My_Other_I Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 Few months ago I would write the following letter: I still cannot eat. I felt like I've accepted what's been going on, until this morning. I woke up missing you terribly. Again. And I am still oping to see you coming down the path we have walked together. I really wish to see that and I firmly believe that it will happen, but then I don't know what I would do. In my mind if that happens, that is the happy ending. In reality it would maybebe just a coincident. I am a hopeless romantic. I will never stop loving you. I want to hate you but I can't, I want to stop loving you but I can't, I want to forget you but I can't allow my self. "I didn't hear you leave, I wonder how am I still here, I don't want to move a thing - it might change my memory. I am what I am but I can't hide, I won't go, I won't sleep, I can't breath, until you're resting here with me. I won't call my friends, they might wake me from this dream, and I can't leave this bed, risk forgetting all that's been." The Sun is shining but it's raining in my heart. Although I've been mistreated I keep coming back for more. I know where I'm going, there's no hope of absolution. "Noone understands the heartache, noone feels the pain, cuz noone ever sees the tears" Now, I feel the letter would be more like: If I ever see your lying cheating face again, I will smash that cake of yours in it. I am glad you are out of my life. I cannot express how excited I am that it is finally over and that I don't have to listen to your lies anymore. Make sure you never cross my path again, as I have your cake ready to be thrown. I cannot believe I fell for your act, but I must bow to your skills. You put up a great show for all of us. So would you be willing to share your changes in thinking when it comes to your lost love? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 No. Keep it to yourself because at this point, where you are emotionally is for YOU, not him. And, what he thinks/feels should make no difference to you at all anymore. You owe him nothing! No justifying yourself, nothing! Plus, chances are he wouldn't care either way and that could affect your own progress in getting over him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author My_Other_I Posted February 11, 2006 Author Share Posted February 11, 2006 WWIU, I wasn't planning on telling him that or anything. I was just seeing the changes I have been going through with time (about my feelings) and was wondering how other people on LS have changed. Hey, did you misunderstand my post again?! I gotta take english classes to make myself more clear! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 It's just been a very long and draining week for me, so I think I'm not reading things clearly. I feel like I could sleep a week! Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 Wow when I first started reading that I was so sad for you! Then I read the second part and laughed out loud! You go girl ..... I think thread should be linked to all the broken hearted here! Rep point coming your way!!!!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author My_Other_I Posted February 11, 2006 Author Share Posted February 11, 2006 Wow when I first started reading that I was so sad for you! Then I read the second part and laughed out loud! You go girl ..... I think thread should be linked to all the broken hearted here! Rep point coming your way!!!!!! thanks girl! Link to post Share on other sites
luvtoto Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 It's just been a very long and draining week for me, so I think I'm not reading things clearly. I feel like I could sleep a week! Sounds like you don't know which way is up! (sorry couldn't resist ) Take care! Link to post Share on other sites
SueBee3490 Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 MyOtherI I think I see what you are trying to say. When I first found out about my H's cheating, I was in a fog of denial. I couldn't believe it. I loved him so much and because we can not turn our love for someone on and off like a faucet, I really tried to make sense of his cheating. As alot of people feel, I thought maybe it was my fault somehow. But with time and counseling, I knew it wasn't me, it was all him. So I may have been feeling like your 1st letter in the beginning stages of discovery. But after digesting everything he did, I now feel more like your 2nd letter. I am more at peace with myself, knowing that his cheating is solely his fault. He could have chose other options to deal with whatever problems he felt we were having, only he took the coward's way out and decided to cheat. All those lovey-dovey feelings for him are gone. You know his birthday is on Sunday and though I got him a present and will bake a cake, I tried to find a card that wasn't all gushy for a husband and I couldn't find one - sad isn't it? I just wanted one to say "Happy Birthday to my Husband" without all the rest because I really don't feel it, but Hallmark doesn't make those cards. I thought they had a card for everything! Link to post Share on other sites
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 MOI- That's such a touching letter and it expresses EXACTLY how I feel everyday regarding my OM. I had a tear coming... until I read your second letter. Wow! I can't believe that is how you can feel right now. I don't see myself ever feeling this way toward my OM. But good for you! Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 I do not think that ANYONE is the midst of heartache, (you know, the way you feel that no one will compare to them, how they are the only person you want, how you will never ever connect with anyone the way you did with them), will stop and think that maybe one day they wont feel that way! At the time it feels like your new way of life, pining for him, wondering what he is doing, thinking about him every 3 minutes and even when you sleep you cannot escape him! But NO guys, there is light at the end of the tunnel! Remember that and feel the pain and allow yourself to grieve! Then one day you will be able to look him square in the eyes and feel nothing! Roll on that day!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author My_Other_I Posted February 11, 2006 Author Share Posted February 11, 2006 You know his birthday is on Sunday and though I got him a present and will bake a cake, I tried to find a card that wasn't all gushy for a husband and I couldn't find one - sad isn't it? I just wanted one to say "Happy Birthday to my Husband" without all the rest because I really don't feel it, but Hallmark doesn't make those cards. I thought they had a card for everything! Buy a sticky note, write Happy B-day on it, and slap it on his B-day cake. Are you making him a cake so he can have it and eat it, too? I'm mean, lol. You guys, especially KnowHowLoveFeels. I never thought I could get over him. Ever. Now I can't believe I have ever told him I love him. Everything he does is for him. His lies, his games, everything. With time you will get over it. Even if the 'love of your life' seems flawless to you, you will forget and learn to appreciate being alone. Things do happen for a reason. Link to post Share on other sites
silktricks Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 MyOtherI You know his birthday is on Sunday and though I got him a present and will bake a cake, I tried to find a card that wasn't all gushy for a husband and I couldn't find one - sad isn't it? I just wanted one to say "Happy Birthday to my Husband" without all the rest because I really don't feel it, but Hallmark doesn't make those cards. I thought they had a card for everything! If you haven't resolved the problem - get a blank one and write what works for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 Well, SueBee, someone does make divorce cards! On a serious vein, his cheating said everything about him and nothing about you. I'm glad you realize that. That's a healthy approach and I hope things work out in the way that's best for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author My_Other_I Posted February 12, 2006 Author Share Posted February 12, 2006 MOI- That's such a touching letter and it expresses EXACTLY how I feel everyday regarding my OM. I had a tear coming... until I read your second letter. Wow! I can't believe that is how you can feel right now. I don't see myself ever feeling this way toward my OM. But good for you! Today I feel like "who are you and what do you want from me?" His past presence in my life has become very unimportant in my life. You will get there, too. Link to post Share on other sites
newyorkgirl Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 That is so funny. I'm going through the same thing myself. I n the beginning I couldn't eat or sleep i kept crying I even lost my job coz i was a total wreck. My hair was dry and brittle coz I wasn't eating. I thought I'd never get over him. Now I'm doing so well. He still contacts me but I just totally ignore him I really have nothing to say to him. Sometimes I can't believe I even loved that fool. The way he is acting now begging me back is so tacky and unnatractive. No contact really does help and time is definately a healer. I'm so happy without him holding me back Link to post Share on other sites
Author My_Other_I Posted February 12, 2006 Author Share Posted February 12, 2006 I'm glad to hear that! Link to post Share on other sites
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted February 14, 2006 Share Posted February 14, 2006 MOI, Thank you for posting your letters. They gave me so much strength knowing that I am not alone in feeling this way. You gave me a whole new perspective in my relationship with MM. Like you, I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't stop dreaming of him, couldn't concentrate at work, etc. And for the longest time, I WANTED to keep memories of him and I together. They brought more pain, of course. But I insisted that I WANTED to torture myself. I've lost weight. You second letter gave me a jolt, figuratively speaking. I am beginning to see the HUMAN in my MM!! He couldn't possibly love me if this is the best he can offer. Even my absent H does better than that! So thank you again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author My_Other_I Posted February 14, 2006 Author Share Posted February 14, 2006 I'm happy for you. Thank you for saying that, I'm glad it helps! hugs to you! MOI Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts