stampdaddy Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 I don't know what to post here exactly as too much information is not a good thing sometimes, BUT I will try: Yesterday, I found myself standing at the last possible exit ramp, while I watched her and the bus she has been riding fly on by, not even slowing down, as she plummets herself and her family through the warning barriers and eventually off the end of the bridge to heartbreak... This of course is an analogy. All this time, I kept thinking/HOPING she would/could do the "right thing", and exit off of the freeway.. Perhaps it was 3 years ago, when she got them into counselling, maybe she could have said more than she was not happy. INSTEAD, she left it up to the councellor to tell H that the marriage wasnt working. Maybe it was counselling attempt #2, but no, the same. Maybe it is when I said in June of 2007 that all we have become is an Affair, that the progress had stopped, and I did NOT want that anymore, for any of us. Maybe it could have been the next ramp, Exit DDay... NOPE and how about all of sleepless, hurtful nights the BH was begging for the truth, and could ONLY get it if he called ME. nada Should have been so many times, so many different opportunities to do the right thing, and EVERY SINGLE TIME, I would run up to the next exit ramp, and just hope that THIS TIME, she would get off. But she never did... Yesterday, as the Notary stamp came slamming down upon her signature, she passed the absolute last exit to do the "RIGHT" thing... Now all of that stuff that I had been saving for her, her BH might need..... She will just take what she needs from him.. *****I dont want alot of comments here, especially the "I told you so's. I am not looking for sympathy either. I am fine, and now, I can walk away. I DID make it to the last exit after all, the rest, lies on her...... Link to post Share on other sites
greengoddess Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 Stamp I don't understand. Is her divorce final and now you don't want her anymore? Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 Stamp its really hard to see a loved one for what and who they really are. And then, its just as hard to accept it once you see it. ((SD)) Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 I don't understand either. But again, i am so sorry you are hurting. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 Yesterday, as the Notary stamp came slamming down upon her signature, she passed the absolute last exit to do the "RIGHT" thing... It's been a long road, Stamp, and it's time to pull over and check in to a vacant room to rest. Rest well and get your head clear. Who knows what the next adventure will bring? I hope it's a good one. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 The new path/road will be healthier one for you. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 Stamp I don't understand. Is her divorce final and now you don't want her anymore? more like the divorce is final and she had every chance to take the high road while dealing with the end of the marriage, but didn't. And it's been a harsh reality check, because he still hoped that she would "do right" by her husband when it came to their family ... Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 Stamp I don't understand. Is her divorce final and now you don't want her anymore? more like the divorce is final and she had every chance to take the high road while dealing with the end of the marriage, but didn't. And it's been a harsh reality check, because he still hoped that she would "do right" by her husband when it came to their family ...He had his standards and even though he loves her he would have liked her to step up to them. Even if it wasn't to benefit himself. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 ...She'll betray you, just like she did to him. She wasnt happy in the marriage because of her husband, she wasnt happy because something is F-ed up inside of her, say what you will. but she isnt no good. ...and now you see that too. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 Don't look back. Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 Shemp, my son, Take any exit, follow any bend in the road, and a NEW scene appears. Consider yourself lucky that you will get to see it with a FREE heart. Adios, Amigo Link to post Share on other sites
JeezLouise Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 (((((Stampdaddy))))) Pain is always pain, no matter the source or reason. Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 Stamp - maybe I am being dense but by last exit ramp and doing the right thing do you mean telling her H about you and the affair? If you are, its not really surprising she didnt fess up at this point - if she didnt in all these years, why now that the ink is dry. Seeing the ink dry without the changes is in some ways, watching someone die of a terminal illness. Its not a shock when they actually pass away, but still the final grieving doesnt occur until they actually pass on. I think it may be the same for you here. At a certain point, you knew that she wasnt up to coming clean with everything, but you held that hope in the back of your mind that a miracle would happen. And now the ink is dry, and now the final grieving can take place. I hope that in time you are able to find peace with this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted May 16, 2009 Author Share Posted May 16, 2009 Stamp - maybe I am being dense but by last exit ramp and doing the right thing do you mean telling her H about you and the affair? If you are, its not really surprising she didnt fess up at this point - if she didnt in all these years, why now that the ink is dry. Seeing the ink dry without the changes is in some ways, watching someone die of a terminal illness. Its not a shock when they actually pass away, but still the final grieving doesnt occur until they actually pass on. I think it may be the same for you here. At a certain point, you knew that she wasnt up to coming clean with everything, but you held that hope in the back of your mind that a miracle would happen. And now the ink is dry, and now the final grieving can take place. I hope that in time you are able to find peace with this. No, no, no. The H knows about the affair, very much knows about the affair. Doing the "right" thing means MANY things. Many different things. Some bigger than others. But it seems that no matter how big or small, she NEVER chose that path. (or exit ramp) The ink is NOT dry yet, the D process is just getting going and will take a long, hurtful time. And this LAST EXIT RAMP is referring to how she chose to handle the D... EVERYBODY LOSES, but especially her family..... This isnt about me losing her, this is about HER losing HER (and probably everything important) Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 Pardon me I got it all wrong. Then it sounds like this may not be the last exit ramp unless you are really finally ready to throw in the towel. I hope for your sake it is the last exit ramp. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted May 16, 2009 Author Share Posted May 16, 2009 Pardon me I got it all wrong. Then it sounds like this may not be the last exit ramp unless you are really finally ready to throw in the towel. I hope for your sake it is the last exit ramp. No need for pardons... It was her last chance to do the right thing, and again, I am NOT talking about MY benefit. This is about her family and their benefit. This is about NOT thinking about anybody else in this world except herself, and the ramifications of her choices now will be disasterous. This is about at the end of all of this, the last place I will want to be, the last place I should be, is in her mess. Her family will spend YEARS trying to fix this, and I won't be able to help her or them. I also do not want to be the "face" of HER choices, or lack thereof... Link to post Share on other sites
Mino Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 What are you saying Stamp, do you now think she should have stayed in her marriage and try to work it out for her families sake? I would assume she IS doing the right thing by getting a D. Nobody has been happy in the family for years. Its time she does the right thing and remove herself from the M , giving everybody , including herself a chance to heal and begin a fresh start. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted May 16, 2009 Author Share Posted May 16, 2009 What are you saying Stamp, do you now think she should have stayed in her marriage and try to work it out for her families sake? I would assume she IS doing the right thing by getting a D. Nobody has been happy in the family for years. Its time she does the right thing and remove herself from the M , giving everybody , including herself a chance to heal and begin a fresh start. This is not what I am saying. What I am saying is that she should gracefully take her medicine, should have been honest all this time, not do futher damage to the "bigger picture" in everybody's lives and try to salvage what she can with her BH. INSTEAD, "let's let the judge decide" is just another stupid, f*cking irresponsible lack of integrity, lack of thoughtfulness for anybody, INCLUDING herself, lack of ownership of any of this.. Her own words were, "I am so f*cked up right now, I have nothing to offer anybody, including my own children". So, let's just act like a zombie, go to the attorney's office and just sign whatever they propose I should do.... So, like I said earlier, she won't need my stupid little things I have been saving up for her and her children, HE will! So, somebody ask me "How do you REALLY feel, Stampy?" Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 Thanks I am with you now. You had faith in her all these years that sooner or later she would do the right thing. That sooner or later something would kick in and she would own her part of the demise of her marriage and try to be a postive force in determining how her family will cope with the divorce and their life thereafter. And she has let herself and her family down yet again... And in the process she has alientated you even further... Shes passive aggressive to the core. And she will live to regret this. It sounds like she is suffering from serious depression. One day when she hits rock bottom, she will have to deal with that, and starts to care about her future. Until then she is right. She is not of any use to her children. Hopefully her H is in a better place and able to provide a stable environment for the children. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted May 16, 2009 Author Share Posted May 16, 2009 Bingo!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 I feel for you Stamp. Reading your threads over the past few months you have been to hell and back with this. Getting out of the A and letting go is one thing. Giving up any hope in the furthest reaches of your heart, that things may one day be different is another. Godspeed. Link to post Share on other sites
Die Hard Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 Hate to be a downer here stamp but it needs pointing out that you've said all this before in previous threads, yet here you are, still concerning yourself with this woman's marriage, divorce, etc.. You keep saying its over then coming back and saying now it's really over. How much contact are you still in with this woman? I won't flame you but please be honest. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 I'm assuming that he's been reading the writing on the wall all along, giving her chances to show her character, and it has finally built up to the point that he needs no more proof of her intentions. He is watching them being played out and doesn't like what he sees. Perhaps this was the last straw? Link to post Share on other sites
Die Hard Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 I'm assuming that he's been reading the writing on the wall all along, giving her chances to show her character, and it has finally built up to the point that he needs no more proof of her intentions. He is watching them being played out and doesn't like what he sees. Perhaps this was the last straw?this sounds reasonable it's just that I'm curious as to the "watching" part of your post. How does one "watch" the actions of another as it pertains to someone else's marriage? I have no idea how anyone's marriage is going or not going by just watching. There must be contact going on here which would also mean that stamp is still interfering, even if passively. It makes no sense to keep saying it's over if it REALLY has been over. I am not getting that stamp is done yet. Just my opinion but it seems to be just the daily drama continuing. Link to post Share on other sites
Die Hard Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 Just for clarity when I say over I mean over in stamps head. From the posts I get that he is still holding on to some kind of hope, and by extension, is still involving himself in this, even if only emotionally. My question to stamp would be when are you TRULY going to move on and not look back? When are you going to put this woman and her marriage in the PAST and start TRULY building a new life without this woman being ANY kind of consideration? Link to post Share on other sites
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