Any OW/OM told W or H about affair?

[jessbaby24]

Not that im planning to do that.But has anyone felt that they had to tell the W or H that you had an affair with their spouse?If you didn how did it turn out?

[imstunned]

This q is cropping up alot here at the moment - I DIDNT tell the wife, and I had an opportunity to as she called me. I Lied through me teeth. First time I have EVER lied like that in my life. I think about telling her the truth every day, but my situation is a bit different as I didnt know my ex was married and thought he was my boyfriend.

 

I cant quite wrap my head around OW wanting to tell the wife what kind of man their husband is when they knowingly had an affair with a MM in the first place - not necessarily saying that you are like that - I'm just expressing an opinion.

 

From what i can gather telling the wife or BS leads to a whole lot of drama. its drama that I could quite frankly at the moment do without, hence the reason I havent contacted scumbags wife.

[kchiapet95]

...and I don't regret it for a minute. It helped me gain closure. I cannot speak for his W, but she did suspect what was going on and I just confirmed it for her. As for MM, of course he was furious with me. If your PMs are enabled, I'm willing to give you the blow by blow, why I did what I did, the aftermath.

[bentnotbroken]

...and I don't regret it for a minute. It helped me gain closure. I cannot speak for his W, but she did suspect what was going on and I just confirmed it for her. As for MM, of course he was furious with me. If your PMs are enabled, I'm willing to give you the blow by blow, why I did what I did, the aftermath.

 

 

I would have been ok with anyone telling me, so that I could protect myself and my children. You did a good thing. You didn't seek her out and you weren't trying to be vindictive. You were being honest even at risk to yourself, you owned your ***** and showed class and maturity, that's a woman.

[Meaplus3]

Not that im planning to do that.But has anyone felt that they had to tell the W or H that you had an affair with their spouse?If you didn how did it turn out?

 

Hi Jessbaby. I did tell my H about my ea with mm. At first my H reacted pretty calm, however this did not last for very long. He became very angry with me and it took away the trust that once existed between us. Right after I told him I was sorry that I ever did because it hurt him so that was over a year ago. Today is a different story. I am now very glad that I was able to get the truth out. I figured how could I have any kind of Real relationship with my H with this secret that I was carrying around? as the guilt was just terrible. I would not say that my marriage is worse because I told, it was allready going very down hill even before I had the ea. I also went back and forth with contemplating telling mm's W, however I have made the decesion that it's not my place to inform mm's W and I had to let that go, I was able to do that.

 

AP:)

[bentnotbroken]

Hi Jessbaby. I did tell my H about my ea with mm. At first my H reacted pretty calm, however this did not last for very long. He became very angry with me and it took away the trust that once existed between us. Right after I told him I was sorry that I ever did because it hurt him so that was over a year ago. Today is a different story. I am now very glad that I was able to get the truth out. I figured how could I have any kind of Real relationship with my H with this secret that I was carrying around? as the guilt was just terrible. I would not say that my marriage is worse because I told, it was allready going very down hill even before I had the ea. I also went back and forth with contemplating telling mm's W, however I have made the decesion that it's not my place to inform mm's W and I had to let that go, I was able to do that.

 

AP:)

 

 

You also did a good thing. You proved that you really do love your husband and wanted to build your marriage on a rock with no secrets that could threaten it down the road. Another woman who owned her **** at risk to herself.

[Ariadne]

No,

 

I didn't tell her, but I left her with the doubt.

 

She called to ask me, and I told her we were friends.

 

She said, if "you" found your husband like this, with another woman in the house, what would you think?

 

I told her, that is a personal question, you know if you trust your husband or not..

 

Ariadne

[melbar68]

Dont's do it especially if you knew that he was married, why hurt the wife who had nothing to do with your affair, i am the OW and i have also been wife who was cheated on and i never blamed the the OW it was my husband who had a duty to me not her, however back to what you asked. You will only be hurting the wife and she has done nothing if you feel like telling her then leave him. I would never tell the W because i knew he was married when we got involved, now if he lied to you and didnt tell you about the wife then do something to get him back without the wife knowing she has done nothing to you, think about it.

 

i know some women prefer to know than be left in the dark, but in all reality what she doesnt know will not hurt her.

[LadyDi]

I wouldn't tell her, she's done nothing wrong. Why look for more trouble than things already are?!

[Lizzie60]

I did once.. but without knowing he was married... I called at his place, he forgot to block his number.. I had no idea he was married.

 

She answered the phone.. and when I asked for xxxxxx.. she said :please don't hang up.. I need to talk to you... she sound desperate.. so we talked.. then she caught us (it was arranged with her ) anyway...

 

He's still out there looking for another mistress... he will never stop.

 

Other than that I would NEVER EVER tell the wife.. cause they all have good marriage, I don't want to cause any problem... it's none of my business really.