freakygal78 Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 I have posted here before about my EA with a MM at my former workplace. To cut a long story short my reputation suffered because of my thinly-veiled infatuation him and also the inappropriate conversations, emails and music-swapping etc. I was being harrassed by co-workers for other reasons but no doubt this contributed a lot to it overall. Basically I was 'forced' to leave my job because the issue of harrassment arose so much even after I had started to taper off contact with the MM. By then it was too late. Working with mostly men, I was basically branded a 'Scarlet Woman' (for being single and 28) and even though this is not how it should go and there is legislation to protect women from this kind of derogatory treatment - the system failed me in what was essentially a 'boy's club' and I was offered a payout early so I could leave and 'move on'. So I took it - after all the emotional grief and torment it felt like the easy way out. It was for a while but almost two months on, I am still unemployed just before Christmas and I tell you, all the depression I felt whilst pining for this apparently perfect male does not to compare to the despair, shame and big kick to my self-esteem since being made to leave. It is hard for me to find work as the feedback I get back from most interviews is that I display a lack of confidence. I tell you - after being systematically harrassed for 7 months and having unrequited feelings for a MM, your confidence DOES suffer. I feel like all this has shattered my life and I am having to rebuild those feelings of self-worth again. I know a lot of you are more involved with your MM and you feel the feelings are so genuine and worth the pain but you know what? MM is sitting in his cushy job still and I am jobless - do you think he gives two hoots about the girl who 'pierced his skin' once? No. He probably hasn't given me a second thought and to think how much time and rumination and preening I used to invest in him. Sure I still think about him and miss what I'd felt once etc but now I am dating a SG who has to suffer all the fallout and my resultant unemployment with me. He doesn't deserve that at all. I know a lot of us are intelligent and tuned into our feelings and also emotional people - who wouldn't be emotional after not being able to freely express your adoration for someone you find special? But to be honest, if it's not one thing, it's another - I have to address my problems constantly with my self-esteem and sure as heck wont be ever gratifying a MM with my attentions again - just want to let you beautiful smart women know - there is a way outside of this and a million men like him who you are yet to meet. Somtimes it's easier to hold onto the pain we know - it's harder yet to have the courage to break out of that and start anew, I had not much choice in the matter but perhaps it was a blessing in disguise it never turned into a PA after reading the horrifically complex stories on here. My two cents. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 Wow. I am so sorry this happened to you. You don't say what kind of harrassment as I imagine working for the "boys" club is like working in a meat market anyway. How sad they treated you this way. Hang in there and keep your head up anyway, though. If you are in the states, don't put out any more resumes unless you have a gut feeling. Most HR departments are ghost towns after the 15th of December and you will most likely get lost. On a more positive note, at least you are out of this mess and will not likely go through it again. Glad you have a SG now. If SG wants to support you and comfort you, let him and you do the same for him. I personally think of this as a turning point when such drastic things happen. You do your part to turn it into a blessing in disguise. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 I am so sorry that you had to go through this...I'm glad that you have someone to support you and that you can lean on... Link to post Share on other sites
Author freakygal78 Posted December 14, 2006 Author Share Posted December 14, 2006 Thanks for your encouraging words. No, it hasn't been easy but I am glad I'm out of there. The harrassment I talked about was snide comments with 'i don't know what you mean' as the response when the people were confronted. Kind of like double entendres in the kitchen and what not - yes I am a strong person - I had to be to work with 60 men but when people gang up on you and you are subjected to this kind of treatment day in day out - it really does start to get to you and destroy you emotionally. MM was sympathetic but neutral - sadly he did not see how he had contributed to it. I am trying to stay strong and haul my *ss out of bed everyday pounding the pavement going to interviews etc but yeah it is a crumby time of year to be looking - I hope it is a turning point for me at the least it has been a painful lesson to learn to not interfere in MM's lives even though they may be encouraging you. Selfishness is bred by an unfulfilled need in ourselves. I believe I have learnt to respect and value my own relationships and those of others more through all of this. Link to post Share on other sites
Freedom Now Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 That what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. You have tremendous strength but it came at a high price. I have no doubt that you will bounce back from this setback and be victorious in your life. All my best to you. Link to post Share on other sites
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