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3 wks of NC - he moves out


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Hi friends,

 

Well he moved out after 3 years of waiting. He told me that once I was gone he could see all the stuff that was going on that he could not see before becuase he always had me to run to. The marriage was already on the rocks and he said she said one thing and he made his decision to move out.

 

He text me saying he had some good news that was great and we needed to talk. Then he says...I got my own place. It is fully furnished and everything. When I went to visit, I couldnt even get comfortable. I must have fell out. I did not see it coming at all. My mind is still spinning. His is too. It is all crazy.

 

He told me he wanted to apologize for everything that happen in the end. He wants to take his time to figure out what he wants to do as far as his life and our relationship and everything in general. I think it kinda sucks but at the same time, he needs time to be sure of his feelings and all that so I dont mind. He acts like he wants me around but you know how that goes,

 

My plan is to keep doing what I am doing in my own life. I told him I would like to be his lady but not right now cause there is so much uncertainty in the air.

 

Your thoughts

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whichwayisup

You're doing the right thing by taking it slowly and giving him time alone to sort stuff out.

 

Him moving out is a step, but just because he has his own place doesn't mean they're completely over. Time will tell and so will divorce papers.

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You're doing the right thing by taking it slowly and giving him time alone to sort stuff out.

 

Him moving out is a step, but just because he has his own place doesn't mean they're completely over. Time will tell and so will divorce papers.

 

Whichway....you are right!! I'm just going to take it slow. Who knows what is going to happen next...ANYTHING

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whichwayisup

The thing is, IS divorce next on the list, or has he moved out and just separated? What has he told his wife? Is this just a break between the two of them, time apart to think?

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I just ended a 5 year affair with MM. He moved out 6 times during the A. We moved in together many times.

 

Be assured that I ended the A because no divorce papers were ever produced.

 

Please give yourself time to think about what YOU want. Don't worry so much about giving him time to sort things out.

 

Just my opinion.

 

Great luck to you.

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I just ended a 5 year affair with MM. He moved out 6 times during the A. We moved in together many times.

 

Be assured that I ended the A because no divorce papers were ever produced.

 

Please give yourself time to think about what YOU want. Don't worry so much about giving him time to sort things out.

 

Just my opinion.

 

Great luck to you.

 

I sell homes for a living and my thought is that he is not a "serious" buyer so I am going to keep my options open. He got me once...shame on him...get me again..shame on me

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Well he moved out after 3 years of waiting. He told me that once I was gone he could see all the stuff that was going on that he could not see before becuase he always had me to run to...

 

He told me he wanted to apologize for everything that happen in the end. He wants to take his time to figure out what he wants to do as far as his life and our relationship and everything in general...

 

My plan is to keep doing what I am doing in my own life. I told him I would like to be his lady but not right now cause there is so much uncertainty in the air.

 

9Lives I am so proud of you!! :bunny::bunny: You put your foot down and did what was right for YOU. I think he's doing the right thing as well. I agree, just keep doing what you're already doing -- carving out your own life, independent of him. If it's meant to be, it will happen. You're both making sure that (if it happens) it'll be done the RIGHT way. Go You!!

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Hi friends,

 

Well he moved out after 3 years of waiting. He told me that once I was gone he could see all the stuff that was going on that he could not see before becuase he always had me to run to. The marriage was already on the rocks and he said she said one thing and he made his decision to move out.

 

He text me saying he had some good news that was great and we needed to talk. Then he says...I got my own place. It is fully furnished and everything. When I went to visit, I couldnt even get comfortable. I must have fell out. I did not see it coming at all. My mind is still spinning. His is too. It is all crazy.

 

He told me he wanted to apologize for everything that happen in the end. He wants to take his time to figure out what he wants to do as far as his life and our relationship and everything in general. I think it kinda sucks but at the same time, he needs time to be sure of his feelings and all that so I dont mind. He acts like he wants me around but you know how that goes,

 

My plan is to keep doing what I am doing in my own life. I told him I would like to be his lady but not right now cause there is so much uncertainty in the air.

 

Your thoughts

 

You have your thinking cap on thats good.

 

If he is still ify about being with you, distance yourself. His intentions might not include marrying you or you being his lady. Let him find out that singlehood is not what its cracked out to be, then he will realy decide who he wants to be with!

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You have your thinking cap on thats good.

 

If he is still ify about being with you, distance yourself. His intentions might not include marrying you or you being his lady. Let him find out that singlehood is not what its cracked out to be, then he will realy decide who he wants to be with!

 

I agree. I dont trust him anymore...Not with my heart. He might do the right thing by me but I just dont trust him like that. I told him what I want and but I have to stay on my toes. No more la la land for 9Lives...that's over

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9Lives I am so proud of you!! :bunny::bunny: You put your foot down and did what was right for YOU. I think he's doing the right thing as well. I agree, just keep doing what you're already doing -- carving out your own life, independent of him. If it's meant to be, it will happen. You're both making sure that (if it happens) it'll be done the RIGHT way. Go You!!

 

I cant take a whole lot of credit...we have taught each other well. We have been here for each other

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I just ended a 5 year affair with MM. He moved out 6 times during the A. We moved in together many times.

 

Be assured that I ended the A because no divorce papers were ever produced.

 

Please give yourself time to think about what YOU want. Don't worry so much about giving him time to sort things out.

 

Just my opinion.

 

Great luck to you.

 

There are so many similarities. My xMM moved out and I wasn't as smart as 9Lives. I thought, "great, this means we are going to be together forever!" WWIU is so right -- only divorce papers will tell. And you have no idea what he is telling his wife. My xMM said he was confused, he missed his house and the things he shared with his wife although supposedly he loved me and he didn't miss his wife, he wanted to feel "okay" about getting divorced, he was waiting for his wife to be "okay" with getting divorced. All this time he would be saying he wants us to be together and he is really getting divorced very "soon"... and when I started to get restless waiting for his confused mind to make itself up, he would even give me time periods like "two weeks" which would come and go unnoticed to him.

 

I loved him but I loved myself more. I have more to do with my life than wait around on his confused mind. I hope your situation is not the same. I think he is closer to getting divorced than a lot of MMs because he actually moved out, and his wife obviously knows *something*'s up, although who knows what he's actually telling her about his reasons and motivations. You are smart to keep distant and protect yourself. I hope he gets divorced and comes to you. You will know you did everything right and he really wants to be with you. But I think you are so smart to hope for the best (that scenario :) and plan for the worst... good for you.

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No more la la land for 9Lives...that's over

 

I forgot to mention -- this is my favorite part of what you said. :) It reminds me of the song "Not a Virgin" by Poe:

 

"Just thought you should know

before you let another lie

slip through those crooked little teeth--

I don't think you wanna start that **** with me

 

Much better yet,

tell me something dangerous and true.

Oh yeah that looks much sexier on you

 

Careful what it is you say

'Cause I can see right through you

On a cloudy day and darlin' I think you wanna play

I'm not a virgin anymore

 

Daisy chains and maryjanes,

happy ending fairy tales

cannot fool me now"

 

You go girl.

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There are so many similarities. My xMM moved out and I wasn't as smart as 9Lives. I thought, "great, this means we are going to be together forever!" WWIU is so right -- only divorce papers will tell. And you have no idea what he is telling his wife. My xMM said he was confused, he missed his house and the things he shared with his wife although supposedly he loved me and he didn't miss his wife, he wanted to feel "okay" about getting divorced, he was waiting for his wife to be "okay" with getting divorced. All this time he would be saying he wants us to be together and he is really getting divorced very "soon"... and when I started to get restless waiting for his confused mind to make itself up, he would even give me time periods like "two weeks" which would come and go unnoticed to him.

 

I loved him but I loved myself more. I have more to do with my life than wait around on his confused mind. I hope your situation is not the same. I think he is closer to getting divorced than a lot of MMs because he actually moved out, and his wife obviously knows *something*'s up, although who knows what he's actually telling her about his reasons and motivations. You are smart to keep distant and protect yourself. I hope he gets divorced and comes to you. You will know you did everything right and he really wants to be with you. But I think you are so smart to hope for the best (that scenario :) and plan for the worst... good for you.

 

Man this sucks. I am just going to try to play it cool. I am going to date and give him time. He said he needs time. Let me tell you what she did.....They had a $2200 flat screen tv....and he told her he wanted it....she cut the cord on the TV...GUTS!!! He said no one in the house has respect for him and everyone does what they want to do. He was tired of it. I dont "think" he would return to that marriage but I wouldnt put money on it cause you never know. He seems to be okay but feels wierd about it. I think he is relieved but cant say for sure.

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Man this sucks. I am just going to try to play it cool. I am going to date and give him time. He said he needs time. Let me tell you what she did.....They had a $2200 flat screen tv....and he told her he wanted it....she cut the cord on the TV...GUTS!!! He said no one in the house has respect for him and everyone does what they want to do. He was tired of it. I dont "think" he would return to that marriage but I wouldnt put money on it cause you never know. He seems to be okay but feels wierd about it. I think he is relieved but cant say for sure.

 

I don't understand why they return to their marriages either. My xMM claimed that his wife was an alcoholic who verbally abused him and emotionally neglected him. I doubt some of that because he is obviously a liar, but I do believe that I treated him much better than his wife did, and his wife did neglect him, and yet that wasn't enough for him to get divorced like he claimed he wanted to do, and be with me. I have read about "tow dippers"... men who hate their bitchy wives but NEED them in their lives as mother figures or something. They try to get away from them but they get reeled back in because they are co-dependent. Well the wife can have him, I don't want him if he's like that, in my opinion they both have issues but I give her a bigger benefit of the doubt because I don't know her. I do know that she puts up with him when I have seen his lying, manipulation, cowardice, selfishness, etc... so she is a saint in a way.

 

I can't believe she cut the cord to the TV. Do you think he really pissed her off or she's just that vindictive? Who knows... I've learned that both people can get really nasty in a marriage/ divorce. I had to STOP trying to figure out the reasoning behind xMM and his W's interactions, because I could never understand it and all it did was drive me crazy. I finally had to start focusing on MY life and realize that, no matter how much I wanted to be with him, his marriage did not concern me. It sounds like you are doing the same. Congrats for moving on and dating... you will see by his continued actions whether or not he's serious about getting divorced and giving you all that you deserve.

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People losing respect for him seems to be a theme in his life. He must be doing something for that to happen.

 

Now, I wouldn't cut the cord on a $2200 TV, no matter how angry I was. I might change the locks on the home so he couldn't just come and take it whenever he wanted. And with the obvious lack of respect that everyone else in the home has for him, I would be assured that no one would open the door for him either.....LOL. Material items don't mean much to me, so truthfully, I'd probably just give it to him.

 

He doesn't sound like a good choice as a life partner. He also doesn't sound like he has much to really offer you when he so openly compares the two of you as if his actions have nothing to do with both situations.

 

Avoid him like the plague until he gets his act together is my thought.

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People losing respect for him seems to be a theme in his life. He must be doing something for that to happen.

 

Now, I wouldn't cut the cord on a $2200 TV, no matter how angry I was. I might change the locks on the home so he couldn't just come and take it whenever he wanted. And with the obvious lack of respect that everyone else in the home has for him, I would be assured that no one would open the door for him either.....LOL. Material items don't mean much to me, so truthfully, I'd probably just give it to him.

 

He doesn't sound like a good choice as a life partner. He also doesn't sound like he has much to really offer you when he so openly compares the two of you as if his actions have nothing to do with both situations.

 

Avoid him like the plague until he gets his act together is my thought.

 

Im not trying to take up for him, but for the most part, he is really a nice guy. I dont think he know how to make good choices or something. It is not my responsibility to make them for him though. I think she is crazy to be cutting on a expensive tv like that. He wasnt fightin her for it, he just said he wanted it. She wanted to fight so she cut the cord. That was crazy. She is one of those parents where the kids come before everyone and she dont like nobody telling her kids what to do. That is what has come between them really.

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Lookingforward
I don't understand why they return to their marriages either... I do believe that I treated him much better than his wife did, and his wife did neglect him, and yet that wasn't enough for him to get divorced like he claimed he wanted to do, and be with me. I have read about "tow dippers"... men who hate their bitchy wives but NEED them in their lives as mother figures or something. They try to get away from them but they get reeled back in because they are co-dependent.

 

nor can I, you keep thinking either it wasn't THAT bad and he was lying about it or he's an idiot LOL

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