craziness Posted March 30, 2007 Share Posted March 30, 2007 Hi. I am a 26 year old female who is married with 2 children. I am NOT looking for another man. There's just this problem I have, married men are attracted to me and I am not sure why. It's at my job, so far 4 married men have let me know that they are interested in me, one of them going as far as asking me out on a "drink" date. They all know I am married. I am attractive, I am not going to lie (no I am not full of myself -- it's just what I've been told). I have been told that I am an 8 out of 10 on the attraction scale. I am a well educated woman, working in a hospital. I just want to know what it is about me that is attracting these married men??? I don't put myself out there. I don't flirt with them intentionally -- mostly just to build rapport with them because of the field I am in. I just want to know what it is I am doing that is attracting them to me? Is it my looks? My rapport building skills? Eye contact? Because there definately aren't any "single" ones that seem to be trying to grab my attention, just the married ones. I am flattered by this, however I would never let something like that affect my life. I am happily married and just want to know why me? Link to post Share on other sites
kymberann Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 Why should it matter if you are happily married? Let them be attracted, so what. What matters is how you respond that shows them you are not interested. Take it as flattery and then be on your way! Best Link to post Share on other sites
shipperman1965 Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 I think its probably because you are married and have kids that married men are attracted to you,its like a safe zone especially since you are only 26 and attractive. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 It's defintiely your age. At 26 you are in your prime with glowing skin. You are leaving girliness and becoming a lovely young woman. And all men want a youthful woman in their beds. The fact that you are married with kids just makes you more enigmatic and some men probably see you as a challenge. Men like the chase. Lap it up. Smile. Tell yourself, "I can see right through these men." But leave it at that. Link to post Share on other sites
Reckless Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 I read somewhere that the percentage of married men that cheat at least once was somewhere around 75... in other words - chances are a married man will cheat. Given this, the most attractive, exciting and safest way to go would probably by an attractive married woman in her twenties... I'm not sure if I would find it particularly flattering but it is as one poster said neither here not there - as long as you make youself clear and keep relationships friendly but professional what does it matter? Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 MM are mapping their own flaws onto you simply because you are married with kids like many of them are. A married woman with kids who flirts with her colleages. Hmmm... lets see. I'm sure that they assume (wrongly, lets hope) that you are bored, and looking for some excitement on the side just like they are - and a married women with kids, while likely to 'put out' isn't likely to give them a hassle about commitment and relationships. They are also more likely to be discreet and lie to protect their own interests, and by default protect the MM's interests as well. In other words, I wouldn't be flattered at all. When a MM hits on you, they are letting you know that they see you as a. the type of woman who cheats b. the type of woman who sleeps with married men c. the type of woman who can skillfully lie Hopefully you will prove them wrong. Simply don't flirt back. If they come on too strong, you can always make it clear that your next step will be to contact HR about harassment. I don't flirt with them intentionally -- mostly just to build rapport with them because of the field I am in. You shouldn't have to flirt at all. A man doesn't take a collegue seriously that he flirts with, nor does he consider them an equal in the workplace. As soon as you are sexualized, you slide down on the respect scale in terms of workplace relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 You have no control over what someone else feels for you, or if they find you attractive. You DO however, have control over yourself and how you handle those MM who find you attractive. Remember your vows, think of you children. Think of your husband....That should be enough to stop you from making a big mistake. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 MM are mapping their own flaws onto you simply because you are married with kids like many of them are. A married woman with kids who flirts with her colleages. Hmmm... lets see. I'm sure that they assume (wrongly, lets hope) that you are bored, and looking for some excitement on the side just like they are - and a married women with kids, while likely to 'put out' isn't likely to give them a hassle about commitment and relationships. They are also more likely to be discreet and lie to protect their own interests, and by default protect the MM's interests as well. In other words, I wouldn't be flattered at all. When a MM hits on you, they are letting you know that they see you as a. the type of woman who cheats b. the type of woman who sleeps with married men c. the type of woman who can skillfully lie I think you are looking into this way too much. And giving the men too much credit. She is young, pretty and smart. Period. Link to post Share on other sites
BentSpine Posted April 1, 2007 Share Posted April 1, 2007 I don't think married men assume you're easy. They simply like you and decide to find out if you are bored. You rejecting them lets them know you're not. Link to post Share on other sites
silktricks Posted April 1, 2007 Share Posted April 1, 2007 I don't flirt with them intentionally -- mostly just to build rapport with them because of the field I am in. I just want to know what it is I am doing that is attracting them to me? Is it my looks? THough your looks may add to it, you gave the reason right there. You flirt. What your reason is for flirting is beside the point, many men will view it as a come-on. Also, if you are flirting to build rapport at work, you are definitely using the wrong asset. It's your brains and your ability that you should be using at work, not your sexual assets. Link to post Share on other sites
4whatItsWorth Posted April 2, 2007 Share Posted April 2, 2007 In other words, I wouldn't be flattered at all. When a MM hits on you, they are letting you know that they see you as a. the type of woman who cheats b. the type of woman who sleeps with married men c. the type of woman who can skillfully lie Ditto that. Also, I sounded like you only posted for US to tell you "oh yeah am sure they think you're afrodite herself... Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted April 2, 2007 Share Posted April 2, 2007 I'm not certain what the statistics are for MM versus single in the age category that hit on you. Perhaps it's exposure to more MM than single. If you're attractive, men will hit on you, single or married. Since only one of these four men have gone beyond the flirting stage by wanting to get together, I'm not certain that's so outrageous or unusual regardless if you're married or single yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
outofdarkness Posted April 2, 2007 Share Posted April 2, 2007 Hi...You do state that you are not intentionally flirting with them, and I believe you...However, men can even take the fact that you pay attention to them and are nice as flirting. I understand when you say that you are just trying to build a business rapport w/ them...Mabey you can see what reading is out there or even a class about how to build business R's and network w/out sending out any unintentional s----- signals. I think mabey the people in the Busines forum might have some input on this...You might try that. You are attractive, so you WILL have interest, and the MMs are most likely more aggressive in their pursuit b/c you are a challenge. You ARE attractive and intelligent, etc..and you are unavailable, I would think that this would be very appealing to an MM who's on the prowl... In the mean time, if you don't already, try to dress conservatively and keep some pictures of your Hubby on your desk. Have your Hubby stop by the office from time to time and mabey take you to lunch. Introduce him to these male co workers...Good luck... Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 2, 2007 Share Posted April 2, 2007 I would be insulted that they actually thought I was the type of woman who would sleep around on my husband and kids. I would also think they weren't taking me seriously as a colleague. If your male coworkers find you attractive there are more respectful ways of showing it. I really would have to look at myself and wonder what am I putting out there that would make them question my character. Link to post Share on other sites
Dadaal Posted April 2, 2007 Share Posted April 2, 2007 Single or married you WILL always find someone out there who wants to flirt with you. Iam a guy and I often flirt with married women at work and If I don't get any reaction in return, then i will stop it. In your case, as others pointed out, you may be showing them off abit too much of yourself. Perhaps, you enjoy and yet never know why that is happening. Remember, "there is no smoke without fire" Link to post Share on other sites
puddleofmud Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 Honey: a lot of us are TWICE+ your age and get the same kind of attention and from men your age! What matters most is that one carries themselves with dignity and so called "class", whether married or single. It is possible to simply respond to a man with integrity that does not contain "signals". If they don't get it than who cares?! It simply becomes daily entertainment and not much to blow up the ego, after all it's not much, considering the source... Attraction is lovely and flirting is fun but seriously flirting when married is just... well... dumb not to mention desperate (not saying YOU are doing that; but about those who may be married and ARE or who find it so easy to target married persons). Some guys tend to think that just because a pretty woman is "nice" to them it's a lead. That's not your problem. YOUR problem is to maintain the upmost degree of professionalism and integrity at your place of employment, should you wish to remain employed. Link to post Share on other sites
Ripples Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 Ah, another thread started by someone who needs to tell the world how hot they are Link to post Share on other sites
knaveman Posted April 4, 2007 Share Posted April 4, 2007 This is way too funny. No really. Link to post Share on other sites
BentSpine Posted April 4, 2007 Share Posted April 4, 2007 Some guys tend to think that just because a pretty woman is "nice" to them it's a lead. Not quite. Men decide to find out if it's a lead when a woman is nice. He does this by making a move to see what your reaction is. From your reaction will he judge your level of interest. This is how he must act since in general a women don't tell a man with words: "I am interested in you" even if they are. Link to post Share on other sites
Impudent Oyster Posted April 4, 2007 Share Posted April 4, 2007 Huh? Why shouldn't they be attracted to you? They're men, you're a woman (a young, apparently attractive and friendly woman). This is nature's way. I would be more concerned if men weren't attracted to you. So since it's entirely normal for men to be attracted to women, what's the problem? So they're attracted to you, so what? You do know how to say "NO" don't you? As in, no thank you, I'm married, no thank you, you're married, or no thank you, I don't date co-workers. Anyone with an ounce of common sense knows this. You may be attractive, but you might want to check your self-esteem and ability to exhibit common sense. Link to post Share on other sites
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