn't have a block feature. I have been doing great with NC 30 days and now this. Why oh why does this continue... aaarrrrghhhhhhh:mad: On one hand I feel bad for him because he doesn't have too many references, I was his manager when we worked together. On the other hand I really am trying not to give a s**t. Link to post Share on other sites
blinded Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 Did you delete all other ways for him to contact you? I don't know your complete story, but I admit that I am jealous. I have been 3 weeks of solid NC. What are you going to do? Link to post Share on other sites
whattodonow12 Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 Gosh....that's tough. Is there a way to accept him as a contact (granted that is what you want professionally), but block any emails or other contact? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ladydesigner Posted October 2, 2009 Author Share Posted October 2, 2009 Did you delete all other ways for him to contact you? I don't know your complete story, but I admit that I am jealous. I have been 3 weeks of solid NC. What are you going to do? Yes I have deleted all other ways of contact. I know I need to stay NC. I guess I could add him to my contacts list and any other contact I should not respond. I keep thinking this may open the floodgates again. I have really been getting on nicely in my life and I WILL not allow this to set me back. Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 You don't need to add him. Kinda like with facebook and you get a friend request -- just ignore it. LinkedIn isn't really a social network, which is a good thing! And if you were his manager, then professionally, I can't see why you would even need him as a contact. I would just ignore it and let it sit there. You are doing great! Be proud of yourself! Link to post Share on other sites
Devil Inside Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 I agree with fooled. No need to accept it. No need to respond. Ask yourself if what you have to gain by accepting it is worth giving him more access to you. Is it? Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 You can still act as a professional reference without being on Linked In. Maybe I am not "plugged in" enough but is someone really going to say mmm better not hire this guy, he doenst have many contacts on Linked In? Linked In is a waste of time so far as I can tell, other than to keep up with what your colleagues are doing. He doesnt need to know what you are doing and you dont need to know what he is doing. If Linked In really is a significant indicia of professional status, maybe I am missing the boat here (i ignore it 99% of the time). Link to post Share on other sites
silktricks Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 Yes I have deleted all other ways of contact. I know I need to stay NC. I guess I could add him to my contacts list and any other contact I should not respond. I keep thinking this may open the floodgates again. I have really been getting on nicely in my life and I WILL not allow this to set me back. It seems that if you add him to your contacts that he will read that as a green light. If I were you I wouldn't do it. Link to post Share on other sites
eyeswide Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 Why oh why does this continue... aaarrrrghhhhhhh:mad: On one hand I feel bad for him because he doesn't have too many references, I was his manager when we worked together. On the other hand I really am trying not to give a s**t. This is the kind of cr*p that happens when you have an affair. It just does. Just when the dust seems like it's settled, somebody stirs something up again. Especially when they feel like they got thrown under a bus, left out in the cold, got the short end of the stick (the cliches go on...). Be glad it's this and not boiled bunnies on your front porch. As far as your impulse to help him out because you "feel bad for him" -- well, I won't pull any punches. That's some BS your head makes up to justify keeping the relationship alive. When my xOM emailed me a sad text message after I'd maintained NC for a year I fell for it. I thought -- "well, he must really NEED to talk to me." BS -- fortunately, I didn't let anything else happen beyond that, but it certainly turned my head around backwards for a couple weeks. I truly doubt that he "needs" your reference. He's looking for your validation still - sure, this time it's as a supervisor and this is about work relationships, but admit it -- those lines have been blurred in your relationship and he is seeking any little affair crumb he can get. And you are getting sucked into rescuing him. As so many wise ones have said before me: press the ignore button and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 This will never end, ten years from now when you are watching tv with your husband and you feel great......something will trigger this memory and in a moment you will feel nasty and horrible. You know you have to tell your H but you are trying to avoid it. You need to tell him, don't wait 15 years and then destroy him. Tell him now, so he can decide what is best for him. You really need to prove that you capable of putting other people first. Cheaters will always make excuse for not telling, but everyone knows that doing the right thing does not need a excuse. Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 cut all contact now, do not give him a green light to start communication Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 Well I open my emails this morning and what do you know my XOM is trying to add me to his LinkedIn Contacts list. I cannot delete my email account because I use it for business and google doesn't have a block feature. ...but it does allow you to create filters. You can create a filter that deletes any messages from his email account unread. Or you can create a filter that bounces messages from his email account unread - with or without an automatic message (like a "vacation message"). Or it can flag any messages with his name in them and put them in a Spam folder. Whatever. It's pretty flexible. On one hand I feel bad for him because he doesn't have too many references, I was his manager when we worked together. On the other hand I really am trying not to give a s**t. Ignore him. If you accept his request, your profile will forever be linked to his. If he has few contacts, all the more reason to avoid making your contact with him highly visible. Also, LinkedIn has this feature where, if someone browses a profile, it alerts that others who browsed that profile also looked at x, y and z's profiles - creating a further link between the two of you in casual browsers' minds. Best not go there if you're wanting to move on. LinkedIn is like a birdshot application - people tend to fire off invitations to link in all directions. Somewhere along the line, he will build his network through direct and indirect connections. You do not need to be part of this. It will just weave the two of you closer and closer together, while you're trying to gain distance. Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 what did you decide to do lady? How are you doing? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ladydesigner Posted October 5, 2009 Author Share Posted October 5, 2009 NC=NO PAIN Still holding strong Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 Good for you!! Link to post Share on other sites
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