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Wh does ignoring drive them crazy?


forbidden fruit

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forbidden fruit

I was just wondering why mm of some types absolutely go crazy when you ignore them? I saw mine yesterday and competely ignored him no reaction . I was like a statue while he walked by me.

 

After that he sat outside like he was devastated and couldn't believe I was not getting into with him as I have done in past. Is is because they know it is over or because you are not putting up with their bull?

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forbidden fruit

Today is a tough day. I don't know why. I miss talking to him, even though I do not want to break NC. I feel like I wasted almost two years of my life and for what some mediocre sex and a guy who does not give a rats a.... about me. I keep thinking he will change and fight for me, but I know there is no shot in hell.

 

It would of been easier if he would of told me in the beginning I just want sex and do not want anything else. It would of saved us alot of time and heartache.

 

I have to see him today and I am not as a strong as I was the other day. I am just sad and tired!!!

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Impudent Oyster
I was just wondering why mm of some types absolutely go crazy when you ignore them? I saw mine yesterday and competely ignored him no reaction . I was like a statue while he walked by me.

 

After that he sat outside like he was devastated and couldn't believe I was not getting into with him as I have done in past. Is is because they know it is over or because you are not putting up with their bull?

 

Easy, if you're not falling all over him then he has no use for you, that's why he has an OW.

 

If he wanted to be ignored he wouldn't cheat on his wife!

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TogetherForever
I was just wondering why mm of some types absolutely go crazy when you ignore them? I saw mine yesterday and competely ignored him no reaction . I was like a statue while he walked by me.

 

After that he sat outside like he was devastated and couldn't believe I was not getting into with him as I have done in past. Is is because they know it is over or because you are not putting up with their bull?

 

 

FF,

Because you are reminding him of his wife who ignores him.

TF

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I was just wondering why mm of some types absolutely go crazy when you ignore them?

 

Because they aren't getting their easy lay on the side.

 

After that he sat outside like he was devastated and couldn't believe I was not getting into with him as I have done in past. Is is because they know it is over or because you are not putting up with their bull?

 

Putting up with their bull? He's married...you should have known he was full of bull in the first place to be cheating on his wife.

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Today is a tough day. I don't know why. I miss talking to him, even though I do not want to break NC. I feel like I wasted almost two years of my life and for what some mediocre sex and a guy who does not give a rats a.... about me. I keep thinking he will change and fight for me, but I know there is no shot in hell.

 

It would of been easier if he would of told me in the beginning I just want sex and do not want anything else. It would of saved us alot of time and heartache.

 

I have to see him today and I am not as a strong as I was the other day. I am just sad and tired!!!

 

FF, If today is a tough day for you, it's time to keep busy. Get out of the neigborhood and do soemthing fun, just for you!:) Would it really have been easier if he just wanted sex? I don't believe that. Sex or NO sex the situation is just plain difficult! Do you really expect him to change and come your way? Your mm won't do that because he's the kind of guy who desires the best of both world's "A home cooked meal from the W and then there's you FF a hot apple pie for dessert! Don't let him bring you down girl, your better than him!!!! Hug's hug's and more hug's!

 

AP:)

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I feel for you ff, and totally empathise - especially when you said this:

 

"It would of been easier if he would of told me in the beginning I just want sex and do not want anything else. It would of saved us alot of time and heartache."

 

The same happened to me - he led me to believe that he'd fallen in love with me.....wish I could do the NC thing even though I know how difficult it must be. He's like an addiction and I can't break it at the moment.

 

xxx

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forbidden fruit

I know it is really like a addiction and boy am I going through withdrawls. I keep waiting for him to call me to say he screwed up and he loves and everything will be okay,but that is never ,ever,ever going to happen. So I guess I am dealing with the finality of it all which I am imposed. I am not sure what I should feeling now!!1

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I know it is really like a addiction and boy am I going through withdrawls. I keep waiting for him to call me to say he screwed up and he loves and everything will be okay,but that is never ,ever,ever going to happen. So I guess I am dealing with the finality of it all which I am imposed. I am not sure what I should feeling now!!1

 

FF, Now listen to me Please, withdrawl is normal, it will end!! You need to stick with NC, That mean's NO CONTACT!!! That's the way I got over the withdrawl from mm neighbor! Now if I can do it so can you!!:) Finality is tough. Cry, rant, run around your house when in private and SCREAM, but do not give in and call this creep and he is a CREEP FF!! If he comes around you walk away your still married FF and you need to figure out thing's with H and not invlove yourself with this mm. NC girl NC!!!!!!!!

 

AP:)

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forbidden fruit

I know I should not care , but I still do. Today I went to pick up kids from school. i asked his chid if she was taking the bus and she replied no my Daddy told me he does not want to see you and he does not want me to see you so he is picking me up over there so he does not have to see you WTF-is he being spiteful.

 

I don't know how I expected him to handle my NC but he is being so immature and involving his kids.

I have not told my kids not to talk to him I am just keeping my distance. Is this a trick to get arise out of me or is he truly honoring my NC? I am just so hurt that just last week we were so close and now this-he really hates me!!! I am still sticking to NC,but I want to tell him off so badly.

 

How sad he cannot see this for what it is . Is he mad because he wanted FWB and I said no or his ego so bruised because I am the first gal to actually stand up to him?

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FF, Now listen to me Please, withdrawl is normal, it will end!! You need to stick with NC, That mean's NO CONTACT!!! AP:)

 

 

She is so right. You can only get through this with no contact. I have been working on this diligently for a few months now. I have not sent any texts and made no calls.

 

My situation is a little different because I found out (by accident) that he had another OW. What a fool I was. I believed the lies for a bit, but I figured was never anyone special to him and never would be. No one will. I cut off all contact even though I thought my life was over.

 

I have run into he and W a few times at wedding receptions and a birthday party. I hold my head up and try to live well. It's much easier today. He approached me at these functions and I have not given him the time of day. I have received texts and I don't answer them. You can do it too. The more you do it the easier it get. I feel empowered by not giving him the time of day. I know I deserve better than this and so do you. Remember not to let youself be anyone's option. You deserve to be someone's priority.

 

Big hugs-it will get easier!!

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forbidden fruit

Help WWiu I want to contact and scream at him for using his kid to relay his childish message. I really want him to suffer for the two years of pain I have been in and i no I have ha choice and did not do anything about it, but if you love someone like he says he does how can he treat me this way and how come it is easy to move on?

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Stop and take a deep breath...This will pass. Whatever you do, don't call him or try to talk to him.

 

Keep focussed on what's really important. Your own children, your husband - aka your family...At the end of the day the exMM doesn't matter.

 

FF, you gotta do some yoga and meditation, learn how to control those thoughts and let them go...All that resentment, bitterness, the pain - ALL of it, has to disappear.

 

This weekend I really want you to focus on the kids. Do stuff with them, focus ONLY on them. Not you, what you're feeling, not the exMM, not even your husband. Just the kids. See them for what they bring into your life...All that love, energy and positive feelings they bring out in you - THAT is what counts. Making a loving and stable home for your kids...

 

I think you focussing and remembering him telling you he loves you, the way he treated you, is going backwards, not forwards. It all still comes down to - He is married and you are married - What happened should not have happened, it's over and neither of you are going to leave your spouses for eachother so going around in circles, wondering this and that is only going to drive you crazy. Which is why the meditation, and yoga will atleast help you focus on letting go...Letting go of those obsessive thoughts about him, what he is thinking and why.

 

I hope this makes sense.

 

Try to get some rest tonight and put the worrisome thoughts out of your head for a little while.

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May I ask these questions? If he had told you the A was just sex would you had stayed in it for as long as you have?

What if anything were you expecting from this A?

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May I ask these questions? If he told you it was just sex, would you had stayed in the A as long as you have?

What if anything were you expecting from the A?

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forbidden fruit

I ave los track of how many days of NC-that is a good thing. Had a good weekend with my family went out of town. Just saw xmm at a light and I pretended I did not see him, but he saw me and was real jerk!!!!!

 

Acting like I do not exist. Why is he taking what I am doing so personally. Why can't he just act civil and move forward. Why is he holding a grudge. Seeing him brings back all the pain and I still really do miss him, but not enough to break NC. Any thoughts would be great because I am starting to feel bad. I don't want to hurt my family,but I do not want to hurt him either.

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whichwayisup

FF, you're going in circles...In one breath you say you pretended not to see him, and then you're upset because you feel he is acting like you don't exist.

 

He is not holding a grudge, he's just being a prick because you aren't allowing the A to continue. He is doing all this crap for reaction, PERIOD.

 

You need to forget about hurting him, he really shouldn't matter anymore. KEEP telling yourself that. What counts is your husband, your kids and keeping yourself on the straight and narrow.

 

I do feel for your pain, but allowing these questions to still be in your head about WHY he is doing this and that IS preventing you from moving on.

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I ave los track of how many days of NC-that is a good thing. Had a good weekend with my family went out of town. Just saw xmm at a light and I pretended I did not see him, but he saw me and was real jerk!!!!!

 

Acting like I do not exist. Why is he taking what I am doing so personally. Why can't he just act civil and move forward. Why is he holding a grudge. Seeing him brings back all the pain and I still really do miss him, but not enough to break NC. Any thoughts would be great because I am starting to feel bad. I don't want to hurt my family,but I do not want to hurt him either.

 

Hi FF. I've been following your story for a while...just to answer the question you're asking here, I'd say it's getting to him because he no longer has control, and that angers him. That's why he can't act civil to you - you've made up your mind and are no longer responding to his behavior the way he wants you to, or in a way that makes him feel powerful and like he's calling the shots. So he's being an ass.

 

I know you don't want to hurt him, but please keep in mind that he has no such scruples about hurting you, obviously. Otherwise he'd act like a person instead of a selfish prick. So you just keep doing what's best for you and your family - and good luck!

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forbidden fruit

I know wwiu you are not going to agree with this line of thought,but I really need to go here in my own head as part of the process.

I don't understand why he would intentionally hurt me? He knows why I am in NC and I am not intentionally trying to hurt him. Why he being such a baby? Is it more about he does not want to be ignored because of his ego so he wants it to seem like he is ignoring me. Is it like he would rather be the dumper then the dumpee?

 

I did not care which I was as long as the pain stopped. He knew I was in pain and what choice did I have continue hurting myself and others or do what he wanted me to do which was to remain his fwb. Why is he so mad I am finally taking care of myself. If he truly loved me wouldn't he want that for me?

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forbidden fruit

Also another thing that really, really hurts and I am having a hard time getting past is anyone I have ever had a relationship still cared about me as a person and vice versa once the realtionship was over. The xmm who told me over and over again how in love he was with me and how i came before everyone else in his life not more than a couple of weeks ago, suddenly does not care whether I live or die. He does not care if I got in accident or if I moved to timbucktwo. What is wrong with him because while I can see why it won't work between us I have never stopped caring about him as a person in my own way?

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LucreziaBorgia
If he truly loved me wouldn't he want that for me?

 

Yes, he would want what is best for you and would place as much of a value in the things that you care about as you do. Instead he wants what he thinks is best for him, and showed you that the destruction of your family is something he didn't have to think twice about. Getting and continuing to get sex from you meant more to him that you, what is best for you, and what means most to you.

 

He is punishing you for loving yourself and doing what is best for yourself. He puts the needs of his penis above your needs and the needs of your family, FF - and your failure to put his penis first before yourself and your family is what he is punishing you for. Never forget that.

 

It is unfortunate that you are in this emotional stranglehold. Its unfortunate how something as beautiful as love can become so selfish, ugly, twisted and murderous for our souls.

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LucreziaBorgia
I have never stopped caring about him as a person in my own way?

 

Given his behavior, I doubt he ever cared for you the same way.

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forbidden fruit

Well that makes all the hurting worsethat he does not care whether I am alive or dead.

He wanted to stop the PA side of the affair because he said he was feeling guilty and he wanted to be friends for a awhile till he figured things out . Well I knew that was a crock of shi**** so I ended the friends thing as well. So now we are both mad at each other for different reasons. I am so confused now and I am not sure how to act. How do you let go of someone so fast that you have seen pretty much everyday for the last two years? When is it going to be civil between us? Will it ever?

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