Guest Posted October 1, 2006 Share Posted October 1, 2006 The W found out, not sure exactly how but she knows! I never wanted this to happen to us and now I am scared of what she may do if she knows where I live. I am not sure how long she has known or if she had us followed. I just found out today that she knows so I don't know all the sorrid details. I feel so devasated right now for everyone involved. I do not know what I am going to do, what do I say to her if she contacts me? My name is Yo Momma - I can't sign on right now because this is not my computer. Link to post Share on other sites
tristesse Posted October 1, 2006 Share Posted October 1, 2006 Hello... so you got caught.. did you expect this could go on forever with no problems? Now, you have to pay the piper.If the wife confronts you, tell her the truth, and then let go of this loser and go on with your life. Find someone who is unattached, and who can devote his time to you and only you( not two women) He is probably lying to her right now saying you made him do it, you are a stalker. They will bond together, and you will be thrown under the bus. Wake up and change your behavior so you can hold your head up and make a life for yourself. What if you were the wife...How would you feel right now? Dah... Learn from your mistakes and go on for a better future.Take care Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 2, 2006 Share Posted October 2, 2006 The W found out, not sure exactly how but she knows! I never wanted this to happen to us and now I am scared of what she may do if she knows where I live. I am not sure how long she has known or if she had us followed. I just found out today that she knows so I don't know all the sorrid details. I feel so devasated right now for everyone involved. I do not know what I am going to do, what do I say to her if she contacts me? My name is Yo Momma - I can't sign on right now because this is not my computer. You should be scared of what she may do, You sure wasn't scared when you were spreading your peanut buter. best of luck to her Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted October 2, 2006 Share Posted October 2, 2006 Well, these are very helpful posts---NOT! She most likely will call you. Decide what you want to say to her, if anything. What should you say? You can tell her to go talk to her H or you can tell her everything or some version of it. Your choice. Don't dwell on what she could do. If she tries to confront you, make sure that someone is around and don't be alone with her. She's going to be very hurt and devastated but most W's aren't stalker types. Take each day, a day at a time. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
luvstarved Posted October 2, 2006 Share Posted October 2, 2006 Well I am sure that you are not some evil person but this is another example of what bugs me about human nature. How it is ok to do things until/unless you are caught. Now you feel devastated for everyone involved...this was pretty much inevitable. I have to wonder how you THOUGHT this would all play out? Link to post Share on other sites
stillhere Posted October 2, 2006 Share Posted October 2, 2006 Well said GEL............i'm still trying to figure out how she was spreading her peanut butter. I believe i only spread mine on toast!!!! Do you want to tell her the truth or are you going to deny it all. It's up to you, but chances are she may know everything. The ball is now in his court, he has to decide what to do. She's going to be extremely hurt, so beware. I wish you much luck, this is going to be hard for everyone involved. Keep us updated. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted October 2, 2006 Share Posted October 2, 2006 You know what bugs me about human nature? How someone can be hurting and confused and asking for help on what to do and realize that what they have done is wrong and then others just basically beat you on the head with it to make themselves look holier than thou without addressing the question... Link to post Share on other sites
PoshPrincess Posted October 2, 2006 Share Posted October 2, 2006 YM, the same thing happened to me after about 4 months with my MM. I had a call from W and at first made out she had the wrong number (of course, she knew she didn't!) because I panicked. She left me a message telling me I was welcome to him (if only she had meant that!) and then the next morning I got a text after if I had sex with him. She said that once she had the answer to that she would leave me alone which she did. I didn't think it was my place to tell her the truth, plus didn't know what my MM had told her, although knew he would play it down as much as possible. I guess you do have to be prepared for her to confront you at some stage, although she may not. A lot of it probably depends on what he tells her and whether he finishes with you because of it. My MMs W asked to meet me but he told her that was ridiculous. Curiousity, I would imagine. Not sure how I would react myself if the shoe was on the other foot. You also need to be prepared for your relationship with MM to be over. Mine carried on for another few months although was never really the same after as MM had to be so much more careful, especially as she had told the kids what he had been up to. I think it they hadn't have found out it could've been a different story for us. We are still in touch, he still has feelings for me, but we haven't been in an R for 6 months now. And it still hurts like hell. Keep us posted. Link to post Share on other sites
THX2000 Posted October 2, 2006 Share Posted October 2, 2006 You know what bugs me about human nature? How someone can be hurting and confused and asking for help on what to do and realize that what they have done is wrong and then others just basically beat you on the head with it to make themselves look holier than thou without addressing the question... GEL, the poster may be hurting and/or confused but I don't think that now....after being caught she is now realizing what she has done is terribly wrong and realizes the devastation she has causes. She is here looking to be told everything is okay because now there are REAL CONSEQUENCES for HER. She is worried about how this is going to affect her if the wife contacts her. I do feel sorry that she is upset but like the other poster said now it's time to pay the piper. She needs to grow up and act like an adult. Link to post Share on other sites
KrisMuseumGirl Posted October 2, 2006 Share Posted October 2, 2006 I agrfee with Green eyed lady. Evreyone is here because of something. We are not all the piller of the community and it sometimes takes an "event" to wake us up. Sometimes we let our children make their own mistakes because sometimes they need to. Some people get very caught up - I'm sure this guy was saying all the right things and (unfortunately, we're too weak to resist) Getting caught is embarrassing and the most sobering event in these situations. The wife may not even come to you. If she does, I would direct her back to her own husband to work things out with him. You can assure her that you want no part of this and promise to stay away - then do it! By the way, are you married? Is there any chance that his W will be telling more than just you about this A that has you so concerned? I am not a fan of bashing people that are looking for help so I never do. My motto is to hate the sin and love the sinner. I feel very bad for you, I hope you're safe. Please let us know what happens. And for all you people making fun of this - shame on you! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 2, 2006 Share Posted October 2, 2006 You know what bugs me about human nature? How someone can be hurting and confused and asking for help on what to do and realize that what they have done is wrong and then others just basically beat you on the head with it to make themselves look holier than thou without addressing the question... Or how can someone cause hurt and confusion in another persons life and know they are wrong for what they are doing in the first place but only ask for help after they've been caught. No I have no sympathy for you and I am not a bitter BS. I just think now after you've been caught you want to take the chicken a-- route and hide out from the wife. Since you two were so gung ho about your affair why not rejoice at her finding out because now he can tell her he wants to leave her for you and the two of you can be together. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 2, 2006 Share Posted October 2, 2006 Well, these are very helpful posts---NOT! She most likely will call you. Decide what you want to say to her, if anything. What should you say? You can tell her to go talk to her H or you can tell her everything or some version of it. Your choice. Don't dwell on what she could do. If she tries to confront you, make sure that someone is around and don't be alone with her. She's going to be very hurt and devastated but most W's aren't stalker types. Take each day, a day at a time. Good luck! Thank you for the supportive words. We are both going to take it one day at at time, he is going to try his best to work on his marriage. This is at my inisistance, and I am going to try my best to keep my distance. He has agreed to N/C what so ever. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 2, 2006 Share Posted October 2, 2006 Getting caught is embarrassing and the most sobering event in these situations. The wife may not even come to you. If she does, I would direct her back to her own husband to work things out with him. You can assure her that you want no part of this and promise to stay away - then do it! By the way, are you married? Is there any chance that his W will be telling more than just you about this A that has you so concerned? I have told him that if she comes to me I will tell her to ask him for any and all information. The ball is in his court. I am divorced with children who live at home. I don't care if she balls me out, I just do not want my children involved in the scene. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 3, 2006 Share Posted October 3, 2006 Please let us know what happens. And for all you people making fun of this - shame on you! From what he has told me he told her just about everything about our relationship, except the sexual side! I can't imagine that she believes him BUT who knows. I am betting she will give him another chance, and I hope they can work it out. I am done with him, we are over for good. However I give it a year there will be another me in his mix. I would never want to tell her the truth, but in a way I feel sorry for her because she is being dogged by him big time! To the person who asked if you can just be friends with benefits, the answer is no! He is the only one who benefits, in the end the loosers are the OW & the W! Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted October 3, 2006 Share Posted October 3, 2006 Or how can someone cause hurt and confusion in another persons life and know they are wrong for what they are doing in the first place but only ask for help after they've been caught. No I have no sympathy for you and I am not a bitter BS. I just think now after you've been caught you want to take the chicken a-- route and hide out from the wife. Since you two were so gung ho about your affair why not rejoice at her finding out because now he can tell her he wants to leave her for you and the two of you can be together. First of all, "Guest," I am not the poster who started the thread. I was just trying to help her. Personally, I don't care if you are a BS (they are usually quite helpful and provide a different perspective) or not. I didn't ask for you sympathy nor do I need it. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 4, 2006 Share Posted October 4, 2006 First of all, "Guest," I am not the poster who started the thread. I was just trying to help her. Personally, I don't care if you are a BS (they are usually quite helpful and provide a different perspective) or not. I didn't ask for you sympathy nor do I need it. I know you aren't the original poster and I wasn't giving my sympathy to you or anyone else. I was talking to the original poster in response to your comment. I just think if she likes to play be ready to pay the piper and not take the chicken sh*t way out and hide. I don't care if you are a BS, OW, OM or whatever you are! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 4, 2006 Share Posted October 4, 2006 I know you aren't the original poster and I wasn't giving my sympathy to you or anyone else. I was talking to the original poster in response to your comment. I just think if she likes to play be ready to pay the piper and not take the chicken sh*t way out and hide. I don't care if you are a BS, OW, OM or whatever you are! I am the original poster, and I am not taking the CHICKEN way out! Are you a OW or a BS? What did you do, or have you not gotten caught yet? Believe me it is inevitable, we were so very careful, or so we THOUGHT! Link to post Share on other sites
broken wings Posted October 5, 2006 Share Posted October 5, 2006 I was the OW and with this man for almost two years. He was in a cold and stale marriage. His wife had a hunch a few months back about us but she really didn't want to face the truth.She also didnt change her ways after. This week she came home early and found us in her home. we were just leaving but the damage was done. At this point I am lucky she didn't kill me. She showed me nicely(pulled by the hair) to the front door and I never looked back. I really never thought that I would get involved in such a messy and embarrassing scenario. In the end I have lost my best friend, dignity and any desire to ever get involved with a mm again.he has decided to end all communication for now and I can tell you that the silence is deafening. I am not trying to get any sympathy. I just want to let all this women who are with mm know that you are in a nk win scenario. we realized that even if he left her now his whole entire family would snub him and hate my guts. passion, laughs and great sex have nothing over FAMILY...realize it now. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 5, 2006 Share Posted October 5, 2006 passion, laughs and great sex have nothing over FAMILY That's why affairs are affairs... You got burned, big time and it sounds like you learned a painful lesson. I know you're not trying to get sympathy, I'm not giving it to ya - But I do respect that you see the full picture and the consquences, the pain it inflicts on EVERYBODY else. Good luck and I hope you find happiness with a single man, when the right one comes along. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 This week she came home early and found us in her home. we were just leaving but the damage was done. At this point I am lucky she didn't kill me. She showed me nicely(pulled by the hair) to the front door and I never looked back. All I can say is WOW, you actually went to their house? That takes a lot of balls! I am not throwing any stones, but can't for the life of me understand why you would ever take that chance! Link to post Share on other sites
stillhere Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 All I can say is WOW, you actually went to their house? That takes a lot of balls! I am not throwing any stones, but can't for the life of me understand why you would ever take that chance! I've went to his house as well, but knowing that there was no possible chance that she would be showing up at all. Otherwise, he would always come to my house. I agree, going to the house he shares with his spouse is way too risky for me. I only go there when she is out of town and know that she will be staying out of town. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 The W found out, not sure exactly how but she knows! I never wanted this to happen to us and now I am scared of what she may do if she knows where I live. I am not sure how long she has known or if she had us followed. I just found out today that she knows so I don't know all the sorrid details. I feel so devasated right now for everyone involved. I do not know what I am going to do, what do I say to her if she contacts me? My name is Yo Momma - I can't sign on right now because this is not my computer. YM The question now is what do you want? Do you want a R with a man that is always going to be dependent on his M or SO. Do you want a R with a man that is constantly going to have the threat of physical violence or extreme emotional heartache? This can happen with a SG or a MM, mind you. His W has the right to do whatever she wants to, up to, and including contacting you. And let's not dog out his character if he throws you under the bus. Apparently, there were two people in this relationship, and both have some character issues. Do you want to wait and see what he does? Or is the gig up? If he throws you under the bus once, he will more than likely do it again. Link to post Share on other sites
Ripples Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 I'm sorry, I have to comment on the fact that some OW sometimes go to their MM's house. That ain't on. Link to post Share on other sites
broken wings Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 I know enough already....we were stupid about the the house but like the previous post said we thought there was no possible chance the wife would stop by. We were actually on our way out thank god. we don't live in a big city so restaurants and hotels our out as people know him. Link to post Share on other sites
PoshPrincess Posted October 9, 2006 Share Posted October 9, 2006 I know enough already....we were stupid about the the house but like the previous post said we thought there was no possible chance the wife would stop by. We were actually on our way out thank god. we don't live in a big city so restaurants and hotels our out as people know him. V risky going to MMs house. I had a couple of flings in my early 20s with attached men and thought nothing of doing that at the time. I was very young and naive and thought I was invincible. I was lucky. I never did this with MM and thought it was because I am now older and wiser, plus have had a long-term relationship and could see how wrong it would be knowing your H/partner had been with another woman in your bed! Saying that, if it had been the only place we could've gone I probably would have done, but fortunately he had too much respect (that's not a dig at anyone who has done it!) for his family. Or maybe just had less bravado than some other MMs! Link to post Share on other sites
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