crystal m Posted December 7, 2005 Share Posted December 7, 2005 My husband and I have been married for almost 11 years now. He is a truck driver ( not over the road, he is home every night) and he talks to a lot of people on the CB. This does not bother me at all. However almost a year ago I noticed a strange number on the cell phone bill. I asked him who it was and he said that it was a number that he had to call in order to load his product. I believed him at first, but then I put 2 and 2 together and figured out that he was lieing because of the times the calles were placed. So I confronted him again and he said that the number belonged to a male friend of his that he talked to on the CB. Well that friend of his called the house to talk to him and the number did not match the number on the cell phone bill. I asked him again who the number belonged to. He then said "i'm not sure". And then I recalled him talking about a female truck driver that he had spoken to on the CB. I asked him if this number was hers. He said yes..... but for me not to worry that they were just friends. She is in her late 40's and my husband is 30. I thought there was nothing going on. But then I saw that her number was on the cell phone bill lots of times, incoming and outgoing calls. I told him that I was not comfortable with him talking to her on the phone and I wanted it to stop. He got mad and said "why are you making such a big deal about this we are just friends" I told him that if he respected my feelings that he would stop talking to her. He said he would. However when the cell phone bill came out there it was again... her number on there several times. I confronted him again and told him I was not asking this time.... I was telling him not to talk to her. He promised he would stop talking to her and if she called he would tell her they could not talk any more. However she is still calling him and he is still talking to her. Every day before he comes home from work he deletes his incoming calls so I cannot see who called him. I do not think that he has had a physical relationship with her yet, but i'm afraid of what this might lead to.I did try to call her number but she never answers her phone. Am I being to paranoid about this? Do you think he is cheating , if not physicaly then some other type of cheating? I'm confused. I'm so sorry this is so long. Thanks for listening. Crystal Link to post Share on other sites
harleygirl92156 Posted December 7, 2005 Share Posted December 7, 2005 If he is talking to a woman on his cell phone, hiding it and lying to you about it, it is an affair whether physical or emotional, an affair none the less. Age difference makes no difference. Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted December 7, 2005 Share Posted December 7, 2005 When he is not around, take his cell and call that number. See who answers. No matter who it is, say to them that you have seen this number many times on the cell bill. See what they have to say. However, reguardless, of what they may or may not say, its highly possible this person may not even know he is married. Maybe he is lying to her as well. She may not know anything about you or that you even exsist. There are people like that, that will lead someone into believeing they are not married or in a relationship, etc. Then again she may know about you, but it would be interesting to see what they may say if you call. If your husband were to get p*ssed, oh well then that probably means he really does have something to hide. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
Author crystal m Posted December 8, 2005 Author Share Posted December 8, 2005 Yes I'm sure that she knows about me. Infact that is what he said that they talk about. Their relationships (his with me and hers with her boyfriend) and they talk about our sex life as well from what hubby is telling me. He knows way too much about this woman for one thing. He knows her boyfriends name, her kids name, where she works, where she lives, and even her birthday. He even bought her a card for her birthday. I was with him when he did this! I had a fit but it didnt matter to him, he gave it to her anyway. I know her name, her cell and thanks to the net i know her home number now. I tried to call her again today, she didnt answer the phone big suprise. I did leave her a voice mail tho. Told her who I was and that I wanted to know exactly what her realationship with my husband is. she never called back and It will be interesting to see how my hubby reacts to this cause you know she will call and tell him. And if she does.... i'll start calling her home phone untill she answers. Link to post Share on other sites
wellwill Posted December 8, 2005 Share Posted December 8, 2005 calling her will not solve any of your problems. Marrige is between you and your husband, the only person you should talk to is him, not her. if he has decided to keep his eyes wandering, then, you may fend off this woman this time, but you can never transform your trucker driver into a faithful husband. and if you really want to make the call, hehe, be ready! depends how nasty how smart the woman is, she may say something would make you lose sleep for the next 3 decades. Link to post Share on other sites
sylviaguardian Posted December 8, 2005 Share Posted December 8, 2005 Crystal, I'm sorry you are going through this. Think about this rationally though - what do you hope to gain by contacting her? This woman obviously knows all about you so that doesn't matter to her. From the way it sounds, there is no way she is going to tell you the truth. What I would be more worried about is the way your husband is totally disregarding how you feel. He obviously knows that he can do whatever he wants despite what you think. Maybe it's time to mark out your boundaries here. From what you have said, it is obvious that something is going on. He is deceiving you, lying to you and disrespecting you. He has shared details of his life and marriage that should be exclusive to the two of you. You have no way of knowing whether or not it is physical but from the way he is acting this relationship obviously means a lot more to him than just a friendship. Have you thought about what you will do if you find out that it is a whole lot more than just friends? It's time to let your husband know just what you will put up with in this relationship and what you won't. At the moment you are giving him the message that you will put up with whatever he wants to do. Sylvia Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted December 8, 2005 Share Posted December 8, 2005 How would he like it if the show was on the other foot? Sit down and talk with him about your feelings about this number on the cell and how it makes you feel for him to keep talking with this women friend or not!!! He is getting something from this woman emotionally or he wouldn't continue to talk with her so much !!! I would tell him that you aren't going to tolerate it anymore .. Even though he deletes the call record on the phone it will show up on the cell bill so you will eventually find out soon or later!!! Explain to him this isn't normal and you would like to go to marriage counseling to find out why he feels the need to be talking friends with this older women !!! good luck Link to post Share on other sites
michaelk Posted December 8, 2005 Share Posted December 8, 2005 You're in a tough spot, and I sympathize. There's nothing wrong with your husband having a female friend, even a good one. But you need to know if there's more than friendship there. The fact that he was so deceptive with you up front says that he feels he has something to hide. Either 1) she's just a friend and he knew you would react badly, or 2) she's more than a friend and he's clumsily trying to hide it. The litmus test is this: are your interactions with her just like those you have with his other friends? Is he comfortable talking to her when you're within earshot? Can you meet her in the same social situations you would normally see his other friends? Is she willing to take a phone call from you? Put the burden of proof on him that this is just a friendship. Tell him he needs to be 100% open about it. And if he's not, then he needs to end it or risk losing you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author crystal m Posted December 8, 2005 Author Share Posted December 8, 2005 I have never seen this woman. The things I know about her I know because he has told me. He has told me alot about her. I have expressed how I feel. He never calls her from home and she never calls our home phone. All of their conversations have taken place on his cell phone. And like I said, I have tried to call her several times and she never answers her phone. Sound like she does not want to talk to me. If she were not doing something with my husband and they are just "friends" as he says then why is she ignoring my calls? I was mad when I called her the other day.... mad over the entire situation. I called her and of course she did not answer her phone so on her voice mail I told her who I was and that I wanted to know what her realationship with my husband was. She never called back. I know she has caller ID. I'm really uneasy about all this. I just dont know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
michaelk Posted December 8, 2005 Share Posted December 8, 2005 As I said, you need to put the burden of proof on him that this is just a friendship. Tell him that if he can't or won't, you'll have no choice but to treat it as an affair. At that point, he should either stop the affair or lose you. Maybe this sounds extreme, but he's not listened to you so far. You've got to get through to him that this is serious and that there will be serious consequences if he doesn't act. Link to post Share on other sites
Author crystal m Posted December 10, 2005 Author Share Posted December 10, 2005 Well we had an aruguement over her again night before last. He still does not see that what he is doing is wrong. He is trying to hide the fact that he is talking to her and telling me lie after lie after lie. I called her home yesterday. She was not there so I talked to her boyfriend. He knows all about "Peanut" (that is my hubby's cb handle" and knows that they are good friends. Ok when I told him why I was calling he was in shock. He said that he had no idea that I didnt know about them talking and that he was sure that nothing was going on. He had met hubby several times before. He had her call me back and I got a lot of info from her. She said that they were just friends, infact she swore over and over that nothing was going on. I then told her that he was hiding the fact that they were talking from me and had lied about it over and over. She said she was mad because he had caused me to feel this way and sorry that he had not told me about her and lied over and over etc... anyway I'm not sure I believe her story. She did tell me that she had bought "us" a christmas gift last year. It was a gift basket from Bath and Body works. However when he brought this gift home last year he lied and said that a male friend of his bought it for his wife and then got her something else instead so he gave that gift to him. So that was just another lie to add to the stack. I'm so hurt and dissapointed in him. I asked him again last night why if there was nothing going on why would he lie and hurt me the way that he did. He said he knew from the begining that I would not approve of him talking to a woman on the phone , friends or not. He said that he lied about the gift because he knew I would go off over it. He is probably right about that. In marrige you dont do stuff like that. I told him he should have been honest with me from the get go about her. If I would have told him he could not talk to her on the phone then we could have delt with it back then, over a year ago. But now that I know exactly how much he lied to cover up i'm not sure that I believe him that she was just a friend. How can he expect me to? I'm so hurt over this. All I have done is cry. I want to believe him so much but he has broken my trust and crushed my feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
Author crystal m Posted December 10, 2005 Author Share Posted December 10, 2005 Oh and I forgot to add that she said that there would be no more cell calls from her to him and if he tried to call her she would not answer. I'll know if she really ment it when I get the cell bill in a few weeks. Link to post Share on other sites
yayaangel Posted December 10, 2005 Share Posted December 10, 2005 Have you ever thought of BLOCKING your phone number when you call her? I don't know what area you're in but with our phone service we can just hit *67 and nobody can see who's calling. Try that and let us know what happens! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 8, 2006 Share Posted February 8, 2006 I have never seen this woman. The things I know about her I know because he has told me. He has told me alot about her. I have expressed how I feel. He never calls her from home and she never calls our home phone. All of their conversations have taken place on his cell phone. And like I said, I have tried to call her several times and she never answers her phone. Sound like she does not want to talk to me. If she were not doing something with my husband and they are just "friends" as he says then why is she ignoring my calls? I was mad when I called her the other day.... mad over the entire situation. I called her and of course she did not answer her phone so on her voice mail I told her who I was and that I wanted to know what her realationship with my husband was. She never called back. I know she has caller ID. I'm really uneasy about all this. I just dont know what to do. you need to invite a male frend over for dinner wen he asks tell him you have lady friends Link to post Share on other sites
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