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Both Married and Pregnant


Dumb&Worried

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Dumb&Worried

I am a married man of 20+ years. I met a married woman of 20+ years in 2004. We had sex peridically but not that often over the past two years. We are fond (obviously) of each other but neither are willing or wanting to give up our families and current spouses for each other. I just found out that she is pregnant and it could quite possibly be mine. OMG! The timing points to the husband and also me. This was quite a shocker to us and neither wants anyone to know about the possibility of this child not being the husband's. We have both promised to stay quiet and let no one know but I am not sure this can be held a secret forever. We live 125 miles apart. Am I wrong?

I cannot get this off my mind- she is worried sick. The possibility exists that the baby is not mine but it is also possible it is. I am 43 and have never felt sick as I do now. I admit I deserve it for my actions but this is a tough spot.

Advice? Do I confess all and hurt the whole family? Do I shut up and see what develops? Thanks:confused:

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Take a break, get some persepective.

 

Not sure if they can get a DNA test at this point, and not sure that she would want anyone to know that she has doubts about who the father is either way. And by the way, you CAN keep this a secret forever. It's done that way all the time. Who would it help by it being out there anyway?

 

Don't hurt anyone uneccesarily. Stop the affair and wait it out. Is the husband excited about the pregnancy? Then leave it alone. Just leave it alone either way at this point. Completely. Being worried sick it won't change her's or your reality, and no one can think straight when worried.

 

She's in for a high risk pregancy anyway if she's over 40 and may not even carry it to term. Not to be cold, but it's true. You have not mentioned NOT having it, so looks like that's what you have to do, wait it out.

 

If in several months if it turns out to be yours, ask her what she wants. If it's not, then you dodged a bullet. Just don't continue the affair, it's a real mess. You both could destroy two families because you two put your own selfishness over their stability and future.

 

This would be most damaging to the child who does not deserve to be in a life where he isn't 100% loved and valued. You would be shutting up for the child's sake. It's not easy.

 

You can't really win, but you can minimize the collateral damage here. Now you will get a bunch of moralizing posts following this one that say, "Clear the air, tell all". But really, how does this help the child, who has a good chance of not being yours at all?

 

Ignore the judgemental critics, they don't have to live with the results. They'll jump all over me too, but who cares. I'm a pragmatic adult, and we don't in a perfect world where all children are loved for just being here and where there are frequent happy endings. You know there won't be if this is out there.

 

Be a grown up. Get some distance.

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whichwayisup

I have no advice, but my thoughts are with you and hoping it isn't yours. I will say IF the child isn't yours, the best thing you could do once you know for sue, is END the affair forever. I mean NO contact. That could save your life here.

 

She will be having a baby and her focus should be on that new child as well as her husband. I take it this is their first child? If so, that makes this situation even more dangerous.

 

Hang in there, and keep posting.

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  • 1 month later...
Dumb and Worried

There are 14 weeks to go and I am still a freaking nervous wreck. We both feel very confident that it could be mine but i still hold out hope it is not. If it is, she promises no one will ever know it is mine. I hope that can happen but I will always be wondering...............

I guess my message to anyone reading this is that you better think of the long range ramifications of your actions when you go into an affair. If you truly love your spouse and your family then imagine what something like this could do to them. I didn't and I am paying the price. They don't know a thing but the guilt is killing me. I know a lot of you are going to say I deserve what I am getting and you are right. That does not make it any easier.

Any other advice would be appreciated as the only people in this world that know this are she and I and you guys.

Thanks and pray for us, please.

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Tell your wife & family. I am going to tell you a little story about my own family..

 

My aunt & uncle were the 'perfect' couple. Married over 25 yrs, raised a daughter. Even this past summer those two took a trip to Ireland and had the greatest of times. Unexpectly this past fall however he had a heart attack & died right in front of her eyes. She was lost.. she lost her best friend, her husband..

 

Three weeks after the funeral she found a safe. Never knew it was there before. After finally able to open it what she found inside basically kiled her inside. Pictures of him & his mistress. The trips he was taking to his brother's place by himself were actually trips to his mistress. Also inside were divorce papers signed by him that she never knew about. My guess is that he did this to show the mistress he was going to divorce her, however his true intent was to just keep the affair going while staying married.

 

She is now basically a zombie. She doesn't know who this woman is and of course she can't ask him for answers to so many questions that she has about this.

 

Your wife and family DESERVE to know what is going on. One way or another they will find out. Do you really want your wife to find out after your dead about this affair? You think you are fooling your wife however you're just fooling yourself and allowing your wife to live inside your lies. The consequences maybe rough but this is God's way of showing you what you need to do to set things straight. It's time that things change once and for all.

 

I don't believe you love your wife with all your heart your just comfortable with her. Your dependant on her in alot of ways so therefore why face the possibility of losing that? Do it because it's the right thing to do, it's the moral thing to do.

 

No matter if this OW's baby is yours or not. It's time to stop playing these games. Your wife deserves the truth above ALL else.

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I feel that I must warn you that if it is yours it may still come out even if you both hide the affair completely. For instance, blood type. There is the possibly that the baby could have a blood type that is impossible to the formed by her and her husband. For example, if she is A and he is O and the baby turns out to be AB or B, the doctor's gonna know along with anyone who took high school biology.

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theantibarbie23

If it does turn out to be yours, I would bite the bullet and take responsiblity. This child has the right to know who it's real father is, even if it's just for the sake of having an accurate family medical history and this man shouldn't be forced to raise another man's child because he's being kept in the dark. I can't think of anything more painful than finding out your kid isn't really yours years down the road. I hope for all three of your sakes it turns out to be the husband's.

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Man what the hell? to be blunt about this you and your friend have really done it this time! I am not perfect or any thing but at least when I tell my wife at night that I love her I REALLY DO! you two have managed to possibly screw up two families! If you both really loved your families you never would have screwed around! I know this is harsh but I do not feel sorry for you or your mistress or girlfriend or whatever........you both f%$cked up now both of your families will pay for it NOT you jerk! I guess I really don't know what to tell you because if you DO tell your wife then chances are Divorce and your kids hate you because you hurt mommy (see ya!). Or you say NOTHING and then what? the kid your g-friend has may be yours or his then you will never know weather the kid is yours, nor will the kid really know the father. what I think is you should ask your self are you willing to live with this lie for the rest or your life??? If the tables were turned and your wife was the one pregnant wouldnt you want to know you were the father? Why would it be any diffrent with the other lady's husband?

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