Questions and thoughts?

[justice]

I'm not sure just where to post this one. Ever since experiencing my h's adultery, all of the gaslighting he did and all of the lies and everything that I went through pertaining to my situation, I'm now thinking about two separate, yet together business ventures. And I need your thoughts on both of them.

 

I'm seriously considering writing a book on marriage, affairs, and everything involving it. There would be chapters from the wayward spouse and their views on why they think it happened and what their feelings were in accordance to what happened, and it would be in timed sequences from the beginning to the end and their resolutions and thoughts on the whole shebang. This book will be done objectively and will not shed a bad light on anyone involved in the affair.

 

There would also be a chapter or chapters from the other man/woman and their perspectives and thoughts, etc.

Of course, the betrayed spouse will have chapters and all too.

I'm genuinely interested in doing this.

 

The other thing I know I'm going to do is I'm starting my own business.

How many of us betrayed and formerly betrayed spouses have the money to hire a private investigator? Not many of us and that is for certain. Especially not the spouses who are stay at home moms and dads or stay at home wives and husbands.

 

I'm going to start an investigations business for the betrayed spouses only. Yes, I'm serious. I know back when my former h was cheating, I didn't have the money for an investigator and I had to find out everything on my own and it sure wasn't easy at all. If I would have been able to afford an investigator back then I would have, but at that time I didn't and so it became very hard to track down everything when you are trying to work, pay bills and stay on your toes all of the time.

 

The business that I wish to start, will be income based, still trying to work out the mechanics of this, but I think it will help people alot.

I'm as we speak, checking into the state laws and other legalities pertaining to this type of business venture. I'm very serious about this. I want to help others and for them to have resources that they might normally not have had in this situation.

 

Are there any thoughts out there regarding my ventures here? I'm just curious to know if you all think there would be a need for the type of services I'm planning on offering? I think there is a need. Especially since it will be income based on some cases.

 

For the book I want to write, I'm going to need all sorts of input.

I want the views, experiences, and feelings and thoughts of all parties involved in affairs, whether you're wife, husband, other man, other woman or just even thinking about anything to do with affairs.

I want chapters on beginnings, endings, and the in betweenings. And I especially want chapters on discovery day and what the actions of the cheating spouses were, as well as what it has cost them emotionally and financially.

 

I need your stories, experiences and thoughts whether you be wife, husband, cheater or cheatee.

I'm thinking about starting out with D-day tales first so if you have any and would like to share your experience pm me if it's private or post them here. From the D-day scenario, I'm taking it back to the beginning step by step.

 

All person's stories will be told in an anonymous light so that no one will be hurt by any of it. That's the last thing I want to cause is more pain for any of us.

 

Please let me know your thoughts on this, and ask questions if you want. I'm also posting this at the infidelity board as well.

It isn't just two people in an affair, it's several, and they all deserve to tell their part of the story. Thanks in advance.

 

This book is to basically educate people and help them.

[OpenBook]

For the book I want to write, I'm going to need all sorts of input... I need your stories, experiences and thoughts whether you be wife, husband, cheater or cheatee... I'm thinking about starting out with D-day tales first so if you have any and would like to share your experience pm me if it's private or post them here.

 

You might want to check with LS before you use the material posted or PM'd here. I believe LS claims intellectual property rights to everything on this site.

[justice]

You might want to check with LS before you use the material posted or PM'd here. I believe LS claims intellectual property rights to everything on this site.

 

Good idea. Basically I was just wondering if there were anyone that wanted to share their own unique story and that's why I'm posting it in here on LS, it's the only place I know where there are so many individuals with so much to say, on every level.

[Woggle]

I wouldn't mind sharing the story of the breakup of my first marriage.

[2sunny]

i think both are a great idea.

 

i am the BW - hubby cheated for the second time about the 20 year mark. even at the time we had a great marriage.

 

we had our lives turned upside down. families divided, kids visitation, sold the house. still not finalized even two years later.

 

i quietly and calmly phoned him after his little weekend away with his GF and told him the locks were changed and not to come home.

 

he never even apologized - that little bast@rd! not even to this day - not even when he begged me to take him back.

 

my best friend and i have always said that we would make good PI's because evryone always wants to talk with us when we're out and most people just tend to tell us everything... it's weird really.

[Cobra_X30]

I like your PI idea. Any idea where you would get the venture capital for this? Or are you suggesting creating like a network or club where ladies just help each other out?

[justice]

I like your PI idea. Any idea where you would get the venture capital for this? Or are you suggesting creating like a network or club where ladies just help each other out?

 

I have the capitol and I have a backer already if need be.

This is the infant stage of the business at present, I'm checking into licensing and legalities now. The next step is to find an office, I surely don't want the office to be here in my home for obvious reasons. I'm also thinking about creating an online space for networking and helping those people out who aren't local. I've long wanted to do something like this for those who really need the help but can't get it for financial reasons. I see good potential in this venture, and I am hoping I can help people.

[child_of_isis]

why couldn't you do it at home? No one needs to come there. Meet them at a diner. Or don't meet them at all. Do it all via phone and snail mail. Get a P.O box for receiving money and sending evidence....or hell, even do that by diner. Do them both, even.

 

This is an excellent ideal. Even more so if done by networking and personal referrals. I think it would be safer than a public office and public advertising. If safety is an issue of course.

[justice]

why couldn't you do it at home? No one needs to come there. Meet them at a diner. Or don't meet them at all. Do it all via phone and snail mail. Get a P.O box for receiving money and sending evidence....or hell, even do that by diner. Do them both, even.

 

This is an excellent ideal. Even more so if done by networking and personal referrals. I think it would be safer than a public office and public advertising. If safety is an issue of course.

 

Thanks for your vote of confidence. I don't want to do it out of my home for several reasons, one being that I don't want to mix what will be my professional life with my home and my "safe" haven away from all of the daily turmoil in the world. I want an office, so that it can be professional and yes, even safer. I don't want to not meet them, I need to meet them in order to hear their stories and in order to have a more personal view when trying to help them. So yes, an office is definately the right thing to do. I want it to be an above board place, not something out of a spy novel or seedy movie. I believe in one on one meetings and in getting to know the people you are trying to help, and that is the reason.

[child_of_isis]

oh man...I was soooo going for the spy novel/james bond feel of it all ;-)

 

If I had investigative knowledge I would do it. But in my small town, I would definitely have to stay underground.

[justice]

oh man...I was soooo going for the spy novel/james bond feel of it all ;-)

 

If I had investigative knowledge I would do it. But in my small town, I would definitely have to stay underground.

LOL, COS. Nope no spy novel, just me trying to help people thats all.

[Hurt & Alone]

the book idea has already been done. There is a current top seller on the market that deals with the issue of affairs and devotes some of the book to the Others stories/perspective. I do not recall the book off hand but it was mentioned in one of the posts a few weeks ago. But it is a good idea. I think maybe a better book would be on what the married partner was thinking having an affair and how that person truly felt about the OP etc.

[simplegirl]

I like the PI idea. I was a BS in my first marriage. My family has a lot of investigative/law enforcement background, my friends joke that it runs in my veins because I can dig up all kinds of stuff on people. I have plenty of stories to tell for your book if you need any, or just any help with the PI stuff. I love doing that stuff!

[OldEurope]

...It will also demand that you keep your emotions out of the various situations in which you will find yourself, given that the experience of your own private "story" is (as I gather) the primary motivating factor for the venture. The personal and professional must be kept separate or potential clients will not take you seriously as the cool, detached investigator such work will require.

 

Such services, keep in mind, are most often run by professional private investigators, former policemen whose to-catch-a-thief talents were honed on the streets, keeping mind over matter at all times.

 

Those wishing to hire you will ask about your professional background and how conducive it is to undertaking such complicated, risky work. Also, men, who suspect a cheating wife, could be wary that you "automatically" take the side of the wife once they find out you have been through the same.

 

Furthermore, as the French philosopher Pascal said, "the heart has its reasons that Reason itself cannot understand".....You will be entering into enormously murky emotional territory and for everyone "caught" en flagrante there is or could be a situation that is far, far more than meets the "eye". So, again, professionalism is the utmost factor here, and that there is no rushing into judgement about things as they may appear.

 

All the best of luck!

OE

[PoshPrincess]

Fab ideas, Justice! There must be so many people out there wanting to hire PIs. I know I would if I were in that position, although some men are such cr*p liars and so useless at covering their tracks (such as my exMM) that a lot of women wouldn't really need one.

 

I think this will be good therapy for you.

 

I would be more than happy to share my story with you, as an exOW. I also like HurtandAlone's idea of a book from the WS perspective! Perhaps we should ask our MMs/WSs to collaborate!

[justice]

Fab ideas, Justice! There must be so many people out there wanting to hire PIs. I know I would if I were in that position, although some men are such cr*p liars and so useless at covering their tracks (such as my exMM) that a lot of women wouldn't really need one.

 

I think this will be good therapy for you.

 

I would be more than happy to share my story with you, as an exOW. I also like HurtandAlone's idea of a book from the WS perspective! Perhaps we should ask our MMs/WSs to collaborate!

 

Thanks Posh. I would love to hear your story as an exow and get your perspective on it from then and now. Do you think the bs's and op's could actually work together on this without there being homicide? It could be a good book if that were to ever happen.

[justice]

the book idea has already been done. There is a current top seller on the market that deals with the issue of affairs and devotes some of the book to the Others stories/perspective. I do not recall the book off hand but it was mentioned in one of the posts a few weeks ago. But it is a good idea. I think maybe a better book would be on what the married partner was thinking having an affair and how that person truly felt about the OP etc.

 

Thanks HA, I'm planning on trying to cover the wayward spouse's view also, I really hope that those persons will be honest and open, because I want to know what they really have to say.

[justice]

I like the PI idea. I was a BS in my first marriage. My family has a lot of investigative/law enforcement background, my friends joke that it runs in my veins because I can dig up all kinds of stuff on people. I have plenty of stories to tell for your book if you need any, or just any help with the PI stuff. I love doing that stuff!

 

Thanks SG, I would love to hear your stories.

[justice]

...It will also demand that you keep your emotions out of the various situations in which you will find yourself, given that the experience of your own private "story" is (as I gather) the primary motivating factor for the venture. The personal and professional must be kept separate or potential clients will not take you seriously as the cool, detached investigator such work will require.

 

Such services, keep in mind, are most often run by professional private investigators, former policemen whose to-catch-a-thief talents were honed on the streets, keeping mind over matter at all times.

 

Those wishing to hire you will ask about your professional background and how conducive it is to undertaking such complicated, risky work. Also, men, who suspect a cheating wife, could be wary that you "automatically" take the side of the wife once they find out you have been through the same.

 

Furthermore, as the French philosopher Pascal said, "the heart has its reasons that Reason itself cannot understand".....You will be entering into enormously murky emotional territory and for everyone "caught" en flagrante there is or could be a situation that is far, far more than meets the "eye". So, again, professionalism is the utmost factor here, and that there is no rushing into judgement about things as they may appear.

 

All the best of luck!

OE

 

Thanks OE. My primary focus in doing this isn't motivated by what I went through, nor revenge. It is, however, inspired by what I went through and knowing what it feels like to be gaslighted by a cheating spouse. My primary goal is to help those who truly need it in a situation like this.

 

I know I can be professional and I can be objective and I can be those at all times in respect to the clients and their individual needs. I come from a background of law enforcement and the legal profession as well.

And you would never believe how much is involved with personal discretion until you've been a florist for a long time, which I also was, until recently. That's a profession I enjoyed for years, and you would have to actually be there to understand the secrets that demand that you be at your professional best. Discretion is the major word there. LOL

 

Thats a very good point about the males though, I hope I can prove to them that I can help them as well. Thanks for your thoughts. They were much appreciated.

[justice]

I like the PI idea. I was a BS in my first marriage. My family has a lot of investigative/law enforcement background, my friends joke that it runs in my veins because I can dig up all kinds of stuff on people. I have plenty of stories to tell for your book if you need any, or just any help with the PI stuff. I love doing that stuff!

pm me please.

[OldEurope]

Well, with the work in law enforcement under your belt, the "discreet" art of floral design in your background and your profound personal experience in the "issue" in which you are dealing, then you truly do have what it takes! Let us know how it progresses....