he lied...

[sarrita]

SORRY THIS IS SO LONG!!

I met a man 6 months ago while on vacation. We live in different countries, and are doing the long distance relationship thing. I am divorced with 1 child, he said he was in the process of a divorce with 1 child. He confessed last week that he was actually married when we met. He ended up moving out of the house and filing for divorce a month after we met. He said that his marriage ( 8 years) was in trouble for a long time. They met and got married way too fast, both were unhappy and thought a child would make it better, it was a temporary band-aid for their problems, he ended up spending more and more time away at work, she cheated because of his neglect. They tried to work things out but couldn't change things. She swears she is still happy in their marriage, but he has known for years that he is not. Which were basically the reasons for my divorce, so i can completely understand where he is coming from. He swears that i was not the reason for the split up, but i believe that in a lot of ways i am a contributing factor.

So i have been dealing with those feelings along with basically the break of trust. Then i started thinking back to when we first met, he was wearing a ring on his ring finger. (not the typical wedding ring, looked more like a class ring without the writing on it.) I had asked him about it and he said it was his fathers who had died a year earlier. I had stated at that point that i was completely against cheating. And he told me that he was not married.

The reason he told me now about still being married when we first met, is that because i spoke so adamantly about disgust for cheating, and he didn't want to lose what we could have potentially had. And that he has carried the weight of knowing that he had lied to me, and felt really bad about it.

I had decided that what was in the past is in the past,and that we should move on from it. And beside that one thing, we share the greatest of relationships. We talk on the phone at least 3 times a day, send packages and flowers to eachother all the time, email some of the most romantic words i have ever heard. He is a genuinely caring, emotionally in touch, and just all in all a wonderful man. And up until this point have never slept together ( so i am a little relieved of not breaking any of those "big" commandments)

 

However, he sent me pictures today, of a parade, and in a picture he is still wearing the ring.

I know for a fact that he has moved out, and I am pretty sure that the papers are filed.

My issue now is that even if i asked him about the ring, i don't know if i would still believe it was his fathers.

I have never been in a situation like this before, and after reading all these posts about cheating, and other women, i don't know if i am over reacting, if i am under reacting, I havent said anything to him yet about it, in one way i am wanting to tell him, that as soon as the divorce is final call me then, and in another way i know he one of the greatest things to come my way. He seriously knows how to bring out the best in me, and my heart.

Any advice on your thoughts or opinions on the whole situation? i would be so grateful!!