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Understanding a MM.


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Wondering why a "Happily Married Man" who is very comfortable with his life would choose to have an affair? If the MM was so happy then why would he even me tempted at all to have an affair with another MW? Any thought's?

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That would be the classic cake-eater - he wants to have his cake and eat it, too. He wants what he has at home, but likes having a little extra sex on the side, plus the additional ego stroke.

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4whatItsWorth

No, wait! OH OH! I KNOW!

 

Because he is a tortured sensitive soul who just cannot BEAR to leave his poor children, but his wife doesn't understand him and he's longing for the love and understanding of any other woman but his wife and only another woman who is just as misunderstood can give it to him! Because for her, he'd give up several hours a week to get some of her flamin' passion!

 

...oh wait, that's the OWs point of views. :p

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The sex, the strokes, the passion, the excitement, the difference. Also, he may genuinely like the other woman.

 

The reasons are as varied as there are married men.

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NearlyThere
No, wait! OH OH! I KNOW!

 

Because he is a tortured sensitive soul who just cannot BEAR to leave his poor children, but his wife doesn't understand him and he's longing for the love and understanding of any other woman but his wife and only another woman who is just as misunderstood can give it to him! Because for her, he'd give up several hours a week to get some of her flamin' passion!

 

...oh wait, that's the OWs point of views. :p

 

Thats what the MM tells the OW.

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It brings to mind in the movie "Fatal Attraction" when after Michael Douglas's character has boinked the mess out of Glenn Close's character and he is talking about his marriage and says - Yeah, my marriage is good and I guess we're one of the lucky ones...and she asks "Well, what are you doing here?...and he doesn't say anything. The MM does it because he can. There is always some woman who is ready and eager to help him cheat.

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No, wait! OH OH! I KNOW!

 

Because he is a tortured sensitive soul who just cannot BEAR to leave his poor children, but his wife doesn't understand him and he's longing for the love and understanding of any other woman but his wife and only another woman who is just as misunderstood can give it to him! Because for her, he'd give up several hours a week to get some of her flamin' passion!

 

...oh wait, that's the OWs point of views. :p

 

 

many MM do say these things to their OW. we do not just come up with this stuff in our heads. and the passion is great :laugh:

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I know a situation some what like that however it is something that pulls on your heart sting a little more. My wife is sick with (MS, Diabetic, Depressive) what ever makes her uninterested in sex and passion and he has
so
much to give and has no one to give it to....I am begining to see the irony in this forum....This is my second day on here. Feels like my eyes have been opened to alot of things.

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Because the wife is a b*tch?

 

Eric, you are on point at least in my situation. My MM's wife was a B*tch. But she was pretty or you could tell that she was beautiful when she was in her 20's and 30's. She was like a barbie and dresses extremely provactively.

 

Well now, she is in her 40's and aging but still attractive to be in her 40's.

 

And he hated her and said that the outside looked good but the inside was ugly so he couldn't see the ugly.

 

But we talked once about why he stayed with her and he said it was because he didn't want any other man to sleep with her. So he would rather stay miserable than allow her and him happiness.

 

As I have come to ADMIT finally is that he is one selfish S.O.B.!

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No, wait! OH OH! I KNOW!

 

Because he is a tortured sensitive soul who just cannot BEAR to leave his poor children, but his wife doesn't understand him and he's longing for the love and understanding of any other woman but his wife and only another woman who is just as misunderstood can give it to him! Because for her, he'd give up several hours a week to get some of her flamin' passion!

 

...oh wait, that's the OWs point of views. :p

 

That's not a point of view...that's what they say. As far as a few hours a week, they give reasons for why they only give that. You must also know that marry men believe what they say (even if it is a lie).

 

My MM would say these things all of the time. He is a master wordsmith and could tell you something and have you thinking that you got the answer but then it only left you with more questions. It's the same as when newscasters ask if someone is running for president and the potential candidate answers the question but you still don't know if he is running or not.

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Again you guys are sterotyping all MM. I was on the other side of that coin. My MW said she loved me, said a whole lot of things but in the end delivered on NOTHING. All those OW who think you have the getting shafted market cornered,

 

Think again...

 

NL

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bridget_jones
Wondering why a "Happily Married Man" who is very comfortable with his life would choose to have an affair? If the MM was so happy then why would he even me tempted at all to have an affair with another MW? Any thought's?

 

I don't think there is any claim by even the BS's that their marriages were perfect. A lot of marriages have issues. No one is claiming that the marriage was perfect and he was very comfortable with his life before having an affair.

IMO, the best way to handle marriage issues, even if it IS just the man who perceives it as an issue, is to get it out in the open and possibly seek marriage counseling. If he is feeling lonely and emotionally alienated from his wife, which is what a lot of MMs seem to claim from reading the OW's viewpoints on this board, he could approach this issue with his wife.

If the situation is so intolerable then why doesn't he get out of the marriage first?

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bridget_jones
That's not a point of view...that's what they say. As far as a few hours a week, they give reasons for why they only give that. You must also know that marry men believe what they say (even if it is a lie).

 

My MM would say these things all of the time. He is a master wordsmith and could tell you something and have you thinking that you got the answer but then it only left you with more questions. It's the same as when newscasters ask if someone is running for president and the potential candidate answers the question but you still don't know if he is running or not.

 

So you're basically admitting that your MM is a deceiver and a liar, yet you continue to see him? Nice.

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I give him everything and get nothing in return. The cooking, cleaning, kids, laundry, groceries, bills, everything! I only get the urge once a month and what does he say; 'How about some sucky-sucky honey'!?!? If he can't take care of his woman, somebody else will! Is there a thread for MW and OM? :p

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I give him everything and get nothing in return. The cooking, cleaning, kids, laundry, groceries, bills, everything! I only get the urge once a month and what does he say; 'How about some sucky-sucky honey'!?!? If he can't take care of his woman, somebody else will! Is there a thread for
MW
and
OM
?
:p

If there is a thread forMW and
OM
then please lets see that one maybe I will start one....
;)

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serial muse

If there is a thread forMW and
OM
then please lets see that one maybe I will start one....
;)

 

eeyore, are you the same person as meetme26?

unless there are two MM's wives with multiple sclerosis...

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From the perspective of the book the Five Love Languages, the reason why a MM has an sexual affair is not surprising that he doesn't get his 2nd most important need, sex, filled by the wife. He stays with his wife because the wife fills his very most important need e.g. words of affirmation.

 

Perhaps the MM and his wife share a similar sense of humour which makes them have a great time together. Maybe the wife is terrific with the kids and this is also valued by the MM. They could have nice house in a calm neighbourhood. The kids like the schools they attend and are doing well. Pleasant dinners with shared friends and likewise memorable holidays with the extended family.

 

Everything would in fact be great if it wasn't for the fact that the sexual receptiveness of the wife has the same frequency as the holidays, making each love-making session easily countable as well as memorable.

 

In this made-up love story, the wife is not a control freak. So the notion that sex is not a legitimate need doesn't enter this wife's mind. However, this wife has a low sex drive and no amount of rhino horn is going to raise it.

 

If the situation is so intolerable then why doesn't he get out of the marriage first?

Because many people don't have an internal warning lamp that signals "Essential need is not met. Abandon relationship." The fact that the affair happened enters the concious mind and acts as the warning lamp.

 

If someone is hit by their partner the first time, there is an abrupt and dramatic change to a physically abusive relationship. There is clearly a new deal, and the partner will decide then and there if the accept the new terms(hopefully not). But if a partner only gradually decreases the occasions when they fill their partner's needs, no sudden change of terms is apparent, and the receiving partner doesn't make a decision to either accept or walk.

 

Instead the partner soldiers on. Until opportunity to fill their important need is presented from the outside. Consider not eating for three weeks and then be presented with delicious food from someone outside the partnership, only you are supposed to eat solely the food your partner gives you.

 

If your need is emotional, the affair has greater chance of staying an emotional affair. If the need is sexual... well, you get the point.

 

Perhaps the fact that the affair took place is the first time the betraying partner realises 1) they have a need which is non-negotiable, or 2) they had a hunch of their need but not its true magnitude. In either case, the need has taken the importance of a potential marriage-wov deal-breaker.

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outofdarkness
Wondering why a "Happily Married Man" who is very comfortable with his life would choose to have an affair? If the MM was so happy then why would he even me tempted at all to have an affair with another MW? Any thought's?

That's too loaded of a question to answer b/c there are so many different reasons...and every situation is unique..IMO

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