Betrayed seeking attention from MARRIED co-worker!!

[smileysmile]

I post on Separation/divorce forum so my story is floating around there since October 2007.

I thought I would post here for this question.

 

After 9 mths of moving out of our marital home and living in our own homes I have just found out after mths of sitting on the nagging thoughts of lies my STBXW has concocted to 1. keep me off her back and 2. because she is in denial and 3. Because shes such a moralist lady she wouldn't do such a thing.

I have found out that her ex co-worker who left in October last year to a nearby company was married and cheating behind his wifes back and they only married June 2007!

She knowingly got involved with him having told me he had said he was now separated and she told me he pursued her when he found out she had separated and his persistance led them to have sex next to my daughters bedroom in November last year.

I found him hiding behind her bedroom door when I dropped my daughter off in January this year. From then on I knew something was not quite right when he legged it down the stairs pushing past my daughter and into his car. I have found out that was the last tiime he called but not quite sure but I would hazard a guess this to be true now that I have spoken to the slimey toad and he is denying having anything physical with ex. He is denying the fact that back in November in the 1st week of visiting my exes new house it was the dye off his jeans that caused the stain on exes new cream suite she had just had delivered. When I had read the texts from him that said he appologised for it. I spoke to him 3 days ago when he rang my mobile phone and he even wanted to meet me. He sounded nervous and he was crapping himself.

He told me he was with his wife and I said well that is different to what I had been told.

Now before anybody says it is none of my business well I think it is that know the truth and what my ex is capable of doing. Knowingly sneeking about with this married man she had known in work for 3 years. How could she do this to another woman?? And now she is protecting him and her sorry a*se! Ringing me 2 nights ago ranting and raving at 1am!! This went on until 2.30am her ringing me and leaving 4 messages on my mobile answering machine. I disconnected the phone etc

She is shocked that I have the intellience to research my facts on what was going on here to the woman I once loved.

 

Ok I have had the wife of the OM ringing me and I appologised for contacting her but I just wanted to know if it was true she was separted? And she was not separated. She was shocked to hear what I had to say and I said I don't want to cause trouble but I feel this isn't right to cheat on your wife. And if I hadn't spooked him whenhe hid behind her bedroom door (he was fully clothed) then maybe he would have still called round.

 

Now my ex is saying I am not acting rationally and shouldn't be around my daughter. So she for now has stoppd me seeing her, To me guys, believe me I am calm and always will be EVEN around my daughter as I love her to bits. But my ex knows the only way to get back at me is to use my daughter against me.

 

She has lied on out D life that nothing happened and has forgotten all the text messages from mths ago and messages on answering machine which I have kept plus she told me in November last year that they had heavily kissed and got it on! Plus I have read her text messages to him that time in November when I was looking after our D in her house and she left her phone on the cupboard when she left for work. This is how it all started. Now if he was separated and single fair enough. After the crap we went through she sought attention from another man. But he cheated on his unsuspecting wifre and she aided and abetted him.

 

I married this woman who accuses me of irrational behaviour when she humped a M man in the bed next to my daughter!

Who is going to tell me this is none of my business when this is my D??

She has even told me D would be in bed if she brought anybody around. Lies lies and more lies!

She is controlling our D. One set of rules for her and another for me.

 

I really mean it she was crapping herslf when I sprung the MM wifes name on her. I knew for a few mths. I had to get my facts right. I wanted to know was the person I married and is the mother of my D capable of these things when over the time we were together she would dump me if I cheated once and no coming back. I thought she had certain morals and ethical values.

 

I have exposed these lies and her reputation. Now she is worried I am going all guns blazing to tell the world but as I know she has concocted denial plans with this MM.

All I wanted her to do is show some integrity and just admit it. I was weak etc etc

I can compare her to a villain caught red handed being interrogated by the police and acting indenial trying to pull the wool over there eyes.

 

What I would like to know is even though in my heart I know she would have been loyal to me if we were still together. That she was betrayed and hurt by me.

What was she thinking by falling for this MM attention? Knowing he was M. Therefore cheating on his wife. Would she have been in the right frame of mind? Do you think that a MM could not hurt her anymore than she was already?

I would be interested to hear of any women who can relate to my ex.

 

Please give me some insight into her irrational thinking with this M co worker.

Come to think of it he was due to leave for another company and 1. he is M so could not hurt her and 2. By not working in her place anymore it would be less awkward.

[bentnotbroken]

See a lawyer about custody arrangements. Get it in writing and when she decides to keep your child from you, go to the police. That's what court ordered visitation will do for you. If you have proof take it with you.

 

You need to decide once and for all what you want from her and your relationship. I would advise remaining separated and seeking a D. But that is why you need to decide and then see and attorney. Get tested for STD's. You did the right thing in telling the om wife. She needed to know what was going on in her life. What she does with that info is up to her.

 

Your W is in the A fog. And she will not think rationally, it is up to you to do that for you and your daughter's benefit. God Bless You.

[smileysmile]

cheers..

 

I would think it was him having the affair behind his wifes back myself and W were S and she has already filed for divorce though dragging her heels so it is only now that D papers are due to be served on me but her knowingly being with him what is that classed as?

 

Keeping our D away from me is her way of hurting me etc.

 

She thinks I am harrassing her but me finally exposing the truth about her irrational behaviour with MM is not harrassment in my eyes. It has just taken this amount of time to learn the facts. And for her to say I am the unstable and irrational one is rich coming from her. I haven't stalked her or bombarded her with calls or threatened her. I have been a good father to my D when I have had her and I have stuck to the visitation rota which she divided in the last 7 mths.

[OWoman]

Please give me some insight into her irrational thinking with this M co worker.

 

Smiley I'm sorry but she doesn't strike me as the irrational one here.

 

Exactly what are you getting exercised about? The fact that she has moved on and you haven't? The fact that they had sex next to your daughter's bedroom? Had you and your W never had sex when your daughter was aseep in her bedroom? Why should it be an issue if she's having sex with someone else? Or is that the issue for you - that she is having sex with someone else,, and not with you?

 

I'm afraid your post was a little difficult to make head or tale of - you're clearly very upset about something - though it's not entirely clear what - and nor is it clear what you're looking for here.

 

I'm sure you'll get more replies that might help you if you can be more specific about what you're actually looking for.

[smileysmile]

I might have known Owoman I would get this reply from you!

 

You being the OW maybe something to do with your comments.

 

The first thing which I don't think you would understand because you are the OW.. and I think I have slated you once for your antics...

 

So let me repeat again. This man is MARRIED and his wife does not know that he is cheating and my STBXW who I M 2 yrs ago June and was in love with and regardless of the reasons we broke up I knew she was or thought I knew her moral and ethic values (do you have them??) and knowingly as his accomplice performed dirty deeds under the roof of my D. She is not in a R with him it was a sordid affair. Am I getting through to you!!??

 

This particular case is concern of mine as it does involve MY daughter and roles reversed I am sure my STBXW would have the same concern as mine. But she cowardly won't admit to it now she has been found out for reasons I have already mentioned. I married her because I thought she had values and that is why I am asking everybody who maybe able to help shed some light on the way she is feeling and why she may have done this?

 

I know her family and she comes from a good background so they would be very disappointed if the truth came out. This is what she is worried about. Now I need to understand why she did this with a M man and not somebody who is single. There are plenty of single men out there. Yes she knew him (3 yrs) yes it was closer to home and she didnt have to go looking. So did that make it right?? Or was she not thinking straight because of our breakup. You carry on OW..we seem to be different here.

 

Now unless you are in my position you can't judge my feelings for why I am concerned because I was M to this woman and most of all we share a child.

 

Can somebody shed some better advice on this? I know my ex is hurt and still gets upset when she sees me as far as when she sees me being nice and 'normal' and it winds her up because we would still be together if I treated her right. Again read my original posts as I am not explaining my situation here. Also she says when she sees me being nice and normal when I pick our D up just by looking at me causes her pain because it brings back memories.

[OWoman]

I might have known Owoman I would get this reply from you!

 

You being the OW maybe something to do with your comments.

 

The first thing which I don't think you would understand because you are the OW.. and I think I have slated you once for your antics...

 

 

This being the OW forum, yes you will get replies from OWs. If you don't want replies from OWs, perhaps you'd prefer to post elsewhere?