LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > The Other Man / Woman

3 wks of NC - he moves out


The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 3rd March 2008, 3:31 PM   #1
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: United States
Posts: 2,535
3 wks of NC - he moves out

Hi friends,

Well he moved out after 3 years of waiting. He told me that once I was gone he could see all the stuff that was going on that he could not see before becuase he always had me to run to. The marriage was already on the rocks and he said she said one thing and he made his decision to move out.

He text me saying he had some good news that was great and we needed to talk. Then he says...I got my own place. It is fully furnished and everything. When I went to visit, I couldnt even get comfortable. I must have fell out. I did not see it coming at all. My mind is still spinning. His is too. It is all crazy.

He told me he wanted to apologize for everything that happen in the end. He wants to take his time to figure out what he wants to do as far as his life and our relationship and everything in general. I think it kinda sucks but at the same time, he needs time to be sure of his feelings and all that so I dont mind. He acts like he wants me around but you know how that goes,

My plan is to keep doing what I am doing in my own life. I told him I would like to be his lady but not right now cause there is so much uncertainty in the air.

Your thoughts
9Lives is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd March 2008, 3:39 PM   #2
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 57,820
You're doing the right thing by taking it slowly and giving him time alone to sort stuff out.

Him moving out is a step, but just because he has his own place doesn't mean they're completely over. Time will tell and so will divorce papers.
whichwayisup is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd March 2008, 3:43 PM   #3
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: United States
Posts: 2,535
Quote:
Originally Posted by whichwayisup View Post
You're doing the right thing by taking it slowly and giving him time alone to sort stuff out.

Him moving out is a step, but just because he has his own place doesn't mean they're completely over. Time will tell and so will divorce papers.
Whichway....you are right!! I'm just going to take it slow. Who knows what is going to happen next...ANYTHING
9Lives is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd March 2008, 3:46 PM   #4
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 57,820
The thing is, IS divorce next on the list, or has he moved out and just separated? What has he told his wife? Is this just a break between the two of them, time apart to think?
whichwayisup is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd March 2008, 3:48 PM   #5
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Florida
Posts: 33
I just ended a 5 year affair with MM. He moved out 6 times during the A. We moved in together many times.

Be assured that I ended the A because no divorce papers were ever produced.

Please give yourself time to think about what YOU want. Don't worry so much about giving him time to sort things out.

Just my opinion.

Great luck to you.
Allegrokw is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd March 2008, 4:53 PM   #6
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: United States
Posts: 2,535
Quote:
Originally Posted by Allegrokw View Post
I just ended a 5 year affair with MM. He moved out 6 times during the A. We moved in together many times.

Be assured that I ended the A because no divorce papers were ever produced.

Please give yourself time to think about what YOU want. Don't worry so much about giving him time to sort things out.

Just my opinion.

Great luck to you.
I sell homes for a living and my thought is that he is not a "serious" buyer so I am going to keep my options open. He got me once...shame on him...get me again..shame on me
9Lives is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd March 2008, 5:33 PM   #7
Established Member
 
OpenBook's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Deep South
Posts: 5,711
Quote:
Originally Posted by 9Lives View Post
Well he moved out after 3 years of waiting. He told me that once I was gone he could see all the stuff that was going on that he could not see before becuase he always had me to run to...

He told me he wanted to apologize for everything that happen in the end. He wants to take his time to figure out what he wants to do as far as his life and our relationship and everything in general...

My plan is to keep doing what I am doing in my own life. I told him I would like to be his lady but not right now cause there is so much uncertainty in the air.
9Lives I am so proud of you!! You put your foot down and did what was right for YOU. I think he's doing the right thing as well. I agree, just keep doing what you're already doing -- carving out your own life, independent of him. If it's meant to be, it will happen. You're both making sure that (if it happens) it'll be done the RIGHT way. Go You!!
__________________
"I prefer silent vice to ostentatious virtue." -Albert Einstein
OpenBook is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd March 2008, 6:02 PM   #8
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 365
Quote:
Originally Posted by 9Lives View Post
Hi friends,

Well he moved out after 3 years of waiting. He told me that once I was gone he could see all the stuff that was going on that he could not see before becuase he always had me to run to. The marriage was already on the rocks and he said she said one thing and he made his decision to move out.

He text me saying he had some good news that was great and we needed to talk. Then he says...I got my own place. It is fully furnished and everything. When I went to visit, I couldnt even get comfortable. I must have fell out. I did not see it coming at all. My mind is still spinning. His is too. It is all crazy.

He told me he wanted to apologize for everything that happen in the end. He wants to take his time to figure out what he wants to do as far as his life and our relationship and everything in general. I think it kinda sucks but at the same time, he needs time to be sure of his feelings and all that so I dont mind. He acts like he wants me around but you know how that goes,

My plan is to keep doing what I am doing in my own life. I told him I would like to be his lady but not right now cause there is so much uncertainty in the air.

Your thoughts
You have your thinking cap on thats good.

If he is still ify about being with you, distance yourself. His intentions might not include marrying you or you being his lady. Let him find out that singlehood is not what its cracked out to be, then he will realy decide who he wants to be with!
nextel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd March 2008, 6:26 PM   #9
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: United States
Posts: 2,535
Quote:
Originally Posted by nextel View Post
You have your thinking cap on thats good.

If he is still ify about being with you, distance yourself. His intentions might not include marrying you or you being his lady. Let him find out that singlehood is not what its cracked out to be, then he will realy decide who he wants to be with!
I agree. I dont trust him anymore...Not with my heart. He might do the right thing by me but I just dont trust him like that. I told him what I want and but I have to stay on my toes. No more la la land for 9Lives...that's over
9Lives is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd March 2008, 6:46 PM   #10
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: United States
Posts: 2,535
Quote:
Originally Posted by OpenBook View Post
9Lives I am so proud of you!! You put your foot down and did what was right for YOU. I think he's doing the right thing as well. I agree, just keep doing what you're already doing -- carving out your own life, independent of him. If it's meant to be, it will happen. You're both making sure that (if it happens) it'll be done the RIGHT way. Go You!!
I cant take a whole lot of credit...we have taught each other well. We have been here for each other
9Lives is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd March 2008, 6:59 PM   #11
Established Member
 
nadiaj2727's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 1,065
Quote:
Originally Posted by Allegrokw View Post
I just ended a 5 year affair with MM. He moved out 6 times during the A. We moved in together many times.

Be assured that I ended the A because no divorce papers were ever produced.

Please give yourself time to think about what YOU want. Don't worry so much about giving him time to sort things out.

Just my opinion.

Great luck to you.
There are so many similarities. My xMM moved out and I wasn't as smart as 9Lives. I thought, "great, this means we are going to be together forever!" WWIU is so right -- only divorce papers will tell. And you have no idea what he is telling his wife. My xMM said he was confused, he missed his house and the things he shared with his wife although supposedly he loved me and he didn't miss his wife, he wanted to feel "okay" about getting divorced, he was waiting for his wife to be "okay" with getting divorced. All this time he would be saying he wants us to be together and he is really getting divorced very "soon"... and when I started to get restless waiting for his confused mind to make itself up, he would even give me time periods like "two weeks" which would come and go unnoticed to him.

I loved him but I loved myself more. I have more to do with my life than wait around on his confused mind. I hope your situation is not the same. I think he is closer to getting divorced than a lot of MMs because he actually moved out, and his wife obviously knows *something*'s up, although who knows what he's actually telling her about his reasons and motivations. You are smart to keep distant and protect yourself. I hope he gets divorced and comes to you. You will know you did everything right and he really wants to be with you. But I think you are so smart to hope for the best (that scenario and plan for the worst... good for you.
__________________
---------------------
"The unexamined life is not worth living."
~Socrates
nadiaj2727 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd March 2008, 7:02 PM   #12
Established Member
 
nadiaj2727's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 1,065
Quote:
Originally Posted by 9Lives View Post
No more la la land for 9Lives...that's over
I forgot to mention -- this is my favorite part of what you said. It reminds me of the song "Not a Virgin" by Poe:

"Just thought you should know
before you let another lie
slip through those crooked little teeth--
I don't think you wanna start that **** with me

Much better yet,
tell me something dangerous and true.
Oh yeah that looks much sexier on you

Careful what it is you say
'Cause I can see right through you
On a cloudy day and darlin' I think you wanna play
I'm not a virgin anymore

Daisy chains and maryjanes,
happy ending fairy tales
cannot fool me now"

You go girl.
nadiaj2727 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd March 2008, 7:09 PM   #13
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: United States
Posts: 2,535
Quote:
Originally Posted by nadiaj2727 View Post
There are so many similarities. My xMM moved out and I wasn't as smart as 9Lives. I thought, "great, this means we are going to be together forever!" WWIU is so right -- only divorce papers will tell. And you have no idea what he is telling his wife. My xMM said he was confused, he missed his house and the things he shared with his wife although supposedly he loved me and he didn't miss his wife, he wanted to feel "okay" about getting divorced, he was waiting for his wife to be "okay" with getting divorced. All this time he would be saying he wants us to be together and he is really getting divorced very "soon"... and when I started to get restless waiting for his confused mind to make itself up, he would even give me time periods like "two weeks" which would come and go unnoticed to him.

I loved him but I loved myself more. I have more to do with my life than wait around on his confused mind. I hope your situation is not the same. I think he is closer to getting divorced than a lot of MMs because he actually moved out, and his wife obviously knows *something*'s up, although who knows what he's actually telling her about his reasons and motivations. You are smart to keep distant and protect yourself. I hope he gets divorced and comes to you. You will know you did everything right and he really wants to be with you. But I think you are so smart to hope for the best (that scenario and plan for the worst... good for you.
Man this sucks. I am just going to try to play it cool. I am going to date and give him time. He said he needs time. Let me tell you what she did.....They had a $2200 flat screen tv....and he told her he wanted it....she cut the cord on the TV...GUTS!!! He said no one in the house has respect for him and everyone does what they want to do. He was tired of it. I dont "think" he would return to that marriage but I wouldnt put money on it cause you never know. He seems to be okay but feels wierd about it. I think he is relieved but cant say for sure.
9Lives is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd March 2008, 7:19 PM   #14
Established Member
 
nadiaj2727's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 1,065
Quote:
Originally Posted by 9Lives View Post
Man this sucks. I am just going to try to play it cool. I am going to date and give him time. He said he needs time. Let me tell you what she did.....They had a $2200 flat screen tv....and he told her he wanted it....she cut the cord on the TV...GUTS!!! He said no one in the house has respect for him and everyone does what they want to do. He was tired of it. I dont "think" he would return to that marriage but I wouldnt put money on it cause you never know. He seems to be okay but feels wierd about it. I think he is relieved but cant say for sure.
I don't understand why they return to their marriages either. My xMM claimed that his wife was an alcoholic who verbally abused him and emotionally neglected him. I doubt some of that because he is obviously a liar, but I do believe that I treated him much better than his wife did, and his wife did neglect him, and yet that wasn't enough for him to get divorced like he claimed he wanted to do, and be with me. I have read about "tow dippers"... men who hate their bitchy wives but NEED them in their lives as mother figures or something. They try to get away from them but they get reeled back in because they are co-dependent. Well the wife can have him, I don't want him if he's like that, in my opinion they both have issues but I give her a bigger benefit of the doubt because I don't know her. I do know that she puts up with him when I have seen his lying, manipulation, cowardice, selfishness, etc... so she is a saint in a way.

I can't believe she cut the cord to the TV. Do you think he really pissed her off or she's just that vindictive? Who knows... I've learned that both people can get really nasty in a marriage/ divorce. I had to STOP trying to figure out the reasoning behind xMM and his W's interactions, because I could never understand it and all it did was drive me crazy. I finally had to start focusing on MY life and realize that, no matter how much I wanted to be with him, his marriage did not concern me. It sounds like you are doing the same. Congrats for moving on and dating... you will see by his continued actions whether or not he's serious about getting divorced and giving you all that you deserve.
nadiaj2727 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd March 2008, 10:55 PM   #15
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Close to the Edge
Posts: 8,862
People losing respect for him seems to be a theme in his life. He must be doing something for that to happen.

Now, I wouldn't cut the cord on a $2200 TV, no matter how angry I was. I might change the locks on the home so he couldn't just come and take it whenever he wanted. And with the obvious lack of respect that everyone else in the home has for him, I would be assured that no one would open the door for him either.....LOL. Material items don't mean much to me, so truthfully, I'd probably just give it to him.

He doesn't sound like a good choice as a life partner. He also doesn't sound like he has much to really offer you when he so openly compares the two of you as if his actions have nothing to do with both situations.

Avoid him like the plague until he gets his act together is my thought.
NoIDidn't is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Should I set them up or hope he moves? sportsloving Friendship 5 8th July 2004 9:05 AM
Daughter moves in mustangirl Parenting 11 17th June 2004 1:25 PM
should i put the moves on him sweetie123 Dating 1 1st August 2003 11:37 AM
Help him to make moves. Mandy04 Dating 12 30th June 2003 9:14 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 9:56 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.