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Having trouble forgiving and forgetting ...


cynthia77

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Hi everybody. This is my first post, and let me tell you, I'm extremely happy that there's a place like this where I can seek help for my problems.

 

I'm currently 4 months pregnant with a man I've been dating for 11 months. We moved in together after one month of dating and, let me tell you, I had never been so much in love in my entire life. I truly thought he was my dream come true ... little did I know about all the lies.

 

He moved cities for a job and that's when we met. Not long ago, I had suspicions about a few things and (I'm embarassed by this), figured out his password for email and emailed girls he said were ex's. Turns out, for the first month we were dating, two other girls considered him their boyfriend as well. One was from the city he's originally from therefore nothing happened sexually (let's call her Tiffany) and the other actually moved out here with him! I was shocked by this news. He originally told me that this woman, let's call her Pam, was just a friend and that they never slept together. After a few emails with both girls, I found out that he is a full-fledge cheater and dated them both, and slept with them both, for 6 whole months without either one of them knowing.

 

Also, Pam still lived here for 2 months into our relationship (in a city an hour away). While my boyfriend was at work, he would leave and see her. He didn't sleep with her though, he went over to play with her two kids and brought them and her to play mini-golf and have lunch. This doesn't sit well with me for the simple fact that he didn't tell me about it.

 

To top things off, the only present he ever bought me was a beautiful necklace and charm ... I later found out that this necklace and charm was originally given to his ex ... he later stole it back from her somehow and gave it to me.

 

He swears he loves me and, to be honest, I've been quite a bitch for the last month after I found all of this out ... and he's stuck by my side. I also made him take and pay for a polygraph test because I didn't believe he didn't cheat on me ... he passed that as well.

 

My problem now is getting over this ... or figuring out if this relationship is even worth trying to save. I want to trust him and believe him. I desperately want to give him another chance but I keep re-playing 'bad' things in my head and can't seem to get over it. I keep thinking of him leaving work to see her ... I keep thinking of how he could have given me that necklace and not feel a bit of guilt ... I just keep thinking bad things.

 

How do you get over the hurt someone has caused you and learn to accept it and love again ...

 

I'm very desperate for help ...

 

Thanks to everyone in advance ...

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Oh my God!!!

 

First of all, I am sorry to hear that you are going through this. No one should have to, especially when pregnant!

 

I think you have to ask yourself do you really WANT to forgive him? CAN you forgive him?

 

Can you see yourself in a couple of year's time still being with him and happy with him? Happy without feeling the need to check his emails and wondering if he really is where he says he is? Do you think he would make a good father?

 

Don't just assume that you s-h-o-u-l-d forgive him without asking yourself do YOU want him after all of this?

 

Come back to us to let us know what happens! I wish you the very best! :)

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