She-male escorts & my dad

[fxybrzln]

Hi..I will try to make this short so maybe you can give me some pointers on what to do.

My parents are married for over 30yrs. they are still in love and it shows.

 

My father travels constantly. Many times

w

/o my mother, but I accompany him since I work with him.

 

For the past month or

so

, I've noticed him going on a certain site for escorts. They have them all over the world and he's checked the site for the cities where we travel to and live at part-time (Barcelona and Miami).

 

Here is the kicker...the site has escorts, but the ones that i've seen him check out are for shemales or transvestites or whatever it is called.

So, i have no idea what to do. However, I think I should say something to him but how...

Also....Why would a man be attracted to she-males? is there some kind of psychological explanation for this?

 

I'm usually w/ my dad 24 hrs a day when we are away working so I don't think he has actually cheated, I just have that feeling. I am very freaked out about a straight man looking at she-males on the net.

help. any input will be GREATLY appreciated.

[Guest]

Hi..I will try to make this short so maybe you can give me some pointers on what to do.

My parents are married for over 30yrs. they are still in love and it shows.

 

My father travels constantly. Many times w/o my mother, but I accompany him since I work with him.

 

For the past month or so, I've noticed him going on a certain site for escorts. They have them all over the world and he's checked the site for the cities where we travel to and live at part-time (Barcelona and Miami).

 

Here is the kicker...the site has escorts, but the ones that i've seen him check out are for shemales or transvestites or whatever it is called

 

So, i have no idea what to do. However, I think I should say something to him but how...

 

Also....Why would a man be attracted to she-males? is there some kind of psychological explanation for this?

 

I'm usually w/ my dad 24 hrs a day when we are away working so I don't think he has actually cheated, I just have that feeling. I am very freaked out about a straight man looking at she-males on the net.

help. any input will be GREATLY appreciated.

 

I have been in your position. It's a tough one...I know. I wonder how old you are? I was 35 before I found out that my Dad is a TV..My parent's had been married for almost 40 years, and my Mom didn't know either. If you saw those types of websites, it most likely means that he is looking for support. With all of the support groups around, there is still a huge stigma attached to TV's..Even in the G community...because, I have always read...Noone is quite sure what their orientation is...It's still sort of dangerous to be a TV in today's world, so much of what goes on is behind closed doors and many end up depressed and lonely..

 

It is still up in the air as far as a "psychological explaination" for this. The TGendered community I think, believe that they were born that way...Of course there is a huge difference between a person who actually wants to BECOME the opposite S, and a person who gets a certain "high" from dressing up as the opposite S...It gets really complicated...I really don't know where the scienctific community stands on this because there really has not been that much research devoted to it. I do know that you can find alot of useful information re: support groups for families, etc..on the net.

 

I could not handle it, and do not speak to my Dad any more, and my parent's are div...but there are many families who do stay intact, and remain supportive of the TG person...It just depends on the situation. My Dad has many problems that have nothing to do with his S orientation..There are many fine, tax paying, law abiding citizens who are TG...My Dad is not one of them...

 

I hope I've helped...It's tough...You might try writing your Dad a letter...Like I said, I don't know your age, etc..so it's hard for me to advise...The situation with my Dad was very confrontational, and he denied what he was/is up until the very end...Like I said, it can be very secretive and much shame involved...

[Guest]

People look at all sorts of sites just for the heck of it. I look at orgy scenes. Don't want to do one - ever. The idea of lots of hands and lips may be nice but I doubt it would be in real life.

 

Leave your dad alone. It's none of your business.

[LakesideDream]

You might consider giving your dad the benifit of the doubt. You clearly said you are with him, and he's not cheating.

 

He may visit the sites as part of a fantasy, are you willing to risk your parents marriage just because you snooped and discovered a fetish he is investigating?

 

This is a can of *****, I suggest you leave it alone.

[RecordProducer]

I could not handle it, and do not speak to my Dad any more...

:mad: Why don't you speak to your father? Do you have children?

 

To the original poster... I think you should continue to love your father for whom he is and let him have his privacy. It's really none of your business. If he hasn't cheated in 30 years, he most likely won't start now. But only if he does start and you find out about it, it may become your business. Still, you have a right to state your opinion and describe your hurt feelings, but under no circumstances should you ditch your father for this.

 

I have two sons and cannot possibly imagine for them to ditch me for ANY reason in the world.

[outofdarkness]

:mad: Why don't you speak to your father? Do you have children?

 

To the original poster... I think you should continue to love your father for whom he is and let him have his privacy. It's really none of your business. If he hasn't cheated in 30 years, he most likely won't start now. But only if he does start and you find out about it, it may become your business. Still, you have a right to state your opinion and describe your hurt feelings, but under no circumstances should you ditch your father for this.

 

I have two sons and cannot possibly imagine for them to ditch me for ANY reason in the world.

I don't have much time, but wanted to add that I love My Dad, and I want to emphasize again that he has many other problems..I don't consider his gender to be so much of a problem...The other issues are really why we cut contact with him..It was on the advice of professionals that we do this. I have two children, and when they are of age, they may contact him if they choose. I will strongly discourage it if he has not gotten any help, but I will not stop them. I will tell them the truth once they are old enough and I get the ok from prof. to do so...

 

As far as the orig. poster and the replies that said not to stick his/her nose in where it does not belong...who's to say what someone in this situation should do if you haven't been through it yourself? It's not the same as finding "normal" p on the comp...It's shocking, confusing and sort of scary when you first find it. I doubt that the poster's Dad is just "curious" Also, isn't it impossible to know for sure that someone isn't cheating? Even if you think you're with someone 24/7, if they want to cheat...they will cheat...

 

So...I suggest that he/she get a prof. opinion before this eats away at he/she...

[fxybrzln]

I have been in your position. It's a tough one...I know. I wonder how old you are? I was 35 before I found out that my Dad is a TV..My parent's had been married for almost 40 years, and my Mom didn't know either.

 

I am 28 years old and my sister is 22. She knows about it cause I needed to talk to someone.

Thank you for your input.

As far as the comment from the "recordproducer person"...I never said I hated my father. I just feel a bit akwards towards him. I am also the kind of person that if I do not get something out from my head, then I eventually will begin to resent that person until one day I let it all out. I'm trying to avoid that moment, but how is the question.

 

I do not have any children and I never invated his privacy. it's not like I went looking for something. I came upon the info by working on his pc like I usually do. The thing is, once you find something like this, there is no turning back. You have to deal with it and that is what i'm trying t do.

I also don't believe that if someone has been married for 30 years then they are most likely not going to start soon...just like we all grow up and change, so can people when it comes to cheating. In the world I live in, I believe everything is possible being it good or bad.

 

I would not ditch my dad, but if he is cheating, it's not fair for him to do this to our whole family.

 

[whichwayisup]

Do you feel comfortable letting him know you know what he's doing? And that cheating is wrong - whether it be with a man, woman or a crossdresser?

 

Obviously something isn't right in your parents marriage, but I'm not sure if you should be the one to tell your mom. Let him know that YOU know and that he has to sort out his issues, that you want to be happy but going around doing what he's doing is not dealing with things the right way.

[outofdarkness]

I am 28 years old and my sister is 22. She knows about it cause I needed to talk to someone.

Thank you for your input.

As far as the comment from the "recordproducer person"...I never said I hated my father. I just feel a bit akwards towards him. I am also the kind of person that if I do not get something out from my head, then I eventually will begin to resent that person until one day I let it all out. I'm trying to avoid that moment, but how is the question.

 

I do not have any children and I never invated his privacy. it's not like I went looking for something. I came upon the info by working on his pc like I usually do. The thing is, once you find something like this, there is no turning back. You have to deal with it and that is what i'm trying t do.

I also don't believe that if someone has been married for 30 years then they are most likely not going to start soon...just like we all grow up and change, so can people when it comes to cheating. In the world I live in, I believe everything is possible being it good or bad.

 

I would not ditch my dad, but if he is cheating, it's not fair for him to do this to our whole family.

 

I agree with you that it's not fair to keep the whole family in the dark concerning information like this, I would just make sure that you hve proof in hand before you do. I went through this with my family, and it was very difficult as it was, I don't think they would have even given me the time of day were it not for the proof that I found on his pc...eventually leading to finding the real stuff...

 

Each family member can decide for himself/herself how they want to handle the info..just don't push either way...That way, you are just the bearer of bad news...I would strongly suggest that you consult w/ a family therapist. They are trained to deal with these sorts of situations...It was really helpful to us...

 

I also think that it is unfair to say that "something is obviously wrong with your parent's marriage" What your Dad does or is doing has nothing to do with their relationship or your Mom...If he is TG...he has been this way for a long time...most likely way before he met your Mom...Good luck

[Guest]

Obviously something isn't right in your parents marriage

 

That is GROSSLY untrue. People look at porn. Sometimes they look at odd stuff because it's interesting in a 'watch a movie where people murder lots of people' type way. IT DOES NOT MEAN A THING ABOUT THE MAN OR THE MARRIAGE.

 

Shame on all of you saying that this kid should tell people. And you, kiddo, keep your lip zipped. If you 'resent' him, go see a shrink. IT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

 

Seriously.

[GreenEyedLady]

Your Mom probably already knows...what she chooses to do with that information is up to her...maybe she makes a different choice than you would if you were in her place, but that is her decision...sometimes in M the two partners strike a type of bargain to make life livable...others get divorced...she has most likely made her choice...

 

You say that it is difficult for you and you feel awkwards toward him...you should probably talk to a professional about it...I feel for you and wish you the best...

[outofdarkness]

Shame on YOU for saying that this person should not tell anyone...I agree that he should get some professional advice, but what his Dad is doing could be endangering the entire family...You don't know exactly what he is doing and whom he's doing it with...Dont' the other family members have the right to know and protect themselves??? If his Dad were funneling money out of the country that was suppose to go into college funds or towards a mortgage, wouldn't the W and family have the right to know? I really don't see the difference, except that this sort of situation is more complicated...And, I don't agree that it should be just assumed that the W already knows. Mabey she does, but doesn't have anyone to turn to for help in dealing with it..There is alot of shame involved in this sort of thing, and it is NOT something that Women of that generation openly talk about...I know what agony this person is in..I've been through it, and it's hard to say the least. I waited some time before telling anyone in my family and when I finally did, noone believed me...It had to all come to a head and reach a really bad point before anyone believed it...He denied it all...so...wouldn't it be better for he and his sister to get some professional advice now and go ahead and deal with it...Perhaps the person they see would advise against telling other family members, but I doubt it. He needs to do something now before the resentment and anger boil to a head and all hell breaks loose...

[Guest]

what his Dad is doing could be endangering the entire family.

 

Go back and read the original post. ALL HE IS DOING IS LOOKING AT WEBSITES. The poster himself said he's always with his father when his father is away so he can't possibly be doing anything. So CHILL.

[outofdarkness]

Go back and read the original post. ALL HE IS DOING IS LOOKING AT WEBSITES. The poster himself said he's always with his father when his father is away so he can't possibly be doing anything. So CHILL.

And...I was with my husband ALL of the time and my Dad ALL of the time...If someone wants to cheat..they find a way to cheat..Obviously he has a feeling about it or he would not be reaching out for advice...If someone were to find just regular "p" on the comp...maybe it would not be a big deal...but this is not regular "p"...My opinion is that he needs to talke to someone about it asap...If for no other reason, it's eating him up...