SnowWhite924 Posted August 16, 2008 Share Posted August 16, 2008 I need to vent! My exMM came back from vacation yesterday. Today is day 17 of NC. I've had good and bad days, mostly good. But today, I find myself doing nothing but thinking about him and missing him. I'm missing my buddy! We got along so well. We would talk about anything and everything, go bike riding together, and things like that, like friends do. I miss my friend! We were lovers too but that really took a back seat to it all. I can't stop checking my email to see if he's sent an email or text. He hasn't yet but I know eventually he will. My heart is aching for him today which kills me because I know what's best for me and staying away from him is it. I'm not going to contact him and I'm sure of that. I don't know what type of response I'm looking for by posting this. I think it just helps to post. Link to post Share on other sites
xxxheartbrokenxxx Posted August 16, 2008 Share Posted August 16, 2008 I need to vent! My exMM came back from vacation yesterday. Today is day 17 of NC. I've had good and bad days, mostly good. But today, I find myself doing nothing but thinking about him and missing him. I'm missing my buddy! We got along so well. We would talk about anything and everything, go bike riding together, and things like that, like friends do. I miss my friend! We were lovers too but that really took a back seat to it all. I can't stop checking my email to see if he's sent an email or text. He hasn't yet but I know eventually he will. My heart is aching for him today which kills me because I know what's best for me and staying away from him is it. I'm not going to contact him and I'm sure of that. I don't know what type of response I'm looking for by posting this. I think it just helps to post. Hey there So sorry to hear you miss xMM loads but well done for not contacting him you are a really strong character & you obviously realize NC is the best thing for you in the long run - whose decision was it to go NC - yours or his? Do something to take your mind off him - meet a friend, do some house chores, watch a film - anything that will make you feel better. I know how it feels - Ive been 3 weeks with NC from my MM, prior to that NC went on for 5 weeks (all on his terms ) & Ive been feeling really low about my situation but Im going out tonight with friends to forget about him - even if its just for a few hours! Take care x Link to post Share on other sites
Author SnowWhite924 Posted August 16, 2008 Author Share Posted August 16, 2008 NC was my idea not his. Actually, we never officially declared NC. Two days before he was leaving for vacation, we were going to meet. I didn't want to meet him because at that point, I just wanted to end our R and meeting him to end it right before his vacation didn't seem right to me. I didn't want him to be bummed out during his vacation. (how nice of me!) So, I text him and tell him I wasn't feeling good about us again (we've been there before) and text him that it would be better if we didn't meet. I told him I just couldn't handle our situation any longer and I was sorry. He texts me and says 'when I get back home and you wanna talk, you know how to reach me. I'm sorry too'. A week past while he was still away and he sent me a pix text of the sunrise and said 'Just wanted to say hi'. I never responded. Here we are, 17 days of NC, never officially declard but he knows it. I'm still determined to get on with my life without him and that's why I'm sticking with NC. It feels good to get this out. Thx. Link to post Share on other sites
wildsoul Posted August 16, 2008 Share Posted August 16, 2008 I think it's really good to acknowledge that you are tempted/obsessed/craving. Good job for not keeping it a secret. I know that sometimes it's tempting to keep it a secret, because later, if you should slip then it's more obvious that you betrayed yourself. So you're being honest with yourself and us, your virtual witnesses. I'd like to acknowledge that it's perfectly understandable, in fact to be expected, that you're triggered today. You've done a great job of getting through NC withdrawals! He seems a little easier to reach now, and as you said, you think he will probably contact you, so the temptation is stronger. What might help make your boundary stronger than your longing for him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author SnowWhite924 Posted August 16, 2008 Author Share Posted August 16, 2008 What might help make your boundary stronger than your longing for him?[/quote] Thinking what is best for me is keeping me from contacting him. Thinking about my H and how lucky I am to have him. Thinking about how upset I am at myself for getting involved in an A. And knowing how it feels to have that 'weight' on my shoulders when I'm in the A, THAT keeps me from contacting him. Missing and longing for him is not as bad as carrying that 'weight' on my shoulders. Link to post Share on other sites
crystal_lostheart Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 Hey SW, I think you have done a really brave thing. I get the whole missing thing. It's painful. Although we know that we are better off deep down inside- it never stops us from missing them. It's the hold they have over us, that ongoing hope that we think everything will work out. It's a horrible feeling that unless you are the OW, nobody could ever understand. Hope the sun shines for you tommorrow and you start to feel a little better Hugs Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 Right there with you snow white. He is back sometime today and much as I know I am far better off if I hear nothing from him (and he thinks I am away now anyway) I do keep checking. But that is OK checking is different than breaking NC. Eventually we will be so caught up in living our lives we will stop checking. And this will all be behind us - that day cant come soon enough. Link to post Share on other sites
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