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Physical affair of wife? Baselines for the aftermath.


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 11th March 2019, 7:51 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by CheatedCheater View Post
Not in my case. My revenge fling helped me to find myself back. It had nothing to do with lashing out.
I'm suggesting this isn't the guy you were before. This guy seems to be something new. Most of us on this site have already walked the path you're on in one form or another. We have the hindsight you might be still have yet to acquire.

I also can't help notice you don't hesitate to use the word "revenge" when talking about this affair. In time, the revenge may produce a reaction in your marriage. In more time you may feel very different about it.

Here's some other food for thought:
If infidelity alone was the source of all your anguish, it is unlikely you could bring yourself to retaliate in kind. It would be unthinkable. Yet, it clearly provided you with something you wanted - and while you call it "masculinity" if you take some time to dig deeper you may discover it to be something else which won't serve you well the long run.
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Old 12th March 2019, 4:14 AM   #17
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Originally Posted by Turning point View Post
I'm suggesting this isn't the guy you were before.
Ah, this is little but sure.


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I also can't help notice you don't hesitate to use the word "revenge" when talking about this affair.
Nono.... I used the expression "revenge fling" because this is what I saw it is used in the English speaking Countries, not because I intended it as a revenge!
To me, the revenge aspect was marginal in that story.
What mattered was finding myself again, showing that I could find other women and go with them without problems.
Self-reassurance, not vengeance.
I know that many people here will consider this behaviour childish and wrong, but I did it and, if I could go back, no doubt I would do it again.



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In time, the revenge may produce a reaction in your marriage. In more time you may feel very different about it.
Please elaborate: not clear. For the moment I do not "feel very different about it", whatever it might mean....


Quote:
Here's some other food for thought:
If infidelity alone was the source of all your anguish, it is unlikely you could bring yourself to retaliate in kind. It would be unthinkable.
To me infidelity alone is more than enough to consider retaliation, although, in my case, the vengeance aspect was not what led me to the action.
And, yes, the source of my anguish wasn't the affair in itself, but its consequences: the huge public scandal, the psychological damage done to the child, the fact that I had to face dangerous people to save my family and so on. It was simply unbelievable.



Quote:
Yet, it clearly provided you with something you wanted - and while you call it "masculinity" if you take some time to dig deeper you may discover it to be something else which won't serve you well the long run.
If finding your soul again and recovering virility is marginal to you, well, it's fundamental to me, I'm sorry...
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Old 12th March 2019, 6:50 AM   #18
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Hi CC, your answer to my questions indicate very clearly, that your wife is not at all remorseful and neither is she aware of the fact that she has caused grievous damage to your marriage and tremendous hurt to you. She is not a safe partner and never will be. What you do with your life after this is up to you but be certain of one thing, you will be harming yourself knowingly if you choose to stay with her and the next time she betrays you will be worse.

You are now forewarned and forearmed. Warm wishes.
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Old 12th March 2019, 7:23 AM   #19
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Originally Posted by Just a Guy View Post
Hi CC, your answer to my questions indicate very clearly, that your wife is not at all remorseful and neither is she aware of the fact that she has caused grievous damage to your marriage and tremendous hurt to you. She is not a safe partner and never will be. What you do with your life after this is up to you but be certain of one thing, you will be harming yourself knowingly if you choose to stay with her and the next time she betrays you will be worse.

You are now forewarned and forearmed. Warm wishes.
I must agree on every word you wrote except for:

the next time she betrays you will be worse

No. I am prepared. Almost impossible that she does worse than the first time.

Warmest regards, JAG...
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Old 12th March 2019, 10:47 AM   #20
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Originally Posted by CheatedCheater View Post
Some months ago she even blurted:"To me this was just a life experience, not good, neither bad. I don't see how this story damaged my reputation". Go figure...
Ugh, barf.
There is a special circle of hell for her no doubt.
I would worry about what tolerating may teach your children.
I hope you get out of infidelity and into the light.
Best wishes.
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Old 13th March 2019, 11:47 AM   #21
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Originally Posted by Orokotikki View Post
Ugh, barf.
There is a special circle of hell for her no doubt.
I would worry about what tolerating may teach your children.
I hope you get out of infidelity and into the light.
Best wishes.
Actually, if you look at her, she is a perfect wife and mother...
If you didn't know what she did, you would never imagine it.
Difficult (impossible...) for me to understand her.

Best wishes to you too!
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Old 13th March 2019, 12:03 PM   #22
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I get what you mean, its kind of like saying the kids have the perfect kindergarten teacher,

except that a few years ago that teacher served put arsenic in the kool aid she gave a pair of parents for their own gratification, it was great laugh and made one of the other parents say such nice things to her for a while,

but they were sorry about it and won't do it again, maybe got counseling.
I mean one is pretty sure they won't, and anyways the poisoned parents lived, just a bit crippled mentally,

but they're just fantastic with the kids, and give them a little extra recess time and do all the voices when they read them a story, and could never imagine they would so much as strike one of them.
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Old Today, 11:07 AM   #23
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One of the hardest things to do is to work through the realization that one's cheating spouse is not the person you thought they were.

To find out that they do not share the same ideals as you do, to be faithful, to not expose their partner to STIs, to share intimacy only with you.

The shock can be so great it can you knock you into a type of post-traumatic response that takes years to recover from.

When you look at your cheating wife, as I did mine (now ex), it is almost impossible to reconcile the pretty woman before you with the ugliness of her behavior.

You want to believe her, that she won't be that way anymore, that she will be what you thought she was.

The problem is, there is a flaw in her character,.

You doing emotional cartwheels to find a way to explain it, or doing a lot of pick-me dancing will not change who she really is.

Going out and banging other women in revenge doesn't help either. For one, if you reveal that to her? To her, it levels the playing field. You sink to her level.

Your best bet? Hold your head high and divorce her.

Impact on children? You bet there is. Just as there is for staying.

Ultimately, you set an example by what crap you will tolerate in your life and for what nurturing you do for your kids.

An unremorseful cheater?

Yuck.

Last edited by michzz; Today at 11:38 AM..
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