Should I end it now before it's too late

[tiptup]

About five years ago I met a guy at work who had a crush on me. We dated once but nothing ever materialized. I was three years older then him and at that time the age difference was to much. He went out with another girl and later got her pregnant and married her. She then cheated on him and got divorced.

 

Now five years later, I am working with him again. He has two more kids and a fiancee. I have feelings for him and he has feelings for me. I know this because he kissed me. We have since met and kissed many times. I feel a little guilty about it now and I am not sure what to do. I will not ever go so far as to sleep with him. I am actually a virgin and will stay that way until I am married, or at least sure I will be with someone forever.

 

Should I continue sneaking around with him? He makes me really happy. I love working on the days he works with me. It wouldn't be very long anyways because I will not be working with him past mid-July. Is kissing cheating if he has had sex with his fiance? I don't know. He isn't even married and hasn't set a date. It might be cheating a little but I don't consider it full blown adultery. Should I just relax and have some fun with him?

 

I really like him a lot. I don't think he is a player. I think maybe he is doing this because he had that crush on me all those years ago. Now that he has grown up more we are both attracted to each other. I have written a note telling him that I really like him but we must end what we are starting. I really want to stay friends with him now as I don't have many friends.

 

Should I give him the note?

 

Should I tell him to his face how I feel and what I think?

 

Should I enjoy the summer with him, not sleeping with him but just stopping when it gets that close?

 

I am really conflicted. I know that this is wrong and I thought I would never ever be in such a position. It does show me that you really can't judge a person unless you have stood in their shoes. My days at work are miserable when he is not there. I don't know if I could take it if he was mad or mean to me. Should I try to transfer? I probably could if I really needed to. Maybe I could if he was mean to me. I don't think he would be though, but maybe he really is a player. He is the one that told me that his first wife cheated on him. I even wonder now if that is true?

 

What should I do?

[norajane]

He has two more kids and a fiancee.

 

Let's do the math: 3 kids plus one ex-wife plus one fiancee, plus he's kissing you = guy you should stay away from.

 

Is kissing cheating if he has had sex with his fiance? I don't know. He isn't even married and hasn't set a date. It might be cheating a little but I don't consider it full blown adultery. Should I just relax and have some fun with him?

 

Yes, it's cheating. NO, you shouldn't relax and have some fun. Imagine if you were his fiancee that he has the two new kids with - how would you feel if you knew he was kissing some girl at work? Would you consider it cheating to know he's off kissing someone else, while you're at home dealing with baby puke and diapers?

 

I don't think he is a player.

 

Oh, he is the very definition of a player - and a cheater. He's engaged to be married and he's fooling around with you. Since you are waiting to have sex until you get married or are with someone who is 'forever', then certainly you must believe marriage is an important commitment. As his fiancee probably does, too. So why would you mess with someone else's commitment...for a little fun???? Would you think it was fun if your fiancee was having a little fun on the side? Would you think he was playing you?

 

Should I give him the note?

 

You should tell him face to face that you must stop the kissing and the friendly contact. And then stick to it - stay away from him.

 

 

Should I enjoy the summer with him, not sleeping with him but just stopping when it gets that close?

 

Again, how would you feel if some woman at work were wondering if she should just enjoy the summer with YOUR fiancee?

 

Should I try to transfer?

 

Yes, absolutely. Get away from him before you do something you are going to deeply regret.

 

He is the one that told me that his first wife cheated on him. I even wonder now if that is true?

 

It's good that you are questioning whether he is a liar and a player. He is currently lying to his fiancee, the mother of two of his children, by not telling her that he's playing kissy-face with a girl at work. He's perfectly capable of lying to you, too.

 

Look, you sound like a decent person - don't drag yourself down into the gutter with someone who is not faithful to the woman he asked to marry him. Imagine if she finds out and confronts you - would you really be able to look her in the face and try to justify why you are kissing the man who is soon to be her husband, the man who is the father of her children?

 

Believe me, you will end up hurt. You already care about him too much, rely upon him at work too much. It's not going to get any better. Do you want to be his next baby momma?

[tiptup]

Thank you NoraJane. I think I know deep down that you are right. I think that I have already become too involved with him. I don't know if I can tell him to his face. I want to but when I am alone with him I stop thinking. I only feel. I know that I need to end it but when I am with him I start to feel all fluttery and smiley. I really like him and I fear I may be falling into what the other women have fallen into. I don't want to hurt him. When I am not near him I realize I must end this. I will try to do it in person as you suggested. Thank you for your reply. It was like a slap in the face, but I really need it.

 

I don't think he is playing me because he has never mentioned anything about leaving his fiance or tried to hide the fact that he has one. However, he is playing her and I would not like to be in that position. And if we did get caught, I am sure everyone would assume we were having some nasty love affair, and I would end up being known as a homewrecker. She might even come to beat me up. I wouldn't blame her. I know that you are right. I just need to do it. It is really really hard though. Thank you. I do still want to be friends with him though. I have known him a long time.

 

I will try to talk to him face to face next time we are alone together. But I am afraid I will fall into temptation again. I don't want to now, but later when he is near me... I am very weak with this sort of thing. I admit it. But I guess it is time for me to learn how to use my common sense instead of my immoral heart.

[norajane]

I don't think he is playing me because he has never mentioned anything about leaving his fiance or tried to hide the fact that he has one.

Then he's showing you he has very little respect for you since he thinks you'd be content to be his little side-dish while he maintains his relationship with his fiancee.

 

If you don't think you can face him, then go ahead and write him a note. I just don't like the idea of writing things down like that when you work together - you never know where that note will end up and who will read it and it could cause trouble for you at your job, or at the very least, rumors that will never go away.

 

You can do this. You're much stronger than you give yourself credit for. And you'll start feeling very strong once you tell him - empowered. And then one day you'll look back and realize you dodged a bullet, and you'll laugh at yourself wondering what you ever saw in a lying, cheating snake who would betray his fiancee. Right now, it's just your hormones playing tricks on your mind. Later, you'll see him for the slime he is.

[tiptup]

Thank you. I don't think he is slime, but you are right about the note thing. I don't think he would pass it around, but I may not know him well at all. I will do my best to do it in person.

[Onelife]

I really like him and I fear I may be falling into what the other women have fallen into.

 

If you keep this going, yes you will fall into what the other women have fallen into. I fell into it myself. I have never thought I would get myself into it this far. Now I am trying with all my might to get out.

 

I don't want to hurt him.

 

The main person who is likely t oget hurt in this situation is YOU. Believe me the pain will only become greater.

 

 

I am very weak with this sort of thing. I admit it. But I guess it is time for me to learn how to use my common sense instead of my immoral heart.

 

People can be weak from time to time and this situation can be so very tempted. I am glad that you have this chance to really think about it BEFORE you get yourself into it even more than you have already.

 

I would suggest you to tell him face to face as norajane said that the note might be left as evidence and cause trouble for you later. Just IMO. Good luck with it all.

 

Sorry for the capital, just don't quite know how to multiple quote.

[tiptup]

Thank you OneLife. You and NoraJane have convinced me to do it and tell him in person.

[Onelife]

You go girl! You can do it!

[PoshPrincess]

Should I continue sneaking around with him? He makes me really happy. I love working on the days he works with me. It wouldn't be very long anyways because I will not be working with him past mid-July.

 

What's the point in this fling if that's all it's going to be anyway. I am not saying you should carry this on even if he WAS going to be around longer but get out now while you still can! You say you're a virgin but would NOT sleep with him but the more emotionally involved you get the more likely it is that this would happen. Don't give up your virginity for some man who has no qualms about cheating with a woman who is suppoed to be marrying!!! Not to mention the fact that he is using you for his owbn gratification.

 

Is kissing cheating if he has had sex with his fiance? I don't know. He isn't even married and hasn't set a date. It might be cheating a little but I don't consider it full blown adultery. Should I just relax and have some fun with him?

 

As far as I am concerned, ANY physical (sexual) contact with another person is cheating. He knows this but is happy to continue. I am sure his fiancee would consider it cheating, aren't you? I know YOU would consider it cheating were he your fiance!

 

I really like him a lot. I don't think he is a player. I think maybe he is doing this because he had that crush on me all those years ago. Now that he has grown up more we are both attracted to each other. I have written a note telling him that I really like him but we must end what we are starting. I really want to stay friends with him now as I don't have many friends.

 

No, he's not a player in the sense that he is being honest with you but he is still PLAYING with your emotions.

 

Should I give him the note?

 

No, never a good idea to have anything like that in writing. It could come back to haunt you. I know you say you are scared of telling him to his face but that is the best thing you could do. Besides, I have a feeling that he really won't be that gutted and will probably just move on to his next 'fling'.

 

Should I enjoy the summer with him, not sleeping with him but just stopping when it gets that close?

 

No, no, no. Can you honestly tell yourself it will NEVER get that close?

 

I don't think he would be though, but maybe he really is a player. He is the one that told me that his first wife cheated on him. I even wonder now if that is true?

 

Maybe he is such a GOOD player that he has managed to convince you he isn't one. I often wonder that about MY exMM.

 

What should I do?

 

Do yourself a favour and get out while you still can. There are plenty of us proof on here that these sitchs more often that not only end in heartache. Especially when it's quite obvious that this guy is merely using you. It's not as if he thinks you're the love of his life and he is planning on leaving his fiancee for you or anything so he really isn't worth the heartache that you will go through if you get any more emotionally involved.

 

Lots of luck. We are all here to support you.

[PoshPrincess]

Apologies for all the typos there! Have been to lazy to spell check this morning!

[sugar_sweet]

kinda like the same sitaution I'm in. I been seeing a MM at work since the last of May. It's a new R, so I don't have much of an opinion right now.

MM has said he didn't love his W like he used to.

[tiptup]

Thank you Posh Princess and sugar_sweet. I have decided to end it face to face. I am finally coming to my senses.