dilemma???

[miriam80]

Hello everyone,

I am a middle eastern girl, happily married to my college bf of two years. We are a happy go lucky couple and love to try new things. Recently my hubby suggested something strange. He wants to see me having sex with another guy. It is one of his fantasies. Now, the dilemma is here. I am sexually attracted to one of his co-workers in his company. It maybe a mutual attraction, but I am not sure. As he knows my husband , he is always distant to me.

My husband is a very attractive man, and I am head over heels in love with him. Since he mentioned this idea , I cannot help wonder what it would feel like to be with this guy. I have been reading this forum for the last month or so and see that lot of people write their feelings here. So, it helped me be bold and ask for some advice.

[Blind Illusion]

Personally, I wouldn't even consider this an infidelity issue since all parties know about it and are consenting adults. My only caveat would be if the attraction you feel for this co-worker might make you want to continue with him after this event. There are probably some things you need to discuss beforehand with you husband. Is this to be a one time event. Is this something you both desire.? Will he wish to be with a woman at some later point and would you be okay with that? Will the fact that they are co-workers be messy and uncomfortable later on.

 

I don't think that there is anything wrong with exploring fantasies so long as it's a mutual desire and things are discussed beforehand.

[miriam80]

Thanks for your answer. The problem is not the infidelity, its the fact that I fantasize being with this guy, who probably has no feelings for me. I have a feeling that even if I was to tell him that my hubby is okay with it, he wouldn't want to do it. Its really strange, my hubby pointed out thousnds of guys on the internet, but noone catches my eye as much as this guy.

Maybe its a case of desiring what you can't have. But, I think this has become like an obsession. I constantly wonder what it would be like to be with this guy and to the point that I have even tried being friends with him. I am not sure if he gets these vibes , but he is oddly trying to avoid talking to me now. It just gets to me. I am a tall, attractive girl and it kind of hurts my ego. The fact that he is avoiding my subtle advances, makes him moe attractive. Sometimes, I wonder if I should just pop the qns and see how he reacts. But, I guess that would make things really akward between us .

[Sand&Water]

miriam80

 

Warning: Once you engage in a threesome, or whatever you want to call it there is no turning back.

 

It can destroy and damage your marriage. Be cautious.

[Blind Illusion]

I am not sure if he gets these vibes , but he is oddly trying to avoid talking to me now. It just gets to me. I am a tall, attractive girl and it kind of hurts my ego. The fact that he is avoiding my subtle advances, makes him moe attractive. Sometimes, I wonder if I should just pop the qns and see how he reacts. But, I guess that would make things really akward between us .

 

Miriam, don't let it hurt your ego. It probably has nothing to do with you whatsoever. The guy might think you are the greatest thing since sliced bread but he does, in fact, work with your husband. He has no way of knowing that your husband would be ok with this firstly. Secondly, even if he did, he still might not want to put himself in this position because he will have to see your husband everyday. Lots of things go wrong with such things and now, everytime, he would go to work, there would be your husband, his co-worker. I'm thinking it probably has to do with that. You know, the whole "not s***ing where you eat' thing.

[miriam80]

for your thoughtful posts. You are probably right. Before all this happened, l was actually good friends with this guy. we would call each other almost everyday, he would visit us and it was really very nice. Even then I thought that he kind of liked me, but no one is ever sure. Now that I hinted to him, about the possibility of something more, the calls have stopped , and when we do meet its very akward. I really hate it. I don't know what's worse??? I really miss being able to talk to him. I wanted to see if there is a way I can tell if he likes me at all??? Is there a way I can test if he is just friends with me or if the attraction is mutual???

[Jessie61]

for your thoughtful posts. You are probably right. Before all this happened, l was actually good friends with this guy. we would call each other almost everyday, he would visit us and it was really very nice. Even then I thought that he kind of liked me, but no one is ever sure. Now that I hinted to him, about the possibility of something more, the calls have stopped , and when we do meet its very akward. I really hate it. I don't know what's worse??? I really miss being able to talk to him. I wanted to see if there is a way I can tell if he likes me at all??? Is there a way I can test if he is just friends with me or if the attraction is mutual???

 

Miriam,

 

Why would you want to find out if the attraction is mutual? Isn't that treading out on thin ice? If you are already attracted to this guy, how will you feel if it turns out that it is mutual??? Are you just going to say "Well, that was nice to know!" and walk away from it, or will you feel tempted to push the boundary out a tiny bit further..... and then a tiny bit further again... and then another bit...?

 

Why don't you just stop here and now before the whole thing has gone too far, before you risk getting caught and before you risk hurting and losing your H? Can't you fantasies about....I dunno....... Brad Pitt or George Clooney like the rest of us instead????

 

As for the three-some.... I think it is a receipe for distaster. Yes, it might sound like a cool idea and you and your H might say to yourself that you'd be OK with it, but then actually doing it and seeing the other person with someone else.... I dunno. I think you risk changing your M forever, and not necessarily for the better.

 

Just because you fantasise abut something, that doesn't mean that you HAVE to do it, you know...

 

Good luck anyway!

[Sal Paradise]

If you love your husband why do you even care if this guy is interested in you? Sounds like you're going down the slippery slope of an affair. I think you want the threesome with this guy because you want to explore things with him in an enviroment that will allow you to get away with it. If this was just about having a threesome you wouldn't be worried about what this guy thought. Sounds like you're developing feelings for this guy.

 

If you have a threesome with this guy it could destroy your marriage. What if you really click with him. Then what? Do you leave your husband? What if you want to do it again your husband doesn't? Will you use that as an excuse to do it with this guy when your husband isn't around?

 

I would strongly suggest not having the threesome. But if you guys decide to I would never suggest doing it with someone you're even remotely interested in that you actually will run into again. This should be done with a complete stranger. Certainly not someone YOUR HUSBAND WORKS WITH! Not only would you be jeopordizing your marriage, you would be jeopordizing your husbands job. Do you really think your husband is going to want to work with a man who slept with his wife? What if the threesome goes really bad. Do you think he will want a reminder of it? What if he freaks out while its occuring and asks you to stop? How would you handle that considering you have the hots for this guy.

 

I think you two need to see a therapist. Not because you want a threesome but it sounds like the threesome is being done for the wrong reasons (at least on your part). It sounds like you're doing this because you want to sleep with this guy and are using this as an excuse to get in this guys pants. Think of how much pain this could cause both you and your husband. What if as you're sleeping with this guy he looks over and see's something in your eyes that tells him something more is going in your heart than just a sexual attraction (which is what it sounds like to me). What if he can see how into this guy you are.

 

I think you're asking for a divorce and an affair if you go down this path. I would strongly suggest not doing it. I would suggest you two taking a vacation together and reminding each other why you're together.

 

In some ways it sounds like you have already started to emotionally cheat on your poor husband. Think about what you're doing.

[miriam80]

Thanks guys,

For all your posts. I guess you misundestood. I love my husband very much, he is a very attractive, tall charming guy . even at his work place his co-workers(girls) hit on him all the time. He is very confident and secure person. I am just trying something he wanted to try. But, you are all right. And thanks again.