dreamy1945 Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 Ii posted yesterday in another forum but only got 1 response. These questions could apply to any situation in a relationship. If one person (man)breaks off the relationship and then a few days later (woman) finds out alot of details that showed he had lied to her should she.... Get in contact and tell him he is a liar or Be nice and say nothing? I think the person should know that he is caught in the lies. Anyone else? Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 If the relationship is over, what would be my point/purpose for telling him, after the fact, that I found out whatever about him? Would he even care that I know? Would it phase him if I told him that I knew? If he already broke up with me, I'd guess he probably couldn't give a rat's behind. But, if I thought that 'confronting' him would make ME feel better, then I'd do it. I wouldn't see it as being "nice" to not say anything. For me, I'd be looking at which of the two options would allow me to keep my own dignity and self-respect. That is, I'd be looking for ways to "be nice" to ME; to make me feel good about myself...and the heck with him. I wouldn't be trying to make him feel "good" or "bad". I'd just not be bothered about his feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 she should just walk away and consider herself lucky to have gotten out of the relationship. contacting him – even if it is to just call the guy a lying bastard – just keeps the line of communication open when it really doesn't need to be open. just my opinion Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 He is the liar who broke up with the girl, and then the girl finds out that he was lying? If I were the girl, then I would leave it all alone. It doesn't have anything to do with being "nice"; it has to do with not continuing to wipe dog poo on my shoes. Why would I waste my time with someone who is just going to deny and to spin his version of the lies and try to convince me that I am crazy? Link to post Share on other sites
wildsoul Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 If it's over, then don't give him the satisfaction of making contact. Don't let him know that he's got you upset. Move on. When he contacts you (and that's probably) then, by all means, fire with both barrels. Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 I take it you arent talking about "any" relationship you are talking about MM? The "right" advice would be to say nothing and walk away with grace and dignity as per the above. I know myself and I have never been able to do that. I feel better (at the expense of my dignity perhaps) when I vent my anger at the person. But in this situation if you dont take the graceful lady like way out you MUST realize that he is most likely to pile more lies on top of those he has already told. He may tell you that you got it all wrong, blame it on you, try to confuse you or cajole you etc etc etc. So be wary of your motives for confronting him if that is what you decide to do. If you want him looking for him to tell you it was all a mistake your wish will be granted EVEN IF ITS A SACK OF LIES - do you want a sack of lies? The lies may take the form of telling you that you got it all wrong or that you got it right and he is so so so so sorry and he will make it up to you (so he can get back in). Either way its a sack of lies. Or he may become aggressive. You know him we dont. There is some remote chance he may apologize and mean it and leave you to get on with your life. But since that is unlikely I dont see anything good coming of engaging with him, unless you feel a real need to vent and know that you will feel much better and you will not be swayed by anything he says. Link to post Share on other sites
Dark-N-Romantic Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 Depends on the situation Dreamy... If you are someone can suffer serious consequences from the lies or new information (i.e. you found out you got an STD from the person and you KNOW that is the only person you were with, Hell yeah. If an spouse or lover is coming at you, yeah). If it is not serious and has on bearing on your life, I say let it go. You know he or she was a liar to you, let it be a lesson learn. DNR Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 Ii posted yesterday in another forum but only got 1 response. These questions could apply to any situation in a relationship. If one person (man)breaks off the relationship and then a few days later (woman) finds out alot of details that showed he had lied to her should she.... Get in contact and tell him he is a liar or Be nice and say nothing? I think the person should know that he is caught in the lies. Anyone else? If he said "man" broke it off, and is no longer an item with the "lied to" party, then whats the point? They aren't dating any longer and the "lied to" party should feel great that she is no longer with the ahole. Link to post Share on other sites
Nyx Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 I don't know who is in the right and who is in the wrong, anymore than anyone else here. But if you feel this guy has lied to you, you have to decide what would make you feel best. There's a lot of mileage in the argument re preserving your dignity, but that might be difficult in the short term and only apply in the long term when you haven't seen him for ages and it doesn't matter a hoot one way or another how he felt. There's also an argument that you should tell him you know he's a liar. It might not make a lot of difference to him one way or another, only you know that, but if it makes you feel better then do it! You could always block his communication channels after, thus having the last word. Take the course that will give you closure, whatever that might be, and either way don't look back. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted September 23, 2008 Share Posted September 23, 2008 Ii posted yesterday in another forum but only got 1 response. These questions could apply to any situation in a relationship. If one person (man)breaks off the relationship and then a few days later (woman) finds out alot of details that showed he had lied to her should she.... Get in contact and tell him he is a liar or Be nice and say nothing? I think the person should know that he is caught in the lies. Anyone else? If the R is broken off, why should the woman care enough to confront the man? It's over. Who cares if he lied or not? It's not going any farther. The woman should just move on. Link to post Share on other sites
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