Unforgetable77 Posted August 6, 2007 Share Posted August 6, 2007 <i> I havent posted in a while, but now i feel some support!! D-day was 31st july, he is away on hols with his W, she was told that we were having an A and given evidence so he couldn't deny it, that was tues, he rang me weds to tell me he had admitted to having an A with me but hasnt admitted everything!! i don't know exactly what he has told her but he stated that she wanted to work through it, he hasnt called since!! I am totally devastated, I can't eat nor sleep, I am sick of crying but i can't seem to stop the tears, he made so many promises, constantly told me he loved me and that i felt part of him, we spoke of what would happen if she found out and he promised he wouldn't turn his back on me. he was supposed to be leaving when he came back from hols, obviously not, i feel so alone, yet i have my children to keep me busy, everything i do reminds me of him, I sit and wait hoping he will call, how f**king stupid am i, even after reading these stories here and the whole situation seemed textbook, i kept telling myself this was different I've had a load of abuse over the phone from his daughter, which i just took, i couldn't argue with her but nothing from her yet, I'm just waiting for the fallout which i suppose will come as soon as they get back I have no right to feel like this I know that, i take full responsibility for my actions and desisions, my whole life has come crashing down around me and i dont know how to cope with it, 14 years is a very long time i just don't know where to go from here or even how to start fixing myself, I have always been such a bubbly person and have never gotten so low as to feel i no longer want to go on, if it wasnt for my children i know i wouldn't be sat here typing this right now sorry i know this is my own fault but i dont know where else to turn...... Link to post Share on other sites
TogetherForever Posted August 6, 2007 Share Posted August 6, 2007 (((((((((((UnForgetable77)))))))))))))))))) Link to post Share on other sites
scaredinlove Posted August 6, 2007 Share Posted August 6, 2007 <i> I have no right to feel like this I know that, i take full responsibility for my actions and desisions, my whole life has come crashing down around me and i dont know how to cope with it, 14 years is a very long time i just don't know where to go from here or even how to start fixing myself, I have always been such a bubbly person and have never gotten so low as to feel i no longer want to go on, if it wasnt for my children i know i wouldn't be sat here typing this right now sorry i know this is my own fault but i dont know where else to turn...... You have all the right to be upset , you are hurt. You love him and all of sudden he throws you aside to go fix his M.The same M he said he would leave to be with you. This is tipical, you are not the first one and won't be the last one unfortunatlly. I went thru the D-day myself and mine also broke up . It has been a yr and we are still together and he is trying to make me happy. His marriege is a living hell but he won't leave. Anyway, I know the pain and it is HORRIBLE. You feel like someone cut your heart open and you start grieving like crazy. I lost 13 pounds I looked like a sick person I suffered so much that it is impossible to describe... Hang in there and the pain will eventually go away. Don't blame yourself ,don't be hard on yourself .You have all the right to be upset. It will take a little while but you will heal and come out stronger. Hang in there and good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Unforgetable77 Posted August 6, 2007 Author Share Posted August 6, 2007 when does the light at the end of the tunnel begin to show?? I dont even know who i am anymore, It hurts so much to think he thinks so less of me to not even send a text to see how i am , he would know what this has done to me, was i really worth nothing?? I can't get the things he told me out of my head and wonder why he needed to lie to me, he was already lying to his W but had no need to lie to me too, I feel used..... i wish i knew what he was thinking Back a month ago we had a big arguement and i told him to get out of my life and i didnt want to speak to him ever!! he broke his heart so what was it all about?? omg i am so confused, i just don't understand any of it!! Link to post Share on other sites
woe_is_me Posted August 6, 2007 Share Posted August 6, 2007 You will be okay ..eventually. 14 years is a long time..were there no 'breaks' in between? You will get back to the 'bubbly' you ..i'm not sure how long it will take you though ... i was crushed for a good 18 months after my xmm disappeared..i know the first six months were the absolute worst though. Our d day happened after he called me after just over 4 yrs of n/c ..(my return call got him busted - this was six months ago) and since then..nothing! not a text not a call..just nothing! They just want to keep you 'on hold' So i refuse to put my life on hold for him, which, from what i've read here is one of the usual scenarios. I almost lost my job and nearly a stone in weight..and found this site during that time and was shocked at the similarities in the stories and their lies... You don't really want to know what he's thinking and it's not hard to work out ..it's why he had an A in the first place...they behave like little brats caught doing the wrong thing by their mothers.. not so unbelievable really.. I hope you're okay ..is there anyone IRL you can go and talk to? Friends or family who might know of your situation... can your childrens' Dad maybe help you out while you're feeling so down? You don't want to end up too stressed out ..it's not good for the kidlets.. Take care and know that he is most probably missing you more and unless he gets alzheimers will never forget you.. and be happy! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Unforgetable77 Posted August 6, 2007 Author Share Posted August 6, 2007 I don't need you to tell me i deserve the pain i'm feeling i have already stated that its entirely my own doing, I am probably not suffering as much as his W not by a long chalk, this isnt about who is hurting more, i came for advise on how to get out of this black hole that i feel stuck in! I know his wife and have never liked her, but it doesnt make me feel any better for putting her through this, but i'm not asking for advise on how to feel guilty about hurting another person i already feel that much perhaps i'd best not post anymore, i'm shutting this off for tonight will see how i feel 2moro, night all tc x Link to post Share on other sites
InfinitySymbol Posted August 6, 2007 Share Posted August 6, 2007 Hey Unforgettable. I hope the best for you.. My D-day was one year ago today. That pain is something i still cant shake today. Hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
greengoddess Posted August 6, 2007 Share Posted August 6, 2007 Hey Unforgettable. I hope the best for you.. My D-day was one year ago today. That pain is something i still cant shake today. Hang in there. Aren't you still happily involved in your affair? How can you even compare her being ignored to you continuing te affair and lying to his wife? You have no idea how she feels after a 14 year relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Love4Eternity Posted August 6, 2007 Share Posted August 6, 2007 Wow I am so sorry your hurting and you do not deserve to be treated badly or judged either you were hurt too, she may be hurt but at least she has him by her side where as your alone after being told you were loved and being by his side just the same...regardless of how anyone else feels he should call you and explain what his plans are and at least say good bye to you. If he wants to work out his marriage then all the power to him and his wife, but a simple explaination after stringing you along for so long isnt alot to ask for in my opinion...i hope things get better for you do not let him tear you down anymore then he has at least you have your kids thats a blessing right there... Link to post Share on other sites
InfinitySymbol Posted August 6, 2007 Share Posted August 6, 2007 I agree he at least owes it to you to contact you and let you know what is what. My thoughts are with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted August 6, 2007 Share Posted August 6, 2007 I hate to see anyone in pain, but I guess I am confused about why you would believe a man would tell you the truth if he was lying to his wife. When I found out about the ow and confronted her and him, I then told her hubby and gave him all the evidence that I had collected. My hubby is a lier and a cheater. He lied to her and she lied to him. Now they are both dealing with the consequences, including losing custody of her children. I would start with prayer and reflection. Find out what God's plan is for you. There is no way that you can avoid the fallout from your actions, but you can get through it with God and come out on the other side much stronger than you ever thought you could be. How would she lose custody of her children? I thought affairs had no impact on that outcome, except in rare cases. Could you explain that one? Link to post Share on other sites
Love4Eternity Posted August 6, 2007 Share Posted August 6, 2007 A simple explanation is that he is a butt plug. The wife doesn't have him by her side before or after they were discovered. He is just hiding until his teeny man root starts to think for him again. They both should leave him and his "root" alone, before they catch something more than Dutch Elm Disease. True but he manage to win the hearts of two women and lord know how many more, we know what he is but to her this was a man she loved and thought loved her all she knows is what he has filled her head with, it doesnt change the way she feels about him, she needs to hear from him that its over and his intentions from here on out so she can put closure to this, thats just my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
scaredinlove Posted August 6, 2007 Share Posted August 6, 2007 when does the light at the end of the tunnel begin to show?? I dont even know who i am anymore, It hurts so much to think he thinks so less of me to not even send a text to see how i am , he would know what this has done to me, was i really worth nothing?? I can't get the things he told me out of my head and wonder why he needed to lie to me, he was already lying to his W but had no need to lie to me too, I feel used..... i wish i knew what he was thinking Back a month ago we had a big arguement and i told him to get out of my life and i didnt want to speak to him ever!! he broke his heart so what was it all about?? omg i am so confused, i just don't understand any of it!! It took me 7 months to get over it and look at the whole thing in a different light. He will call you back but know he is being bombard by his W night and day. The thiks since you knew about it all you can handle the pain, they don't quite understand how much the other woman really suffers... It will feel better but the first week is the worse. Sorry for see you going tru it. The dday is a very painfull event for everyone involved.It is like a death someone we love. You will be griving for a while but things will be alright.Yoou will come out stronger, ((((((((hugs)))))))))) Link to post Share on other sites
lost4ever Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 Well, looks like someone can’t read…I thought this is a support forum, not my fat a$$ lost 22lbs when my husband cheated on me, and god will burn/punish/kick/kill you while you are down, and if he don’t I will forum! I wonder if someone looked in the mirror and thought, I must really be a X#$$# because god gave me a H that strays, not once, not twice, but multiple times, gave me a son that knows he is cheating, but decided to turn a blind eye and a daughter that’s fine with it. Yeah, yeah, I know I’m just feeding the fire by giving the time of day, I guess I’m just in a badmood!! Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 <I am totally devastated, I can't eat nor sleep, I am sick of crying but i can't seem to stop the tears, he made so many promises, constantly told me he loved me and that i felt part of him, we spoke of what would happen if she found out and he promised he wouldn't turn his back on me. I've had a load of abuse over the phone from his daughter, which i just took, i couldn't argue with her but nothing from her yet, I'm just waiting for the fallout which i suppose will come as soon as they get back I have no right to feel like this I know that, i take full responsibility for my actions and desisions, my whole life has come crashing down around me and i dont know how to cope with it, 14 years is a very long time i just don't know where to go from here or even how to start fixing myself, I have always been such a bubbly person and have never gotten so low as to feel i no longer want to go on, if it wasnt for my children i know i wouldn't be sat here typing this right now sorry i know this is my own fault but i dont know where else to turn...... You have every right to feel however you feel... And you don't have to take abuse from anyone...The next time someone calls and abuses you over the phone-hang up...You should probably change your phone number while you're at it... As for him, well, prepare yourself for him contacting you when things have settled down...decide how you are going to handle it ahead of time...It will make it easier than if he takes you by surprise... And take care of yourself...you loved and trusted him and he let you down...nothing new about a man doing that-it happens in R's regardless of what type of R they are... (((HUGS))) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Unforgetable77 Posted August 7, 2007 Author Share Posted August 7, 2007 Thank you all, for taking the time to reply, I'm not looking forward today as today is one of the days we spent together, my kids go with thier dad and i'm left alone, we are having some nice weather at the moment so i think i might hit the beach or just have a day with my friend anything to just get past each day without him constantly in my thoughts It doesn't seem to be getting any easier, he is still the first thing i think of when i wake!! I have to try and fathom out why I associate everything i do with him and stop doing it I did manage about 5 hrs sleep last night, not alot but i do feel a little better for it GEL.... I believe that he will be back as soon as it dies down but i havent really thought about how I will deal with it, I know one thing for sure there is no way i ever want to get to this stage again! but it will if i let it i know:mad: Link to post Share on other sites
Shades of Grey Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 Hi U77, I'm so sorry for your pain. I know exactly how you feel and I didn't think it was possible to feel so bad. You didn't deserve this no matter what anyone says. He will be in touch! I'm certain of it, right now he is probably on autopilot and frantically trying to justify his actions to his W. Then he will have to sit back and consider the consequences of his actions. I agree with GEL you need to try and figure out what you want from him and what to say to him in advance of his contact. In the meantime, the only other thing you can do to heal your pain is give yourself time. I know that you probably can't bear the thought that its the only option and I wish I had further advice to give you but sadly not. Take care of yourself. My thoughts are with you x Link to post Share on other sites
PoshPrincess Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 U77, I also know how you are feeling although I can't claim 14 years! That's going some and you must've thought you knew MM inside out after all that time. It DOES take time to feel better but it can happen with time. You have to be very strong and not give in if he contacts you. Like you said, you don't want to be feeling like this ever again! I gave in to MM so many times and even contacted him when he was happy with NC. I think that hindered my recovery so much more but all I felt was despair and I didn't know what else to do. 1 year and 8 motnhs since Dday and over a year since we split and I am feeling a hell of a lot better. I DO still have bad times (it's only 5 weeks since total NC but that feels good!) but I know I feel so much better now than I did. Just take one step at a time and get as much support as you can. You gotta be strong for your kids! I know I didn't really give my son the attention he deserved when things went pear-shaped with me and MM but I am trying hard to make up for it now. I really don't want to be in that position ever again! Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 U77, as everyone here who has been supportive - I am so sorry this had to happen to you. My prayers are with you to feel better. Just like GEL, PoshPrincess and everyone (the supportive ones, of course) has said... you will get over it. It takes time. For the time being, please look after yourself... Link to post Share on other sites
child_of_isis Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 I am sorry for your pain. But I can't say that I am sorry for the truth of who he is finally coming to light. You are free now. Pick yourself up and be glad that BS kept him and didn't kick him to the curb. Now do be aware of cheating MM's next step to keep you trapped. Some will play the game for BS for a few months, then come back for their prey....that prey being OW. Prepare yourself for this. Any time MM contacts you, call his BS and tell her. He made his bed now let him lie in it. Contrary to what MM has told you and no matter the anger toward you, BS is not the enemy. If she wants to talk to you, be honest with her about everything. Do not protect MM's ass. He threw your ass under the bus. The ball is now in your court. Burn him! Link to post Share on other sites
child_of_isis Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 The confusion is a necessary evil. And actually a good sign. MM has fashioned a reality for you that was false and consisted of lies. That false reality has been shattered. Which is good. Painful and confusing...but good. Keep pushing out of that false reality. Listen to the people here at LS. While some may come across as judgemental, they will help you to fashion your own reality.....And it will consist of truth. Stay strong. And stay with us. omg i am so confused, i just don't understand any of it!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Unforgetable77 Posted August 7, 2007 Author Share Posted August 7, 2007 evening all... feeling a little better this evening ive been to the beach and out for lunch with my friend im exhausted now so hopefully i will sleep tonight..... thank you all so much for your kind words, i don't feel so alone now going to sort the kids out for bed then i will be back to check out the board its the only thing keeping me occupied at the moment besides the kids obviously.... this seems to be the worst time of day for me as we chatted every single night online......my evenings seem empty i've had a good day..... i dont want to spoil it by going deep in thought about him, ive managed all day to push out the thoughts with something else lets just see how it goes Link to post Share on other sites
PoshPrincess Posted August 8, 2007 Share Posted August 8, 2007 Glad you've had a good day, U77. You need to do as much as you can to take your mind off him. Live your life for YOU! Link to post Share on other sites
Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted August 8, 2007 Share Posted August 8, 2007 Unforgettable77 - big hug for you. It is the most awful pain imaginable - your future dreams, all the words he said, the declarations of love - it all becomes so painful when MM snatches it all away from you, after all of the promises. I lost so much weight, smoked FAR too much, cried, stayed off work, never slept more than a few hours, trawled the internet for answers and took support from friends and family and lovely Loveshackers. The only thing I can advise is to keep busy as much as you can. I renovated my new house, I exercised, I took myself off to cry, booked holidays, anything to get myself out of the darkness that I felt. The end product was a new house, a great fit and healthy body and some nice hols and all of a sudden I felt a bit better. MM contacted eventually after the initial discovery - but dotn put all of your hope into that initial contact as I found many of my questions went unanswered and I eventually realised that many answers that I was searching for could never be answered, because I had lost a lot of trust and faith in him, our relationship and more importantly, myself. You will get there, you just need to look after yourself first and foremost Link to post Share on other sites
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