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It's Over ... Time to heal


Aquarius Rising

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Aquarius Rising

I ended it with MM last night. After 21mths of heartache, a broken family (my own) and deteriorating mental health ... I've called it quits.

 

Those of you who know my story (and I don't have the energy for those that don't) will know that this has been a long road. Owl, you were absolutely right ... now that I can disseminate the fantasy from the reality I can walk away ... not easily ... not without regret ... not without sadness ... and anger ... but I can walk away, knowing that what I was pursuing was a fantasy.

 

Owl, the one man who has stood by me before during and after this mess, is my H and although we are separated, I FINALLY took your advice and have confided in him fully. He is there ... still!

 

FO, I could not have done this without your immense support ... you are a friend for life ... like it or not? (lol :laugh:)

 

And to all the others who have supported me as I have tried and failed with NC ... thanks for sticking with me ....

 

There comes a time I believe for all of us when we just know that the end has arrived. It's over .... and for me

 

'it's like I've been travelling on a fast-moving train ... the journey started out as exciting, adventurous, thrilling even, covering new and different terrain, ........ but as time went on I began to miss the feel of earth under my feet, the stability of just walking, not riding .... I told myself though, that I could handle that ride I just had to keep holding on .... don't go near the doors .... and as the train carried me further I began to pass thru stations that I recognised and began to long to get off at ..... but the train kept moving ... sometimes slowly down .... sometimes stopping ... but the doors just wouldn't open ... and then before I knew it I was off again.... speeding down the track. Finally, I made my way to the drivers carriage, and wrestled her to the ground (the driver is me). I took control of the gears and I made the train stop at my station.

The doors have now opened and I've made a choice to get off the train, standing on the platform, with ground underneath my feet again.... I look back at the train and realise it was in fact a train-wreck I was travelling in .......... I have no desire to ride that train or to visit those places EVER EVER again.

 

Love & Peace & healing & light to all who are hurting ... and want to get off the train.

 

AR :)

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I am so sorry that you are hurting. Maybe your brief time with MM before he left was what you needed to be able to let go. Funny how these MM can walk away from the carnage they leave in their wake unscathed. I hope you are able to heal quickly from here.

 

Maybe I'm reading into this, but are you considering reconciling with your H?

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Oh sweetie, I am so sorry for your pain. I am glad that you are able to talk to your H honestly - its great that you are still friendly with him.

 

That last paragraph was beautifully written.

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Aquarius Rising
Maybe I'm reading into this, but are you considering reconciling with your H?

 

Thanks for you kindness Misty K, the answer is yes, we are considering taking steps to reconcile ... very tiny baby steps though ... I would never have thought it possible though had I not confided in my H completely (only recently, and after separation) and given him the chance to show me what kind of man I am letting go of ... honour and forgiveness are not easily found ... he loves me unconditionally ... even I can't figure that out, but it has made me realise how different the MM that I sold my soul to ... and the man I have spent the last 18 years raising a family with .... really are.

 

AR

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Aquarius Rising
Oh sweetie, I am so sorry for your pain. I am glad that you are able to talk to your H honestly - its great that you are still friendly with him.

 

That last paragraph was beautifully written.

 

Thanks NID, you've been wonderful throughout all of this too ... (((hugs)))

 

AR :)

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Hi Ar, You sound strong, you sound in control. I know the pain will set in, you will wonder, just keep looking forward, take time for yourself. I wish you all the best, AR, ((hugs)) mino

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Thanks for you kindness Misty K, the answer is yes, we are considering taking steps to reconcile ... very tiny baby steps though ... I would never have thought it possible though had I not confided in my H completely (only recently, and after separation) and given him the chance to show me what kind of man I am letting go of ... honour and forgiveness are not easily found ... he loves me unconditionally ... even I can't figure that out, but it has made me realise how different the MM that I sold my soul to ... and the man I have spent the last 18 years raising a family with .... really are.

 

AR

 

I know you are taking things slowly, as you should. And I know that this is the OW/OM Forum, but I am so happy that you even have this option and opportunity to possibly work things out with your H.

 

Maybe this shake was pre-ordained to get you to just this point? I hope this doesn't come off badly. I know it hurts right now and I don't want to gloss over that.

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Hi Ar, You sound strong, you sound in control. I know the pain will set in, you will wonder, just keep looking forward, take time for yourself. I wish you all the best, AR, ((hugs)) mino

 

 

(((hugs))) back to you Mino, thanks for the continued support :)

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Aquarius Rising
I know you are taking things slowly, as you should. And I know that this is the OW/OM Forum, but I am so happy that you even have this option and opportunity to possibly work things out with your H.

 

Maybe this shake was pre-ordained to get you to just this point? I hope this doesn't come off badly. I know it hurts right now and I don't want to gloss over that.

 

Thankyou for sharing NID ... I tend to agree with you on the shake-up theory ... this gives up both the chance now to be different, although, I wouldn't recommend the process of getting here .... to anyone!!!

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Hang in there, Aquarius. The one constant in our life is change.

 

If you do decide to reconcile with your H, doing it very slowly and cautiously is absolutely the right way to go. Take the time to identify each of the hurts that each of you have suffered, acknowledge them and help heal them. THEN see where your relationship with each other is headed. And don't try to do it alone...use the tools that you can to help you get there.

 

As far as me being "right"...well...EVERYONE should already know that I'm always right! :) :) :) :) :) :)

 

Good luck to you, my friend.

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whichwayisup

((AR)).. Heal yourself and take it slow with your H.. It's great that you opened up to him and that he's willing to work on things with you..

 

PS Owl is right!

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Yeah Yeah Yeah!!

 

I am so proud of how you have handled this.

 

I am so proud of you for confiding in H and FINALLY letting all the truth out.

 

Yeah Yeah Yeah

 

We WILL be friends for life! XOXO

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KonfusedinCanada
I ended it with MM last night. After 21mths of heartache, a broken family (my own) and deteriorating mental health ... I've called it quits.

 

Those of you who know my story (and I don't have the energy for those that don't) will know that this has been a long road. Owl, you were absolutely right ... now that I can disseminate the fantasy from the reality I can walk away ... not easily ... not without regret ... not without sadness ... and anger ... but I can walk away, knowing that what I was pursuing was a fantasy.

 

Owl, the one man who has stood by me before during and after this mess, is my H and although we are separated, I FINALLY took your advice and have confided in him fully. He is there ... still!

 

FO, I could not have done this without your immense support ... you are a friend for life ... like it or not? (lol :laugh:)

 

And to all the others who have supported me as I have tried and failed with NC ... thanks for sticking with me ....

 

There comes a time I believe for all of us when we just know that the end has arrived. It's over .... and for me

 

'it's like I've been travelling on a fast-moving train ... the journey started out as exciting, adventurous, thrilling even, covering new and different terrain, ........ but as time went on I began to miss the feel of earth under my feet, the stability of just walking, not riding .... I told myself though, that I could handle that ride I just had to keep holding on .... don't go near the doors .... and as the train carried me further I began to pass thru stations that I recognised and began to long to get off at ..... but the train kept moving ... sometimes slowly down .... sometimes stopping ... but the doors just wouldn't open ... and then before I knew it I was off again.... speeding down the track. Finally, I made my way to the drivers carriage, and wrestled her to the ground (the driver is me). I took control of the gears and I made the train stop at my station.

The doors have now opened and I've made a choice to get off the train, standing on the platform, with ground underneath my feet again.... I look back at the train and realise it was in fact a train-wreck I was travelling in .......... I have no desire to ride that train or to visit those places EVER EVER again.

 

Love & Peace & healing & light to all who are hurting ... and want to get off the train.

 

AR :)

 

Hi AR - I'm pretty new here and reading this post from you has made me search your older ones so I can catch myself up on your story. I do see/feel your pain just from reading this post and I feel for you. I've been riding the train you speak of for 10 months now, and still haven't quite figured out how to stop it and get off, or what I plan on doing once I'm off! I'm hoping reading through your past posts, and all of the posts from everyone here will help me do that!

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Devil Inside

Hang in there...it hurts to end an A...but you now have the chance to feel the ground under your feet again...and that is priceless.

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Aquarius Rising
Hi AR - I'm pretty new here and reading this post from you has made me search your older ones so I can catch myself up on your story. I do see/feel your pain just from reading this post and I feel for you. I've been riding the train you speak of for 10 months now, and still haven't quite figured out how to stop it and get off, or what I plan on doing once I'm off! I'm hoping reading through your past posts, and all of the posts from everyone here will help me do that!

 

Whatever I can offer in the way of support ... is yours ... if it helps. Best wishes KIC.

 

AR :)

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Aquarius Rising
Hang in there...it hurts to end an A...but you now have the chance to feel the ground under your feet again...and that is priceless.

 

Thanks DI, hope you're doing ok too? Do you feel like you are making some progress with the marriage now?

 

AR :)

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You - my friend - are someone who will come through this stronger, happier, freer and more focused than you have been in years.

 

MAYBE this is what your marriage needed - a wake up call? I wouldn't recommend having an A; but at this point, it is done and you can't change that. BUT because of the A, you and H are talking, are being more open and honest with each other than you probably have been in years. So there is a POSITIVE :)

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AR,

 

I know this isn't going to be popular, but please keep in mind why you were ending your M in the first place. I tend to think people break up for a reason... and generally we know where THAT yellow brick road goes, because we've been there before. For me, I don't see myself ever back with my xH. He's not a bad person, but we just aren't right for each other and things would be the same (eventually) as they were before, if not worse. If I wen back, it'd only be because I don't want to be alone, and i guess at this point, I'd rather be alone. It's been my experience that you can't go backwards....so please be careful.

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Congrats AQ! I'm excited for you after reading your post!! Sounds like you've turned a corner and are on the road to getting your life back. I can tell you from experience that it's an amazing feeling. You'll never forget the MM or the A but I can promise you that after some time passes you'll be so thankful that the rollercoaster ride is over. Good luck and remember to just keep on walking on solid ground!! :)

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Congrats AQ! I'm excited for you after reading your post!! Sounds like you've turned a corner and are on the road to getting your life back. I can tell you from experience that it's an amazing feeling. You'll never forget the MM or the A but I can promise you that after some time passes you'll be so thankful that the rollercoaster ride is over. Good luck and remember to just keep on walking on solid ground!! :)

 

Hey thanks for that ..... I have turned a corner in terms of recognising the fiction from reality ............. and that certainly took some time ...... The ground I am on right now is very shaky ..... and every few hours I find myself falling into a large crack in the road .... and then it takes an hour or two to get back out again. I always knew it was gonna be a hard road. I've learned that from so many here on LS. I hope you're right .... see I've never gotten that far before ...... this time will be different ...... just got to give it time..... chocolate & red wine helps ...... oh, and for me, writing music!

 

Love, light & peace

 

AR

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Aquarius Rising
AR,

 

I know this isn't going to be popular, but please keep in mind why you were ending your M in the first place. I tend to think people break up for a reason... and generally we know where THAT yellow brick road goes, because we've been there before. For me, I don't see myself ever back with my xH. He's not a bad person, but we just aren't right for each other and things would be the same (eventually) as they were before, if not worse. If I wen back, it'd only be because I don't want to be alone, and i guess at this point, I'd rather be alone. It's been my experience that you can't go backwards....so please be careful.

 

I hear you and I agree ...... it would be easy to run back now ..... if it's meant to be that my H and I reconcile, it will happen because we BOTH want to put the work into it. Right now I don't have enough reserve of energy for anyone except my kids... Seeing that they get to school and eat and sleep well is about all I can manage right now. There is still a lot of fog on my lenses to make any major decisions right now. Thanks Misty K .... I appreciate the positive regard.

 

AR :)

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Hey thanks for that ..... I have turned a corner in terms of recognising the fiction from reality ............. and that certainly took some time ...... The ground I am on right now is very shaky ..... and every few hours I find myself falling into a large crack in the road .... and then it takes an hour or two to get back out again. I always knew it was gonna be a hard road. I've learned that from so many here on LS. I hope you're right .... see I've never gotten that far before ...... this time will be different ...... just got to give it time..... chocolate & red wine helps ...... oh, and for me, writing music!

 

Love, light & peace

 

AR

 

Hey AQ just remember that it's completely normal to start having "withdrawals" and to start questioning if you are doing the right thing. But every time you resist those urges to contact him, you take small steps to getting back to where you want to be.

 

Some days you'll feel good then suddenly it will all come back, the anxiety, the doubt, the longing. BUT, it will get better...a little each day and before long you'll find yourself on solid ground permanently. Just don't ever forget that the feelings you are having are NORMAL and to be expected. Keeping that in mind is very important for when those feelings come on unexpectedly and self doubt tries to settle in. Just keep on walking on solid ground, nomatter what, and you'll make it girl!!!

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