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Which would you chose? Research Question


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I have a question. Which would a woman chose if given the choice and only limited information about the following hypothetical men.

 

There are two men who are very interested in you. Both seeking a date and a chance to get aquainted. Each of them are attracted to you. Both are divorced (5 years ago). Both are 5 years older than you, both attractive, both gainfullly employed and similar in all respects except one big difference. You may have one blind date with the man of your choice but not the other? The only big difference (at his time) is that one was cheated on and left is wife. The other was a cheater and his wife left him.

 

One blind date - all paid for - no strings attached.

Which would you chose and why?

Are there any questions befor making a choice?

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To simply answer your question, if I knew nother of either, and could only go out with one, I'd pick the one that hadn't cheated...duhhhh. However, in the big picture that wouldn't make a difference if I liked the other one better.

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seriously, i see what you are trying to say, but like patientguy said, it wouldnt matter in real life. hypothetically of course one would pick the one that hadnt cheated.

 

but as you must know, life isnt hypothetical :(

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BLIND DATE - only know what you've said. I would, of course, choose the one who hadn't cheated. The why is obvious, he's not a proven liar.

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SadandConfusedWA

Knowing me I would probably be more attracted to the one that has cheated.

 

Also the one that has been cheated on would most likely have heavy issues with trust. He might take some form of "revenge" on the next gf (ie me) for what has been done to him. I have met men that have been betrayed in the past and they can become extremly bitter towards all women.

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scaredinlove
I have a question. Which would a woman chose if given the choice and only limited information about the following hypothetical men.

 

There are two men who are very interested in you. Both seeking a date and a chance to get aquainted. Each of them are attracted to you. Both are divorced (5 years ago). Both are 5 years older than you, both attractive, both gainfullly employed and similar in all respects except one big difference. You may have one blind date with the man of your choice but not the other? The only big difference (at his time) is that one was cheated on and left is wife. The other was a cheater and his wife left him.

 

One blind date - all paid for - no strings attached.

Which would you chose and why?

Are there any questions befor making a choice?

 

You don't know why the guy cheated or why the W cheated on the other guy. I would just throw a coin, seriously.

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Chandler Arizona

women cheat on their husbands usually because they are emotionally starved; men cheat usually because of opportunity; I consider emotional starvation a deeper problem; I'd choose the guy who cheated.

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Why... because in real life, for me, it doesn't really matter... I don't want them full time. So I would think that the cheater is the 'bad boy' type, I love those. The man who has been cheated, humm...no. He probably has somekind of 'problem'... like not being a good lover for example...

I don't know... this is just me... I would pick the cheater.

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IfWishesWereHorses

Well, I wouldn't care WHY one cheated or the other was cheated on. There actions are all I need to know. I would not go out with a man who I knew had cheated, period! That doesn't mean the other one will be any better but that would be my choice.

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Impudent Oyster
You don't know why the guy cheated or why the W cheated on the other guy. I would just throw a coin, seriously.

 

Are you kidding me? Why they cheated? Are you saying there are justifiable reasons that make cheating OK?

 

There is never a valid excuse to cheat.

 

Again, I would never date a known cheater.

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Impudent Oyster

You have to ask yourself whether you want to date women who don't think cheating is wrong.

 

Forget what everyone else thinks, what kind of woman do you want?

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You have to ask yourself whether you want to date women who don't think cheating is wrong.

 

Forget what everyone else thinks, what kind of woman do you want?

 

That's a good question.

 

To me there's a BIG difference between a woman who doesn't think cheating is wrong and a woman who cheated although she knew it was wrong. I think that happens. So I would try to find out what led up to her cheating. So in my case, it's not a deal breaker, all by itself.

 

I know it's easier to allow for mitigating factors for women, because it's more likely for cheating woman to have mitigating factors, than for a cheating man. But there ARE cases where men have mitigating factors too. So it doesn't make sence to me to make a judgement just on that one question.

 

Also, and I'm not infering this toward you, there are women and men who believe that integrity (or fear of a higher power, etc) ought to be enough to keep thier spouse in line. Even if they neglect their spouse, let them selves go, get fat and ugly, and other sorts of things that really amount to not taking care of business in the marriage. There are even women and men who were cheated and admit they contributed to the problem.

 

I guess I'm just saying that to me, there's more to this than just who committed adultery and who didn't.

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I have a question. Which would a woman chose if given the choice and only limited information about the following hypothetical men.

 

There are two men who are very interested in you. Both seeking a date and a chance to get aquainted. Each of them are attracted to you. Both are divorced (5 years ago). Both are 5 years older than you, both attractive, both gainfullly employed and similar in all respects except one big difference. You may have one blind date with the man of your choice but not the other? The only big difference (at his time) is that one was cheated on and left is wife. The other was a cheater and his wife left him.

 

One blind date - all paid for - no strings attached.

Which would you chose and why?

Are there any questions befor making a choice?

 

Well if that's all the information I had, then I'd toss a coin. I don't see a difference between the two... who knows what led up to the cheating on either side... there's nothing to pick or choose between them.

 

Although, thinking about it. If a man was cheated on by a woman I'd be thinking he was probably not interested in sex... and that wouldn't be a great idea in my mind. But I'd try not to think about who did what and why. I don't know either of them or why cheating occurred.

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GreenEyedLady
Although, thinking about it. If a man was cheated on by a woman I'd be thinking he was probably not interested in sex... and that wouldn't be a great idea in my mind.

 

Good point! :lmao:

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To be honest, I'd chose neither of them. The cheating thing on either man, would leave me wondering for different reasons about the prior relationships these men had, but the one who cheated on his spouse, there'd be no way in he** I'd go out with him. Just my opinion.

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Trialbyfire
The only big difference (at his time) is that one was cheated on and left is wife.

Okay, I'll bite this time. It's an easy decision for me. It would be the man who was cheated on because someone who cheats tends to lack a strong sense of principle, where integrity takes a backseat to momentary needs. Also, the man who cheats tends to live in the land of make-believe, due to his ability to create a side life while lying and cheating on his wife. To me there is something broken in this man. Once you've crossed the threshold into the immoral, it's much easier to cross again. A man without honour isn't a man at all. It's that simple.

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pelagicsands
Once you've crossed the threshold into the immoral, it's much easier to cross again.

Yes, I agree. It's always quite awkward the first time. When you have battered into your conscience once, the next time you don't have to ram nearly as hard.

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Trialbyfire
When you have battered into your conscience once

That would be "battered through". If you haven't crossed the threshold yet, the compact is still intact.

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pelagicsands
That would be "battered through".

An excellent point. I only hesitate because I never figured out exactly what is on the other side. I assume that it's their soul... at least that's what I'm aiming for.

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Trialbyfire
An excellent point. I only hesitate because I never figured out exactly what is on the other side. I assume that it's their soul... at least that's what I'm aiming for.

Are you trying to break in or break out? Someone who cheats tends to break free of the confines of morality, thus allowing pollutants to impinge on their honour.

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So then Pelagicsands and Trialbyfire,

 

I get your points. I understand and respect them.

I'm just trying to understand if most women see it the same way.

Some women will see it the other way, they want to know the why's before judging.

 

So far, in this forum, the majority of the female replies are that they'd want to know more before deciding. I think that's cool.

 

It seems to me that when a woman strays, it's more likely that she had mitigating reasons that are, at least understandable to many. But when a man strays it's less likely that he had mitigating reasons.

 

Yet society, in general, is harder on a woman than a man.

 

I'm not telling you anything you don't know already, I'm just learning.

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I assume that it's their soul

 

Sounds gooey and messy. Better wear protection.

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