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KnowHowLoveFeels

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KnowHowLoveFeels

Hi!

 

I thought I'd give an update for those of you who held me in your prayers.

 

The MM I still am in love with is divorced and living in his own apartment now.

 

I, on the other hand, am still married.

 

Don't know why, but it's harder to get a divorce than a marriage.

Kids, possessions, debts, and a husband who is working hard to "make things right again."

 

We are definitely tied in a triangle. But I wait. I am waiting for one of us three to make a move.

 

I've never been a patient woman. I've never been passive - because I always know what it is that I want. I usually get what I want. But in this situation, so much is at stake. His life. My husband's life. Our children's lives. And mine. The OM (since he's divorced now) can live without me. But my H has insinuated more than once that he'd take his life if I leave.

 

I still see many posts here on LS by women who are having affairs with MMs, and they are so sure that they want their MMs.

 

But I am so torn. I am so extremely unhappy that I cannot choose. My OM does not contact me because I am still married. And he knows that when I am ready, I'd know where to find him. I wish he'd contact me, though.

 

On the other hand, I am living with a man who tries to please me in every way. But that just makes me more angry at everything.

 

I would have loved to leave both men and live on my own if there weren't any kids around.

 

I guess I am ranting.

Take what you can from the post.

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Hi KHLF,

 

Are you saying that you no longer really want MM, but just miss him?

 

Has H gone for counseling? He's certainly holding the suicide over your head. Sure, it proves you have compassion for him by staying, but he's got to realize that is not the same as love.

 

Have you gone to counseling?

 

I haven't been on LS very long, so I'm not very familiar with your story, sorry. I guess I need more info.

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Chrome Barracuda

Hmmm you always get what you want?

 

So what you dont want your husband anymore?

 

And if that's the case, then you could leave and be the cause of the reason your marriage is over. But you dont want to be the bad guy.

 

But hey you already put yourself in that position by having the affair. You cant be in limbo forever.

 

If I was your husband I would just leave and file for custody.

 

Not to be mean or vindictive but any woman who says if I didnt have kids I would have left. Damn, that's kinda cold blooded you know. Your not there even now. not entirely, in spirit and emotion your not there.

 

Is that what a marriage is?

 

Either you fix it or dont, bottom line, you cant be going in circles forever.

 

Would you be mad if your husband left you for an OW?

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But my H has insinuated more than once that he'd take his life if I leave.

 

Then that's an excellent reason to leave! If he's such a wuss he needs you to blow oxygen into his lungs each day, you'd be better off without the leech.

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GreenEyedLady
Hi!

 

I thought I'd give an update for those of you who held me in your prayers.

 

The MM I still am in love with is divorced and living in his own apartment now.

 

I, on the other hand, am still married.

 

Don't know why, but it's harder to get a divorce than a marriage.

Kids, possessions, debts, and a husband who is working hard to "make things right again."

 

We are definitely tied in a triangle. But I wait. I am waiting for one of us three to make a move.

 

I've never been a patient woman. I've never been passive - because I always know what it is that I want. I usually get what I want. But in this situation, so much is at stake. His life. My husband's life. Our children's lives. And mine. The OM (since he's divorced now) can live without me. But my H has insinuated more than once that he'd take his life if I leave.

 

I still see many posts here on LS by women who are having affairs with MMs, and they are so sure that they want their MMs.

 

But I am so torn. I am so extremely unhappy that I cannot choose. My OM does not contact me because I am still married. And he knows that when I am ready, I'd know where to find him. I wish he'd contact me, though.

 

On the other hand, I am living with a man who tries to please me in every way. But that just makes me more angry at everything.

 

I would have loved to leave both men and live on my own if there weren't any kids around.

 

I guess I am ranting.

Take what you can from the post.

 

You OM is very strong...

 

Why can't you parent your children as single parents and let your H find someone that he will be able to please? I am a single parent (divorced and my children have adjusted well and both myself and my XH are happy)...

 

It seems like you are passive-aggressive and don't want to make a choice...although, by not making a choice, you really are making a choice...

 

And it seems like you and your H are miserable in the triangle and the OM isn't really part of the triangle anymore...

 

Why is it more work to get a D than to stay M? That's really not a good reason to stay married, don't you think?

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We are definitely tied in a triangle. But I wait. I am waiting for one of us three to make a move.
Seems like OM already made a huge move - he got a divorce and is living on his own.

 

And since he's leaving you alone until you figure out what you want, he's not really tied to the triangle at all. He could be out there dating other people, for all you know, or will soon enough if you aren't making any moves of your own.

 

And your husband has also made his move. He's trying to 'work on the marriage' and has 'insinuated' he'd take his life if you were to leave. He won't. But he's using that as his last ditch move to keep you there, and you seem to be allowing his 'insinuation' to work on you.

 

Actually, you are the only one who hasn't made a move.

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But I am so torn. I am so extremely unhappy that I cannot choose. My OM does not contact me because I am still married. And he knows that when I am ready, I'd know where to find him. I wish he'd contact me, though.

 

On the other hand, I am living with a man who tries to please me in every way. But that just makes me more angry at everything.

 

Just from what you've written here you seem to be 'trapped' by your own tendency to let the men you're involved with decide your destiny..?

 

Why stay married... because of your H's threats to kill himself? And what difference would it make to you if your OM contacted you... would his asking you to leave change your mind about where you want to be? Do you doubt his passion for you because he has imposed NC? Are you staying with your H because he seems to 'need you more'... his life, he says depends on it (which it doesn't, that's simply manipulation).

 

What do you need, and want? Why make decisions (or no decision) based on which man seems to need you most?

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